The question of how to live with an alcoholic husband (the advice of a psychologist will be given in our article) began to worry more and more women in our country. People can get drunk for a variety of reasons: problems at work, lack of finances, lack of attention, and so on. However, today we are not talking about the dangers of alcohol and the consequences of their abuse. The article will provide practical advice to women who are forced to live with an alcoholic in the family. All information is based on expert advice.
Who is an alcoholic?
The psychology of family relations with an alcoholic husband is quite multifaceted and depends on many individual factors. However, before starting to discuss practical tips from psychologists, you must first understand who the alcoholic is, because many women, unfortunately, do not see the difference between drinking and a couple of cans of beer after a hard working day.
Signs of alcoholism are quite similar to signs of alcohol abuse, so the final diagnosis is often belated. The main feature of alcohol addiction is an irresistible need (not a desire!) To drink an alcoholic drink, as well as a panic state in case this need is not met. If your husband has a similar symptom, then you should sound the alarm. However, if you forbid him to drink beer from time to time, and he agrees with you without quarrels and scandals, then most likely the man has no dependence on alcohol.
It is also worth noting that alcoholism is more a psychological addiction than a physical addiction. That is, individuals with a strong will can drink alcohol for many years and not feel dependent on them. However, if the patient has symptoms of alcoholism, then he first of all needs the support of relatives and friends, and not censure about his helplessness. If the situation is in a neglected state, then you should contact a narcologist who will determine the severity of the patient and prescribe the appropriate treatment.
Is it worth living with an alcoholic?
Want to get away from your alcoholic husband? The advice of psychologists will help you make the right decision. Many argue that to leave such a husband is the only right decision, after which a woman will finally feel happy. However, let's face it. There are far fewer men in the world than women, therefore, representatives of the stronger sex have the right to choose young and beautiful young ladies as their brides. How many worthy men will pay attention to a woman who has already been married or even has several children? Most likely, the fair sex after a divorce will have to live all her life alone, which is quite difficult, so you should correctly assess your chances if you decide to leave your alcoholic husband, and also be prepared for what you have to spend the rest of your life in loneliness.
Of course, in order to counter alcoholism, you will have to stock up on a huge amount of patience, since the process of combating this serious illness can take several years. At some points, it may even seem to you that your husband has completely recovered from his addiction, but after a certain period of time he may again break loose and start drinking. In this case, many women lose heart and cease to struggle with the problem at all or leave the family. Perhaps this exit is partly correct, but it is not always reasonable.
How to live with an alcoholic? The advice of psychologists presented in the following sections of this article will help you understand this issue in more detail.
The dependence of the spouses from each other
Few people know that living together with a loved one is addictive, as is drinking alcohol. However, if your husband is addicted to alcohol, then you risk getting serious mental disorders that will be caused not by his addiction, but by yours. More recently, you recalled how a young and handsome man looked after you, you were madly in love with him and were ready to follow him even to the ends of the world. If this feeling has not faded over time, then you can experience severe mental pain when you see your loved one in a state of intoxication. In this case, a woman’s feelings are very detrimental to her mental health, so psychologists recommend dulling the feeling of love that you have with your spouse.
What if my husband is an alcoholic? The advice of psychologists suggests that a woman should less look back on the past. If you constantly compare the moments from the candy-bouquet period with what is happening at the moment, then you risk diving into depression for a long time. No one says that you need to stop loving your spouse at all. However, one should forget about warm feelings at a time when he does not deserve them. Just distract yourself from bad thoughts by watching your favorite TV show or reading a book. If your spouse realizes that he ugly behaved towards his lover, then he will certainly apologize the next morning. If not, then do not worry in vain. Only those people who are ready to accept it deserve your love. For example, you can devote more time to caring for children or pets. However, remember that cheating on your spouse with another man is not a way out of a difficult situation, but only exacerbating the problem.
Get rid of the feeling of sacrifice
If you believe the advice of psychologists, you can live with an alcoholic husband if you can completely get rid of the feeling of sacrifice. Many wives begin to cry at the moment when the husband returns home drunk from the bar, but this will not lead to anything good, while the man is in an inadequate condition. It is strongly recommended to get rid of this habit for good, because sacrifice blocks the manifestation of your individual abilities, and can also cause a desire to "recoup" on other personalities for your evil fate. A woman who constantly makes herself a victim is distinguished by imbalance, lack of initiative, and exerts destructive pressure on others. Moreover, even children are very often hit.
To deal with this problem, you need to look inside yourself and analyze those individual motives that make the fair sex constantly expose herself as a victim. To do this, just ask yourself a few of the following questions:
- Why am I constantly trying to make myself a victim?
- What happens if others see me as a victim?
- Can my actions lead to a solution to the problem?
If a woman builds a chain of causal relationships in her head, then sooner or later she will be able to understand that no one needs sacrifice. Of course, in order to get rid of this habit, you need to have great courage and perseverance, but this will not only allow you to deal with your alcoholic husband, but also to improve your life, taking up self-development. What if you happen to live with an alcoholic husband? The advice of psychologists boils down to the fact that you must first overcome the desire to become a victim in yourself, because this certainly will not be the solution to the problem, but only exacerbate the situation - do not forget about it.
Focus on children or yourself
Pretty good advice that allows you to deal with many unpleasant situations. On the advice of psychologists, you can live with an alcoholic if you do not pay too much attention to the problem. Yes, you heard right! Of course, you should not completely “hammer” on it, but until you can find ways to solve the problem, try not to forget about loved ones, as well as self-development.
Shifting priorities is the main step towards shifting attention from a sick person to something that is really precious to you. If up to this point your alcoholic husband was in your focus, the advice of psychologists suggests the need to think carefully about your life. Try to understand that your spouse is not the "center of the universe", and in no case should he push children aside, as this not only contradicts the moral and ethical standards formed by modern society, but can also adversely affect the development of a young person. If your child constantly feels unnecessary to his family, then sooner or later he will also become addicted to drinking alcohol, smoking, or worse.
If you have no children in your family, then you should do self-development so that you have less time for negative thoughts. In addition, if a woman is constantly in a crushing atmosphere, all the while waiting for a scandal or some kind of provocation from her husband, this will negatively affect her nerves. Sign up to the gym and start monitoring your health or visit a literary club to not only read good works, but also meet new people. This will allow not only to escape from family problems, but also to spend time with benefit.
Bring your awareness to your spouse
Advice from a psychologist about living with an alcoholic suggests that a woman should tell her spouse about her awareness of his illness. Even if you completed the previous paragraph, many men may simply not notice the changes in life due to the constant craving for alcohol. Therefore, you must directly tell your spouse that you know about his illness and will fight him with all your strength. Nothing scares a man so much as the indifference of his beloved woman, because this means that at one point he went too far and it broke. Even if your spouse behaves inappropriately while intoxicated, and you just want to let it go, you should still show your husband that he remains dear to you in any condition. This may not be entirely true, but this method really works.
If a man notices a change in relationship before you tell him about your awareness, you should be prepared in advance for the question: what happened? Do not panic. Best of all, tell the truth as it is. You must inform your beloved that it is painful for you to observe his condition, that you still love him, as you did 10 years ago, and you want everything to be good between you. However, in no case do not try to offend your spouse's vanity, as this certainly will not bring to good. Since the man will be already heavily dependent on alcohol by this time, he will feel fear that they will be taken away from him that allows him to abstract from pressing problems - drinking. That is, you must first hint to your spouse that you would like him to drink less alcohol. If you immediately say something to the man like: “Stop thumping!”, You will also remain guilty.
Now it’s clear how to talk with an alcoholic. The advice from the psychologists in the following sections will help you get your husband to stop drinking forever. Also at the end of the article you will find a short video in which several effective ways will be given to save a man from addiction to alcohol.
Use stimulation, not coercion
We thought about how to work out the situation with an alcoholic husband. In psychology, there are several wonderful ways that allow you to achieve the desired result from a person. For example, one of the well-known techniques is “Stimulation, not Coercion”. As the name suggests, it consists in the fact that a woman should stimulate her husband to achieve a result, and not force him under threat. Too many women do not understand the simple truth that if they forbid her husband to do something, this only aggravates the situation. Therefore, if you decide to close your husband access to intimacy until he stops drinking, it is better to drop this thought. Or you can replace it with a truly effective option, for example, reward him every time he refrains from going to the bar and returns home sober. The more you stimulate your spouse, the sooner he will start drinking.
How to live with an alcoholic husband? The advice of psychologists is quite simple: try not to arouse the desire of a man to protest your rules. A man must decide to change on his own, and not through various threats. Then he will be much more confident in following the intended goal and will not give up after the first failure. And the woman will have more confidence that her husband still loves her and is ready to make serious sacrifices for her. To arouse such a desire in your spouse, you can learn not quite female hobbies that will motivate a man to help his wife, instead of getting drunk with friends.
Do not change positions after the first results
The psychology of the alcoholic in the family is designed in such a way that he can relax after the first positive results and give slack. However, this only leads to the fact that you have to return to the starting point, and all the work will be simply useless. Therefore, the wife should be able to insist on her position. You must be able to tell your husband “no” in time, without succumbing to various persuasions or even reproaches. It is worth understanding the fact that even after a long coding, a man can start drinking stronger than before if he drinks at least a glass of beer. Therefore, it is in your interests to make your husband stop drinking anything stronger than kvass. Even if there is some serious reason (wedding or anniversary), then you should refrain.
To help your spouse abstain after the first months of treatment, try to follow the advice of psychologists. An alcoholic in a family is far from a sentence; one can fight this. You only need to be able to properly use those motivational levers that are suitable in a particular case. For example, if your husband really wants to have a drink at his friend’s wedding, give him a hint that today you will arrange for him such a "wedding night" that even the newlyweds will envy. To do this, you can always have in stock several sets of erotic lingerie that your spouse has not yet seen. Well, or just let him go fishing with friends if he promises to refrain from drinking alcohol. In general, you should not give slack, especially if you want the same from your spouse.
Alcohol treatment folk remedies
The psychology of an alcoholic in the family also lies in the fact that a man may not recognize his addiction. However, if you are sure that your spouse is sick and ready to deal with it by any means, then you can find a large number of folk recipes that allow you to permanently overcome the craving for alcohol. Having prepared such a tincture, you should add it to food or drink (depending on the recipe) to your loved one, after which he will begin to seriously feel an aversion to drinks that contain alcohol in their composition. However, if you decide to resort to the treatment of addiction without asking the patient for an opinion, then you should prepare for certain consequences.
Many people will react negatively to the fact that someone in secret from themselves is engaged in their treatment. In addition, such actions can also lead to criminal liability if the husband decides to file a lawsuit against his wife. Therefore, you should deny your involvement in your husband’s aversion to alcohol. Pretend that you do not understand what encoding is and how it is produced. In this case, the patient will think that something is really wrong with his body, and for his own safety, sooner or later he will stop drinking. And besides, drinking alcohol when you have a physical aversion to it is a very dubious pleasure.
Help with a hangover at home
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It is also necessary to force the husband to drink at least 1.5 liters of water within 2 hours after waking up. It is best that the life-giving fluid is mineral, but non-carbonated, then the body will be cleansed much faster. And from home remedies that allow you to get rid of alcohol poisoning, it is recommended to use a soda solution or various sorbents. If you believe the advice of psychologists, an alcoholic husband is fixable. The main thing is to strive to cure your loved one from addiction.
Conclusion
Now you know about the behavior of an alcoholic in the family. The advice of psychologists helps to live with a sick person and treat him. In the video below, an experienced priest talks about how to live with a husband who is addicted to drinking alcohol. It's no secret that priests are partly also psychologists and are able to choose the right words for a person in any life situation.
Is it worth living with an alcoholic? The advice of psychologists from this article and the recommendations of the priest from the video should help every woman if she decides that her lover is worthy of help. However, there are situations when a husband does not want to deal with the problem or even regularly beats his wife while intoxicated. In this case, of course, one should not endure assaults. It is best to contact the human rights authorities and divorce your husband in order to start life from scratch. Therefore, is it worth giving a chance to an alcoholic husband, each woman decides on her own. At the same time, she should take into account the feelings of children, her own emotions, as well as the behavior of her spouse.