People often complicate things. If there is a simple way out of the situation, it will be rejected with contempt. And then, after much discussion and debate, people will come up with a complex, mysterious and difficult to implement option. He will become the norm. The psychology of relations between men and women did not escape this fate.
Game theory
Humanity has turned the relationship of the sexes into a semblance of a complex game with unwritten, but at the same time clearly understood by all rules. As the famous book says, men are from Mars, unlike women, who are known to be from Venus. A rather strange theory, if you recall that these are not only earthlings, but also representatives of the same species, simply heterosexual. Already on this basis, the male and female psychology of relations should be quite similar and complementary. But for some reason everyone is looking only for differences, not noticing the common thing that will help partners initially avoid conflict.
Instructions and recipes
Magazines offer countless instructions for taming an individual of the opposite sex. All of them are based on already stereotyped stereotypes. The features and secrets of female psychology in relationships and love, which such sources talk about, are a unicorn that exists in the imagination of authors of articles and books, and not in real life. But, alas, such recommendations set certain scenarios of behavior. People try to realize them and, of course, lose.
What does a girl usually expect from a young man? Love, fidelity, care, understanding. These are four points that are key in a relationship, the rest are just nice additions. What does a young man want from a girl? Of the same. Indeed, harmonious relations are primarily comfortable for both partners. Why is this primordial harmony, given by nature itself, so ineffective?
Caring or selfishness?
Of course, the root of the problem is that, although a man and a woman want the same thing in a relationship, they present it differently. As a result, projecting their expectations and aspirations onto a partner, they get an effect that is exactly the opposite of what was intended. An extremely worn-out life situation illustrating the main female mistakes in relations with a man: a housewife asks her husband about the day that has gone, tells him some news, while he hardly endures her chatter.
But is it so terrible what is happening? After all, a woman simply considers such a conversation a manifestation of attention. After all, she is interested in his affairs! A man sees everything in a completely different way. He is tired, angry and wants to relax, he is not interested in talking at all. A man believes that a woman acts selfishly, she just wants to chat. And if she wanted to show attention, then she would be silent, would give an opportunity to relax in silence.
What instincts say
You can find a simple and fairly pseudoscientific explanation. Men are different from women, this is obvious. In nature, there is no species whose heterogeneous representatives would behave identically. The fact that different reproductive strategies dictate different patterns of behavior is natural and natural. Therefore, female psychology in relations with men often turns out to be untenable, as, however, and vice versa.
A woman is primarily a mother. Yes, she can be convinced childfree, work in the police and get involved in extreme sports. But nature made sure that the woman felt the need to communicate with the child, this is a prerequisite for the education of offspring. Naturally, this cannot but leave its imprint on the personality. Female psychology in relationships - whether with men, with a child - remains the same. Instinct imperiously declares that communication, conversation is care.
But a man does not need this quality too much. As a result, the woman perceives the conversation as a manifestation of care and attention. The man sincerely does not understand what they want from him and why they are offended. He just wanted to relax.
The conversation decides everything
But why reduce the relationship in a pair to the simplest instincts? Yes, they influence the behavior of people, but a person is still not an animal. He is able to control himself, change his behavior, improve. If partners have difficulties in relationships, then the best that can be done is just to talk frankly, try to find a compromise. Not a single article in the journal, not a single psychologist who gives advice on the site online can never explain a person’s behavior as well as he does.
All complex moves, all developed strategies cost less than one frank conversation. A typical example of misunderstanding was given above, and even a reasonable explanation was given to him. But the simplest and most obvious way to solve the problem is just a conversation. All a man needs to do is say: “Honey, I miss you too. But now I'm very tired, I need to rest. Let’s talk later. ” All a woman needs to do is hear his words. Exactly what he said, without distorting the meaning and not looking for hints. And then female psychology in relations with men as material for study will no longer be needed.
Partner is first and foremost a person
All that is needed is to understand the partner, namely him, and not the virtual average representative of the opposite sex. Yes, women are different from men. But at the same time, each person, regardless of gender, is a person. What one girl likes will be unpleasant for another. What is natural for one man will seem strange to another.
There are many things that separate people, and gender is the least problem. Religious and cultural differences, lifestyle, education. And the only way to step over these barriers is to speak and hear each other.
People simply put different meanings in the same words. You cannot project your needs and expectations onto a partner. After all, all people are different. Before you start to make a person happy, it would be nice to understand how exactly he imagines harmony and comfort.
Questions and answers
You can read an article in which female psychology is analyzed in detail in relations with men. They write about what exactly a woman wants, and how to treat her, what to talk about, and what to keep silent about. But after all, it’s not to live with this girl, who exists only on paper. Live with the living and the present. This girl has dreams and desires, character and life experience. Someone wants to make a career, while someone wants to stay at home. One woman dreams of a strong man who will solve all problems for her, another prefers independence. The only way to find out what a person needs is to ask him.
But the trouble is not only that people are afraid to ask questions, preferring to search for answers anywhere, but not next to them. Both boys and girls are taught from childhood what they should be. They set stereotypes of behavior and frighten them in advance with the fact that if they do not correspond, then no one will love. Be affectionate, otherwise you will not marry. Do not be sloppy, not a single girl will look at you. And then, having reached a mature age, former boys and girls are afraid to be themselves.
Trust and respect are the foundation of a relationship
Often people are sure in advance that a mask is necessary even in communicating with the closest people. You need to be right, meet the standards. If you just behave naturally, nothing good will come of it. So such people say all their life, not what they think, but what they think others want to hear. They paint with answers the ideal image of themselves and for some reason they are upset, not getting what they want and expect.
Then it turns out that there is no more incomprehensible thing than female psychology for men. What you need to know to prevent this from happening? The answer is simple. All that is needed to create a harmonious, warm relationship between a man and a woman is love, trust and honesty. Only then it will not be the relationship of two aliens - one from Mars, and the other from Venus. It will be a union of two intelligent, loving people who value and understand each other.