Almost every person faces a problem in communication at different periods of his life. Most often, such questions are of particular concern to children, because it is they who perceive everything that is happening as emotionally as possible and such situations can develop into a real drama. And if asking a childās questions is a simple task, then mature people donāt talk about it out loud, and the lack of friends significantly affects oneās self-confidence and self-esteem. To solve a problem, you need to acknowledge its presence and say to yourself: "Yes, I have no friends, people donāt want to communicate with me." Now you can begin to solve the situation. Almost every person asks himself the question of why people donāt want to communicate with me sooner or later.
What is the essence of friendship?
To start with, friendship is primarily a relationship between at least two. It does not succumb to any laws, no one sets the rules that are standard for everyone. All habits and rules of communication are born in the process and are developed as a result of prolonged communication. But in order to start communicating with a person, you need at least a mutual desire, it will not hurt to have common interests, values āāand aspirations. Quite often, people have problems establishing contacts in the work team. People wonder why my colleagues donāt want to talk to me. The answer can be found very much and it is not necessary to look for the cause in yourself. There may be envy, especially often a similar problem occurs in people who have just come to a new position.
Why do not you want to communicate with a person?
Sometimes it happens that even with interesting and educated personalities you donāt really want to communicate. What could be the reason? In fact, there are a lot of options, but the following can be considered the most common: unpleasant appearance, disrespectful attitude towards people around, unwillingness to make contact from the side of a person, inability to communicate and behave appropriately, as well as fear of friendship and communication with others. If you think why no one wants to communicate with me, then the first step towards solving the problem has been taken.
How to deal with the problem?
If no one wants to communicate with me, then the problem is in me? Not at all necessary. The appearance and behavior of a person can be considered the basis for building communication, but you will not go far on these two factors. And if you can still come to terms with an unpleasant appearance, and someone does not pay attention to it at all, then if a person acts ugly in relation to other people, then there is already reason to think. And people are often judged by friends. As for the appearance, many characteristics that are strictly individual are important here. This may be deviations in height or weight from the norm, untidy clothes, an unpleasant smell. These problems, in principle, can be easily and quickly fixed. So just keep your neatness in mind, don't forget to brush your teeth, eat right, and so on. If this is the only problem, then after you put yourself in order, perhaps the road to full communication will open. But do not think that the attitude of others towards you will change as if by magic. Friendship can be lost in a split second, and it takes years to build. Usually, after solving the problem with the appearance, the period of adaptation begins, when others begin to be aware of the changes and show a desire to make contact.
What if the problem is deeper?
Why do not want to communicate with me if the main problems are resolved? Things are much more complicated when a communication problem is associated with psychological complexes. First of all, it is an inferiority complex. There is only one way out, to realize that you are an exceptional person, thereby increasing your self-esteem and simply learning how to love yourself. However, this process takes a long time in terms of duration, most likely, you will have to seek help not only from specialized literature, but also undergo any training or get advice from a specialist. But you will never regret the time and money spent, because self-development is a fascinating activity, it is a process that can change a person literally beyond recognition. Friendship is work, it is a mutual obligation, something more than simple friendships. Some people have a problem such as a fear of taking on this responsibility or a fear of being deceived, betrayed by another person. People are afraid to take risks, do not trust anyone around them and cannot open themselves to another person as friendship requires. Therefore, the question of why people do not want to communicate with me is very relevant. The ability to build healthy relationships with others is one of the most important tasks of a person.
What to do if people donāt want to communicate with me?
Psychologists say most of their patients are concerned about friendships. Often they come with questions about whether people do not want to be friends with me, why this happens and what can be done about it. Yes, it happens. In the world there are a huge number of books, films, trainings that can help to understand the problem of communicating with other people. Psychologists recommend listening to the following four tips. You should learn to control your ābody languageā, keep track of time, be able to not only listen, but also arouse interest in your own person. So, let's take a closer look at each of the tips. To understand why people do not want to communicate with me, it is necessary, first of all, for their own benefit.
Body control
It will not be superfluous to observe gestures, body movements, and so on. When you are conducting a dialogue with your friend, do not forget to follow the signs that indicate that your interlocutor does not enjoy the conversation. If you paid attention to this, your task is not to complicate the situation, annoying your friend. Maybe itās not even the matter of you at all, but of external factors, but the impression of the meeting will be spoiled and in the future you may begin to be perceived as a person from whom it is difficult to get rid of it. If you learn to pick up hints that your interlocutor wants to end the conversation, then people will perceive you more easily. For example, your friend during the dialogue too often looks at his watch or answers with monosyllabic sentences, instead of showing interest and going into details. It seems that he is in a hurry somewhere. This means one thing: it's time to end the conversation and let the person go on business. Psychologists also recommend taking note of such a "chip" as the position of the feet. Yes, itās not stupid things at all, experts are sure that if they are directed away from you, it only means that your interlocutor would not mind to leave the meeting place faster and go on about their business. Why don't people want to talk to me? Perhaps the problem lies precisely in the inability to conduct a dialogue.
Control the time
Sometimes in the process of conversation it happens that our perception of time gets confused. Especially when a person is nervous and drowns in incoherent verbosity, while such a behavior goes unnoticed, as the idea of āātime is lost. If you will be communicating with a person for the first time, treat this as an interview in the press and prepare in this way. You can practice with anyone, with a friend, with family. Imitate communication at the first meeting and do not be lazy to measure the time of your speeches. Your task is to determine, on an intuitive level, when your monologue lasts 30 seconds and when a minute or more. At first, while the contact is just being established, you should not go beyond this framework. But as soon as you feel that the conversation is going in the right direction, you can go into monologues, if your interlocutor is interested. Always remember that at first you should not "pile" a lot of information on your partner.
Do not forget to give the floor to your interlocutor
It will be difficult for you to bother a person if you give him the opportunity to talk about himself no less than yours. A great option is the ability to ask open-ended questions that involve free answers. All this is necessary in order to help the interlocutor to engage in a dialogue. Questions should also be selected correctly. For example, most likely the question āHave you been living in Moscow for a long time?ā it will entail a monosyllabic answer, and if you ask your interlocutor why he moved to Moscow and whether he likes this city, here you can get a more interesting and detailed answer, which in the future will provide an opportunity to develop dialogue in new directions. Thus, you will be able to learn more about your friend or acquaintance, which will provide the basis for further communication.
Arouse interest in your own person
As for the standard set of questions that it is customary to ask during a small talk, it is too limited and boring, and your task is to interest the interlocutors. Do not be lazy to prepare interesting answers to the most common questions in advance. Any conference involves a thousand of the same questions in the spirit: āWhat are you working on now?ā, āWhat's new?ā etc. It will be a big omission on your part to come up with answers straight away or, even worse, answer with neutral phrases that do not cause any interest among the interlocutors (āIām not doing anything special,ā ānothing new is happeningā). Thus, you will immediately give the impression of a boring person and those around you will not even have the slightest desire to continue the dialogue with you. The situation will be different if you come up with answers that can "add fuel to the fire" and fuel interest in you. People should have a desire to ask you more about everything.