Approaching a stranger is not an easy task. To do this, you must have self-confidence and emancipation. For a guy who wants to meet a girl he likes, this task is doubly complicated. Many factors are superimposed, especially if the young lady is pretty. According to statistics, 75% of men under 25 prefer relationships with beautiful girls, but after 35 years, the percentage of such men drops to 25%. Men are afraid of failure, afraid of being in an absurd position, and in most cases pass by. And what about beautiful ladies? They think that something is wrong with them, gradually overgrowing complexes. Why is a guy afraid to meet girls in fact? More often than not, introverts and adolescents face this problem. They depend on the opinions of other people, and having negative experience they prefer not to start communication at all. Psychologists see several reasons why guys are afraid to meet girls:
• in differential psychology, this phenomenon is considered congenital and not amenable to correction;
• supporters of the theory of behaviorism believe that the fear of dating is formed by receiving negative incentives earlier, it was they who formed this type of behavior and became part of the personality;
• Psychoanalysis claims that shyness is an unconscious conflict in the structure of the personality.
An individual analysis of personality psychology explains modesty by several factors. Typically, the root of this behavior lies in early childhood, as a result of comparison with peers, the individual gained negative experience. Let us examine in more detail how this affects the behavior of an adult.
They are afraid of failure
The most common reason why guys are afraid of beautiful girls is the fear of rejection. When a man sees a woman he likes with attractive external data, his brain starts working differently. He turns into a hunter who needs to find a way to seduce the victim, to make her his own. The behavior of a man from this moment on becomes not typical, but perhaps completely wild for him. And it scares, especially if the guy is young and inexperienced. Some become nervous, look overly excited, unnatural. From the outside, such behavior seems strange, what can we say about the happiest owner of a brain in love! He, realizing what will begin to happen to him now, is afraid to even approach the representative of the opposite sex. And the worst thing for him is to be rejected while in such an emotional state.
Fear of a bad experience
Why is the guy afraid of the girl who likes? Fear of failure leads to the fact that he thinks that she will not be glad of his appearance. Sometimes men think too much, making decisions for a woman without even talking to her. They suggest a woman’s reaction to an attempt at dating, but they don’t know exactly what she will think at that moment. However, for some reason, they are firmly convinced that these will be bad thoughts. Men are afraid to seem stupid or funny, thereby spoiling the first impression. They are looking for the right moment, which may never come.
Thinks she doesn't deserve her
It doesn’t matter how handsome the guy himself is, his legs still get colder at the thought of the need to approach a pretty girl. He thinks he is not good enough for her, and she will reject him. Low self-esteem is a common reason why a guy is afraid to meet girls. However, he does not even think about the fact that she can be happy if he comes up and misses her chance.
Excitement
There are people who do not have difficulty in contacting a stranger. And there are those who find it difficult to even ask the passerby for directions on the street. Of course, these guys are afraid of beautiful girls. Why do they have a panic attack? This is the response of the brain to irritation, getting into an unusual situation. The behavior of such a person becomes strange: palms sweat, the conversation does not stick. It seems that he had never spoken to anyone before. And regardless of his own desire, the guy stops himself.
Criticism
Another reason why a guy is afraid of meeting a girl is the fear of criticism. Perhaps earlier he had an unsuccessful experience, for example, a young lady who liked him refused to meet in a rude manner. In combination with low self-esteem, this could lead to a reluctance to meet girls in general. Guys do not want to get a new injury or feel bad. Often, such a man can get acquainted with women only under the influence of alcohol. Then the self-preservation instinct is dulled, and self-confidence grows.
Thinks not good enough
Why is the guy afraid of the girl who likes? Sometimes the reason is a low income or origin. At the same time, the guy does not think that the young woman is just looking for a good man who will love her and make her life happier. The guy believes that she can find someone better, and personally deprives herself of the opportunity to spend life with a loved one.
Sensitivity
Some guys are very sensitive. They know that they can be upset, or even get depressed, because of any unsuccessful phrase the girls therefore prefer not to risk it. This confuses them, and they prefer to stay away. If a guy is afraid of a girl, you need to understand that not everyone is looking for an "overseas prince." Most prefer regular guys who will give them what they deserve.
What kind of girls are boys afraid of?
What does it mean if a guy is afraid of a girl? Perhaps her behavior is like the following types:
1. The vamp woman. Even her makeup is aggressive, she is always ready for battle. A loud, startling scandal from scratch, so emotional that even an adult man prefers to bypass it. In everything it’s good to know the measure, excessive emotionality harms relationships.
2. The chief. Freedom-loving men hate the tone of command. As soon as they notice the dictator's habits in the lady they like, the desire to get acquainted disappears. He does not want to live under the same roof with the "mommy", which is his daily routine and controls every step. For girls in leadership positions, this is especially true.
3. Fatal beauty. The saddest thing is that beautiful women scare away most men. They are afraid to seem strange, unworthy, funny or stupid.
Reasons for indecision
Even after meeting, there are reasons why a man can “turn back”. A strong woman causes a rivalry effect in men. And this is not what I would like to do with a lady of the heart. The guy is afraid of the girl who likes, if she is more successful financially, more collected. As a rule, such ladies attract weak gentlemen who are ready to remain on the sidelines, tyrants or remain lonely. Independent superwomen make men feel unnecessary. If she herself can drive a nail, get a mammoth, plant a tree and at the same time raise her son, then why would she need a man? There are plenty of girls who need to help carry bags or hold the door. The lack of desire to compromise also applies to male types of personality behavior. A woman who a man will not be afraid of must be flexible, ready to make concessions. Another reason why a man is afraid of a girl who likes is the inability to take care of her and protect her. She herself is ready to rush into the embrasure, just to prevent the man from seeing her weak. And a beautiful woman is difficult to keep, because crowds of fans always curl around. What remains for the girls? Is there really hope for happiness only in weak women with an average appearance? No, you just need to learn to be strong exclusively at work, to avoid manifestations of the dictatorial nature of the house.
What mistakes are fatal when meeting?
There are some actions that are contraindicated in an acquaintance. What should not be allowed so as not to harm at the first meeting?
1. Wait for the right moment to approach. The lady of the heart may be busy or surrounded by friends. And then the guy is waiting. And it can wait so very long, thereby underestimating its own value. Even in a couple of minutes, self-confidence can be lost, so you can not stop for a while. Act immediately, to deal with interference will be an opportunity during the conversation.
2. No need to look away. It’s inconvenient to speak with a person whose gaze does not linger. It seems that he is in a hurry or hiding something. A man must be self-confident and have a direct interested look.
3. No need to betray your joy from the fact that you dare to approach. Firstly, it will look strange, especially if before that the facial expression did not express fun. And secondly, there will be a fear of dating, which does not give confidence in the reliability of a man.
4. Start a dialogue with commonplace things or ask everyday questions. Such questions indicate disinterest. The dialogue must be built so that the young lady understands that they came exactly to her, because she is unique. And not with a duty phrase, as with everyone. For example, mark the details of her wardrobe or positively comment on her action.
5. Why is the guy afraid of the girl he likes and wants to quickly end the conversation? Excitement and fear conquer eloquence. Do not quickly end your speech and run away - this is strange. Continue the conversation, try to ask her out.
6. Block her path, restrict movement. It is convenient if you will go near. Slipping behind or catching a girl in a confined space is a very bad idea. In the second case, she may even be scared.
7. Ask for a phone number. Just confidently ask her number. Begging and begging is not necessary. At the first refusal, offer to meet again, for this, ask the number again. An appointment will increase the chance of acquiring her phone number.
8. Surrender after the first refusal. Often this failure is automatic or the girl does not want to seem accessible. Take the initiative again, do not give up.
9. Watch after. It doesn’t matter whether you met or not, the sad look after the retreating figure makes you dependent on its behavior, which will not play into the hands of further communication.
How to stop being afraid of dating
Trying to fight yourself is futile; become a macho at the same time. The first thing you need to understand: if a guy is afraid to approach the girl - this is normal! He does what he never did before. Anxiety in this case is a natural process. To succeed in this simple at first glance, you can use the following methods to help cast aside fears and doubts.
Give a promise
If you notice a girl you like nearby, have an internal dialogue with you and promise that you will do it right now. Come and get acquainted. The most important person in your life is you. And you can’t lead him. It is a shame not to keep promises made to relatives and friends. And in front of him doubly ashamed. This method trains internal responsibility.
And burn it all ...
Imagine a wall of fire burning behind you. Or the floor failed, and there is lava. No step back! The fear of death for man is the strongest; it arouses the instinct of self-preservation. Under his influence, getting to know a girl will not be such an overwhelming task.
Friend
A dispute with a friend will help. Bet on something not too valuable that you can come up and get to know each other. At the same time, evaluating a close friend from the outside will help you to know what mistakes you make when you met. Maybe get too close or speak quickly. A friend can impartially evaluate the quality of dating from the outside.
Letter
A universal way to deal with any fears is to write to yourself. Why are guys afraid to meet girls? They are afraid of the consequences. So describe on paper what the worst could happen if you approach a girl to get acquainted and she refuses. Describe in detail what exactly scares and hurts in case of failure. This method works not only with fears of acquaintance. It is used for accomplishments in all areas of life. Awareness of their fears deprives the subconscious of the opportunity to come up with the most terrible denouement. You live it on paper.
Visualization
Sitting at home on the couch, sit back and relax. Imagine a beautiful girl, try to approach her and talk. Play a few scripts in your head with different endings. Feel the moment of meeting, her voice, your excitement, all the sounds and smells that accompany the dialogue. Pay attention to what you are feeling at the moment. Lose this meeting in your head several times a day. This will help the subconscious to decide that you have met girls a million times. Then approaching the first time for a real acquaintance will become easier. If after this you meet a beautiful girl on the street - do not rush to approach her. Try this after a month of exercise. The brain itself will help to perform the usual action.
3 seconds exercise
This technique is used in pick-up courses. You need to walk all day with a smile on your face and hold your eyes on the girls you like. Why are guys afraid to approach a girl? They are afraid of failure. The girl who will hold her gaze for three seconds and smile back is the one who will not refuse to meet you. You can safely take the first step. Over time, experience will be gained and the fear of a first acquaintance will recede.
Appearance
This is an important point. Clean hair, clothes and shoes will give self-confidence and leave a good impression. You need to keep track of how you look. A decent girl will not want to see a slut or a guy next to her, accompanied by extraneous odors. The choice of expensive clothing will allow you to keep it in excellent condition longer. Get fit in the gym, this is a great help in gaining self-confidence. Girls love strong men.
And talk?
Develop your inner world. Visiting exhibitions, concerts, interesting places, traveling around the country and the world - all this fills a person. In addition to the word "hello" you will have to maintain a further conversation with the girl. And it should be pleasant, attracting attention. Versatile interests will help maintain a conversation on any topic.
Psychologists' recommendations
Experts consider shyness as a natural manifestation of a person’s temperament. To overcome this in yourself, you can use the following recommendations:
1. Identify the cause of the fear of dating. Perhaps why a guy is afraid of a girl is related to internal blocks or difficult experiences in childhood. Work through the problems on your own or with a psychologist, write down on paper and sometimes come back to them to better understand yourself.
2. Remember that each person is primarily concerned with himself. Everyone around does not care if you approached to get acquainted with the girl you liked or not. No one will pay attention to what you said and how you behaved. And if he does, he will forget in a few minutes. Do not think that people care about you. These thoughts will facilitate the first step and give confidence.
3. Know and be able to use your strengths and weaknesses. Ideal people do not exist.
4. Communicate more with new people. It will give experience. Observations of different characters contribute to the development of fitness for any type of behavior.
Finally
If the guys are afraid to admit the girl in love or even get to know each other, there is nothing to worry about. Every man in his life has encountered such a problem to one degree or another. Remember that excessive shyness deprives you of a million opportunities. Sociable and confident people are more valued in society.
There is always a way to overcome uncertainty, you only need to work on yourself. Practice, make more dating attempts. And it's not just about dating. Why is a guy afraid to kiss a girl or invite her out? Due to lack of experience with the opposite sex. With practice, understanding will come that there is nothing to fear. We learned each of our skills. They went through thousands of mistakes, didn’t give up, and that’s why we are what we are now. Do not be ashamed of your mistakes, work on them, train to get acquainted not only with girls. The rules for a successful acquaintance are simple, the main thing is to be able to make an effort on yourself and begin to act.