Loneliness scares many people . They imagine how in old age they will sit on a rocking chair, stroking a cat and contemplate the sunset. But how to put up with loneliness? Is it worth it to worry if you can’t find a soul mate or start a family? When is the time for despair?
The devil is not so terrible as he is painted
To learn how to put up with loneliness and start living, you need to understand what this socio-psychological phenomenon is all about?
What a terrible hopelessness is behind this emotional state. Man is a social being who is not always able to endure loneliness. What can we say about people, when even most animals die without communication. For example, parrots who are in captivity use their vocal abilities to imitate sounds and human speech, thereby saving themselves from a lack of communication.
But what is loneliness? For some, this is life without family and children, for others, it is life without friends and social communication. But is it really scary to be alone? Actually, no, because each person is a completely independent person who can make up for the lack of communication in different ways. People are not isolated from society on a voluntary basis. As a rule, a lonely person makes himself.
However, if you cannot endure this emotional state and always crave someone's company, this is definitely not good. And if you have difficulty communicating with other people or are not able to be in the same room with someone, this situation cannot be considered normal. You must certainly find a compromise. Let's find out how to put up with loneliness and whether it is worth worrying about the lack of social communication.
Do I need to cope with loneliness
How to put up with loneliness for a woman at 35? Why is social isolation generally occurring for most people whose age has crossed the thirty-year frontier?
The main reason for this paradox is misplaced priorities at a younger age. There is an opinion that if a person under 30 does not achieve certain successes (car, apartment, family, travel), then he will remain a failure. In the pursuit of prosperity, people spend years first on hard work, then crave stable work, try to defend their dissertation, climb the career ladder. In the end, a logical question arises, how to put up with loneliness, because they have no friends, family, or even good friends.
What happens to beautiful, smart, successful, lively and slightly bitchy women, from which men just go crazy? They become even more socially isolated, with each passing year stronger and stronger. The reason is simple: they do not see the problem in solitude, convince themselves that everything is in order, and this is quite normal.
However, it is important to understand that this emotional state should not apply to absolutely all areas of life. You may not have a family or children, but you know that there is always the opportunity to travel with friends, go to a concert or meet new people. Absolute loneliness will mean only one thing - you are locked in your own mental cocoon, which completely protected you from any communication.
Why is it so hard to overcome loneliness
Another question that arises in men and women: “How to put up with loneliness at the age of 45 and older?” There is only one solution: there is no need to completely renounce any social contact. The more mature a person becomes, the more he becomes locked in himself. Lonely people are afraid to start a new relationship and get to know someone, they do not go public, forget about their appearance and any plans.
So how to put up with loneliness in 35, 45 and 50 years? Behave naturally and do not forget that you are a fully capable and active person who has a bright future. Locking yourself in your own apartment, avoiding excessive communication, you can only do worse. And year after year, this emotional state will begin to develop into fears and complexes that are almost impossible to get rid of.
Main reasons
All the troubles and difficulties in life do not arise just like that. They are either the result of certain actions and decisions that people take (or do not take), or the result of behavior. Loneliness is no exception.
The most common reasons that can explain why other people ignore the person:
- Excessive squeamishness. Of course, you do not need to marry the first girl you meet (marry a guy), whom you will meet. However, don't build a waste of life looking for the flaws of your potential partner. No one is perfect, each person has some pros and cons. What you have to do is decide for yourself whether you are ready to accept all these character flaws and bad habits of the second half.
- Selfishness and laziness. All relationships require constant hard work. Yes, you should not just stay afloat and ignore all the problems in your path. It is important to really work hard to maintain your relationship. If you want to have a strong and lasting friendship or marriage, you must learn to be flexible and make concessions to each other. Remember that sometimes you have to give up your own interests in the name of your beloved (chosen one), because as soon as the marriage is concluded, “I” is replaced by “we”.
- Excessive aggression. As well as authority, hysterical nature, cruelty, laziness and other negative character traits that need to be eradicated, not even for the sake of others, but for your own sake.
- Untidy appearance. You can be a very interesting person, but keep in mind that no one would like to meet a woman (or man) with dirty hair, or someone who smells unpleasant.
- Excessive perseverance. Imagine the following situation: you have been languidly caring for your girlfriend for many years. What will happen next? Perhaps you will part. However, you may encounter the same result if you start planning a future wedding on the second day of dating.
Codex of tips for desperate
Let's find out how to put up with loneliness for a woman and a man. This set of rules will be useful to those who are faced with a lack of communication and social exclusion:
- Remember that you yourself are the culprit of your emotional state.
- Do not drive yourself into frames, do not let stereotypes break you.
- Age should not be an obstacle to a happy and fulfilling life. Therefore, if a question arises for men, how to put up with loneliness at 50 or later, it is important to understand that each person has the opportunity to build a happy life, find love, start a family, become successful and have good friends.
- Loneliness does not mean that you must now close in an empty apartment, cut off all wires, retire from social networks, put on a gray mantle.
Loneliness manifests itself in different ways. Someone is comfortable living independently in a house where only his rules reign. But at the same time, such people build relationships, have friends and do not close themselves from society.
If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone. Maxwell Moltz
If you ask a specialist how to put up with loneliness for a man or a woman, you will certainly hear: “Through communication!” Indeed, if you have an interesting job and friendly colleagues, loyal friends, fascinating hobbies and pleasant relationships with your family, then you will not grieve too much about the lack of love. In addition, you can avoid suffering from loneliness, if you follow some of the recommendations below.
Do not be obsessed with staying away from people
If you are single, then just imagine that this is a difficult period in life that will end soon. Every day you do not need to feel sorry for yourself and suffer that you do not have love, friends and relationships. Remember, the more you think about it, the worse your emotional state will be.
Don't get embittered
You will not be happier hating your friend who is more successful in his personal life. The anger and envy that devour people from within will sooner or later become obvious and will scare away all the people on the way who are striving to create a strong relationship with you. Better be a happy person, programming yourself to repeat the success of others!
Love your life and live to the fullest!
Even if you are alone now, this does not mean that this will continue throughout life. Visit exhibitions, go to cinemas and theaters, work as a volunteer in a charity.
Believe me, many married people will envy you because of the availability of free time, so spend it wisely, using it for self-development and personal growth. In addition, visiting such places will give you the opportunity to meet new friends and a soulmate. Therefore, instead of thinking about how to put up with loneliness in your personal life, become socially active, do not follow Brodsky’s advice from the famous poem, which said: "Do not leave the room, do not make a mistake."
The Internet is more than a social network
The Internet offers many opportunities for communication, which can be immediately transferred from the virtual world to real life. However, avoid the risk of becoming dependent on the World Wide Web!
On the Internet you can really get better. Even if you have no friends today, they are always easy to find on the web. There you can learn foreign languages with direct native speakers, find friends of interest and like-minded people, who will subsequently save you from loneliness. But remember that you are surrounded by real life, in which communication is also in full swing.
Find the one who needs your love
So you do not know how to put up with loneliness. A girl or boyfriend needs to remember that there is no need to panic if they cannot find their soul mate right now. Give love and care to relatives, children, animals, elderly people - all those who really need it.
Take care of a kitten or puppy and you will never be alone again. Jokes about “40 cats” will be inappropriate, because one pet does not determine your future fate. In addition, a woman can become a mother and quite successfully raise a child without a husband (but keep in mind that this option should be considered last).
What can exclusion from society lead to?
Loneliness can be emotionally painful for most people. If you convince yourself that everything is in order, but deep down you feel heaviness and suffering, then it's time to change something. In the worst case, this condition can lead to:
- Depression At first there will be apathy and despondency, associated with the fact that you are not surrounded by people who are able to support and make happy. Then this state will begin to develop into fear and complexes, forcing you to drive yourself into the framework and alienate yourself from society. Then depression will overtake when thoughts begin to appear: “Nobody needs me”, “There are no people in my life who understand me”, etc.
- Deterioration of physical health. When a person is in constant tension, then he begins to suffer either from overeating or from hunger. Headache, exhaustion may appear. If loneliness develops from a temporary problem into depression, then a person is able to face skin diseases, hair loss, and deterioration of the condition of nails and teeth.
Finally
Now you know how to put up with loneliness for a woman and a man. The main thing is not to lock yourself in and accept this state as temporary. You cannot be sure that in a year, five or ten years everything will remain the same. Perhaps in a month you will meet your love, make new friends and create a completely different life that will give happiness and joy.