Parents occupy an important place in the formation and development of each person. While the child is small, he badly needs the care and support with which he is surrounded by loving mom and dad. As adults, we learn to make decisions on our own, to take responsibility for our destiny and for those who raised us. The psychologist will help to cope with the complexities of autonomous life. Separation - separation from parents, which normally occurs after the child reaches adulthood. However, here a big role is played by the willingness to live independently, to take responsibility. Not all young people are ready for this for eighteen years. In addition, a lot depends on the financial situation of the family, on personal opportunities.
Separation from parents is a necessary and necessary stage that no living creature can pass. Thanks to this process, a person receives a tremendous incentive for self-realization. It is noted that the sooner the child is separated from the mother and father, the more opportunities he can discover in himself.
Separation problem
Despite the fact that the majority of young people enthusiastically aspire to independent life, the process of true separation from the family is accompanied by numerous difficulties. Not all parents are happy to send them to "independent swimming". Many mothers suffer from trying to warn the child about a possible "danger", thereby unknowingly imposing their fears and doubts on him. A young man and a girl, reaching adulthood, ask questions about how to live, what ideals to follow, where to find the only right path for yourself? It is extremely important at the same time to learn to make decisions on your own, to stop living at the direct direction of adults.
The problem of separating grown children is that not everyone has the opportunity to immediately acquire a separate living space. For many years they continue to live with their parents, already raising their own child.
Separation periods
The process of separation from the family in which the person grew up is not an easy path. It will take a lot of patience, attention, mental strength in order to achieve understanding with loved ones. At the same time, we must learn to defend our individual boundaries. The stages of separation from parents go one after another. It is important only at these moments to show patience and tact, so as not to inadvertently offend dear and close people. What are these stages? What are they expressed in?
1. A feeling of deep inner dissatisfaction. A young man or girl begins to feel that they are not satisfied with their relationship with their parents. Relatives annoy exorbitant guardianship, moralizing, and the inability to implement their ideas. At this stage, conflicts occur in families, the familiar picture of the world collapses, and misunderstanding grows. The emotional connection with the parents is still very strong, because the individual does not yet have the necessary self-confidence to act according to his own inner convictions.
2. The need to live by their own rules. At this stage, conflicts arise with parents. It seems to grown-up children that they are in every possible way restricting free will and movement. Boys and girls often begin to be rude to their father and mother, to do the exact opposite.
3. Search for opportunities and prospects. This period is characterized by entering on your own ways of solving important issues. Yesterday’s child should answer himself questions about how to live, how to get rid of the pressure of others? What is significant for a young man, he finds in a close occupation, professional activity or love for a person of the opposite sex. Here comes the moment of softening the conflict, the adoption of an acute dramatic situation.
4. True separation. This stage follows the previous one, when disturbing issues are resolved between parents and children. It is important that there is no misunderstanding left, otherwise it will be very difficult to regain trust. True separation occurs after an adult child feels within himself the strength to begin to live independently and begins to take concrete steps.
When it becomes harder to separate
Separation from parents in adulthood is the worst imaginable. Everything should happen on time. So, not separating from mom and dad at twenty, the young man will inevitably begin to suffer. He is dependent on his parents, and it is manifested by a lack of self-thinking, a feeling of irritation when it comes to his personal boundaries. By twenty-five to thirty years of separation is difficult, the conflict is simply not to be avoided. The statement that the older the person is, the more difficult it is for him to begin an independent life, is true. The fact is that in youth everything seems simple and understandable, a person strives for self-expression. If the state of desired freedom cannot be achieved for some reason, many stop trying to fix something.
Unilateral separation from parents occurs when one of the participants in the process is against natural separation. Often the parents themselves are to blame for the occurrence of such a situation, limiting the will of their beloved offspring. Then separation is difficult and painful, with tears, screams, scandals, a breakdown.
How to become an independent person
First of all, you need to be clearly aware of the problem. You cannot fix a situation where there is no clear vision of how you would like to live. The search for yourself is an important and necessary stage in the formation of personality. It goes through without exception. The search for the meaning of life refers to this period of discovering one's own needs and needs. Separating from parents is the dream of many boys and girls. But before taking active steps, everything should be carefully considered.
Independence begins with acceptance of responsibility. Only when you are ready to be responsible for your own actions and actions do visible changes occur. A truly free person can recognize the opinions of others, even if it does not correlate with his own position. If you have the strength to take care of yourself without asking any advice, then you are really ready for an adult independent life.
Individual thinking
In adolescence, there is an active development of self-awareness. The personality already has its own ideas about the surrounding phenomena and events, and the worldview is gradually being formed. It is imperative to cultivate the habit of thinking independently, based on individual beliefs. It is difficult for a guided person to live separately, because he constantly wants to feel support from those who are nearby. Own thinking is formed under the influence of certain life circumstances that bring up, help to overcome difficulties in a timely manner.
If you want to start living on your own, engage in the formation of an individual picture of the world. An adult, as a rule, has a good idea of what is important to him and what is secondary. Get rid of the complex of an unconscious baby, then it will become easier to prepare for the difficulties that will have to be faced in the future.
Life goals
Separation from parents implies the presence of their own plans and a great desire to translate them into reality. You cannot continue to live the ideals of your parents, relying solely on their wisdom. Make every effort to become a self-sufficient person who can overcome any obstacles on the shoulder. Every adult should have their own goals and objectives. It is they who lead forward, help not to give up in difficult situations, but to bring the work begun to a logical conclusion. When we follow our beliefs, the world seems to be re-opened: a new understanding of the essence of things comes. Having a specific goal, a person will not give up, will not turn back, will not force himself to doubt his own prospects. The ability to remain true to oneself is worth a lot and characterizes an emotionally adult personality.
Many girls do not know how to become independent if there is no worthy life partner nearby. In fact, you need to learn how to rely on yourself, rather than hoping that someone will come and make happy, thereby allowing you to feel satisfactory. Self-sufficiency is a constant thing: once having gained power over his life, a person, as a rule, does not refuse it. If a girl seriously thinks about how to become independent, she must turn to her own heart. It does not deceive.
Creation
Creation is the foundation of all things. Everyone has a creative beginning, but not every person is consciously engaged in self-development. The best qualities of character, natural talents, talents - all this can be used to attract success. If you manage to find your niche, then very soon you will feel like a self-sufficient person. What will happen later? Additional perspectives will open, the existence of which you had not previously suspected. You will have a special taste for life, things will begin to improve, luck will become a constant companion. Just imagine that you will get a unique opportunity to do what you love, to realize your ideas. Believe me, not every person comes to such a generous invitation of fate. How does this relate to separation from parents?
The fact is that, having gained self-sufficiency, you will gain confidence in yourself and tomorrow. With such achievements it is much easier to decide on a bold step. In addition, you will probably have the opportunity to independently pay for meals and accommodation. And this greatly increases self-esteem, as it affects the material standard of living. Parents will certainly become proud of the achievements of their adult child!
Relocation
When the main searches of oneself have ended, the person usually proceeds with decisive action. In fact, why postpone such a long-awaited event? How much joy and hope it brings with it! Moving to a new place of residence becomes the logical conclusion of the separation process. Few people know that the difficulties do not end there. A young man who has entered an independent life changes his mind, his way of thinking, and he acquires the ability to look differently at current events. From a romantic mood, the young man suddenly switches to the prose of life: you have to cook yourself, clean the apartment, and solve everyday pressing problems. Separation from parents implies that a young man or girl is fully aware of what awaits them. All difficulties are solvable, and the joy of realizing one's own independence blocks minor troubles.
After moving to a new place of residence, you will have additional chores. They will be accompanied by difficulties, which, of course, cannot be completely avoided. At the first difficulties, you should not immediately contact your parents for help. Try to understand the problem yourself: determine its essence, reasons, opportunities for an adequate solution. Remember that there are no hopeless situations .
Caring for an Inner Child
In each of us, despite our age, that little boy or girl continues to live, who at one time needed the protection of a large and strong parent. Often, as adults, men and women find in themselves an irresistible craving for comfort and security. I would like someone to take on all sorts of problems at least for a day. This is a normal condition and should not be shy. It will be a shame if you start trying on the image of a strong person, but in reality you will not be able to match it. The presence of a mask always prevents a person from remaining self-sufficient and open. Remain sincere both with yourself and with people around you.
To successfully cope with all the difficulties and at the same time remain an independent person, you need to learn how to take care of your inner child. This means that you need to at least occasionally allow yourself to feel weak, not to drown out negative emotions. Remember that the more resistance you have, the more you have to suffer. If you are sad today for some reason, you can reflect on your actions a bit. But avoid harsh self-criticism, it deprives a person of self-confidence and tomorrow. Caring for the inner child means that you will be most attentive to yourself. Imagine that you really have a tiny defenseless creature in your hands. Do not be afraid to give him your love, care and attention.
Consequences of Incomplete Separation
Sometimes it happens that the process of separation from parents does not take place to the end. The reasons for this are different: imperious father and mother, inability to understand each other, initially strained relations. It happens that an adult child, having separated from his parents, makes a serious mistake and subsequently deeply disappointed in himself. In this case, the person feels an internal dissatisfaction, it becomes difficult for her to cope with her own emotions. Negative feelings are overwhelmed by an irrepressible wave and completely subordinate to themselves. Is it necessary to say that a person's taste for life is lost, a bad mood constantly prevails?
The consequences of incomplete separation are very deplorable: self-doubt, fear of making serious decisions. Such a person continues to live with an eye on society, fearing his own desires. He does not seek opportunities for self-realization, but runs away from them.
Thus, separation from parents is an important step in the development of personality. It helps to manifest individuality, to establish a belief in the available prospects. If separation is not done on time, then a person will not be able to actively act, live in harmony with his inner nature.