It is customary to say that the family is a unit of society. However, this is not quite true. The family is a small state where its charter is in force and which for each person is considered the most important in his life. This place is a source for every person. Here he is born, brought up, joins the society, learns and accepts for himself many values and traditions, morality, as well as moral principles, in accordance with which it is necessary to go into life.
And the family is the parents. It is with them that she is associated in the first place. Parents give each child a ticket to life, they cultivate tactfulness, humanity and kindness in him. For any person, they are a source of existence, but at the same time, and the root cause of most of the problems. They give us life, but at the same time give us an infinite "must", supplying complexes and fears. And there is nothing surprising in the fact that the relationship in the family of children and parents can be very confusing. Moreover, they are colored by a variety of emotions, among which, along with affection, love and tenderness, anger and resentment are present. But you always want the house to be a hotbed of love and peace, and not a theater of war. That is why the question of how to build relationships with parents worries many people.
Family importance
Moms and dads are people who not only gave birth to their child and raised him. They also gave him vital energy, continuing to transmit it in the future, regardless of the closeness of relations with children. Such a resource is practically inexhaustible. After all, it represents the energy of the ancestors, which flows from the elders to the younger ones. And if such a force moves in the right direction and does not encounter obstacles in its path, then members of the family, without any doubt, will have all life spheres established. But in the presence of "blockages" or abnormal phenomena, each person becomes weaker not only spiritually, but also physically, while feeling personal and material difficulties.
Lack of energy
Because of what does a person lack the strength of the family? This can happen for a variety of reasons. But the most basic of them is a violation of the clan hierarchy. It takes place when children begin to take the place of mothers and fathers, grandparents, and also when they partially or completely begin to reject their family. If a person has bad relations with his parents, then the energy necessary for life will not come to him normally. After all, those whom he rejected are its vehicles.
This leads to the fact that a person does not receive what was supposed to be. That is why relations with parents in the family should be healthy and harmonious. After all, only in this case, human life will be full. Moreover, it is always possible to equalize bad relations with parents. This also applies to those cases when loved ones behave inappropriately, have already died, or nothing is known to the person at all. Indeed, much depends on what is happening in the heart, mind and soul of each of us.
Reasons for misunderstanding
Relations with parents for all children is a difficult topic. Indeed, on the one hand, any person, even an adult, really wants to understand and be close, to feel that he is the only one for mom and dad. But on the other hand, between parents and children in a family, everything does not happen simply because:
- its members are people of different generations;
- the self-esteem of one of the family members sometimes completely depends on the behavior of the other;
- there are many factors that depend on one another;
- it is difficult for parents to part with their children so that they live separately.
Relations with friends are built in a very different way. You can be friends with them, quarrel, put up, converge and disperse. The very understanding that you are only in friendship with a person, that is, in a voluntary relationship, allows you to freely and calmly begin to resolve many issues.
Psychological techniques
How to build relationships with parents? It will be just great if such work is carried out under the guidance of a psychologist. However, in the event that a person does not have the opportunity to contact a specialist, he will need to do all this on his own.
The easiest and safest technique is writing letters. There are also numerous meditations designed for family reunion, forgiveness practices, etc. Letters are psychological work that can work on a very deep level. This technique involves several methods. The first of these provides for simple writing of letters separately to father and mother. In their text, a person should indicate everything that concerns him. This may be a story about what he is dissatisfied with, what he is ashamed of or would like to correct. It is advisable to do this whenever negative moments occur or are recalled. That is, in one of the letters you can tell your mother about the insult after the unjust and rude words she uttered, and in the other, ask her for forgiveness for forgetting about her anniversary. Such cases can be completely trifling. This is not so important if they continue to cause a negative emotional reaction in the form of anger or guilt. But it is worth bearing in mind that letters with expressed grievances should not be sent. That is why the text in them may contain frank and rude words. Psychologists recommend writing such letters regularly. It is advisable even daily. In this case, a person very quickly begins to feel a decrease in his load of claims. In this case, without a doubt, it will become much easier for the soul.
Why shouldn’t such letters be sent? This is not necessary to do this, not only because their text may contain rude words, the reading of which can worsen the relationship with father and mother. The fact is that letters are a person’s personal work. He does it only for himself. After all, parents did not decide to change the situation and improve themselves, to which they have every right. Moms and dads are not required to follow children. Relatives can only go towards their child, feeling his new condition.
Transitional age
The question "Why do parents not understand their children?" very often teenagers think. Indeed, at this age, young people often believe that they are the main cause of misfortune for their loved ones. This forces teenagers to do things that subsequently completely change their attitude towards life. After this, one should not be surprised why positive parents have a negative child.
Of course, the family for us is the main meaning of life. However, as a person grows older, his worldview is subject to some adjustment. An important role in this is played by the environment, friends, friends and other factors. A teenager realizes that he is growing up. He certainly wants to be reckoned with, to be understood and heard. However, often close people do not pay attention to it. They continue to consider teenagers children who do not yet know what they want. Moms and dads do not cease to patronize their child and suppress him any wrong, from their point of view, action. Moreover, the parents' favorite phrases that annoy their offspring are: “Why eat sweets? First you need to eat normally! ”,“ Go, walk, but not for long ”, etc. Of course, the young man does not like it.
Mom and daughter also often have misunderstandings. At the same time, the girl may hear: “Here you will marry, then ...” or “Have a baby, then ...”.
Teenage children are all very annoying. That is why large scandals are possible in the family, which negatively affect the relations between parents, and also harm the psychological state of the young man.
Transitional age and family
How to build relationships with parents to a teenager? First of all, a young man should always remember that his mom and dad are also people. They have their own difficulties and feelings. They work and come tired after a hard day. They do not want to hear another scandal in their home. It is also worth remembering that if a son or daughter leaves for a walk and lingers with friends and acquaintances, parents will never go to bed. They will not even think about the fact that in the morning they need to get up early for work, continuing to wait. In such situations, you should always remember this and warn your loved ones in advance so that they do not worry.
The answer to the question "How to build relationships with parents?" can be found with the support of friendly relations with them. A young man needs to talk with mom and dad, asking for advice on what to do in a given situation. This will allow parents to understand that they can already fully trust their child, and that he does not do anything criminal.
In addition, the teenager needs to learn to restrain his emotions. When parents categorically do not accept what he offers, then you should not scandalize and arrange tantrums. To solve the problem, you just need to leave for 20 minutes in your room, and then return to the conversation again.
The relationship of adolescents with parents must be built on mutual respect. A young man should not talk rudely with his close people, while trying to always be friendly. Parents will also appreciate the help with the housework.
What to do if you quarreled with mom? A teenager seeking reconciliation with the person closest to him should not continue to show resentment. Moms, daughters and sons will quickly eliminate the conflict if they communicate. At the same time, the teenager should take the initiative, take on some of the household chores. With this, he will help mom and mitigate her negative emotions.
The young man should also introduce his friends and relatives with close people. It is important for parents to know with whom their child spends free time. Only in this case they will calmly let him go for a walk.
And how to improve the relationship of adult children with parents? In order to achieve this goal, you need to go through a series of steps. Let's consider them in more detail.
Start with yourself
You should not wait for the moment when the parents themselves decide that they should establish relations with an already matured child. You need to start working in this direction immediately and daily.
Be grateful
Do not forget that parents once did everything for their child that they could. They helped him and influenced the formation of his worldview. Awareness of this will allow anyone to compromise or forgive their loved ones for something that annoy him.
Parents need to be made aware that their matured son or daughter appreciates everything once done for them. Gratitude must be demonstrated by one’s actions. In the case of cohabitation, parents can make a pleasant gift or, on their own initiative, do additional housework. Moms and dads will be very happy about this.
Distance yourself emotionally
Such a step does not mean that children should not love their parents and take care of them. Nevertheless, a person who is less emotionally attached to his mother and father is less likely to disagree with them and argue. Such a step will make it easy to resolve any conflict situations, without any negative consequences. How to emotionally distance yourself from your parents? There are two ways to do this.
First of all, you should not rely on the approval of loved ones in everything. It is important for a person to decide for himself in life and have his own self-esteem. In addition, it is worth realizing that the old days are already in the past, and now we should move on. And if in previous years the relationship with mother and father was bad, then you need to remember this and not allow the negative to spread to the future.
Assess the situation from the position of parents
Very often, people cannot get along with each other because they are not able to perceive what is happening from someone else's point of view. And only by learning to look at the situation through the eyes of another person, it will be possible to quickly reach a compromise in relations, which will undoubtedly benefit them.
Children should always remember that parents are different from them. After all, they belong to another generation, which grew up under different rules of behavior and social norms. All of these historical differences affect family relationships. In order to improve relations with parents, they should be reminded that times have already changed, and because of differences in the worldview of generations, certain problems arise.
Be independent
It is normal for each person to have their own point of view. And only after independence from parents is gained, will relations with them improve. And for this you need to know yourself. Without thinking about what people around you think about you, you will need to determine your desires and talents, as well as give an assessment of your personality, so that you can go through life independently.
Think of parents as other adults
How to build relationships with mother and father? Stop thinking of them as parents. Indeed, otherwise, completely unconsciously, a person will continue to support the existing style of communication, behaving childishly. For example, those who wish to continue to receive financial assistance from their father and mother will need to leave open access to listening to unnecessary advice, giving parents more time to communicate.
Change the dynamics of relationships
How to improve relationships with parents? To do this, you need to understand the reasons that led to the problem. A person must find out what worries him in relationships with loved ones.
This may be, for example, a large number of parental advice. And it is possible that the father and mother continue to treat their matured child as a child or speak negatively about his friends or the second half. In other words, it will be necessary to clearly determine the problem, the solution of which will change the relationship in the family for the better.
Show respect
Even a person who does not agree with parental principles, values and approaches must be courteous to loved ones. This will reduce the risk of serious confrontation in the family. After all, parents are likely to take a blank defense of their positions. Respect can be done in a variety of ways. For example, when using a polite language in the process of communication with the inclusion of the following phrases: “forgive” or “will you mind if ...”.
Eliminate the negative atmosphere
In order to establish normal relations with parents, it is necessary to take into account the characteristics of the psychological climate in the family. Anyone who has a falling out with his father or mother will need to do everything to correct the situation as quickly as possible. Thus, a person will demonstrate the fact that good relationships with loved ones are very important for him. This approach will significantly reduce the duration of the quarrel.
Keeping calm
When communicating with parents, you should not show temper. Otherwise, words may come out, which later will have to be bitterly regretted. Short-tempered behavior will be evidence of immaturity and adversely affect relationships. In order to achieve calm, you will need to somehow calm yourself by evaluating the situation from a different point of view.
Emit positive
Do not forget to smile at your parents. They need to constantly demonstrate a positive and good-natured attitude, showing that they are glad to see them and worry about their well-being.
By setting a good tone in communication, you can improve relationships. Parents are completely unconsciously infected with positive emotions, which will generally improve the atmosphere in the family.
Receive only the necessary advice
Sometimes problems in the relationship between parents and children arise due to excessive custody of adults. Mom and dad do not even think about the fact that their child is a completely independent and independent person. How to avoid such problems? To do this, try to contact your parents for advice only if absolutely necessary. Anyone who does not want to take responsibility should be prepared for subsequent disappointment.
Be honest and open
One way to eliminate bad relationships with parents is to talk to them about personal issues. Thus, it is possible to create trusting relationships, which will strengthen them.
Keeping in touch with parents is also recommended. In this case, they will have a more complete picture of the life of their child, realizing that he is upset and that allows him to be happy. Being open with loved ones, a person can always discuss the necessary directions for improving relations.
Come up with rules and set barriers
In the event that a person seeks to have good relations with his parents, but any communication with them certainly ends with disagreements, some topics for conversation should be prohibited. At the same time, you can come up with some rules that will follow in the future. It is important to inform parents about this. The rules may include a ban on negative comments about relationships with a soul mate or on interference in the education of grandchildren. In turn, parents can make their own list.
Try not to argue
Sometimes bickering between loved ones is simply inevitable. However, every effort should be made to avoid unnecessary disputes. Most often it is better to keep silent and think: “Is it worth answering what is contrary to my opinion?” If you still need to say something, then your own point of view should be stated calmly, reasonedly and clearly. This will avoid overly emotional debate.
Maintain Adult Relationships
In solving the relationship problem, it is worth being logical and honest. Parents need to demonstrate their independence. And only in this case they will treat their child as an adult.
When attempting to establish relations with parents, it is worth remembering that it is unlikely that it will be possible to radically change people close to oneself. They should be accepted as they are, and not to lose patience on the way to improving the current situation.