It is generally accepted that love does not live for more than three years. And also, that the pair inevitably comes a period of cooling to each other. Of the emotions, only irritation and discontent remain. There are thoughts of a break. Being near is simply unbearable. What if the relationship is at an impasse? Is this really the end?
Psychologists believe that each union goes through the same stages of formation. Minor deviations in the degree of manifestation of symptoms and the duration of periods are possible. But the main points are similar.
The initial stage of development of relations
A spark ran between a man and a woman. He showed attention. She responded to the courtship. Unnoticed by both, a flame of passion flared up, and the couple plunged into the pool with their heads.
At this stage, partners experience a hurricane of feelings. The mind is clouded by waves of experienced emotions. Looking at each other is neither an opportunity nor a desire. Disadvantages are not noticed. Bad habits seem like sweet quirks. There is a constant need to be around.
Fatigue
The body is tired of vivid emotions and hormonal bursts. The reboot and power save mode is activated. Partners are tired of each other and need a rest. At this stage, the first quarrels begin. The desire to dissolve into each other is replaced by the desire to prove their own importance and individuality.
Return to reality
Destruction of illusions usually occurs when a couple tries to live together. Life is inexorably crowding out romance. The ideal image of a lover fades under the onslaught of daily needs. It becomes obvious that no one is safe from bad mood, runny nose and dirty laundry. The need to be together is weakening. I want to be alone and do the usual things I love.
Many couples come to the conclusion that the relationship is completely broken, and break up. Failure to overcome the first difficulties confirms that for a serious relationship a person has not yet matured. It is necessary to do self-education and personal interests.
Humility
The Union, which managed to overcome the stage of inevitable disappointments, is entering a new level of development. Partners learn to talk and accept each other with all the features. Understanding comes that an adult cannot be remade. The pair that has passed this stage is much less likely to quarrel. Conflicts over household trifles and differences in characters go away.
People who have not been able to draw the right conclusions carry infinite clarifications of relations into later life. There are families in which spouses have plagued each other for several decades with nitpicking and complaints about unjustified expectations.
Rapprochement
The couple, who harmoniously completed the stage of humility, gets the opportunity to create a truly strong and happy union. In such a family, partners accept each other's right to personal time and their own interests. Joint hobbies are born, traditions are created. There is no need for constant demonstration of feelings. Uncontrolled emotions give way to stability and peace.
Synthesis
At this stage, the pair becomes one. Each partner respects the other and takes into account his opinion. Love is experienced not for specific actions, but in relation to a person as a whole. Unconditional trust appears, the need to prove something leaves. Problems are solved together. Spouses often notice that they understand each other without words. The Union is transformed into a team of full members of one crew.
That’s how, according to psychologists, any relationship develops. The duration of the stages for each pair is individual. The decisive role will be played by the maturity of partners and their readiness to overcome difficulties.
With confidence, only one thing can be said: the transition to the next stage is always accompanied by a crisis. And not every union is able to survive it. Often people disagree and start all over again with new lovers. Those who are not ready for endless walking in circles are looking for ways to rectify the situation in the existing alliance.
What if the relationship is at an impasse?
The solution to any problem should begin with an unbiased look at the situation. You should understand what is the true reason for what is happening. Only by finding out what exactly led to the current state of affairs, one can find a suitable way out.
Inconsistency of youth
Unions formed in adolescence, almost all are doomed to collapse. Boys and girls are not yet ready for major changes in life. Too much unknown, I want to try everything. Feelings are born easily, but also swiftly fade.
It should be taken for granted that first love is too often unhappy. Time will pass, and a new feeling will be born in the heart, mature and conscious. We have to prepare for it. In order to be interesting for a potential partner, it is necessary to be a self-sufficient person, to devote more time to self-improvement. It should also be remembered that having an education and an exciting hobby has not bothered anyone.
Character Incompatibility
Inevitably comes the stage when romantic walks under the moon are replaced by a desire to sleep. Partners suddenly discover that they need a different number of hours of rest to feel good. One upon awakening must be in silence and be aware of what is happening. The second one cannot imagine itself without rhythmic music turned on at full volume.
Such a mismatch of addictions can be observed in culinary preferences, ways of spending leisure time, and even on all points at the same time. Signs about the opposites that attract are good for physics lessons that study the properties of magnets. In everyday life, such differences in tastes are extremely difficult to ignore. It will be impossible for them to turn a blind eye for years. Hopes that a person will change his predilections without prejudice to relations can be safely sent to the dump of unfulfilled legends.
What to do if the relationship is stalled due to diverging tastes and habits? To ask yourself: how unacceptable for me personally is what my partner practices? Both people in a pair are independent individuals. Everyone has the right to live as he wants. If this does not infringe on the interests of others, of course. And it is precisely this degree of inconvenience caused to each other that is worth defining.
Only having figured out for oneself what specifically categorically does not suit and what solutions are acceptable, can this topic be raised in the discussion. Otherwise, an attempt to resolve the situation will turn into a banal squabble.
It should be prepared that the partner will put forward a counter wish. Do not agree to any concessions for the sake of preserving the union. A thoughtless infringement of one’s interests will one day result in a secret insult, and even regular scandals. It is wiser to find compromises at the very first stages of the distribution of rights and obligations. If you can’t immediately agree, you can return to the discussion later, but don’t accept what you’re not ready for. Otherwise, differences in preferences will turn into an occasion for endless claims.
Family Intervention
We can safely say that only those who need them have advisers. Persons who are not capable of independent decisions will look for answers from their parents, colleagues, and in horoscopes until they are old.
If both partners are at this stage of internal development, there are chances for long-term prospects. With the support of relatives, action plans will be discussed at family councils, results will be achieved by joint efforts, those responsible for the failures will be known in advance.
When only one came out from under the custody of relatives, the situation was noticeably more complicated. At the first incident, one should clearly state one’s position. Do not be afraid to spoil the relationship with relatives of the lover. If you allow third parties to intervene in the union, you will soon have to forget about your personal life. In conversations, the main argument will be the opinion of authoritative persons. Housekeeping methods will be compared with how someone else did it.
The conversation on the topic of the intervention of relatives should be built as correctly and at the same time firmly. Insults and humiliation are not allowed. It is extremely undesirable to set an example of your near and dear ones. It is worth explaining that adults can and should solve pressing difficulties on their own. Otherwise, they should return under the parental wing and remain there until maturity.
Birth of a child
A happy event for many families becomes a test of strength. How to improve relations with her husband after the appearance of a new family member? Urgently redistribute household responsibilities. The amount of work that a woman easily coped with earlier, is now becoming an impossible task. There is constant fatigue, including psychological. The man at the same time feels his uselessness. You should share your concerns with him. To tell the truth: about worries, doubts about one’s own strength, ailments and fears. Allow the newfound father to take on feasible chores. The advice of wise women is clear: from the first days of the birth of a child, a man should be involved in the cycle of events. Only after going through all the difficulties of raising a baby together, you can build harmonious full-fledged relationships.
Addictions
These include everything that does not fit into the idea of the norm: alcohol, drug addiction, treason. What if the relationship is at an impasse for such grave reasons? Seek an answer in your own soul. There can be no advice in such matters. What is permissible and discussed for one is categorically unacceptable for the other. The experience of a mother, girlfriend or star couple will not work. Only a response deep in the heart can clarify the situation. Is it worse to endure or harder to lose? Is there a desire to put life on attempts to return the beloved to the true path? To tell the truth to oneself is the only true way out of any impasse.
The main thing to remember: there are no universal solutions. Not one, even a very close person is able to discern all the nuances of the relationship between two people. By bringing family troubles to the discussion of third parties, one can only achieve temporary relief in the soul. The choice will have to be done independently and only be responsible for it before your own "I".