Psychologists distinguish aggressive, passive and assertive behavior. What are their principles and characteristics and which one is better?
Aggression and passivity
The activity of a passive person is limited to a framework that does not allow any initiative. This is an ideal performer who acts on command and never chooses on his own, and is usually not heard or seen. A person who adheres to an aggressive manner of behavior, on the contrary, is always in sight and in the center of events, that is, scandals. By accusing, insulting and intimidating, he persistently achieves his goals - he satisfies his ambitions or simply causes moral damage to people unfavorable to him.
Manipulative behaviors
The aggressor may seem very active, but there is one caveat. Like a passive person, he is not responsible for anything: he only actively blames others for his problems. Thus, it is an explicit manipulator. Passivity is also fraught with manipulation, because in the troubles of the one who does not decide anything himself, someone else is always to blame.
Assertive Behavior
Aggression and passivity are two apparent opposites, but in fact - one and the same phenomenon. But people do not always manipulate their own kind. When they behave naturally, do not depend on external evaluations and influences, act openly and are responsible for their actions, this is an assertive behavior. Its name comes from the English verb assert - to assert, to assert their rights.
Basic principles
Responsibility that an assertive person recognizes. He acts of his own free will, and also understands that he has no right to blame other people for how he reacts to their behavior.
Self-esteem and respect for others. These two things are directly related: a person who does not respect himself will not be respected by other people.
Effective communication. It is determined by three qualities: truthfulness, openness and sincerity in expressing one’s opinion, feelings and thoughts on any issue. Directness, however, has reasonable limits: you should not hurt, upset, or insult the person you are talking to.
Self confidence. It is based on the self-esteem already mentioned, as well as knowledge of one’s own merits, professional qualities and skills.
The desire to listen and understand the opponent. Assertive behavior means that a person knows how to listen and tries to understand someone else's point of view, and also recognizes her right to exist, even if it differs from his own.
Negotiations and compromises. This point follows from the previous one: although opinions on some issue may vary, you need to agree in order to live or work together was comfortable, and you must take into account the interests of each of the parties involved.
Search for simple answers to complex questions. Manipulators, both passive and aggressive, like to confuse everything and cast a shadow on the wattle fence. In contrast, an assertive person does not complicate the situation where possible.