We often talk about empathy. They learned to masterfully pretend to groan, gasp, pretending to share the pain of the interlocutor. On the principle: "you feel bad and I feel bad, let's cry together." Cried and parted. Nothing was done to help the person.
To understand a person is to already sympathize with him. Do not sympathize, as in the case described above, namely sympathize. What is the difference between one concept and another? Let's find out.
Empathy is what?
What does it mean to empathize? If we turn to smart books on psychology, we will find something like this answer. Empathy is the ability to share the negative emotions of a person and empathize with him. In other words, empathy is the ability to feel the interlocutor and the ability to understand him.
Difference from compassion
What the word "sympathize" means is described above. Please do not confuse him with compassion. The latter is shared suffering. And here we can distinguish two points: sincere and insincere compassion.
Let us illustrate with an example. A friend came to us, complaining about life. And we nod our heads, gasp and gasp, cry with him. Inside, everything is empty, we are just waiting for this comrade to go away with his whining. It’s full of troubles, and here also this climbs.
We shared nagging and suffering with a friend. But they did nothing to help him. They just cried together and parted on it. Here he is an example of insincerity.
And when a person fully shares the suffering of his interlocutor, not turning the clock on himself, but thinking how to help, this is a manifestation of true compassion for his neighbor.
Condolence is how?
What does “sympathize” and “condolences” mean? If we figured out the first word, then the second will now be considered.
Turning to the dictionary, we read: to condole - to take part in someone's grief.
Stingy and dry. In general, this word has become a formality. Upon hearing of someone's death, we offer our condolences in words. And the heart is cold and empty. As one blogger put it, the word is a stamp. How the seal is “paid”. It becomes disgusting from him.
And if you dig deeper, the meaning of this word is not at all the same as the explanatory dictionaries write to us. It hurts like you. I am sick with you, I share your pain. And I will do everything to facilitate her.
How to learn empathy?
What does it mean to "sympathize", we have safely figured out. And how to learn this quality? It’s one thing to talk in words about how you understand a person, and another thing to prove it in practice.
To learn how to sympathize with your neighbor, you need to understand him. Not just sitting and listening, nodding your head, but mentally at this time be somewhere far away. No, it is to feel the emotions of the interlocutor at this moment. And worry with him.
This is hard to learn. We are mostly in ourselves. And it's hard to break out of your own shell. However, learning is never too late.
Where to begin?
Subject to several rules. They are light, believe me. Try to follow them when the need arises, and understand if you know how to learn how to sympathize. In fact, this is not given to everyone. And if we cannot understand the other person, then it can be difficult to provide support.
So, in order to understand what sympathy means, we need:
- Interest. When a person shares his experiences, we turn to the hearing. We do not soar in our thoughts, but put ourselves in its place. We try to understand the essence of the problem.
- The ability to be silent. It would seem how sympathy can be associated with silence? Sometimes a person needs to talk. Let him say you listen. And try to understand his problem. Do not interrupt, do not comment unnecessarily. Just listen.
- Do not give advice until asked. Have you listened and want to show how interested you are in helping the other person? Do not rush to give advice until asked, but offer help. Don't be afraid to say, “How can I help you?”
- Look the speaker in the eye. If we examine the interior of a room while the soul is being poured out before us, then what kind of sympathy can we talk about? Look at your interlocutor.
- The ability to observe. And knowledge of body language. Be careful, watch the facial expressions of the one who came to you for help. Look carefully at his hands, look at the pose. Does a person try to close or, on the contrary, is as open as possible? Tense or relaxed? Depending on what the interlocutor’s body tells you, you can think about how to help him.
- Do not flail away from help. Support morally. Can't find the right words? Just be there. Does a person need financial support or your presence in some place? Do both.
- Ability to leave on time. Sometimes a person speaks out and wants to be alone with himself, and we begin to bother around him, which irritates us even more. Let your interlocutor be alone with your thoughts.
That's what it means to empathize. Now it’s clear why it’s not always possible to do this sincerely.
Conclusion
We learned the difference between compassion and sympathy. At first glance, these are exactly the same things. And once you get to the bottom of the matter, and understanding comes that they differ significantly.
In addition, the article gave an “instruction” on how to learn empathy. And as it turned out, everything is not as simple as it seems. Yes, the ability to understand one's neighbor is a complicated thing. But the one who owns it becomes the closest friend, fully knowing what it means to sympathize.