👐🏾 🤚 🛤️ Hysteria in a child: reasons, the correct reaction of parents, advice from a psychologist 🌩️ 💒 🕸️

The kid screams loudly, falls to the floor, wriggles, knocks with his feet, as if something unimaginable happened. Although you just refused to buy him a hundred and fifth machine in the store. According to opinion polls, 90% of parents face tantrums in a child. Their peak falls on the age of 1.5-3 years. Most mothers and fathers are lost at such moments, do not know what to do, and make fatal mistakes.

How is the tantrum going

Psychologists say that a hysterical attack in children occurs involuntarily due to strong emotional arousal. A small child does not know how to express his feelings in words. He himself does not understand what is happening to him. Emotions overwhelm him, and now he is rolling on the floor, banging his head on objects, scratching himself and others, completely "disconnected" from the surrounding reality. In severe cases, convulsive reactions occur (the so-called hysterical bridge).

Seizures in young children usually proceed as follows:

The child nonverbally shows his discontent: whimpers, yells, sniffles, defiantly refuses to enter into dialogue. At this stage, the tantrum can be stopped if the baby is distracted.
The baby begins to scream loudly, often scaring others. Moreover, the child no longer hears the adult, scolding or explaining something to him is useless.
The kid falls to the floor, stamps his feet, throws things. In this case, he does not feel pain, and can cause injury to himself or another person.
After the "concert" the children are exhausted, they seek comfort from their parents, many fall asleep. This is natural - a strong emotional shock exhausts them.

Hysteria in a child at 2 years old is a natural phenomenon. At this time, the baby’s nervous system is imperfect. He does not know how to control his feelings, calm down on his own. It is especially difficult for parents of anxious, anxious children who have frequent mood swings. A hyperactive child also brings a lot of problems. His impulsiveness and excitability leads to frequent tantrums, which are often accompanied by aggressive antics.

We are looking for a reason

Many parents complain that a child’s tantrum at 2 years old occurs “from scratch”. It's a delusion. The kid is naughty only when he is ill. Moreover, it is still not possible to express one’s state with words, so one has to resort to more visual methods. Often the cause is a conflict with mom or dad. Here are typical “triggers” for children's moods:

Something hurts in the child, and he tries to convey this to you with his cry.
The kid is overworked, wants to eat or sleep. An eventful day, a lost regime, a visit to visit - all this can provoke moods.
Parents refuse to fulfill the desire of the child, which causes a protest.
They tear the kid away from an exciting activity, forcing him to go home, sit down to eat or go to bed.
The crumbs can’t do something on their own: the puzzle does not add up, the laces do not tie.
The kid realized that hysteria is the best way to attract attention, since his parents do not react to his other actions.

Often the causes of tantrums in children are associated with changes in the family: admission to kindergarten, the birth of a brother or sister, the divorce of mother and father, their frequent quarrels. The child is in constant tension and fear, which splashes out during uncontrolled attacks.

The most striking manifestation of negative emotions is observed in three-year-old babies. At this time, they are going through a crisis period associated with self-awareness of an individual. Through the whims and tantrums of the kids trying to assert themselves, to defend their interests. They also grope the boundaries of what is permitted, check what and how much is "impossible", whether it is possible to somehow influence parental prohibitions.

With the correct behavior of adults, tantrums rarely occur and stop by 4 years. But if the baby understands that with their help adults can be manipulated, such behavior will become a habit.

Parent Mistakes

Psychologists agree that constant tantrums in a child are associated with the wrong reaction of adults. Indeed, it is difficult to maintain composure when a beloved child screeches and beats against the wall with his head. We list the most common errors:

Indulging whims. If after tears and rolling on the floor the grandmother agreed to buy the ill-fated chocolate bar, the next "concert" will not take long.
Screaming and swearing. Hysterical notes in the mother’s voice only spur a hyperactive child. Children tend to copy parental behavior. When adults allow themselves to lose their temper, it is difficult to expect another from the crumbs.
Hacking. Spanking a baby, you sign your impotence at the same time. The hysteria after this will only intensify. Your child will not calm down because you gave him a slap. In addition, it undermines confidence in you, and becomes the reason for retaliatory aggressive behavior.
Gentle tone, attempts to calm the baby. The hysteria is designed for the viewer and will continue as you emotionally react to it.
Threats that are not executed. They promised to throw sweets, because of which the baby roars, - do it. Otherwise, the child will understand that you are simply scaring him, and will not pay attention to empty words.
Double standards. When dad forbade eating cakes, and mom slipping them secretly, the child ceases to respond to the word "impossible." He concludes that the desired can be obtained if you make a little effort.

Tantrum Prevention

It is much easier to prevent moods than to deal with their consequences later. What to do so that the child’s tantrums happen as rarely as possible? Follow these guidelines:

A clear daily routine. Try to have the baby eat and go to bed on time. Do not expect your child to adapt to a changing schedule.
Rituals. Children like repetitive activities. They cause persistent affection and positive emotions. If your child has hysteria before bedtime, develop a laying ritual: a warm bath with oregano, a relaxing massage, warmed milk, a kind fairy tale, a beloved teddy bear near by, and a fun night light. Soon the baby will get used to this order and will fall asleep without any problems.
Limit TV viewing. Doctors believe that under 3 years old children should not watch cartoons and play computer games. Such activities not only spoil vision, but also lead to an overexcitation of the nervous system.
Calm atmosphere. Do not yell at the baby, do not make him a witness to family quarrels. If adults do not know how to control their emotions, they are unlikely to teach their children this.
Preparing for change. If dramatic changes are coming in the baby’s life, tell him about it, read some adaptation tales, promise support and give time to get used to the new conditions.
A clear system of prohibitions. The child must know the limits. They must not be changed under any circumstances. Parents should agree on this issue. However, there should not be too many restrictions and they should be reasonable.
Allow the baby to be independent. Let him help you wash the dishes, he will button the buttons himself, although this will take more time.
Let's make a choice. No need to ask if the child will have breakfast. Better specify what to impose: porridge or cottage cheese?
Take time. Naughty, the child draws attention to himself. Swearing for a baby is much better than complete indifference. Therefore, give the crumbs your love when he is in a good mood. Hug him, play together, do crafts, praise for success.

How to stop the tantrum on the way?

Despite all efforts, sooner or later you will encounter inappropriate behavior of the baby. The main thing in this situation is not to be taken by surprise. How to respond to the tantrums of the child so that they do not become the norm? At the initial stages, you can try to distract the child, switch his attention to another occupation. The main thing is to keep calm.

Show hardness. If you have banned something, do not change your mind. But suggest an alternative. You can’t draw on the wall in any case, but you can attach a piece of drawing paper to it and create your own masterpieces on it. If you are in a hurry at the clinic, and the child refuses to go out without a bicycle, say that the bicycle is sick. He needs to sleep. But in the clinic with you a bear or a bunny will go with pleasure. Whom will he choose?

To attract the attention of the baby, squat down, try to catch a look. Express his emotions: "Now you are angry because you want to sleep. Let's drown with you to stop being angry. Can you stomp even louder?" Be friendly, hug the child, offer to remove aggression by kicking the ball or throwing a soft toy. Take the one-year-old baby in your arms, turn on a calm melody, turn off the light, speak with him in a chant. You can watch passers-by through the window, find a hidden bird.

As soon as the child makes contact and calms down a bit, give any order (find a toy to bathe with, bring a phone to mom). You can immediately call someone close and praise the baby for coping with his emotions.

If the tantrum started ...

It is not always possible to prevent tears and demonstrative riding on the carpet. It is useless to appeal to logic, to try to come to an agreement when the child has a tantrum. What should parents do? Swear? Threaten? Console? Stand nearby and watch? Go to another room?

Get acquainted with the advice of psychologists. A child’s hysteria will be faster if you follow the following rules:

Keep calm. The best way out is zero reaction. The kid will understand that adults do not respond to his cry, and will stop using this ineffective tool. Aggression or pity, on the contrary, will only aggravate the problem. To cope with your own emotions, try to shift your attention to your breathing, bodily sensations. Imagine that you have increased in size, and a screaming child has become tiny, the size of a pinhead.
Do not change your mind. If something is forbidden, insist on it. Children need clear boundaries, permissiveness leads to dangerous consequences.
React equally to every tantrum. Well, if all members of the family adhere to this rule. Otherwise, remove the particularly nervous adults from the room or send them for a walk. The more viewers, the longer the tantrum lasts.
If the offspring rolls on the floor, throws objects, is scratched, do not bring the matter to injury. Apply hold technique. It consists in the fact that the mother takes the child in her arms facing her, hugs her tightly, even if he breaks free. You need to hold the baby until he looks into your eyes. Do everything silently, without unnecessary emotions.
If there is no danger of injury, just be there without interfering or talking. You can pretend that you are studying the contents of a cell phone. Most psychologists do not recommend leaving the child alone in this state. After all, he is now experiencing serious suffering. When the adults leave, the crumb seems to be mortally tired of mom and dad, so they left him to their own devices.
As soon as the fit of rage subsides, the baby needs to be pitied, picked up, caressed, but in no case promise gifts or privileges. Often children feel weak after a strong tantrum, give them the opportunity to eat or sleep.
Do not scold the baby. It is useless to find out from him the reasons for such behavior; he himself is not fully aware of them. Explain that a "bug" came to him, so he screamed and threw things. Understanding the experienced emotions will help reading special fairy tales, acting out the situation using toys as an example. Teach your child to control his feelings: let him show you his tongue or raise his hand the next time he feels the “little ones” are approaching. Practice together.

Tips by Dr. Komarovsky

Psychologists are sure that children do not control themselves during a hysterical attack. Another point of view is shared by the famous pediatrician E. Komarovsky. Tantrums in a child, in his opinion, are caused arbitrarily and are always directed at the selected viewer. If the mother is not sensitive to the cries of the crumbs, he will behave perfectly with her. But the nervous dad will witness endless vagaries.

You can cope with the problem only by showing your complete indifference to tears and stamping your feet. Each member of the family will have to do this. If someone (most often a grandmother) gives slack, it will be his child who will use for further manipulations.

It is better to wean the baby from tantrums at the age of 1-2 years. The doctor recommends leaving the screaming baby in the arena. Adults at the same time leave the room, and return only after the cessation of crying. If their appearance causes a new flood of tears, you need to leave again. Two days is enough to develop a steady reflex: "Mom is nearby if I do not scream."

With older children, everything is more complicated, because they are already used to achieving what they want in this way. How to calm a child with hysteria? Evgeny Komarovsky gives the following recommendations:

Teach your baby to express his feelings with words.
You should not shake over a capricious child , it is better to send him to kindergarten. Carers are usually less impressionable than parents.
Avoid the "dangerous" situations in which the baby begins to throw tantrums (fatigue, hunger, excessive rush).
As soon as a whimper begins, the baby should be distracted.
If the baby holds his breath while crying , don't be alarmed. Blow him in the face and he will inhale air reflexively.
Do not let the child come out victorious. Tantrums in children 4-5 years old are almost always the result of improper upbringing. From small manipulators over time, completely uncontrollable adolescents grow up who do not take into account the opinions of people around them.

Hysteria in a public place

When a child yells and stamps his feet in a store, on a playground, his behavior is designed for numerous spectators. There will certainly be a compassionate grandmother who shames a “bad-luck” mother. How to stop a child’s tantrum when there are many strangers around, and they all look at you with condemnation?

For parents, this is the most difficult situation. Someone is following the whim, provoking new tantrums. Others scare the child with a "granny", pretend that they are leaving. All this is unacceptable, since it creates fears, anxiety, insecurity in the baby’s soul. However difficult it may be, parents must remain calm. Best of all, when a child is hysterical, take him in his arms and take him to a secluded place. There you can control yourself, and the baby will calm down faster without a large support group.

Tantrums in a child in kindergarten

Adaptation to a preschool is painful for many babies. Tantrums in a child in a kindergarten arise both during parting with parents and later. Their reasons can be very diverse: strong affection for mother, poor health, unusual atmosphere, strict teacher, conflict with other children.

To make it easier for the child to adapt, parents can:

To teach the baby to dress, wash, eat independently. Then he will not be angry that other children can pull on tights, but he doesn’t.
Often play with other children in the playground, teach the baby to get to know them, share toys, and resolve conflicts.
Cook at home the same dishes that are prepared in the kindergarten, switch to the same mode of the day.
First, bring the child on an evening walk so that he sees mothers come for the children.
To give a toy from home with you, your thing "to save." So the child is easier to survive the breakup.
Come up with a ritual of farewell: pick up, sing a song, kiss the baby, wish a fun day and only then leave.
Do not panic when the baby clings to the coat, do not run away unnoticed, and do not drag out the unpleasant process. The calmer the parent and the benevolent tutor when parting, the faster the tantrums will pass.
Do not be late, come for the child exactly at the promised time.
Do not undermine the authority of the teacher. It is unlikely that the baby will agree to stay with the “bad” aunt the next day.

We go to the doctor

If you are working to solve a problem, and tantrums are getting harder, you may need the help of specialists. Visit a neurologist in the following cases:

tantrums in a child are causeless, become more frequent over time, becoming more aggressive;
the baby tries to hurt adults, peers or himself;
seizures are accompanied by fainting, breath holding;
after the attack, nausea, shortness of breath, severe weakness are observed;
tantrums begin at night, accompanied by terrible nightmares, screams, somnambulism;
your offspring is already 5 years old, but attacks occur regularly.

Tantrums in a child can be caused by a disease of the nervous system, but most often they are the result of improper upbringing. Do not be afraid of children's tears and aggression. The calmer and more patient the parents, the faster the problem is resolved. Learn to control your emotions, and the baby will take an example from you.

Hysteria in a child: reasons, the correct reaction of parents, advice from a psychologist