If you are not Warren Buffett, Elon Musk or, say, Usain Bolt, then in the world there will surely be someone more talented, smarter, faster, stronger or richer than you. Regardless of which project you are developing, which business you decide to develop, what idea you think, there will always be someone who does it better than you. Willy-nilly you will pay attention to rivals and competitors, whose actions will cause you at least a slight envious look, and as a maximum a black feeling that literally devours you from the inside. How to overcome anger and envy? That's what we suggest talking about now!
Faster, higher, stronger
Where does envy come from? Psychologists say that the consumer is pushed by this culture of consumption, the life of modern society, saturated with the spirit of competition. It’s important to understand that “faster, higher, stronger” is not about sports at all. This is about power and finance, a beautiful and incredibly expensive car (even if taken on credit), about a beautiful house with interiors from the cover of a magazine, a higher position. Man is a rather ambitious creature, which is why he always wants to not only catch up with someone who seems more successful, but also get ahead of him, succeed in any way ... Of course, in this crazy race, envy becomes an integral part of the worldview, poisoning life interfering with relationships with others. How to overcome a feeling of envy? First of all, to stop constantly comparing yourself with others, say psychologists and coaches, because this will certainly harm your climb up the career ladder. What other ways exist? Read on!
Signs of envy
Before we talk about how to deal with this unpleasant feeling, we offer a small test. Below you will find signs of envy. If at least one point coincides, it is worth paying attention to the way of thinking! So, here are the main features of envy:
- Depreciation of others' successes. Psychologists call this symptom the most common. Most often this can be seen in relation to those people who work in the same field with you. For example, you can play down the success of colleagues or business partners, say that there is nothing outstanding in their achievements. Another sign associated with this behavior is the constant praise of one's own person. Even a small achievement will be an occasion for pride in oneself.
- The constant desire to criticize and focus solely on weaknesses. An envious person does not notice the virtues and strengths of the people around him . Envy gives him a lot of anxiety, he is forced to focus on his shortcomings. Since accepting this is completely unbearable, especially if the ego is large enough, the envious person strives at any cost to become higher than another person. And the easiest way to achieve this goal is humiliation and criticism. The formula is quite simple: "Am I bad? Suppose. But others are not good enough either."
- Lack of joy for other people. Envious people often negatively perceive the achievements of others, even close people. You should not expect respect from them for certain achievements, they do not know how to rejoice for others. Usually they simply begin to envy those who have achieved more.
How to overcome envy: step by step instructions
Is it possible to exchange unjustified envy for joy for loved ones, pride for their achievements? Psychologists say it’s quite possible, however, for this you will have to work hard. The following five steps will help ease the task.
Step One: Confess Your Self-Envy
If you are thinking about how to overcome envy, first of all admit to yourself that this feeling is not alien to you. If you manage to complete this step, you will automatically recognize your own weakness, insecurity and hostility, which appears in your heart towards those whom you envy. A mentally normal person understands perfectly well that he cannot be a superman with superpowers in all areas of life. Therefore, weakness and dissatisfaction with oneself are as natural as other character traits.
Step Two: Understand that pride is the flip side of envy
If your colleague has a magnificent expensive car, but “on the other hand” you are more beautiful, you should understand that such a way of thinking is the first step on the path to negative feelings. Sooner or later, another colleague will appear, more attractive in appearance, on a more expensive car. It is at this moment that envy will fully manifest itself. Try to understand that it is foolish to envy what appeared to a person as a result of heredity or life circumstances that have developed very successfully.
Step three: look at someone else's success from a different angle
How to overcome envy? In psychology, there is one effective way. You should look at the achievements of the person whom you envy, on the other hand, try to empathize. You don’t know for sure at what cost he achieved material well-being, a happy (at least at first glance) family. Sometimes, although it is hard to believe, the path to success or happiness is strewn with difficulties, sacrifices and mistakes. And sometimes people who you envy have to overcome real tragedies. Trying to figure out how to overcome envy, just look at everything from a different angle. Perhaps there is absolutely nothing to envy, most likely, half of those troubles and trials that you had to face with whose luck you envy did not fall on your lot.
Step Four: Turn Negative Feeling Into Motivation
This may seem strange, but why not try to answer yourself the question "how to overcome envy?" so that start to improve? Of course, the difficult past cannot be changed. Difficult childhood, life problems and troubles will forever remain with you. But this does not mean that you should endlessly delve into the origins of your failures and misfortunes, and you should not revel in the feeling of self-pity. No need to complain about the villain-fate. Instead, think about what exactly in your life doesn’t suit you? Take action, break the prevailing lifestyle of your life.
Step Five: Rejoice at Your Success
This does not mean at all that you should arm yourself with a calculator and consider who has the most successful deals and changes on your account — yours or your neighbor's (colleague, friend). Do not forget: any, even the smallest victory is your personal success and a rather important event in your life.
What Orthodoxy says about envy
It should be noted that the feeling of envy of people in Orthodoxy is condemned. So, John Chrysostom compares an envious person with a dung beetle or even a demon. The saint claims: envy is a direct enmity of a person with Higher powers:
Envy is worse than enmity. The warring party, when the reason due to which the quarrel has been forgotten is forgotten, the hostility ceases; an envious person will never be a friend. Moreover, the former leads an open struggle, and the latter secretly; the former can often indicate a sufficient reason for enmity, and the latter cannot indicate anything other than his insanity and satanic disposition.
How to overcome envy? Orthodoxy offers a very simple logical chain that helps to understand what to do in case of this spiritual illness. First of all, it is important to understand that through a successful person God is glorified. In the event that a person is quite close to an envious person, it means that the envious person is also glorified through him, and, therefore, the Lord is glorified through him. If a person is an enemy, you should make him your friend. Why? Yes, because God is glorified through him!
Two more simple tips on how to overcome the envy of a friend or colleague, someone who is richer and more successful, gives St. Basil the Great. First, he says, you need to realize that everything you envy is earthly things. They can only be instruments of virtue, but not a cause for envy. Secondly, you need to be able to "sublimate" your envy. Use it to transform yourself. Improve yourself, develop, train, teach yourself self-discipline. Go beyond your own boundaries. And, of course, enjoy your activities.
True, it is extremely important not to turn your life into an endless desire to envy you already!