Surely you have already heard about such a thing as empathy. Perhaps empathy is one of your loved ones, acquaintances, or you yourself. What kind of ability it is, how to discern it in oneself and those around you, how to live with it, whether it is possible to find it, or, on the contrary, whether it will be possible to get rid of it — we will talk about this in the article.
What is empathy
The word "empathy" came from the merger of Greek. ἐν - "in" and πάθος - "feeling", "suffering". This concept means conscious sympathy of other people's emotions without losing the feeling of their external nature. Hence, empathy is a person who knows how to hear other people's emotions, both positive and negative, even hidden, unaware of their "owner". One who has the gift of empathy sees the true face of a person, it is impossible to deceive, mislead. Some empaths can feel and experience even other people's physical sensations.
The scientific neurophysiological nature of empathy is explained by the work of the so-called mirror neurons. They are responsible for the activity of the brain, which reflects the state of other creatures. Mirror neurons were discovered relatively recently - in the nineties by scientists Gallese and Rizzolatti and their followers from the University of Parma. For the first time, researchers recorded them in the frontal cortex of a monkey's brain.
Empathic Features
Answer the question "Empath is who?" Enumeration of the characteristic features of the owners of this gift will help:
- Other people's feelings are experienced as their own. Someone defines them in direct communication, and someone - even kilometers from a person.
- In public places there is a feeling of some depression - from negative emotions emanating from many people at the same time.
- Acutely feel the lie. It is impossible to hide your true intentions and feelings from empathy.
- If an empath sharply empathizes with a sick person, he can even feel his physical pain and feel the symptoms of the disease.
- Empath in any team will notice a suffering person.
- “Emotional vampires” acutely feel empaths, try to get closer to them in order to unload their negativity on the poor.
- Empath often feels tired, exhausted, depressed mood.
- Empath is definitely a creative person.
- One who has such a gift can also be calculated by love of nature, sensitive care of animals.
- Such people like to be alone - otherwise the endless stream of other people's emotions will simply drive them crazy.
- The gift of empathy makes a person an excellent listener.
- Acutely feel injustice, authoritarianism, selfishness.
- They show their gift in everyday life: they don’t like museums, antiques, old houses - they feel all the energy that a thing or atmosphere absorbed from the people surrounding it once; often become vegans - they feel suffering before the death of the animal, which became food.
- Empathists do not know how to pretend to wear a mask. Often they give the impression of unsociable, closed, quiet and shy people.
Empathy levels
Opening the topic "Empath - who is this?", We note five levels of empathy:
- Empaths of the first level fully know all their feelings and emotions. At the same time, they hear the spiritual experiences of others, but take them for their own.
- People with the second level of gift realize that these are feelings and emotions, understand their nature, are able to intentionally read the feelings and emotions of a certain person.
- At this level, people can already recognize themselves as empathic. They not only see the experiences of a person nearby, but are also able to hear the feelings of another from a photograph or simply by thinking of someone.
- Empathists of this level have access to the whole range of feelings. They are able to read the emotions of not only real people, but also personalities from the past - according to their things, traces, atmosphere of the house where they lived. Moreover, they feel the energy flows of plants, animals, non-biological entities. These are real psychics - they see the power of feeling, can predict the actions that it will lead to, see what caused the appearance of emotion. They are perfectly able to separate their feelings from others. Another feature of them is that they help to develop a gift to other empaths, to teach their skills.
- The highest degree of empath - who is it? A person who is able to control not only his feelings and actions, but also the feelings and actions of others.
How to become an empath
Why do you need to develop empathy in yourself? There are several answers:
- The quality is simply necessary for the followers of the humanitarian professions: psychologists, doctors, educators, teachers, volunteers, etc.
- Empathy - the ability to feel the interlocutor - helps more successful communication.
- A sympathetic person who understands other people's experiences as their own will always be disposed to him.
You can become an empath in the following way:
- Try to notice in the interlocutor all the little things - the movement of the eyes, lips, gestures, facial expressions, voice changes during his various emotional states. Soon you will distinguish when he is excited, seeks to hide something from you, is inspired by joy.
- Learn to shift the emotions of others on yourself. To the smallest detail, imagine yourself in the place of a person telling you a story.
- Train with your friends - learn to quickly imagine that they are you. Notice their typical facial expressions, gestures, gait, style, manner of communication. This is the most difficult step. Here you need to learn how to try on other people's lives, while not losing your personality.
- Learn to manage your emotions - restrain anger, desire to complain, tearfulness. Develop your excellence to perfection. Only after you become a full-fledged conductor of your emotions can you help others cope with them.
How to stop being an empath
Empathy sometimes becomes a difficult cross for a person. Feeling and experiencing how one’s, another's pain sometimes becomes a nightmare. Remember the main character of the imperishable "Green Mile" Stephen King. Acutely sensual empaths, their ability is driven into a corner, leads to depression, leaves devastated. Of course, once and for all getting rid of this gift is difficult. It takes a long and hard spiritual work on yourself, consisting of four main stages:
- Awareness of your response to other people's emotions.
- Setting certain boundaries when communicating with other people.
- Creation of personal space.
- A positive attitude towards the perception of the outside world.
We will analyze each item in detail.
Stage 1: awareness of the reaction to other people's feelings
Empath is a person who feels, as his own, the emotions of strangers. Your work should begin with the following:
- Determine when and at what moments you are particularly affected by the feelings of others.
- Analyze what emotions you feel in society: fear, depression, tension, or maybe a desire to impress with your gift?
- Highlight the so-called emotional vampires in your social circle . These are personality types such as dictators, excessive egoists, critics, victims, hysterical people. They are dangerous for empathy. Keep communication with them to a minimum or completely stop friendship. The next point will tell you how to do this.
Stage 2: creating borders
We continue our own phased emotional analysis:
- Note that you can endure from others and what you want to refuse once and for all.
- In what situations can you easily give up and follow the “vampire”? Create a “panic button” in your mind - stop such moments in the bud.
- Talk frankly with loved ones. Explain why you sometimes need to be alone, tell us about situations that exhaust you, fuel a nasty mood.
- Consider a plan of action in difficult situations. For example, your friend had a disaster, and the poor man just needs to talk. What will you do? Maybe you should outline the time frame for such a conversation?
- Learn to say no. Practice by losing with yourself the most common situations of your future failures.
- Empath is a gift from the listener. You can spend hours sincerely empathizing with other people's bitter stories. And as it becomes easier for the interlocutor, so much harder for you. Set the time for such “offloading” sessions for your friends. Half an hour is enough to discuss any problem.
Stage 3: creating your space
You also have the right to be heard, not loaded with other people's troubles. The steps to this should be taken as follows:
- The very first step is to learn to be independent in everything. Start by buying food or new clothes without waiting for any advice, approval, criticism.
- The next step is to learn to rely only on yourself in difficult situations.
- Take care of arranging your own corner - a place where no one will disturb you. It can be a cozy little bench in the park, a secluded lawn or even your own country house. Nothing other than nature will help to quickly restore mental strength to sensitive empathy.
- Do not settle in public spaces for places where you are uncomfortable or uncomfortable.
- The world spiritual practice will help you to consolidate the result - breathing exercises, yoga. Learn to visualize your negative emotions (fog, stones, dark color), and then mentally break them up and disperse them.
Stage One: Positive Attitude
Empathy - what gives this gift? Naturally, not only experiencing someone else's negative:
- Concentrate on the bright, kind feelings of your loved ones. Rejoice for them and with them.
- The next step is to learn to see the positive even in a casual passerby. This will help such a sensitive person like you to quickly regain your good mood.
- Create positive yourself - make small surprises to your loved ones, take care. Their joy will be your joy.
- Take care of what you like, without looking back at age, prejudice, slanting glances.
- Try to surround yourself with bright, positive, understanding people. Feel free to contact them for support.
- Try to avoid situations that greatly depress you as often as possible.
- Empathy - who is this? Of course, people prone to creativity. Create - from writing your own book to developing your own clothing style. Creativity will disperse the clouds above your head.
- Turn your empathy into empowerment. Help homeless animal shelters, arrange a party for children from a boarding school or just buy a hot lunch for a homeless person.
- Direct your compassion towards yourself. Learn to feel sorry for yourself. Of course, within reasonable limits.
- And the last, and also the most important - accept and love your uniqueness.
Are you an empath? How to live with it? This is an amazing, but at the same time a hard gift - for such a person hears not only happiness, but also all the pain of this world. Not only that, he passes it through himself. Therefore, the empathy must constantly work on himself, preventing the feelings of others from making his life unbearable.