Humans are extremely mysterious creatures. They are very similar in many ways, but at the same time, each has his own unique character, qualities and outlook on life. There are positive people who are happy with every flying snowflake, there are negative people who always cry and yearn. But there is such a type as an eternally displeased person. It’s just a bunch of criticism and pessimism, and it’s good if it’s an outsider. But what if it is very close to you?
Small introduction
People spend their entire conscious lives searching for happiness. This is nothing but the basis of the existence of man as a species, in the spiritual, of course, sense. Someone earns millions for this, believing that yachts and other luxury items bought on them will become a source of eternal joy, while others are fanatically looking for their soul mate, thinking that only in marriage can you become happy. In general, everyone does what he considers necessary to feel completely satisfied with life, but in most cases no one gets what they want. Why? Yes, because a person is so arranged - he is always dissatisfied with what he has. Last year I dreamed about a car - I bought it. Now it seems to him old and bad, he criticizes her, dreams of the best. No one realizes that it’s enough to just stop for a second and praise yourself, be happy for yourself, because this is what will become the cherished moment of happiness. Because of such a race, an ever-dissatisfied person does not notice how his dreams come true, which, as he previously believed, should have become the source of his happiness.
We formulate the definition
Even in official psychology, no one calls an eternally displeased person in one word. Just a term that would describe this phenomenon has not yet been invented, despite its widespread prevalence. But among the people there is a very clear and justified "nickname" for such people, which, although it sounds fun and funny, has a very serious context. So, what is the name of a person who is always dissatisfied with himself, others, life and in general everything in the world? Grumbler. Just like in the fairy tale about Dunno, they call such personalities. They do not just mutter something under their breath condemning this being (although such is the norm for them). Such people can openly criticize anyone and anything, they cannot be liked, they cannot be pleased. The weather is always bad, even if the sun is shining - it is too bright. Food is always under-salted or over-salted, etc. And it turns out that what an eternally displeased person is called is how he behaves - grouchy, quarrelsome, repulsive.
Leave pass by
For some individuals, especially those who are followers, and not leaders by nature, falling into the "captivity" of an ever-dissatisfied person is a common thing. It does not have to be a relative or family member - it can be an employee, a neighbor, or someone else relatively outsider. As hypnosis, such malleable personalities succumb to the eternal critical stories of grumblers, their constant curses and discussions. They do not want and they are not interested, but they listen to what they say and gradually turn into the same. The only advice that can be given in such a situation: overcome yourself and pass by. It’s better to choose a comrade who is more positive and fun than a grumbler who doesn’t feed you with a charge of vivacity and creativity.
Close grunts
Alas, in almost every family or in the circle of close people there is a grumbler. It is already more difficult to turn away from him, because this is the person who is dear to you, and you do not want to lose touch with her at all. But sometimes there is neither strength nor desire to endure attacks and eternal bouts of negativity, so you have to avoid extra meetings in every possible way, translate topics, and pretend that you don’t hear. The most dangerous thing is that some grumblers can be announcers, especially if they are parents. In such cases, the situation escalates to the limit; certain measures need to be taken. Therefore, before we figure out how to communicate with people who are always discontented, let's look inside the problem and try to eradicate it.
Tell me about your fears
Fear is a powerful destructive force that feeds on the energy and common sense of all people. To overcome your nightmares means to free yourself from the shackles, to become a more peaceful and free person. But the task is extremely difficult, so most people live in constant anxiety. It is this state that turns a full-fledged and cheerful person into an eternally displeased person who grumbles under his breath and openly criticizes. What fears move us and turn us into grumblers?
- Fear of being rejected by society. That is, the opinion of others is important for a person, if they do not respect him - this is the reason to hate everything around.
- Fear of being unloved. Why live if no one will value and love you simply for what you are?
- Anxiety that something bad can happen and everything will collapse.
One of these three fears in any form can lead, or perhaps all of them in tandem feed each other, thus destroying the personality.
Manifestation forms
Well, now let's see how these fears look and what qualities they develop in an affected person:
- Vulnerability. All words, even compliments, are perceived with a minus sign. She is told that she looks good today, and she asks: "And yesterday, so I looked bad?"
- Categoricality. Even the most innocent acts of people are regarded as universal evil. The guest who did not praise the hostess's cake is an uncouth rude man!
- Extreme self-doubt. A person simply cannot move along his life's path, as he is afraid to take a step to move closer to his dream, blames himself for inaction. The vicious circle gives rise to eternal discontent.
- Exactingness. This feature is most characteristic of parents who have not taken place in life. They make children “superpersonal” so that they can be proud of them, demanding the impossible.
- Pessimism. There are no comments. Even before the most successful and attractive event, pessimists will tell you how and why it will go wrong.
- Emotional retreat. It borders on self-doubt, but manifests itself in a slightly different way. Such people always do not say that "information was not used against them," superficially relate to work and relationships. When everything stops working out for them, they begin to grumble.
Remember and analyze
In one of the forms listed above, maybe you recognize someone from your relatives or friends. But do not rush to put labels on them and call them pessimistic grunts, tyrant grunts, etc. To begin with, carefully re-read the description of each form and remember what became a "reference point" for such behavior for a person. Perhaps the vulnerable girl was previously greatly offended, telling her that she was good for nothing, ugly, no one was friends with her, and even her parents had no particular hopes. But pessimists - they could have repeatedly run into trouble earlier, and their current behavior is a shield against the next unjustified expectations. Therefore, if an eternally displeased person is dear to you, try to delve into his past and find the root of the problem.
Let's talk heart to heart
Of course, you personally cannot fix the grumbler in any way, even if it is your mother or brother. Remember that a person can only help himself, no “therapies” and other techniques will be effective until he understands the essence of the problem and is not eager to solve it. All you can do is push him to this denouement. With a family member who has similar negative qualities, try to talk heart to heart. What worries him so much and why he speaks so negatively of you, negatively perceives all words, sees everything in black. Remembering everything and sharing it with you, firstly, the grumbler will get rid of emotional baggage, secondly, he will begin to rethink the situation, and thirdly, he will understand what kind of fear drives him. Often people of the old school are dependent on the opinions of others, even if this is the opinion of a stranger from the elevator. Therefore, they grumble at their children, scolding for mischievous behavior, apologizing out of the blue for a smile, for a question, etc. If at least for a second you stop thinking about what others will say, it will become easier.
Eradicating fears
This is a task that only the owner of his own fear can handle. From the outside, only an experienced psychologist can help him, who will direct him in the right direction and show the absurdity of a specific fear. But the key point remains "the patient's desire to be treated." When a person begins to realize that his fear simply devours and takes away strength, he will weaken his influence. When he realizes that because of this anxiety he cannot achieve what he wants, become better, happier, more successful, the fear will be completely dispelled.
What not to do
In all cases without exception, people who are always dissatisfied with life are drowning people who scream and pray for your help. With all this, they can be especially aggressive, and when you start to “save” them, they will push you and your offers as hard as you can. In such situations (if a person is dear to you), in no case do not stop fighting for him. Living with gritted teeth and enduring his eternal negative attacks is a policy that destroys both him and you. Remember that psychologists know about eternally displeased people, they know how to help them and guide them in the right direction. But first of all, you should, on the rights of your near and dear one, persuade the grumbler to resolve his main problem.
Conclusion
So we figured out why people are always unhappy with themselves, their loved ones, life and everyone else. Fear is the main parasite of the human soul. He not only feeds on her energy, but also is an obstacle to the creative, professional and love path. Find the causes of grouchy, find out what fear they caused, and "shoot" directly at the target. Remember that you need to work on yourself and your loved ones constantly, otherwise our inner demons will completely eat us.