In most cases, a person’s self-esteem is laid down from childhood. Due to the wrong attitude of the parents, an insecure person will grow up, always doubting himself, having an inadequate assessment of his actions and, as a rule, dissatisfied with life. How to prevent this? And if a person has already formed low self-esteem, then how to increase it, become more confident, value yourself and change your life? This will be discussed in the article.
Mom: punishment and praise
If a mother wants to form a personality in her child that can adequately evaluate herself and her actions, she should be able not only to punish, but also to praise her child. When an adult asks himself the question: “How to learn to respect yourself?”, He has to look into childhood. It turns out that he was scolded a lot and his parents did not praise him very much or not at all, especially his mother. When a child is constantly subject to criticism, an underestimation of himself is formed in him. If the child can only be praised, a person with an overestimated self-esteem will grow up. So it turns out that it is always better to stay in the middle ground. Mom has always been and will be the main link in raising a daughter or son.
From the point of view of the mother, the punishment may be justified, because the child does not obey. However, often children are retorting not because they want to do us out of spite, but only to learn something new, to learn something, and the parent is currently uncomfortable, troublesome. To avoid conflict situations, a mother should develop a sense of respect for her child, the ability to see in him an independent personality. “I said! ..” should rarely sound in communication with his precious child. Imagine how to learn to respect yourself if your child is constantly criticized! Out of such a little man, a self-doubt and, possibly, offended, angry at all adult person will grow. Only mutual respect and calm communication is the sure way to develop a harmonious personality that respects oneself and those around people. No one excludes rigor, but nothing good will come of rigor alone. Man is not like a bow string. It can be pulled, let go and pulled again, but if you pull it, the psyche will suffer ...
The essence of self-esteem and how to learn to respect yourself with low self-esteem?
Self-esteem sounds like the voice of a judge of an inner man. He evaluates our actions, results, words, emotions, self-image. As a result, self-conceit is formed that affects our perception of the world around us and our position, social behavior in it, confidence and determination to act, change something and decide, help someone or not, etc. Often, most people’s self-esteem is very strong depends on how others perceive us. If this attitude is positive, then, accordingly, we grow in our own eyes. The opinion of others is important to everyone: women, men, girls and boys, adolescents and small children.
To understand how to learn to respect yourself, you must:
- Recognize that you have a low opinion of yourself. Awareness is the first step to solving a problem.
- Stop focusing on your own flaws. Switch to virtues.
- You are not a victim! Everything has problems, and you are no exception. Your problems are no more than others. If whining, then they will worsen. People turn away from a aching person, and then new ways and opportunities are closed.
- Relax Find time for yourself. Let it be just a few minutes, but you should have them - minutes of complete calm and relaxation.
- Rejoice and delight yourself and those around you ... Do small surprises, gifts, walk around, go to the movies, cafes or just to the park ... Giving joy to yourself and your loved ones, you get a huge amount of energy and a positive charge in response, which, in turn, affects self-esteem, self-esteem and quality of life.
Reality and self esteem
Interestingly, our self-esteem has nothing to do with reality. Self-esteem, talents, abilities often do not correspond to each other. History knows many cases when geniuses with exceptional talent and abilities have a low opinion of themselves. At the same time, there are people who have mediocre abilities or are completely deprived of both intelligence and talents. It’s amazing what a high self-esteem they have!
Lack of self-esteem leads people to the fact that they suffer from insecurity, constantly feel guilty and depressed, cannot fully reveal their potential, and endure abusive situations and relationships. For example, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman who suffers constant censure, insults, reproaches and humiliations? Such a wife with low self-esteem will speak her husband words that in another situation she would never say. With another man who knows how to emphasize her dignity and shows respect for her, she would be a completely different woman, with a different view of herself and her surroundings ...
The main danger of self-disrespect is the formation of an inadequate perception of society and its place in it. Very low self-esteem provokes the appearance of a constant feeling of guilt, shame, various phobias. All this, of course, affects the success and self-realization of the individual.
How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman or a man?
There are many reasons that result in low self-esteem. As a rule, this is a deeply rooted idea of ​​a person about himself, originating in childhood, experiences of the past and the long absence of parents. Selflessness can cause experienced psychological and (or) sexual violence, incorrect decisions that lead a person to significant problems. If a person has had to go through any kind of violence, he will definitely need the help of a professional to increase his self-esteem.
The help of a psychologist or psychotherapist will provide an opportunity to release the painful, speak out and be reconciled. Many people try to increase their own self-esteem on their own, but this does not give the expected result. Sometimes this approach leads to a deterioration, up to the most negative consequences. To raise self-esteem on your own, you must have remarkable strength of mind, will and a stable psyche. The best option would be to contact a specialist.
What are the signs of a lack of self-respect
Self-esteem is a variable value. It depends on situations and surroundings. There are people who are calm and positive with loved ones, and are closed and shy with strangers. Others, on the contrary, are confident, active and optimistic outside the home, while houses are lost and seem to fade. We are all different. Not everyone knows how to maintain an equilibrium state of mind under stress and difficulties. Adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are formed in childhood. However, this does not mean that it is impossible to form it in adulthood. Just for this you need at least the desire of the person himself.
Sometimes it seems that a person is confident enough, optimistic and positive. But in fact, such a person can constantly be in a state of struggle with himself, with his phobias and complexes. Therefore, low self-esteem manifests itself in different people differently. To understand how to learn to value and respect yourself, you need to conduct an introspection of the causes and signs of low self-esteem:
- guilt - frequent and unreasonable;
- autoaggression;
- incessant self-criticism;
- tightness and shyness;
- different phobias, fears (for example, in public speaking).
People with a well-established low self-esteem, as a rule, perceive the world as something hostile, and feel themselves in the role of a victim. They feel fear and unwillingness to express and assert their rights, refuse new experiences, miss opportunities and feel completely helpless and incapable of life. All this only worsens the condition, and a person moves in a vicious circle, constantly feeling shame and fear.
Sometimes persistent low self-esteem in itself is one of the important symptoms of a mental disorder (depression, borderline personality disorder).
What may be the consequences of low self-esteem
Disrespect for oneself will primarily affect health and the psyche. A person can begin to pursue the negative in life (job loss, divorce, etc.). He begins to feel a sense of unfulfillment, disappointment in relationships, uncontrollability of the situation, everything seems to be floating out of his hands ...
Every woman must respect herself, otherwise she risks being unclaimed or constantly humiliated by relatives and strangers. An unhappy look causes pity only for a while, and even not all. Then he begins to annoy others. Helpless in front of the difficulties of life, a person runs the risk of becoming a victim of violence (emotional, physical, sexual), being discriminated against because of religious beliefs, culture, race, gender, etc. He may develop a mental disorder.
Quick Tips: How to Love and Respect Yourself, Regardless of Sex, Age, or Position
Anyone deserves love and respect. Here are some tips that step by step will help to achieve stability in the soul and increase self-esteem :
- create a list of your achievements and strengths, regularly re-read it;
- remember your uniqueness, value for loved ones and others, and even if there are none, then certainly God needs you. You are a person whom God loves and appreciates, but wants to be transformed and get rid of bad thoughts and a painful state of mind;
- forbid yourself to even think: “Nobody needs me, nobody loves me, I never succeed, I'm a loser ...”;
- tidy up your appearance, it is very important for solving the problem of self-esteem;
- eat only healthy and wholesome foods. Do not take food for TV, video, radio, etc. Let it be a special time with a table set, even if you are alone;
- do sports at least three times a week and take daily walks in the fresh air;
- be sure to get enough sleep;
- undergo relaxing massage procedures and do not spare funds for your health;
- the house should be clean and comfortable, and let the walls or shelves decorate your letters, cups, valuable gifts or just your paintings, photos;
- sometimes indulge yourself with sweets or take care of your favorite and interesting thing for you;
- listen to positive music, watch motivating, kind and bright films, start to be interested in painting, dancing, culture;
- communicate with positive people;
- Set yourself realistic goals and achieve results;
- throw the trash out of the house and the soul;
- learn to cook, sing, dance and go to the temple, pray to God and ask to let love into your life and heart;
- complete unfinished deeds and do good deeds for people, revise your social circle, devote your time a little more to your neighbors, while expanding your horizons;
- Do not be afraid of those who do not value you, stand upright, straighten your back - you are no longer that humiliated man. You are a worthy person with your own opinion and self-esteem, confident and positive, and let evil remain somewhere there, far from you;
- never compare yourself to anyone.
Every change of oneself is work. You should not perceive this process as hard, tiring work. Enjoy the transformation, get joy and satisfaction from it.