Each of us has at least once come across such a concept as manipulative communication. This is a peculiar form of interpersonal communication in which one interlocutor psychologically affects another to fulfill his goals. And this is done secretly.
About goals
Manipulative communication implies the achievement of a certain result. Why would someone act on someone at a psychological level? If you can just negotiate or push openly (which is a tougher option). Well, manipulators are very cunning and smart people. They want to get what they need, and at the same time look good (in terms of social norms). At the same time, the manipulators manage to avoid revenge, resentment and discontent from the opponent.
By the way, manipulative communication is often called secret coercion. People who know a lot about it resort to scams, bluffs, frauds, stratagems, reflective games, provocations, propaganda.
The most striking example that our reality knows is MMM. A financial pyramid founded by a brilliant (but not to say honest) person. He managed to get educated, smart people to stand in crazy lines in order to give their hard-earned money to unknown structures with more than a dubious reputation. They did not act in their own interests. Awareness of what came to them after all the relevant operations.
Life
Features of manipulative communication we can observe in everyday life. Surely they tried to convince everyone at least once in something, referring to the statements of famous people or to information from authoritative sources. This can be found everywhere. The calculation is as follows: a person, having heard a well-known name, will believe what has been said and will do as his opponent wants.
Some do not neglect other tricks. For example, focus on loyalty and devotion. These are the most common phrases like âYou love me!â or "You're my best friend." But they are the ones most widely distributed. But most often the accents are placed a little differently, like: âYou do not love me!â or "It turns out, and you're not my friend at all." There is already a feeling of pressure. A person, having heard this, becomes indignant at the fact that a loved one doubts him, and seeks to prove the opposite by an act. Which the opponent expects from him.
Many technologies of manipulative communication involve demonstrating to a person the benefits that he can get if he does something. This is found both in everyday life and in advertising. But the most striking example is political agitation.
Pressure on pity is another tricky technique. People resort to it who want this or that business to be performed for them.
And the last method, which can be noted with attention, is force and threats. A striking example is the collectors from the relevant agencies, who explain to people in an extremely understandable and simple language what consequences they can expect in the near future if they do not get into debt.
Other technology
Above were listed only some manipulative methods of communication. However, there are many others that also cannot be ignored.
Many manipulators do not hesitate to turn to the common sense of the interlocutor. They do not substantiate anything - they simply appeal to human consciousness. But it can be deceiving.
Others turn to the individual. Referring to certain features of the interlocutor, discussing them. Some resort to ignorance. Literally "bombard" a person with provisions and facts about which he is not aware. What is he naturally embarrassed to admit. And if he tries to stammer, then the opponent looks at him reproachfully and says: âDonât you know this? Well, well ... ", after which, dropping the interlocutor into the paint, he continues what he started. As a result, a person believes in a manipulator, considering him a âknowledgeableâ person.
Some may still turn to vanity. Using undisguised flattery and boundless praise, the manipulator expects to soften the position of the interlocutor and his complaisance. This is usually accompanied by a touch of pride: âAren't you capable of this? I had a better opinion of you, considered you strong and fearless. Your colleague N. would probably agree! â This is also called antipodal motivation.
By the way, more often than not, manipulations are accompanied by phrases such as âBut you yourself said that ...â or âThat is, you mean that you are capable of it!â When the opponent refers to what the person himself supposedly had in mind, he literally disarms him.
Planning
People who need something serious from their opponent build entire plans, by which they will succeed in achieving what they want. Usually it takes a lot of time, since something significant is at stake that you just wonât be able to get it.
This is found in personal relationships. So, for example, the greedy girl, most of all in her life dreaming of a carefree, but rich life, was lucky enough to meet a wealthy man. With her constant declarations of love and fidelity, she more and more strongly binds the âsacrificeâ to herself. True, such people are not stupid, and will have to do things to prove their "serious and sincere intentions." But in the end, by cunning, it is possible to achieve the desired. Manipulated loses willpower. And the "organizer" of the scam gets the opportunity to manage it.
What else do you need to know?
Manipulative communication and its characterization is an interesting topic. In short, it is worth noting the attention of some more signs of hidden influence.
To avoid it, you need to monitor what and how a person says. He may try to âcrushâ his opponent with incomprehensible words that have a hypnotic property and false authority. When the interlocutor begins to focus on feelings, then it is also worth suspecting a catch. It is important to maintain impartiality and try to understand what exactly is hidden under a veil of a trembling voice and eyes wet from tears.
Many create an artificial background of urgency and sensationalism, which distracts attention and provokes quick and rash actions. In the field of online trading, this is common. Surely many came across similar announcements: âSensation! New remedy for weight loss! Minus 15 kilograms per month! Hurry up to buy the course for only 999 rubles - 10 minutes are left before the end of the action! â It would seem that the 21st century is in the yard, everyone should already know how it works, but still a solid segment of people is âboughtâ for such receptions.
There is also a crushing method. It is widespread today. And many came across him. Here is an example: a person posted an announcement on the World Wide Web that he was looking for work. He receives an offer from a certain cosmetic company, in which everything is very beautifully told: they offer very big money, and you need to work only 2-3 hours a day, and holidays at the resorts, and official registration, and gifts from the company. A person agrees, begins to contact the âemployerâ, registers, and it turns out that he will need to buy the products of this enterprise for a certain amount, and even persuade the others to join. Then more and more interesting details pop up, from which it becomes clear that everything is not so profitable. But the man believed the opponent. But how could it be otherwise if he could not make a choice? And this is just one example.
Out of context
Another method that is identical to the above. How to recognize that a manipulative level of communication has arrived? Very easy and simple. If the opponent is filled with nightingale and talks only about the golden mountains. This is the same area of ââwork and business communication.
What does the manipulator do? He takes the whole point out of the real context. Leaving only that which may cause interest in his opponent. So he succeeds in driving a manâs thought into a narrow corridor.
An example is currency trading. This is a real way to earn money, but not for everyone and not everywhere. Unenlightened people do not really delve into this, therefore, when they receive an offer from an allegedly authoritative and respectable person who assures that he ate a dog in this matter, they believe. And the real manipulative business communication begins . Which grows into something more. Then, as soon as a person becomes a victim, his "authoritative" opponent begins to manipulate his actions: he says where to invest money and how much, how to place a bet and what to be guided by. As a result, the victim comes to the realization that this is pure fraud. It just happens too late.
Business and work
This is an area in which manipulative communication is most common. And it is a very common occurrence. The leader does not influence his subordinates by force - he controls them psychologically, creating the illusion of freedom and independence in them.
Whatever the purpose of this type of communication, manipulation is always built on one pattern or another. An excellent model was created by American psychotherapist Eric Burn. He created an interesting scheme with three ego positions. They are conventionally designated by the scientist as âParentâ (P), âAdultâ (B) and âChildâ (D). How does the circuit work? You can understand by example.
Let's say a meeting is organized in the company. And the leader, too, must go there, of which he was informed. But he just doesnât want to. The position of the âParentâ is this: âIt is necessary to go - this is my responsibility. And an example should be set for subordinates. â At the same time, "Adult" assures: "Meeting is a waste of time. My table is breaking from reports. â And the position of "Child" is this: "If I do not go, the boss will be very angry." As a result, the decision is made as follows: the leader goes to the meeting, but takes papers with him to sit away and work on the spot. It turns out a reasonable compromise.
This simple diagram is an auxiliary tool for the transactional analysis of manipulations. There is a slight psychological struggle and the question of choice, as well as the distribution of positions.
Types of business manipulation
The topic of business and work is worth delving into. Since there are very interesting types of manipulative communication.
Reception "They tear me apart," for example. What's the point? The employee himself volunteers to take on a bunch of errands. And when they try to get this or that result from him, he begins to be indignant, to operate with his congestion, to complain that he has âpiled onâ him. Others have a feeling of guilt, and they decide not to touch the employee.
Another interesting trick is called the Kazan Orphan. The employee tries not to catch the eye of the authorities. And then he complains to everyone around that he is not noticed and that no one is leading him.
âChild at workâ is also a good technique. Everything is simple here. The employee pretends to be stupid, naive and unhappy, so that his colleagues or the boss indulgently sighed: "Oh, it's easier to do everything yourself than to explain something to him." The most popular excuses of workers in such cases: âWell, I'm not a professor like you!â (here the effect is enhanced by hidden flattery), âI am a weak defenseless woman!â, âI am too stupid and am not good for anything.â Many people realize how beneficial it is to be considered a fool. Here the goals of communication are clear - to facilitate the existence of a team and get paid by parasitism.
A family
This is another area in which manipulation is common. The âChild in the Familyâ technique is often used by lazy husbands. Wife instructed to go to the store? Will not buy what was needed. Then the wife herself will go to the supermarket so that she does not have to ruffle her nerves and go shopping again. Of course, not all men are so mean. And to find out that a woman is married to just such a âframeâ can be easily. When naming the number of children, she will include her spouse in it.
A technique called "Offended" also takes place in a field such as manipulative communication. The examples are numerous. One of the spouses, feeling that soon the other half will turn to him with a request to do what he does not want to do, he is suddenly offended. Who will approach a frustrated person to ask for something?
In general, the role of communication was initially positive. Only people spoil everything. Their manipulations. Many are addicted to them, and then wonder why their relationship is falling apart. Here, for example, is another technique called âIf You Were Notâ. Both husbands and wives actively use it. In order to arouse guilt in the partner and begin to manage it. âWhy did I marry you? Look how they looked after me, and businessmen were even! And youth spent on you, âare such phrases a rarity? Not. Maybe once it will turn out to be manipulated, but abuse will lead to a divorce.
media
Above was briefly considered family, household and professional communication of the manipulative type. Now you can turn to the media. The press is the fourth power, and initially this definition was noble. Journalists at all times have been doing useful work, informing people about everything that is important. But today there are more and more media that do not hesitate to manipulate society. Who believes them. Some media outlets do this in their own interests, while others turn to the âhelpâ of a person who is profitable.
If on the country's most authoritative resource during the period when presidential elections are planned in this state, voluminous and substantiated information is published that candidate N is, to put it mildly, unworthy, then it is likely that people who trust this media do not will vote. When a beautiful advertisement of a certain product appears on a well-known channel, its sales begin to grow. And there are quite a few such examples. Not to mention notes, news and articles in which their authors use all the previously mentioned tricks - the impact on emotions, rhetorical questions, appeal to the readerâs conscience and personal perception, presentation style and much more.
About the benefits of manipulation
We must not forget what the main role of communication is. It lies in personal and spiritual development. There is nothing to be done - manipulations have always been and will be. In some cases, they are even needed. Sometimes, using the method of manipulation and persuasion, you can force a person to do what will actually be useful to him. This is the case in parenting, for example. Parents notice that their son spends more and more time at the computer, for sure this affects his studies. What to do? Put a password on the computer? It is unlikely that this will benefit the relationship. But if the head of the family at dinner, as if by chance, drops something like this in the direction of his wife: âListen, we havenât been to school for a long time. Itâs necessary to choose the time to go, âitâs quite possible that theâ alarm bell âwill work in my sonâs head and he will eagerly grab onto the books.
There are many examples. They meet in personal relationships, in families, at work, in friendship, in business. Almost everywhere. Manipulation is ubiquitous. Therefore, it is important to remember all of the above in order to be able to recognize it. In today's world, such a quality will not be superfluous.