Often, arguing with loved ones, we hear accusations of selfishness against us and we make the same accusations ourselves - to parents, children, husband, wife. During a quarrel, a person does not think about how his words correspond to reality - emotions overwhelm the mind. And if you look at the problem with a cold, sober head?
The concept of egoism
The word comes from the Latin root ego, that is, “I”. Therefore, when a person considers himself better, more worthy of others - this is egoism. If he requires more benefits, care, attention, love, privileges, such behavior also indicates the presence of this trait in his character. The brother does not want to share candy with his sister, the husband does not want to help his wife around the house - this is also egoism. From the school bench, we know that his personification is Larra, the hero of the story of Maxim Gorky “The Old Woman Izergil”. How did he earn such an unpleasant reputation?
From Larra to Danko
Recall the classics! Larra, the son of an earthly woman and an eagle, the king of birds, was unusually beautiful, proud to arrogance, and believed that he could do anything: pick up the most beautiful girls of the tribe, steal cattle, dare to the elders of the clan and kill tribesmen if they did not want to recognize his superiority .
This is egoism, is n't it? What did people pay him for neglecting universal laws? Not by deprivation of life, not by exile! Even the earth itself did not want to accept it; death passed by. Larra was doomed to lonely immortality. At first, the hero was even pleased with this state of affairs: it was egoism that spoke in him. But centuries passed, and loneliness began to weigh on the Gorky character. However, nobody wants to have business with a lover - such is the truth! And the
exact opposite of Larra is another handsome man, Danko. He loved people more than himself, more than his own life. And even a living heart tore from his chest for them. Both heroes embody in a concentrated form, in its purest form, altruism and egoism - as two opposite forms of human consciousness.
Find the differences
How do they contradict each other? To many! The egoist lives for himself, does something for himself. And even if it helps others, it is not disinterested. Personal gain is what drives all his actions. This is an axiom, given, nothing can change it. Therefore, altruism and egoism are antonymic concepts. Self-sacrifice, recognition of the interests and rights of another, the desire to do something pleasant or useful to someone, but to the detriment of oneself - people like Danko, "with the sun in their blood" are capable of this, as literary critics speak of the hero.
From Explanatory Dictionary to the expanses of Life
Best of all, they help to understand what egoism is, synonyms for the word. First of all, it is narcissism (i.e. love of oneself), selfishness (almost the same thing) and self-interest. Psychologists often say that modern man lacks self-love. Do they call us to selfishness? Not at all! We devote a lot of time to work, solving everyday or short-term problems, shoulder the family responsibility, and just do not have time to do something good for ourselves personally. And then we complain about health, moral fatigue, lack of positive in life. What conclusion follows from this? Loving yourself is not always bad. The main thing is that it does not take hypertrophied forms! But self-interest is a phenomenon of a different plane, and it should be eliminated in itself. Although this is a moot point!
Double edged sword
What is the main problem of egoism that we face in everyday life? In the duality of his nature. When will we consider the other self-lover? If this “other” refuses to share with us his assets - personal time, feelings and emotions, knowledge, money, etc. The legitimate question is: when does someone sacrifice his own goods, he bestows, so to speak, what guides him? Psychologists believe that the desire to please, make a favorable impression. Moreover, sometimes the donor (donor) himself does not give himself a report in this.
It turns out that the main impulse of good deeds, by and large, is the desire to look better in the eyes of others than you really are? If the "attraction of unprecedented generosity" is not shown, then we did not promote it, did not cause the corresponding desires. That is, not only the "egoist" is bad, but we are not angels? It is difficult for the average person to agree with such a position, because deep down everyone considers himself “quite good”. And this feeling is one of the manifestations of narcissism! Continuous dialectics!
“I” + “I” or “We”
How does selfishness show up in a relationship between a man and a woman? The question is very interesting. In a nutshell, the answer can be formulated as follows: "You live for me, and I will live for myself too." Namely: the desire to enjoy everything that a partner can give, and the unwillingness to answer him the same. At all levels of the joint existence of such a pair, a hierarchy is observed: one loves - the other allows himself to be loved.
There is no and cannot be equality, equality. Someone necessarily adapts to the partner, whether it concerns sexual preferences, choice of dishes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, distribution of household duties, purchase of things and other things, other things ... Therefore, in this kind of relationship, there will never be a replacement for individual "I" to the general "We." If it is possible, then on one condition: one of the marriage partners completely levels himself, dissolves his individuality, his needs, and loses himself as a person. A sad outcome! There is no place for harmony, true, equal and uplifting man of love, there is no happiness. And in fact, the couple also has no future.
Family Market Relations
But what happens if fate pushes two egoists together? Such a tandem will either lead to the so-called scorpion syndrome, when one of the “lovers” simply eats the other, or their relationship will become a kind of analogue of the family market. In this case, the position of the husband and wife will change somewhat. If earlier the principle was dominant: “I want you to do (a) pleasant things to me, but I don’t want to do this for you”, - now their family code sounds different. Namely: “If I do what you want, what will be your step in response?” Or: "I will do it if you do it." And then approximately equivalent conditions are put forward. Similar examples of egoism are found very often in marriages of convenience, and the main provisions of future relations are prescribed in the marriage contract. And the marriage itself, by and large, resembles a bargain.
When cons go to the pros
In business, such concepts as business integrity, trust, honesty, partnership are important. If they are transferred to the family level, everything may not be as bad as it seems at first glance. Yes, husband and wife can agree on many things in advance. They can conduct a common economy as a joint venture. They can help each other out in difficult situations, because prosperity (in all areas!) Of one is beneficial to the other. In such a tandem, people even begin to show warm human feelings for each other. Of course, if that decency that we talked about doesn’t betray them.
Selfish and involuntary reasonable
In 19th-century Russian literature, we come across such interesting concepts as “self-willed egoist” and “rational egoism”. The author of the first is the most talented critic V. G. Belinsky. That is how he designated Evgeny Onegin and Grigory Pechorin - the heroes of the novels of Pushkin and Lermontov. What did Belinsky mean? With his own term, he explained: a person is not born selfish. That he becomes under the influence of the environment, circumstances. Often it is society that is responsible for the fact that someone’s character is completely distorted, disfigured, and fate is destroyed. Then the boomerang law is turned on - and the person himself becomes a destroyer of the fate of others. The situation is different when rational egoism is included. This concept was introduced to the masses by the writer-democrat and public figure N. G. Chernyshevsky and is substantiated in the novel “What to do?” What is its essence: to think purely about oneself, neglecting others, is unprofitable for the egoist himself. They do not like him, they will not come to his aid, he has no one to count on. Agree, it's silly to put yourself in a similar position as a renegade! Therefore, relations with others should be built in such a way that the personal interests of one person do not contradict, by and large, other people. For example, if you came to a cafe, ordered food, enjoy the aroma and taste of dishes, and next to each piece you put in your mouth, you will not be eaten with a hungry look for a long time, lunch will not work for you. But having treated the beggar, you feed the needy, and do not spoil your appetite. Reasonable, isn't it?
As you have seen, selfishness is selfishness. And it is not always a minus!