Surely every person at least once in a lifetime has encountered aggression in one or another of its manifestations. This phenomenon, to put it mildly, is unpleasant. In addition, there are often consequences from him in the form of physical harm. But these are extreme cases. Now, all the same, I would like to talk about a more “harmless”, verbal form of aggression.
Definition
It’s worth starting with a consideration of the concept. So, verbal aggression is a verbal “attack” of one person against another. It is expressed, as a rule, in screams, threats, curses and outbursts of anger. In everything that can cause psychological trauma, simply put.
However, the “source” of negativity does not harm physical health. Therefore, such manifestations are called verbal (verbal, oral). But, as practice shows, the damage from it is no less.
Behavior characteristics
Verbal aggression is a phenomenon with a whole list of negative characteristics. Here are just a few of them:
- Verbal aggression is destructive. Especially when a person pretends that nothing is happening. His opponent feels aggression, but his feelings are not taken into account. Because of this, he experiences confusion, pain and disappointment.
- She hits self esteem. An impressive person, faced with verbal aggression, begins to think that everything is really wrong with him, and consider himself a jerk.
- Contempt expressed by such behavior can be very clear and sincere, offensive to the living.
- Verbal aggression is an unpredictable phenomenon. A person can live in peace and not suspect that in the next second a flurry of evil jokes, caustic comments and sarcastic jokes will fall upon him. It is able to unsettle.
And for whatever purpose aggression is manifested, the reason is always the same - hostility. We live in a social society, and we cannot like each other. But only some people are adequate and restrain their negative feelings, while others do not.
Classification by type of manifestation
Verbal aggression is a behavior that comes in two forms.
- Open. It manifests itself in angry attacks, insults, curses, threats, hysterical attacks. Moreover, as a rule, for something that a person has never done and never even thought about.
- Hidden. More insidious and mean, as it is very inconspicuous and gradual. This is a stealth aggression, due to the manifestation of which a person subjugates an opponent who does not know about it.
In general, aggression in itself is a manipulative phenomenon, but hidden - especially. For the person who manifests it consciously seeks control over the opponent. And he really sometimes does not understand what he is manipulating. He can only notice that his life is not going as planned.
But how is the manipulative function realized? It's all about the psychological effect. First, the self-esteem of the “victim” falls. And she herself does not notice it. It just starts to ask such questions: “Hmm, maybe something really is wrong with me? But what? Maybe it's worth a change? ” As a result, a loss of self-confidence. Then - attempts to change so as not to annoy the aggressor. And in the end - absolute submission to him.
This is observed everywhere. In unlucky couples, in teams, in the relationship between the boss and subordinates, etc.
Enclosure
This is one of the categories of indirect verbal aggression. It usually manifests itself in the relationship between a man and a woman.
What unites a couple? Intimacy, empathy, empathy. Between them is something more than communication. But only if both sides openly talk about feelings, emotions and feelings. Unfortunately, this is not the case in all pairs. Sometimes one side does not want to share this with their other half and support it.
When a person refuses to listen to his loved one and denies his experiences, this is a manifestation of isolation. He leaves all his feelings, thoughts and emotions to himself. And with the other half behaves detached and cold.
A closed aggressor can pretend that he does not hear his partner, is specially distracted by extraneous things. One can hear such words from him: “Well, what is there to talk about? What do you want to hear from me? No, you won’t be interested. Why are you asking because you will do it the way you want anyway! ”
Such words offend and disappoint. Relations, in the end, lose their meaning, because it simply cannot be without intimacy.
Desire to object
Another common category. Objection is the most destructive form of relationship. After all, it appears when there are contradictions. And it’s impossible to build any relationship on them at all.
The aggressor will always be furious, even if the opponent’s opinion does not coincide with his gaze in any minor topic. Even in the choice of milk. “Why are you buying bottled? It is the same as in the package! Why overpay for packaging? This is stupid, irrational and not economical! Any adequate person would agree with me! ”
Depreciation
This is even worse. The verbal aggressor simply spits in the soul of the opponent, forgetting that he has feelings, feelings, experience. Demonstrates his indifference with these phrases: “You are too sensitive. Arranging a scandal from scratch. You have no sense of humor. You think inadequately. You make an elephant out of a fly, as usual. Do you want a mess? ”
Particularly sensitive people really begin to believe that not everything is in order with their perception of the world. As soon as they perceive the aggressor’s words as truth, a sense of emptiness and wild confusion fills their souls.
Threats
Why in all topics related to verbal and non-verbal aggression, more attention is paid to the consideration of the categories of the first of the listed? Because they are more sophisticated psychologically. Non-verbal aggression is the infliction of physical injuries; there is no tactic in it.
But in the verbal there. Take, for example, threats. How many girls were seduced by this phrase: “Do as I say, otherwise I will leave you / will make my mistress”? The threats of separation, divorce, beatings ... all this is also aimed at manipulation. And, unfortunately, this method often works. A person simply scares the opponent with the loss of something important to him or the likelihood of experiencing severe pain.
Names and command tone
What is an obvious manifestation of aggression. The most interesting thing is that a person, even calling the opponent in principle positive words, can demonstrate his anger. It's all about intonation. “Beloved”, “dear” and “dear” can sound like an insult if spoken with malice, irony, ridicule and sarcasm.
Team tone is also a manifestation of aggression. He denies equality. The aggressor simply does not see in the partner an individual person, a person. He does not ask, but orders, showing that he is just a convenient tool for him to fulfill his desires. The words “please” and “thank you” are never uttered to them at all. “Do it,” “Buy this,” “Go there,” “Make my favorite dish,” are typical phrases of an ungrateful boor.
The best reaction is ignore
Many people ask themselves: “How to cope with verbal aggression?” The answer is simple. The best moral weapon is ignoring. What is the purpose of the verbal aggressor, showing his rage? He expects a certain reaction. He wants to offend the opponent, hurt him for a living, upset, make him worry.
So, all this must be ignored. At least visually. Show the aggressor that all his attacks have no weight. Demonstrate neglect. The aggressor can be perplexed even with an arrogant clatter and a go-ahead. Or the phrase: "Did you say everything?"
But one must be careful in this case. Often indifference awakens an interest in the aggressor in the sport and a desire to infuriate the “victim” in even more harsh ways. In this case, you do not need to retreat from the position of ignoring. But in addition, you have to convince yourself that this person is an unhappy, offended life fool who is useless to argue with. To answer insults means to give him what he wants, to provide him pleasure. But he is not worthy of such “honor”.
If the attacks are constant
In general, the most correct reaction to verbal aggression is to break the connection with its "source." Unfortunately, this is the only sure way. Because aggressors are energy vampires, and they are by their nature. You need to leave them, so as not to spoil your life. You can ignore attacks for a long time, laugh it off, brush it off, or even argue, upholding your principles. But is it necessary? After all, the feeling of discomfort will not go anywhere. But living in such an environment is impossible.
Although many people, arguing about how to cope with verbal aggression, give good recommendations. You can use this key phrase: “This is part of my life. My conviction. I will not refuse it. " A logical phrase, it just won’t work with aggressors who live by the principle: "There are only two opinions: mine and wrong."
So, by definition, verbal aggression is something that you need to rid yourself of. To move from the relatives showing her, to part with a partner, to leave the intolerable boss. Many will call this decision an escape. But this is not so for everyone. This decision is a step towards your personal comfort, harmony and a hassle-free lifestyle without energy vampires.
Children's rage
The problem of verbal aggression in children is very relevant. After all, a child throughout his childhood changes his attitude to almost everything that happens around him, constantly communicates with parents and peers.
At this time, their character and personal characteristics are formed. The child learns to establish contact, restrain his emotions, prioritize, bear responsibility for what has been said. A lot of tasks for the baby. Many people "get mad", not understanding why they are starting to want so much about them and why they should do anything at all.
Although these are already more complex concepts. The simplest and most primitive manifestations of verbal aggression are teasers and insults to peers.
But the attacks of children of a different nature are considered by psychologists as an attempt to protect their "I". Or as a desire for active contact with others and the denial of group norms, values ​​and rules.
Be that as it may, in psychology this verbal aggression is considered as the norm. On average, 50% of children are prone to its manifestation. Most often - due to education or a negative microclimate in the family. But often the children of good parents become aggressors. In any case, you need to pay a lot of attention to the early education of children in a cultural environment, teaching them traditions and good.
In adolescents
From childhood to youth. We all went this way. And everyone knows how often verbal aggression is manifested in adolescents.
What are the reasons? Psychologists have come to the conclusion that this is a complex personality formation, the reasons for which can be both psychological and sociological factors. The most popular are violations in the emotional, moral and volitional spheres, family disintegration, improper upbringing (too strict or too indifferent).
But more often than not, their verbal aggression is just a form of protest against the misunderstanding of adults. It is especially pronounced in adolescents with increased irritability, temper, and irritability. And the explicit expression of all of the above is a reflection of the disharmony of the intrapersonal development of a teenager and his social ill-being.
So what's the point?
Verbal aggression is a phenomenon incomprehensible to many positive-minded people. Of course, many of us are sometimes characterized by outbursts of anger when the day was not set. But what are the causes of constant aggression? There are several of them. People to whom it is characteristic, usually:
- They cannot save their individuality in another way, stand out.
- They are trying to prove so.
- This increases self-esteem, affirming itself at the expense of the weakness of others.
- Attract attention.
- Quench the thirst for power.
- They are trying to make themselves credible by humiliating the rest.
- They just do not know how to maintain control over the situation in a different way.
This is a short list of reasons. Be that as it may, aggression (verbal and physical) is one of the worst social phenomena. She destroys everything. Therefore, some need to wean themselves from its manifestation, while others need to protect themselves from this.