Family is a safe haven. Storms, quarrels, intrigues should not rage here. Everyone wants the sun to shine in his living room, the smell of buns and something incomprehensible at home. It is very pleasant to return to such a house. But of course, not walls build relationships. On the contrary, we are creating the very same “weather in the house”. And only we are responsible for it. Today we’ll talk about what a happy relationship is and how to make your own.
What you need to know at the very beginning
If you only recently started dating or just got married, your path hand in hand is just beginning. According to statistics, today more than half of all couples are divorced. Why is this happening? Most argue that they did not agree on the characters. But did something push them to be together? Most likely, they decided that they already had a happy relationship. But soon they began to notice that the partner was not so enthusiastic that he was not without shortcomings, and indeed, it was quite possible that they were in a hurry with the choice. But let's talk about everything in order.
The foundation of a happy relationship
There are not many rules:
- Do not rush things. Let everything go as it should. Trying to change the curtains in a man’s apartment after a second date is clearly overkill.
- Letting go of gravity is also not recommended. Now is a fertile period for romance and fantasy.
- Critical remarks. Never, especially in public, make fun of your partner.
- Try not to talk too much about your future together. Happy relationships line up day after day. and the ringing of wedding rings can frighten an unprepared partner.
- Do not dissolve in him (her) completely. When you met, each of you lived your own life, had your hobbies, interests. That is how he attracted attention, which means that we must continue in the same spirit. And if your hobbies intersect - it will be even better.
- One cannot but respect personal space. This is a rule for life if you want to build a happy relationship. Phone, social networks, notebooks, a personal bag - all this should remain a secret behind seven seals. Once and for all, decide that you trust your partner.
What else can I add
The birth of a new couple is a wonderful event. But so far, much is built on the first enthusiasm, on illusions. They just have to understand what everyone really represents, as well as survive many difficulties. Yes, a happy relationship in the family is not an ideal picture from the screen of a cinema. This is a life where there is a place of fatigue, illness, failure, resentment. This is a natural occurrence. And relations are developing unevenly. Sometimes there is a decline, negative accumulates, then an “explosion” occurs, and if it is resolved correctly, a new stage of development begins. Here are some more tips:
- Choose a partner who looks like you. If he adheres to other views, traditions, values, then conflicts will be more serious. Either one will constantly yield, or the relationship will end. The more there are coincidences in character, everyday habits, hobbies, the more chances there are to build long-term relationships.
- Put the interests of the couple above their own. Here is a very thin line that everyone draws for himself. Everyone should have a piece of personal space, as well as earnings, which he can spend at his discretion. But there are also common goals, planned purchases that come first.
- Work on yourself. You can’t do without conflicts, but each of them gives you a chance to reconsider your views and habits. And if the relationship broke up, do not rush to enter into new ones. Analyze what was happening, why they happened that way.
Of course, there can be no definite recipes for a happy relationship. To do this, you need to write a whole book, and even then it will be impossible to take into account everything. Our task today is to consider only the main points or difficulties that each couple faces.
Defining Goals
So, a certain time has passed since your first meeting, and both are ready to go on a long trip called family. It's time to seriously talk about goals. Now you have to go together, one road. And you must be sure that the partner has not planned a sudden turn. This is the promise of a serious conversation. Everyone should know what the partner expects from life and from a lover (lover) in particular. It really helps.
Imagine that one plans to move to a big city in a few years. And his half wants to live next to his aging parents. Will they run into problems? Inevitably, if you do not come to a single decision in advance or to an alternative that will suit both.
You are a team
If you had to undergo team building trainings, then you know that the process involves constant work and the return of each participant. This is perceived normally, because the relations in the team do not build on their own. But for some reason, many expect the opposite from their own family.
A happy family relationship is only possible if both are working hard. Be the best of friends, discuss everything in the world, share problems and doubts. Both of you have a rich personal life, so share its details. Get to know each other ad infinitum.
Honesty
Happy are those who trust each other in a relationship. Imagine your life if you have to control every step of your half. What? This is comparable to the work of the head of a company headed by incompetent managers. Instead of giving orders and doing his own business, he will have to constantly be aware of everything that is happening on all fronts, to control every decision made.
You just have two, and the whole range of tasks needs to be divided in half. Therefore, trust and be honest yourself. So much more comfortable and relaxed. If conflicts arise, they must be resolved immediately. So you will reduce the time as much as possible while everyone is offended by the other. The faster you get rid of the negative, the less you wind yourself.
Admit Your Mistakes
We love to assert ourselves at the expense of others. Often this is transferred to the closest. And who would like it if they poke his nose like a naughty kitten? If you want to point out misses - do it delicately and carefully. Sometimes it’s even better to keep silent tactfully. A smart person himself will understand how the next time it’s better not to act.
If you have already solved the problem, do not discuss it again. Such words will be unpleasant and leave a heavy residue. Better think about why you need it. To assert itself to a partner? But he already loves and respects you.
Deal with flaws
If you can’t accept a partner as he is, then it’s best to abandon the idea of ​​building a family. Otherwise, each person has his own characteristics, unique views on the nature of what is happening. Remember the recommendation to look for a partner that looks like you? That is how you can avoid big disappointments. This process is not always painless. But remember that you are far from an angel. At the same time, the partner somehow gets along with it. Just answer him the same.
We only get what we give
You can say that you reap, then you reap. If you are thinking about how to make a relationship happy, then start with yourself. That is, do not ask, but model the behavior. If you want attention, start waking up your partner every day with a smile. Sincerely rejoicing, meeting in the evening, propose plans for the evening. To make a partner feel happy, it is usually enough to give him a massage, bring hot tea, and find an interesting film. Agree, this is not so much.
Moreover, taking such signs of attention, the partner himself will want to please you in return. That is, you yourself will benefit from such innovations. Would you like him (she) to look better than now? Buy a gym membership for yourself. Then, for the company, invite your soul mate.
Diagnostic moments
Happy long relationship is a reality. But this requires the desire and efforts of both. How to check if you are going in the right direction? In fact, it is not so difficult, but the most indicative is the quality of sex. If after 10 years in your bedroom there is still complete harmony, if the attraction is preserved - this is wonderful. Good sex means that you still want each other and are loyal to each other.
If there is no sex, it is bad, but when it is of poor quality, it is even worse. Therefore, really appreciate the intimate relationship and honestly answer if everything is as good as you think. After all, this is a way of communication, which is important for any couple. Talking and stroking after sex are very different from talking at other times. This is a moment of intimacy when you can trust each other much more.
After the ball...
Sometimes it’s impossible to save a relationship. There is nothing particularly terrible in this, especially if you both understand the inevitability of the finale. Is it worth holding on to something that has already burned out? No, it’s better to give everyone the opportunity to find their own happiness. A happy relationship with your ex is the result of a good breakup. Make a decision about the parting partner, he will not be yours anymore. This is not a tragedy, but a chance to change your life for the better. Give each other time to calm down after talking about separation and resolve all issues regarding the division of property. Try to be honest in material matters. Then in a few years it will be possible to congratulate each other on holidays and even go to visit.
Ready recipe
So, take the feelings as the basis. For example, love. Some replace with affection, respect. Add a pinch of interest in yourself and your partner, to dreams and to life. Add a couple of spoons of freedom, but don't go too far. Now there's a glass of compromise, flexibility, tolerance and acceptance. These are magical ingredients, without which nothing will come of it.
Sprinkle it with the ability to ask, discuss and speak. Do not try to replace this with a second thought for another. We add care for ourselves and our partner. It can be different: about health, about nutrition, about safety. Take a handful. Keep track of the balance: you need to take and give. Add to taste the general and personal desires, goals and dreams. Season it all with the desire to be together and warm up by flirting. These are the rules of a happy relationship that will be true for each couple.
If problems arose, and they are inevitable, this does not mean that love has ended. Moreover, what you experienced at the dawn of a relationship was not yet such. Love is born in a relationship, it is something deeper than passion and attraction, but not excluding those.