It is unlikely that there will be such a person who would not know in his life a state of jealousy. Sometimes this feeling causes unbearable torment. And they are tested not only by jealous people. Their second halves suffer from this. Often, such a feeling becomes so strong that it destroys the marriage and the relationship of the couple.
Not everyone can withstand constant grievances and quarrels. Anyone who feels that because of jealousy life is simply unbearable should urgently get rid of it. This will help save the relationship, as well as strengthen them.
Causes of the problem
What causes this feeling? Why are women often jealous of husbands for their girlfriends, and men - wives for strangers? Where does this condition come from? Among the main causes of its occurrence, psychologists distinguish:
- uncertainty not only in relationships, but also in oneself;
- fear of losing someone you love;
- the existing sense of ownership towards the partner, as well as the desire to have a monopoly on his affairs and personal life;
- other fears and complexes.
What is not on the list offered to us by psychologists? Of course love! Jealousy does not flow from it. The basis of suspicion is only fear. At the same time, constantly arising outbreaks of jealousy interfere with love. They turn relationships between people into a series of suffering. How to get rid of jealousy?
Awareness and Evaluation
Psychologists explain that during attacks of jealousy, many men and women begin to conduct so-called espionage games. Namely:
- Check outgoing calls on the phone
- trying to smell someone else’s perfume on clothes;
- they call their partner every hour to make sure that he is exactly where he is talking;
- forbid to communicate with members of the opposite sex, etc.
In other words, jealous people try to keep their partner on the shortest leash, not even realizing what this suspicion and distrust leads them to.
Subconsciously, people believe that by such behavior they eliminate the problem, and their actions serve the interests of healthy relationships between partners. They think that the spy games they have set up strengthen their confidence in the other half. Jealous people believe that they are doing everything right, even if at the same time a wave of negative emotions rises and quarrels on completely empty occasions become very frequent. After all, spouses should love only each other and not try to cheat on their partner.
Some people are starting to get used to this state of affairs. For them, jealousy and love become inseparable companions of life. And many even learned to put up with a similar fact. However, this is not worth doing. Paranoia must be fought. Those who are familiar with this condition naturally have a question: "How?" You can get rid of jealousy and distrust, according to the advice of psychologists, as follows: firstly, a good assessment of the situation and think about what the constant statement of mistrust to the partner will lead to. Secondly, give a fair assessment of their behavior. After all, it turns out that a jealous man who is afraid of lies himself envelops the existing relationship with an atmosphere of suspicion. A person who is scared to part with his partner, tries to constantly control his every move, blaming, creating bans and cursing. Won't this lead to something you want to avoid?
On the advice of a psychologist, one can get rid of jealousy as efficiently as possible if it is realized that this feeling does not at all contribute to the creation of a long, healthy and trusting relationship. The person who escalates the situation only brings closer what he is so afraid of. An obsession eventually makes the relationship so fragile that the partner begins to move away from someone who constantly suspects him of something.
Once awareness has come, it is necessary to move on to action. With the next attack of suspicion, do not grab the phone of the second half to check outgoing calls. When you want to do this, you should first ask yourself if this can help the existing relationship in any way. Will love benefit from this? Will checking the phone be an obstacle to breaking the relationship, the onset of which causes fear? In the event that the answer to all these three questions is unequivocal: “No,” it is better to refrain from rash acts. Do not check calls and correspondence.
Thus, the question of how to get rid of a feeling of jealousy can be answered as follows: "Give this destructive feeling for a person and relationship a red light."
Of course, only this one decision made will not be able to completely resolve the problem. But it will be the first step on the road to getting rid of negative emotions that interfere with the person and do not need him at all.
So, regarding the problem of how to get rid of jealousy, the advice of psychologists often agree on one thing: to get out of the head what cannot possibly serve the interests of love.
Eliminate fears
To get rid of jealousy, as psychologists advise, it is important to work, first of all, on self-esteem. A harmonious person will not torment himself with suspicion.
If the first stage - awareness and assessment of actions - is passed, but the question of how to get rid of jealousy remains relevant, psychologists advise to dream up. Namely, mentally go through a break in relations and imagine your future. It is worth assuming that it will be, for example, a year after the breakup. Or five years later. Most likely, the first months will become very difficult. However, any person gradually comes to his senses and after a while starts a new relationship, which is likely to be better than the old ones. Despite the fact that this is not the best scenario, its plot is still not so scary as it seemed at the very beginning. Here you need to be realistic and try to scroll through the possible consequences in the mind. It is worth considering how you can get out of this situation and how to arrange your life further.
As psychologists advise, getting rid of feelings of jealousy will help adoption of the rule for yourself - you should not really get attached to what you have. At the moment, a person can be sure that his relationship with a partner is the most important thing in life. However, this is a fraud and partly an illusion. People simply cannot evaluate their prospects, which leads to an overestimation of the role of the one who is nearby.
At the same time, psychologists do not urge to be indifferent to their soul mate, children, work, etc. That is, to all that is the basis of human existence. They offer only to stop experiencing a feeling of painful attachment that brings only suffering and fear.
Many married ladies tend to suspect their spouses of infidelity. Although sometimes for this there is no reason at all. They should deal with how to get rid of jealousy for her husband. The advice of psychologists tells women that he who loves his spouse, but constantly lives in fear of losing this relationship, is not able to be happy. Is it possible in this case to receive satisfaction from communication with her husband? Unlikely. Of course, the loss of relations in the future will make a woman unhappy. However, fear of what may come does not give her joy in the life she has in the present.
Is jealousy easy to get rid of forever? Generally not. But in the world there is little impossible. To solve the problem, one should realize that fear of loss gives rise to strong attachments. This is what prevents people from enjoying the present. Not having a strong attachment does not mean not loving. You just need to be more calm about the fact that nothing can be eternal. In other words, it is necessary to prepare for everything, but at the same time enjoy what is now.
Stop comparing
How to get rid of jealousy for a woman? Stop thinking that her partner will find a more worthy, smart and beautiful girl.
Now consider whether a man can get rid of jealousy. As psychologists advise, it is recommended to get disturbing thoughts out of the head that more successful representatives of the stronger sex are constantly around his chosen one, one of whom she may like. Many are afraid of this. People begin to compare themselves with other members of their gender. They are embraced by the fear that they will have strong competitors.
Do not compare yourself with other people, and then there will be less reason to look for tips on how to get rid of jealousy for a man or woman. You just need to understand that those who are loved have no rivals. People - this is not a product that is offered on the market. And the union is not always built solely on the basis of consumer properties, that is, success, attractiveness, intelligence, etc.
Existing relationships cannot be compared with those that have just begun. They developed and moved into something more than passion and attraction. Over the years, real capital has developed. Partners began to better understand each other, began to find a solution to their problems and draw conclusions from perfect mistakes. And these things are so valuable that it’s just impossible to exchange them for anything else. In other words, the partner loves his soul mate, not only for its qualities, but also for everything that was in life together. This is what allows us to reject the attention of more attractive and successful people.
Improve relationships
Want to get rid of jealousy for your wife or husband? But how to achieve this? Just spend more time with your partner! It is important to recognize his desires, to trust him and take care of him. It is recommended that you try to work together to resolve family problems. Feel free to tell your partner about your difficulties and become more attractive to each other. It is necessary to bring diversity into life and continue to develop relations, never stopping at what has been achieved. Indeed, fidelity of spouses is the result of a reliable and strong union.
Psychologists' advice on how to get rid of jealousy for a woman says that you should not follow your husband in search of evidence of his betrayal. Jealousy cannot even eliminate their absence. After some time, this negative feeling will certainly flare up again. Correct a situation will only allow a
trusting relationship. Only in this case will there be much less reason for suspicion.
To eliminate the destructive mistrust, it is important not to turn life into a soap opera, but to do everything to develop existing relations.
Curb fantasy
Many wives in cases where the spouse is delayed at work, begin to mentally imagine in the brightest colors the picture how he is having fun with another. In this case, it is worth using the following method of how to get rid of jealousy for a man. Psychologists advise not to let your imagination run. It is better to listen to those reasonable arguments, which also must certainly come to mind.
A riot of fantasy will not allow a sober assessment of the situation. And if, nevertheless, one of the spouses begins to overcome attacks of paranoia, then psychologists advise to adhere to the rule that the first thought is wrong until the opposite is proved.
This can be called the presumption of innocence. This principle helps to curb many emotions and give a correct assessment of the current situation.
That is why experts recommend not succumbing to a sudden feeling and calm your mind. After all, nothing good will come to a person covered with anxiety and anxiety. In such a situation, you need to turn your attention to something else and not give vent to imagination. One can start thinking about a problem only after it becomes clear that the thoughts are in order.
Live your life
Psychologists give other tips on how to get rid of jealousy for a wife or husband. Often the cause for the emergence of this negative feeling is the fixation of one of the spouses on the life of another. This happens most often due to a lack of personal interests.
This may apply not only to jealousy, but also to strict control over children by, as a rule, mothers. However, it should be borne in mind that endless interference in the life of a loved one does not make both sides happy. How to avoid this? Bring variety to your life. Find hobbies. Of course, a hobby should not be a reason to ignore a partner. This is only a source of understanding that the world is huge and there is something else in it besides the family. The same thing must be allowed to be done by the partner, as well as by the daughter or son. People need freedom of communication with colleagues, friends, as well as with members of the opposite sex. Here you need to show the partner that you fully trust him. Provide a certain freedom and do not tighten the grip of control. This will allow you not to be painful about your relationship, experience less fear and suffering.
Do the opposite
To get rid of jealousy, take actions that are opposite to those that push this feeling. So, if the husband sees that his wife is talking with a stranger at a party, he should not glance viciously and then cause a scandal. It is better to approach and politely get to know this person. It is likely that he will be just a colleague at work, whom his wife accidentally met and could not just pass by, on the basis of considerations of tact. Only in this case will it be possible to assess the absurdity of the sudden suspicion that arose.
To be honest
It is important not to be tormented by hidden doubts, but directly ask your partner about what causes anxiety. Just do not wear it in the form of scandal. It’s better to calmly tell your soulmate about your suspicions and listen to the answer. But before you do this, it’s worthwhile to once again evaluate how justified the anxiety is. Indeed, sometimes people act stealthily because they understand the absurdity of their doubts.
What should a woman do with this problem?
For whatever reasons such a feeling arose, it is imperative to get rid of it so as not to destroy the formed relationship.
It will be much easier to get rid of jealousy for a guy or husband, as practice shows, if you listen to the recommendations of professionals, namely:
- realize that in your character and appearance there are many such traits that attracted the attention of this particular man;
- mentally swap places with your companion, imagining that it is he, not you checking your phone, scandals after your meetings with friends or in the case when you have to stay at work;
- those women who are in the status of a wife should not stop monitoring their appearance;
- to do everything possible to have professional or financial independence, because often jealousy in women is associated with the fear of being without the money needed to exist.
What to do to the man?
So, women already know how to stop being jealous of a husband or boyfriend. However, representatives of the stronger sex, experiencing similar feelings in relation to their chosen ones, also need similar advice. How to get rid of jealousy for a girl or wife? For this, psychologists advise the following:
- Do not arrange surveillance and do not try to control your soul mate everywhere (a woman is unacceptable to do the same, and the guy in this situation just looks sorry, and this behavior may prompt the chosen one to think that she will be calmer with another life partner);
- treat her partner with affection and understanding, in which case the woman is unlikely to change;
- constantly work on the growth of their own self-esteem, because often the guys are jealous because they consider themselves unworthy of their beloved;
- try to find for yourself an interesting lesson that will get rid of obsessive thoughts;
- spend as much time as possible with your chosen one and even try to meet with her friends (this will most likely make it clear that there is nothing to worry about);
- speak frankly with your spouse or with a girl about your feelings, asking her to behave a little differently in situations that annoy you.
What to do with jealousy for a former partner?
Regardless of what caused this feeling, it must be eliminated, since it entails the following:
- spoils the mood;
- distracts from study or work;
- interferes with the device of personal life;
- completely takes away time and energy;
- forms a kind of dependence.
Consider how to get rid of jealousy for a former partner:
- go somewhere for the weekend to at least just walk around another city, visit new places, take many photos and leave your comment on social networks;
- Organize any useful project, for example, start helping the nearest animal shelter;
- Pamper yourself by realizing desires that will give pleasure;
- spend as little time as possible in thought and alone, paying visits to friends and acquaintances.
Of course, other actions can be taken to get rid of a sad feeling. All of them should have one principle: more work, activity and movement. But even if none of the above tips for escape from jealousy is suitable, it is quite possible to approach the problem from the other side. For example, a wait position may be taken. This is especially true in cases where jealousy is not so great as to seriously interfere with life. You need to understand what to do is not necessary at all. And these tips should not only be remembered, but rather scrupulously followed. So, not worth it:
- start to abuse alcohol, because there is a risk of just sleeping;
- rush right away in search of a replacement, since in this case it is difficult to make an informed choice, and potential partners will simply shy away from excessive activity;
- watch sad films and listen to the same music, especially if they resemble an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend (this does not allow you to get rid of jealousy and can lead to alcohol abuse);
- Inquire about a former partner when meeting with mutual friends.
If possible, contact with the former lover or with the lover should be avoided altogether. This is quite realistic if you just do not study together at a university or work in the same office. It is important to understand that the past is a kind of burden that impedes further progress, and old relationships do not allow new ones to be built. In order to continue to live a full life, it is better to turn this page and allow yourself to start writing a new story.