Each parent, raising his child, does not have a soul in him. The child reciprocates, but until a certain time. At some point, the child is moving away from his ancestor. The conflict between fathers and children is an eternal topic. It is impossible to avoid him. But this problem, like any other, is completely solvable. It is enough to find the necessary information, and the conflict between fathers and children will no longer seem insoluble.
What is the conflict
At some point, such a conflict is a major problem in family relationships. Parents clutch their heads, not knowing what to do with the rebellious child. All words and actions that used to be productive at this stage are completely useless. The child is ready to explode for any reason, he reacts negatively to all offers from his ancestors. As a result, parents and children quarrel. This can lead to very sad consequences (hunger strike, leaving home, suicide). Even temporary alienation can dramatically change relations between relatives. If the "cold notes" in the behavior of the child are already noticeable, then it is time to take certain measures.
Reasons for misunderstanding between parents and children
Misunderstanding can arise due to a number of reasons. And most often the parent is to blame. After all, he is much older and, accordingly, more experienced and wiser. Many conflicts can be easily avoided. But adults rest, try to maintain their usual position, so they raise their voices on the child and even raise their hands on him. Naturally, the child goes on a counterattack and shows his character not from the best side.
The reasons for the conflict
Conflict between fathers and children most often occurs for the following reasons:
- Problems at school. Poor student performance, complaints from teachers about poor behavior, absolute reluctance to do homework.
- The order in the house. Its non-observance becomes a reason for quarrels between a parent and a child of almost any age.
- False. Moms and dads are extremely dissatisfied with children's lies. Every child has lied to his parents at least once. After the truth "floats out", another scandal occurs.
- Noise. Children are mobile by nature, so they create a lot of noise (TV sound, loud music, screaming and audio toys).
- Disrespect for the older generation. Such behavior outrages parents, so they scold the child.
- Gift Requirement. Every parent is faced with this problem. A child knows only the word "I want", so an unacquired thing becomes a reason for resentment on the part of the child.
- Circle of friends. Friends of a teenager are very often suspicious of both father and mother. They are trying to convey this discontent to a child who does not want to hear anything about it.
- Appearance. Untidy appearance, modern style of dress and taste of the child very often become the cause of conflict.
- Pets. The quarrel arises either because of the insufficient care of the child for his pet, or because of his extreme desire to take possession of him.
Conflict through the eyes of a child
The conflict of parents and children most often occurs when the latter begins the teenage period. This is an incredibly difficult time for both mom and dad, and for the child himself. The child begins to adjust his character, based on the convictions of friends, high school students, but not his parents. He learns this world on the other hand, actively develops physically and begins to be interested in the opposite sex. But, despite the "adult" appearance, the psycho-emotional state of a teenager is very unstable. A carelessly abandoned word can develop a number of complexes.
The child becomes nervous and closed. He tries to avoid the company of his parents, instead he devotes more time to his friends or prefers to be alone, having closed in his room. Any criticism is rejected immediately. The teenager becomes rude, begins to raise his voice on his father and mother. He has frequent mood swings. If the conflict has reached a critical point, then there may be attempts to leave the child from home or deliberately inflicting physical injuries on himself.
Conflict through the eyes of parents
The line of behavior of parents is also not distinguished by its originality. The reaction can be divided into maternal and paternal.
Moms respond more gently, but more often they are the cause of the quarrels. In an effort to become her best friend for her child, the parent surrounds the child with excessive attention. Opinion is imposed on any issue, starting from appearance and ending with preferences in music and films. This annoys the child and leads to conflict.
Paternal reaction is somewhat different. Dad is the earner in the family. Therefore, he tries to instill in the child such concepts as hard work, the value of things and for the good of the family. The teenager, due to his age, does not understand this and reacts negatively to his father's upbringing.
What should I do if a parent-child conflict does occur?
Urgent action is required. There are several solutions for this:
- Calm conversation in a narrow circle. At the family council, each participant in the conflict should be heard. In no case should you raise your voice and interrupt the interlocutor. It is also undesirable to ask questions during the opponent’s statement. Such a dialogue almost always has a positive result.
- List of rules. All family members share responsibilities among themselves and the rules of conduct in the house. All items are discussed together, and not appointed by the head of the family (or rebellious teenager).
- Recognize wrong. The parent really does not like to do this, but it is this step that helps the teenager to meet.
Psychologist's advice
Fathers and children are a generational conflict that everyone knows. But it can and should be avoided. To do this, just follow these tips:
- take the child should be as it is, do not impose your own tastes and preferences on him;
- It is strictly forbidden to raise a child’s voice;
- reproach the child with his achievements is not permissible;
- punish a teenager carefully, without taking harsh measures;
- one needs to be interested in the life of a child carefully, as if by chance;
- do not forget about sentiments (hugs and kisses), but their number should be controlled;
- you need to constantly praise the child and focus on his positive features;
- you can’t force a teenager to do something; you should ask him.
And, most importantly - do not forget that each person is individual and he has his own path and his own destiny.
The eternal conflict of fathers and children in literature
As already mentioned, this problem is by no means new. The conflict of parents and children is illuminated by many classics of Russian literature. The most striking example is I. S. Turgenev’s novel “Fathers and Sons,” in which the generational conflict is described extremely vividly. D.I. Fonvizin wrote the wonderful comedy The Undergrowth, A.S. Pushkin - the tragedy Boris Godunov, A.S. Griboedov - Woe from Wit. This problem is of interest to more than one generation. Literary works on this subject are only a confirmation of the eternity of the existing conflict and its inevitability.
The problem of generations is unpleasant for both sides. Do not close yourself in a shell and hope for a time that will resolve the conflict between fathers and children. It is worth making concessions, being softer and more attentive. And then the children and parents will have an incredibly warm and trusting relationship.