Love ... How many sonnets have been written about her, how many songs are composed, how many films, books and other works of art have been created. And in real life, each of us at least once in a lifetime, but experienced this painfully sweet feeling. Although, as many psychologists believe, if love makes a person suffer and commit rash acts, then this is not love at all, but a kind of substitute - love or passion. True love is expressed in the fact that even if a loved one loves another, it does not hurt. On the contrary, there is a desire to sincerely be happy for both ... and let them go in peace.
Like a dream
In general, of course, it is not easy for a person in love to distinguish between love and blind love. When the two are together, they feel good when they are full of bright hopes, when they, in the most literal sense of the word, cannot breathe each other, hardly any of them thinks about the difference.
And she certainly is. Love can be compared to a dream, magical and enjoyable. I want it to never end, but, alas, this does not happen.
Awakening
“A love boat crashed into everyday life,” sighed Mayakovsky. Yes, that happens. It is only in books that the lovers retain a reverent attitude to each other throughout their lives, in fact, everything is somewhat different. Even the strongest feelings sometimes cool down, and in some way enlightenment or awakening sets in. Psychologists speak out more categorically, calling this moment a period of crisis or "grinding". Alas, it was at this time that a woman can suddenly feel and understand that her beloved man loves another.
What happened?
The beautiful half of humanity asks itself this question more than once, stealthily glancing in the mirror.
Everything seems to be in order: there are no extra centimeters at the waist, a hairstyle and inconspicuous makeup are present, the wardrobe, including the intimate one, is regularly updated. So why then do disturbing bells ring out in my mind? Why do terrible thoughts come about that my beloved guy loves another? And let friends offer to “score” and “not to bathe” - who, if not us, knows and feels that the beloved and the only one has become completely different?
Changes
No, he still calls us out, still brings gifts, still invites us to a weekend somewhere out of town. It just seems that between the two lovers, who seemed to understand each other at a glance a few weeks ago, a wall grew, which is becoming thicker and thicker.
The beloved loves another - the woman understands, feeling that a little more, and this invisible wall will become so thick that she can hardly be heard, even if she will tear the vocal cords. He becomes more and more irritable, more and more he needs solitude, and in the end he moves away so much that she is preferable to spend the weekend alone, rather than in the company of a person who behaves as if serving a duty.
"Blame me ..."
“He loves another,” an unpleasant thought persistently beats in his mind, and, as often happens during a neurosis, the more we drive it away from us, the more it sticks to us. In the end, we, too, become irritable, suspicious, and tearful.
A man for whom, as you know, female tears is like a rag for a bull, already feeling guilty, is annoyed in response. Here is a quarrel. Last one? Hardly. A man is a rational creature, even burning with painful love for another woman, he can torment himself for years and both ladies in love with him. As for his unfortunate passion, she, having expressed to the tormentor everything that he thinks, painfully begins to seek out flaws in herself. The most offensive is that while it is not known who is a happy rival, it is impossible to understand what advantages she has and what needs to be changed in herself.
Searching of decisions
When a loved one loves another and does not hide it, the most important thing is not to give in to panic and not to throw tantrums. Although, given that women are emotional creatures, this is perhaps the most difficult. It should be remembered that since he is still here and has not gone anywhere, it is necessary to remain calm. This is necessary for both, since only in a calm state can an adequate solution be found. As for the unfaithful lover, without hearing cries and reproaches, without seeing tears and a swollen face, which once seemed to him the most beautiful in the world, he will be able to put his thoughts and feelings in order and understand what he really wants.
The decision will certainly find out what a rival is, not the best. Firstly, this is an extra waste of time, and secondly, without the skills of Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes, it’s quite difficult not to get pierced and not betray yourself with your head during surveillance. And yes - it puts off. If a loved one loves another girl, he turns into a real jealous of his own person and carefully protects his personal space. If the mobile phone, left on the edge of the table, is shifted by a millimeter to the side, this, perhaps, will not cause unpleasant questions in the style: "Did you take it?" But the thought that in his short absence the passion, which clearly guesses something, could either read the incoming SMS, or write out some numbers unknown to her, will flash in his head. This means that the defense will be strengthened, the invisible wall will become wider, and plus everything else, he will also dig a mental moat.
What to do?
But other young ladies, despite the risk, still manage to recognize the "enemy" in person. So, when it becomes known that a loved one loves another, what to do is not entirely clear.
The whole strategy, which was developed before the moment of truth, collapses, hands drop, and I want one thing - either to kill both, or break with the traitor and traitor forever. Looking at them, happy, laughing, I absolutely do not want to go to the store for a new "outfit", which he will certainly enjoy. I don’t want to change my hairstyle, I don’t want to improve in cooking: why, when is she next to him, which is not only younger or prettier, but just different ...
By the way, a common mistake of many women is to believe that if a loved one loves another, she, this other, is certainly better in something. Yes, of course, sometimes it really happens that a man runs away from his passion to one that does not saw him, does not hang on him, does not require attention. But there are quite frequent cases when a previously gentle and faithful friend went to another woman simply because she was completely unlike his ex-lover. Unfortunately, there is hardly any help here. And it makes sense to return to the concepts of love and love. If he truly loved, he would hardly be pulled to the side in search of new sensations. If she truly loved, she would not have the desire to follow her lover and torment him with her jealousy. Although, of course, to some extent, love is selfish.
"Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
When an unmarried couple breaks up, the gap can be experienced without any particular complications. Yes, it hurts, but, in the end, this is not the end of the world, and is it worth holding on to a person who has betrayed and trampled upon bright feelings? And there is no guarantee that the woman will be happy with him. After all, as you know, a boomerang always returns, and "betraying times - betraying again." Another thing is when the husband loves another.
Here, especially when the family has children, a real tragedy can happen. However, taking into account the fact that life with a disgusting (yes, we will call a spade a spade) spouse, even for the sake of children, will not be a joy either to her or to an unfaithful spouse, or, of course, feeling that something is not so childish at home, hardly this will benefit the latter. As practice shows, children who grow up in a nervous environment, who are witnesses of family quarrels, even in a complete family, can grow in complexes and phobias. Therefore, isn’t it better to either let your beloved spouse go free swimming, or offer him some time to live separately? A man, no matter how much he is in love with another, is strongly attached to his family. It is genetically laid, and there is no getting around it. Having walked on the side, maybe even more than one month, he will be able to appreciate the hearth and the benevolent wife, who, provided that she can understand and forgive, is always ready to take the prodigal husband back.