Emotions and intelligence - what is common between them? It would seem that these are completely different areas between which there are no common points of contact. Until the 60s, this was exactly what was thought, until scientists introduced the concept of “emotional intelligence”. As it turned out, the well-known “rational intelligence” (IQ) does not provide a reliable idea of how effective a person will be in the family and work environment. Much more important is emotional development, which significantly affects social skills.
Emotional intelligence. What is it?
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability of a person to realize his personal emotions and feelings of those around him. Understanding the mindset of other people allows us to guess their intentions. This, in turn, makes it possible to control the emotions, goals and motivations of people. Emotional intelligence includes sociability, confidence, self-awareness, regulation of one’s moral state, optimism, and more.
It is the harmoniously developed EQ that allows you to acquire the skill of building long-term and reliable relationships. Without this, a person does not have the opportunity to become successful in the main areas of life. Therefore, emotional intelligence is a very important characteristic that you should work on throughout your life and you need to start from early childhood.
Why does a child need emotional intelligence
EQ is very important for a future life in society. That is why it is necessary to develop emotional intelligence in a child. Children who have developed EQ - better find a common language with peers and adults, adapt more easily in society. They are more responsive to the emotions of other people, able to control their actions, and also better respond to education. With such children, parents usually have no problems getting used to kindergarten, then to school, etc. These kids have no difficulties with communication and communication, they easily make contact and have many friends.
The basics of EQ are laid in infancy. Mom, without even thinking, obeying instincts and guided by love for the baby, contributes to the development of his emotions through touch, smile, gentle treatment, singing lullabies, etc. Even when she is angry with the baby - this is also important for its development. Thus, the child learns to distinguish emotions, begins to understand what he is doing right and what is not, what causes positive feelings, and what actions upset others.
As we can see, it is through communication that emotional intelligence is formed. Children, like sponges, absorb everything that surrounds them. What else can be done to develop EQ in the baby? Let's figure it out.
The development of emotional intelligence in children
General recommendations for the development of EQ:
- Show your feelings for the baby as openly as possible. Feel free to express sincere emotions towards the child.
- It is necessary to create a comfortable and friendly atmosphere in the family, eliminating nervousness and aggression if possible. In such an environment, the baby will not lock himself in, but will be able to express his emotions openly and sincerely. A favorable psychological state of the child is the main condition for his harmonious development.
- If possible, comment on the behavior of the baby, voicing all the emotions experienced by him and others. For example, "Katya is angry (rejoices)" or "Mom will miss you."
- Play Guess the Emotion with your baby. View images with different facial expressions in people or animals. Voice their feelings: “The boy was scared,” “The Bunny rejoices,” etc.
- Watching cartoons with the baby - analyze the actions of the main characters with him, give them an assessment, explain to the child how different characters feel, how they express their emotions outwardly.
- Try to get to know your children with other children as soon as possible. The interaction of the kids in the park, on the playground is the best way to develop emotional intelligence in the child. Children in the process of playing form their social skills.
John Gottman Emotional intelligence of a child
For those parents who want to get closer to their child and teach him how to properly manage his emotions, books by famous psychologists John Gottman and Joan Deckler may be useful. In their writings, they destroy well-known stereotypes in raising children. Psychologists show that those methods that we used to consider the right ones work. The book contains recommendations on how to pay more attention to the emotions of the baby, how to better understand the mood of the child, how to discuss feelings in a language that will be understood by the baby and much more. This, in essence, is a practical guide to action.
The development of emotional intelligence in preschool children is a task that not all parents cope adequately. Moreover, each type of parents cannot keep the situation under control for various reasons. Consider the main points to have an idea of the mistakes often made by adults in relation to their children.
Types of parents not coping with the development of EQ in their children
- Rejecting. These are parents who do not attach any importance to the negative emotions of their children, either completely ignoring them, or considering them a trifle and a trifle.
- Unapproving. These are adults who are too harsh about the manifestation of the negative actions of their children. They can chastise the child for negative emotions and even punish them.
- Unmixing. Parents accept all the emotions of their baby, empathize with them, but do not offer solutions to the problem.
All these errors in education lead to the fact that emotional intelligence in preschool children does not develop correctly, which is fraught with problems in adulthood. Wise parents should make sure that their children in the future are able to independently overcome difficulties and make their own decisions. Crumbs need to instill basic concepts in communicating with other people from an early age. To do this, you need to find out what type of parent contributes to the most proper development of emotional intelligence in a child?
Emotional educator
This type of parent has the following important qualities:
- It can calmly be near a child who is experiencing negative emotions. They do not irritate him and do not cause anger.
- He perceives a child’s bad mood as an opportunity to get close to him.
- He believes that the negative emotions of the baby require parental participation.
- Respects the emotions of the crumbs, even if they seem insignificant to him.
- He knows what to do in certain situations in which negative emotions are manifested in the child.
- Helps the child express his feelings that he is experiencing at the moment.
- He will listen to the baby, show participation, sympathize, and most importantly, propose ways to solve the problem.
- It sets the boundaries for the manifestation of emotions and teaches them how to express them acceptable, without "going too far."
All these key moments of upbringing contribute to the fact that the child learns to trust his emotions, manage them and overcome difficulties.
The main steps of emotional education
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the place of another person and correctly respond to events. Only people with developed emotional intelligence are capable of manifesting this quality. Children for whom they did not express sympathy, were not allowed to get angry and upset - they become self-enclosed and feel lonely. If we want a small personality to let us into our world, we need to be able to understand it, let its feelings through us. And also confirm the validity of emotions close to the baby and help find ways to solve the problem. As Gottman writes in his book, the child’s emotional intelligence develops correctly only when parents follow key rules.
There are five basic steps to raising emotional intelligence. Let's consider each of them in more detail.
Step number 1. Awareness of the emotions of the child
In order for parents to succeed, they must first learn to understand their own feelings. To hide their negative emotions because of the fear that anger or irritation will only aggravate the situation and serve as a bad example for children is not the best option. As numerous studies on this topic show, children whose parents hid their negative feelings are much worse at managing their negative emotions than those children whose parents allowed themselves to openly display all their feelings, including not very pleasant ones.
Step number 2. Susceptibility
Perception of emotions as a means of getting closer to a child. One cannot ignore the negative state of mind of the child in the hope that it will pass by itself. Negative emotions leave if the child has the opportunity to talk about them and get support from the parents. The unpleasant feelings of the baby are an occasion to talk with him closer, talk about his experiences, give advice and become closer to him.
Step number 3. Understanding
Sympathy and confirmation of the validity of emotions. It is necessary to sit with the child on the same level and establish visual contact. An adult needs to be calm. Listen to your baby, show that you understand him, confirm his right to live this emotion and support the child.
Step number 4. Teach a child to express their feelings
Help in the child designating his emotions through words. A descriptive statement of deep, inner sensations has a calming effect and helps children relax faster after an unpleasant incident. When a child speaks out what he feels, he focuses on emotions, lives it, and then calms down.
Step number 5. Reasonable boundaries
The introduction of restrictions in the manifestation of feelings and help in overcoming difficulties. We must tell the child that he is experiencing the right emotions, but it is necessary to choose a different way of expressing them. It is also necessary to offer assistance in solving the problem.
Conclusion
According to the recommendations given by Gottman and Deckler, the emotional intelligence of the child must be developed, showing maximum participation and understanding. It is important to realize that a baby cannot have unnatural feelings. All of them deserve your attention and acceptance. Teach children to perceive and be aware of their experiences, help them solve problems - this is all advised by Declair psychologist in his book. The emotional intelligence of a child is a very important area that affects almost all aspects of life.