In 1936, a book entitled "How to Make Friends and Influence People" first appeared on the shelves of American bookstores. In less than a year, more than a million copies were sold. The popularity of the work of the famous lecturer and speaker Dale Carnegie grew. The book has been translated into dozens of other languages ​​and is still a bestseller today.
What is a book like?
Despite the fact that the book “How to Make Friends and Influence People” was published several decades ago, it remains relevant to this day. To write it, the author used a lively spoken language, seasoned with a fair amount of humor. There are no obscure terms and boring descriptions of clinical trials - the reader is offered various examples from people's lives, not only public and historically important personalities, but also ordinary Dale Carnegie students.
Reader reviews indicate that the book contains a wealth of useful tips. No, the techniques of manipulation or deception are not described here. The author only helps to learn to communicate with people with sincere, genuine respect.
How to make friends? Show sincere interest
If you do not have time to carefully study this book, then you can familiarize yourself with the basic principles that really work in everyday communication. What does D. Carnegie advise? How to make friends really?
The author believes that a sincere interest in the lives of others is an important key to good communication. Each person needs attention from the interlocutor. Of course, falsehood and insincerity will be immediately revealed and only create problems. Therefore, communicating, always be interested in a person’s life, his personal problems and joys.
By the way, a famous lecturer and speaker recommends remembering as much information as possible. For example, important for each person is his name - this is something that must not be forgotten. If it’s difficult for you to keep certain facts in your head, create a special notebook in which you will write down not only the names of new people, but also their birthdays (everyone likes to receive congratulations), information about their hobbies, interests, family, and important events.
Respect the opinions of others
In his book "How to Make Friends ..." Carnegie draws attention and the ability to adequately relate to the opinions of others. This does not mean that you can win over a person only under the condition that you will always agree on everything.
Of course, you can always disagree, explain your own position, provide your arguments. Nevertheless, do not violently argue, prove the irrelevance of the thoughts of your interlocutor and, all the more, stoop to insults. Respect a person’s right to their own opinion, even if you think it is wrong. Differences in personal principles are far from always the reason for ending a relationship.
Admit Your Mistakes
What else can you learn from Carnegie’s How to Make Friends? The author gives examples of people who are simply not able to admit their own mistakes. Probably, everyone has at least one acquaintance who is trying to constantly relieve himself of responsibility for their own unsuccessful actions. If this person did something wrong, then it is always associated with the influence of external factors.
Such a disclaimer annoys and often repels people. That is why the author recommends honestly admitting your mistakes - both in front of other people and in front of you. Alas, no one is safe from the wrong choice, and this is quite normal. Do not deny the right to make mistakes either to yourself or to others.
How to make friends? Empathy is the basis of a fruitful relationship
The author claims that empathy is one of the keys to successful communication. In no case should you blame someone for this or that act, especially if you personally have never had to deal with such a choice.
Want to know how to make friends? The answer is simple - develop the ability to empathize, sympathize and always put yourself in the place of the interlocutor. Can you look at the world through the eyes of another person? Can you understand someone else's point of view? Can you imagine yourself in the same situation in which the interlocutor found himself? Yes? Then you are on the right track.
Do not try to remake someone
This is one of the most important rules for building good relationships. It is worth recognizing that all people are different. Each person has his own story, character, virtues and, of course, disadvantages. And it’s worth putting up with it.
By the way, in this case it is not only about communicating with strangers. This rule is effective in a personal relationship. If you do not like some quality of your business partner, spouse, relative of a friend, then you should not try to change them to your own standards - this is at least selfish. Learn to accept and respect a person completely, with all his oddities and shortcomings.
Learn to not only hear but also listen
The author also advises learning to listen to a person. As you know, a good and interesting interlocutor is not one who speaks a lot, but one who knows how to listen, and with genuine interest.
Why is it important? As already mentioned, every person wants attention. Listening to the interlocutor, you show your interest. You position the person towards you, help him open up and feel at ease. In addition, in this way you demonstrate to the interlocutor that his opinion is really important to you.
By listening carefully, you can get a lot of useful information. And here we are talking not only about communicating with new people. The ability to listen and understand positively affects the relationship between spouses, parents and children, relatives, friends. Believe me, if you let a person talk, then he will give you the same opportunity.
What about criticism?
Are you exploring how to make friends? D. Carnegie’s book provides many useful tips.
From time to time, each person is faced with the need to point out a person to flaws. For example, if you have subordinates, then for certain you sometimes have to point out errors in their work. Alas, criticism is necessary, but it can be submitted in different ways.
In his book, the author advises to refrain from harsh remarks. If you want to draw a person to yourself and help him open up, then sometimes it’s worth talking about your own mistakes and the ways that helped you fix them.
Always start with praise. Any person, whether subordinate or relative, there is always something to praise. First, note the positive aspects in the activity of the interlocutor, pay attention to its positive features, and only then start a conversation about mistakes. Criticism should not be rude or offensive - calmly point out the interlocutor to a lack of work and help him correct the situation.
Finally
In fact, the advice Dale Carnegie gives is effective anytime, anywhere. You can apply them to work with potential business partners or employees, to build good relations with your wife / husband, children, neighbors, friends. Moreover, these rules of communication will help you find peace of mind, look at the world from a different angle, improve and grow above yourself.
By the way, this is far from the only book by the author. Among the world famous bestsellers include the work "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." For readers, the book “Little-known facts from the life of famous people” will be interesting. And, of course, Dale Carnegie wrote several works regarding his main activity, namely, oratory. If you have problems with public speaking, then you should read books such as Oratory and Influence on Business Partners, as well as How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public.