What is shame, each of us knows. This is an unpleasant sensation causing internal imbalance. It can be so strong that for a long time it unsettles, interfering with normal activity. How does shame (this alien burning feeling) appear, is it worth it to eradicate? How to relate to him? You will find the answers to all these questions in the article.
Is there a sense of shame
In fact, a developed person understands that in this world nothing is completely embarrassing. But the nuance is that if you go to the Red Square in an inappropriate form, it will be fraught with at least a conversation with the district police officer. First of all, you need to understand that it is bad not to commit any unsightly act. The problem is that shame is a sensation that arises if people who do not understand the situation learn about this action.
We are all human beings, and the body of each of us works purely individually. One of us needs more food, water, love, work, entertainment, sports, recreation and so on. Shame is the result of non-acceptance of any behavior by society. After all, there are always people who live according to opposite laws.
A sense of shame is brought up by the environment
A primitive example can be given even from the life of students who live in a hostel. In the room in which the excellent students live, an atmosphere of purity, order and the desire to learn always reigns. Such a student cannot tell neighbors that he went to a nightclub last weekend. After all, his act will be considered inappropriate for an educated, educated person. That is, he will feel shame (this is an unpleasant feeling of guilt for having wasted his time).
There is a completely opposite room. There is constantly noise, guests and fun. All residents believe that it is not necessary to study, because you can somehow agree with the teachers. In extreme cases, the control can be written off. In this room, everyone is constantly dressing up and going to discos in the evenings or somewhere else. In the company of such students, it is simply unacceptable to say that I spent the past weekend with a compendium on electrical engineering. As a result, they say that living like that is boring and wrong. Such a student will think: "I am ashamed in front of my friends because I am likened to those nerds."
Norms required by society
From childhood, certain norms of behavior should be instilled. If desired, becoming an adult, a person improves and improves them. Among such moments, one can name the following:
- Wipe your hands on the tablecloth.
- Making champing sounds when eating.
- Tap loudly on a plate with a fork.
- Use a toothpick in full view.
- Clean your ear with your finger in front of someone and so on.
From childhood, they instill in us that there are certain norms of social behavior. And shame to break them. Of course, it all depends on the contingent that the person falls into. That is, if he is in an ordinary working environment of the simplest people, then the phrase: “I am ashamed because I took a sip of tea loudly,” no one will understand. But if the interlocutor is a highly intelligent person, then in front of him it is inconvenient even to accidentally hit a spoon on the dishes.
Shame on raising children
Unfortunately, very often the concept of shame is simply abused. This is done to protect the child from unwanted acts. For example, the baby plays in the yard and smears new pants. Parents scolded him, in every possible way indicate an offense. As a result, the phrase necessarily sounds: "Shame on you." That is, the child gradually realizes that for his misconduct he should experience a certain feeling. He may not see any problem in smearing new things. After all, he just took a step to the side, and nearby stood a dirty bench. But apparently, mom and dad do not understand this, so it’s much easier to lower your head and demonstrate that shame is indispensable.
Unfortunately, gradually such a person becomes closed. He is afraid to say or do anything, because any of his actions will be assessed as incorrect. And everyone will find out what sensations he experiences at the same time.
An adult who is ashamed
In the world of adults, things are somewhat different than among children. An adult child who has been constantly reproached for doing wrong, causing guilt in him , feels uncomfortable. Such a person does not understand well that you can do without shame. And others intuitively grasp his fear.
The likelihood that such a person will fall into the company of exceptionally kind, gentle people who are sensitive to his feelings is extremely small. Usually, those around them "feel" for weaknesses, starting to mercilessly manipulate. They can deliberately simulate any situation with the aim of causing a feeling of shame. That is, an adult should understand the situation and be able to withdraw himself from this kind of childhood fears.
Shame before misunderstanding people
The point is not to renounce shame in general. This feeling is an indicator of prohibitions imposed from the outside. The feeling is very unpleasant, resembling a burning sensation inside. There is a desire to hide and erase your own misconduct from memory. But is it worth it to feel shame before those who could understand what happened, but do not want to do this?
One should convince oneself that any condemnation of any impartial act is purebly. As you know, gay people are most condemned by those people who are deeply located deep within them. People who do not really care about such a problem are interested in completely different things. And guilt and shame in front of them because of some stupidities or situations to be explained, simply do not arise.
Another example suggests that if you point a finger at someone explicitly, you are actually pointing to yourself. If it so happened that the interlocutor committed some kind of involuntary act, then you should not send a pointer to him and shout about it all over the street. By such behavior, one who supposedly keeps order shows his natural involvement in such things.
Work with shame
An adult must decide for himself whether something is acceptable to him or not. And stick to people's respective views. Keeping your psyche healthy is much easier in this case. Thus, he will experience a sense of shame solely in front of him.
It is best to treat this sensation as an indicator. An adult man chooses with whom to communicate with him. That is, if there was an unpleasant burning sensation inside, then here, rather, there is manipulation. Perhaps real or very old. One should not suppress the feeling of shame within oneself, but try, on the contrary, to extract it.
Despite the discomfort, it is necessary to analyze the situation on the shelves. That is, you need to find out:
- What happened.
- Own attitude and reasons.
- The opinion of the interlocutor (one or more).
- Who will know more and how to react.
- What to do in the future.
Answers on questions
You need to honestly and without hesitation to determine for yourself what happened event, causing an unpleasant sensation inside. Then you need to answer the question about the reason for what happened, but you can’t deceive yourself here. That is, the nature of what happened is that the situation was misunderstood, some unacceptable remark was released, an unpleasant act was made due to poor health and so on.
Then it is very important to understand how the interlocutor reacted to the incident. If his reaction turned out to be arrogant, condemning and brutal, then thoughts should arise about how the dialogue with this person generally happened. Rather, it is not necessary to communicate closely with him. You should also probe those people who can learn about the misconduct.
In the future, you need to behave as if nothing had happened. At the same time, conclusions should be drawn. That is, if the interlocutors turned out to be people who showed cruelty, then communication should be minimized and rejoice for those who always have everything working perfectly. Because this in nature does not exist in principle.
Who to be friends with is preferred
If a person reacted normally, then he should be given a plus. The interlocutor also characterizes very well his ability to ignore the situation. But there is a moment of sincerity, and it must be felt.
That is, you need to communicate with those who are interested in their own life. Such people will not bother with some features that have happened to their friend. On the contrary, if they see that a person is very concerned about something, is ashamed, guilty, then they will try to get him out of this state. It very often happens that the one who did the shameful act did not have a bad intention. But there is an unpleasant sensation. In this case, a true friend will help to see that the act of an egg is not worth it.
That is, should we be upset about what we are not really to blame for? The logical answer is no. It is better to treat shame not as something unpleasant and requiring latches into the far corner of the subconscious. It is necessary to perceive this sensation as an indicator. Thus, it will turn out to turn him to his advantage and improve his well-being.