Unfortunately, people are not always able to resolve all disputes and misunderstandings peacefully. Very often, an interpersonal conflict arises from scratch. What is the reason and why is this happening? What are the ways to resolve interpersonal conflicts? Is it possible to avoid them and live all my life without conflict with anyone?
What is conflict?
Conflict is one way of resolving problems and contradictions that arise as a result of interaction between individuals or groups of people. At the same time, it is accompanied by negative emotions and behavior that goes beyond the norms accepted in society.
During the conflict, each side takes and defends the opposite position in relation to each other. None of the opponents wants to understand and accept the opinion of the enemy. Conflicting parties can be not only individuals, but also social groups and states.
Interpersonal conflict and its features
If the interests and goals of two or more people in a particular case diverge, and each side tries to resolve the dispute in its favor, an interpersonal conflict arises. An example of such a situation is a quarrel between a husband and wife, a child and a parent, a subordinate and a boss. This type of conflict is the most common and most frequent.
Interpersonal conflict can occur between well-known and constantly communicating people, and between those who see each other for the first time. In this case, the relations are clarified by the opponents face to face, through a personal dispute or discussion.
Stages of interpersonal conflict
The conflict is not just a dispute between the two parties, arising spontaneously and unexpectedly. This is a multi-stage process, gradually developing and gaining strength. The causes of interpersonal conflicts can sometimes accumulate for quite a long time before they pour into an open confrontation.
At the first stage, the conflict is hidden. At this time, conflicting interests and views are only ripening and forming. At the same time, both parties to the conflict believe that their problem can be solved through negotiations and discussions.
At the second stage of the conflict, the parties realize that they can’t overcome their contradictions peacefully. So-called tension arises, which increases and gains power.
The third stage is characterized by the beginning of active actions: disputes, threats, insults, the spread of negative information about the enemy, the search for allies and like-minded people. At the same time, mutual hostility, hatred, and bitterness accumulate between the participants.
The fourth stage is the process of resolving interpersonal conflicts. It may result in a reconciliation of the parties or a severance of relations.
Types of Interpersonal Conflict
There are many classifications of interpersonal conflicts. They are divided according to the severity, duration of the course, the extent, form of manifestation, the expected consequences. Most often, the types of interpersonal conflicts differ due to their causes.
The most common is a conflict of interest. It occurs when people have opposite plans, goals, intentions. An example is the following situation: two friends cannot agree on how to spend time. The first one wants to go to the movies, the second wants to just go for a walk. If none of them wants to make concessions to the other, and it does not work out, a conflict of interest may arise.
The second variety is value conflicts. They can arise in those cases when participants have various moral, philosophical, religious representations. A striking example of the confrontations of this type is the conflict of generations.
Role conflicts - the third type of interpersonal confrontation. In this case, the cause is a violation of the usual norms of behavior and rules. Such conflicts can occur, for example, in an organization when a new employee refuses to accept the rules established by the team.
Causes of Interpersonal Conflict
Among the causes of conflicts, in the first place is the limited resources. This can be, for example, one TV or computer for the whole family, a certain amount of money for bonuses, which must be divided between all employees of the department. In this case, one person can achieve his goal only by infringing on another.
The second reason conflict develops is interdependence. It can be a connection of tasks, powers, duties and other resources. So, in the organization, project participants can begin to blame each other if, for some reason, it was not possible to implement.
Differences of people can provoke conflicts in goals, in views, in ideas about certain things, in the manner of behavior and communication. In addition, the cause of the confrontation may be the personal characteristics of a person.
Interpersonal Conflicts in an Organization
Almost all people spend most of their time at work. During the performance of duties between employees, disputes and contradictions often arise. Conflicts in interpersonal relations occurring in organizations very often inhibit the activities of the company, worsen the overall result.
Conflicts in organizations can occur both between employees holding the same position, and between subordinates and superiors. The causes of the contradictions may be different. This is shifting responsibilities to each other, and a sense of unfair management, and the dependence of the results of employees on each other.
Not only disagreements about working moments can provoke a conflict in the organization, but also problems in communication, personal hostility between colleagues. Most often, confrontation can be resolved by employees on their own through negotiations. Sometimes the management of interpersonal conflicts is undertaken by the head of the organization, he finds out the reasons and tries to resolve the problems that have arisen. It so happens that the case may result in the dismissal of one of the conflicting.
Interpersonal Conflicts of Spouses
Family life involves a permanent solution to all kinds of everyday problems. Very often, spouses cannot find agreement on certain issues, resulting in interpersonal conflict. An example of this: the husband returned from work too late, the wife did not have time to prepare dinner, the husband scattered dirty socks around the apartment.
Material problems exacerbate conflicts significantly. Many domestic quarrels could have been avoided if each family had sufficient means. The husband does not want to help his wife wash the dishes - we will buy a dishwasher, there is a dispute over which channel we will watch - it does not matter, we will take another TV. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford it.
Each family chooses its own strategy for resolving interpersonal conflicts. Someone quickly gives in and goes to reconciliation, some can live in a state of quarrel for a long time and not talk to each other. It is very important that discontent does not accumulate, the spouses find a compromise, and all problems are resolved as quickly as possible.
Interpersonal conflicts of people of different generations
The conflict of “fathers and children” can be viewed in a broad and narrow sense. In the first case, it occurs within a separate family, in the second it is projected onto the whole society as a whole. This problem has existed at all times, it is not new for our century.
The generational conflict is due to the difference in views, worldviews, norms and values of youth and people of more mature age. However, this difference does not have to provoke a conflict. The reason for the struggle of generations is the unwillingness to understand and respect each other's interests.
The main features of interpersonal conflicts of generations are that they are much longer lasting and do not develop at certain stages. They can periodically subside and flare up again with renewed vigor in the event of a sharp violation of the interests of the parties.
To prevent your family from being affected by a generational conflict, you need to constantly show respect and patience for each other. Old people should often recall that they were once young and did not want to listen to advice, and young people do not forget that in many years they will also become elderly.
Is it possible to live my whole life without conflict with anyone?
Few people like constant swearing and quarrels. Many people would dream to live without ever clashing with anyone. However, this is currently impossible in our society.
Since early childhood, a person conflicts with others. For example, the kids did not share the toys, the child does not obey the parents. In adolescence, very often in the first place is a generational conflict.
Throughout life, we have to periodically defend our interests, prove our case. At the same time, conflicts cannot be dispensed with. It is within our power to only minimize the number of conflicts, try not to succumb to provocations and avoid quarrels without good reason.
Rules of conduct in a conflict situation
If a conflict occurs, both participants want to resolve it as soon as possible, while achieving their goals and getting what they want. How should one behave in this situation in order to get out of it with dignity?
First you need to learn how to separate the attitude towards the person with whom the disagreement arose from the problem itself, which must be solved. Do not start insulting your opponent, becoming personal, try to behave calmly and calmly. Argument all your arguments, try to put yourself in the place of the enemy and offer him to stand in your place.
If you notice that you are starting to lose your temper, invite your interlocutor to take a break to calm down a bit and cool down, and then continue to sort things out. For a speedy solution to the problem, you need to see a specific goal and focus on the ways to achieve it. It is important to remember that in any conflict situation, it is necessary first of all to maintain relations with the opponent.
Ways to Get Out of Conflict
The most successful way out of the conflict situation is to find a compromise between the warring parties. In this case, the parties make a decision that suits all parties to the dispute. There are no misunderstandings and misunderstandings between the conflicting.
However, not all cases succeed in reaching a compromise. Very often, the outcome of a conflict is coercion. This option for resolving the conflict is most characteristic if one of the participants occupies a dominant position. For example, the leader forces the subordinate to do as he pleases, or the parent tells his child to do as he sees fit.
To prevent the conflict from gaining strength, you can try to smooth it out. In this case, the person who is accused of something agrees with reproaches and claims, tries to explain the reason for his actions and deeds. The use of this technique for resolving a dispute does not mean that the essence of the conflict is understood, and the mistakes are realized. It’s just that at the moment the accused does not want to enter into conflict.
The acknowledgment of one’s mistakes and repentance of one’s deed is another way of resolving interpersonal conflict. An example of this situation: the child regrets that he did not prepare the lessons and received a deuce, and promises his parents to continue to do their homework.
How to prevent interpersonal conflicts
Each person should always remember that absolutely any dispute is better to prevent than to then deal with its consequences and establish damaged relations. What is the prevention of interpersonal conflicts?
First you need to limit your communication with potentially conflicting people to the maximum . These can be arrogant, aggressive, secretive personalities. If you can’t completely stop communicating with such people, try to ignore their provocations and always remain calm.
To prevent conflict situations, you need to learn how to negotiate with an interlocutor, try to find an approach to any person, respect your opponent and articulate your positions clearly.
In what situations should not be in conflict?
Before you enter into conflict, you need to think carefully about whether you really need it. Very often, people begin to sort things out when it makes absolutely no sense.
If your interests are not directly affected, and during the dispute you will not achieve your goals, most likely there is no point in engaging in interpersonal conflict. An example of a similar situation: in the bus the conductor begins to swear with the passenger. Even if you support the position of one of the disputants, you should not get involved in their conflict without a good reason.
If you see that your opponent’s level is fundamentally different from yours, there’s no point in arguing and discussing with such people. You will never prove your point to a stupid person.
Before getting involved in a conflict, you need to evaluate the pros and cons, think about what consequences it can lead to, how your relations with your opponent will change, and whether you want it, how likely it is that during the dispute you can achieve your goals. Also, great attention should be paid to your emotions at the time of a quarrel threat. It may be worthwhile to apply the tactics of avoiding the conflict, cool down a bit and think carefully over the current situation.