The expectation of a child is always full of joyful dreams, plans and hopes. Parents paint their future life with the baby in bright colors. A son or daughter will be beautiful, smart and always obedient. The reality is slightly different. The long-awaited baby is really the most beautiful, smartest and beloved, and sometimes even obedient. However, closer to two years, the character of the baby begins to change. So much so that parents cease to recognize their child.
It becomes extremely difficult to cope with a child. Until recently, so cute and flexible, he becomes moody, hysterical and strives to do everything in his own way. Of course, parents are aware that between two and three years old the child enters his first transitional age.
Psychologists call this period “the crisis of two years”. He is still a very young child - 2 years. Often freaking out and acting up. However, this knowledge does not become easier. Life next to a little tyrant is becoming unbearable. The kid, so obedient and sweet, suddenly becomes stubborn and capricious. Tantrums arise many times and from scratch. Moreover, if the child set out to get what he wants, then he will not succeed in distracting him by switching his attention to something else. The kid will stand his ground to the last.
Confused parents
Most parents are unprepared for such a change. What happens to the child takes them by surprise. Even if the baby has an older brother or sister and the parents have already gone through something like this, still rolling tantrums, the nervous child creates an unbearable atmosphere in the house. Parents, frightened by the thought that the baby may have serious health problems, seek help from experienced friends. However, few decide to turn to a specialist and get the advice of a child psychologist.
The advice of the townsfolk in such cases is given the same type. Most people are inclined to think that the child just needs to be “set as it should” so that he knows how to behave. However, such methods are not useful. The child is nervous and freaking out even more, bringing loved ones with his behavior literally to a nervous breakdown ..
How does hysteria manifest in a child. 2 years - age of testing
Most often, the baby resorts to a violent demonstration of his discontent. Falls to the floor, scatters things, hits parents, breaks toys. Moreover, occasions for discontent sometimes arise from scratch. For example, a child wanted water. Mom gives him a bottle, which immediately flies to the floor. It turns out that the baby wanted the bottle to be full, and it was only half full; or the kid yesterday ran through puddles in rubber boots and wants to put them on today too. Explanations that today the sun and boots are not needed on the street do not help. The child rolls a tantrum.
I must say that parents are sometimes afraid not of the hysteria itself, but of the reaction of those around it. In a situation where your child is constantly freaking out or screaming on the floor, it’s hard to stay calm. Especially if this happens in a public place full of well-wishers. Moms are lost in conjecture. What happened What is missing in education? what to do if the child is nervous and naughty?
Most often, there is no fault of parents in such situations. It is just that the baby began his first transitional age. Child psychologists call this condition a crisis of two years. The cause of the crisis lies in the child himself. The kid is actively exploring the world around him, which constantly presents him with surprises. He wants to be independent, but he is still not able to do without the help of his parents. Moreover, the help itself is often actively rejected. Thus, a child develops hysteria. 2 years is a rather difficult age for both the baby and his parents.
While the baby was very small, he felt himself one with his mother. He calmly allowed himself to be taken in hands and transferred from place to place, to feed, to dress and to do many other necessary manipulations. Starting to realize the limits of his own "I", the child simultaneously tries to find out the limits of what is permitted in relation to other people. Although sometimes it seems to parents that they are deliberately pissed off. However, this is not the case. The child learns to communicate, tries to realize how much his power over other people extends, and tries to manipulate them. Adults are required to exercise restraint, not succumbing to provocation.
There is no specific date when a child begins to show character. On average, it starts at two years and ends about three and a half years. If a small child (2 years) often freaks out and is capricious, then this can be called the age norm. The only question is how to survive this period with the least loss.
What to do to parents
Not to pay attention - this is perhaps the most reasonable advice that can be given to parents experiencing their first crisis with the child. It is worth temporarily forgetting what is right and wrong, and letting the child acquire his own experience. To the best of reason, of course.
“I myself” ─ this phrase is now most often heard by parents. I’ll get dressed myself, I’ll eat myself, I’ll go for a walk myself. And it doesn’t matter that it’s +30 on the street, but the child wanted to put on warm leggings on the street. Negotiations with a stubborn baby will end in a storm of hysteria. The best thing that can be done in such a situation is simply to allow the child to wear what he wants. Let him go outside in warm breeches. Just take light clothes with you, and when the baby is hot, change his clothes. Along the way, explaining that now the sun is shining, and you need to get dressed easier.
A similar situation is repeated at lunch. The child may want to eat sweet semolina, dipping a salted tomato into it. An attempt to feed him “correctly” will only lead to the fact that he will refuse from both of them. Let him eat what he wants and how he wants. If you can’t look at it, just don’t look.
Give your child more freedom and do not treat him like a toy. He is the same person as you, and he also has the right to make mistakes. Your task is not to protect him from all troubles, but to help him gain his own life experience. Of course, it is much easier to dress the child yourself than to wait until he does it on his own. Just set aside some more time. In addition, try to listen to the opinion of the child himself. After all, he is also a man and has the right to be listened to. If it’s lunch time, and the child refuses to eat, then most likely he is not yet hungry. Go meet him. Most likely, he will soon get hungry, and you feed him without any problems.
Make contact with your child through the game
Games for children 2 years old - this is the main way to interact with the outside world. To the question: “What are you doing?”, A 2-3 year old child will probably answer: “I’m playing.” The child plays constantly. If he has toys, he will play with them. If there are no toys, then he will come up with them for himself.
Often parents complain that the child has many toys, but he almost never plays them. Most often this happens when the toys are scattered around, disassembled and broken. The child just forgets about them.
In order for the child to remember about his toys, they must be in front of him. To do this, they are best kept on open shelves. Large toys are best placed on the floor so that the baby can easily get them. Place medium-sized toys directly on the shelf. Here they will look the most attractive.
Arrange all kinds of small objects like small cars, figures from Kinder Surprises, found on the street of beautiful pebbles, in small boxes. On top of each box, put one item out of those that lie in it. So the child will understand where whose house.
Do not give your child all the toys at once.
If the child does not see all of his toys at once, then he will remain interested in them longer. If there are too many toys accumulated, then collect some part and hide. after a while they can be shown to the child. He will begin to play with them with no less interest than with the new ones. Of course, you should not hide those toys to which the child is very attached. Some should be stored where they are most often used. For example, your daughter’s kitchen utensils can be stored in a special box in the kitchen. This will keep your own cookware intact.
Son's toy instruments can be stored next to dad's. In response to the baby’s request for a hammer or drill, give him his own toy tool. Bathing toys are best stored in the bathroom, and the ball with which he plays on the street is better to settle in the hallway.
Come up with activities for your child
Perhaps your child is constantly being naughty because he is just bored. He is still very small and can not always figure out how to play with this or that toy. In order for the baby to always be in business, get a special box for all sorts of interesting little things. At the right time, you will remove from the box a ribbon from which it will be possible to make a leash for a plush dog, to which he has already lost interest, or a shred for a new doll dress.
During the games, your baby tries to be closer to you. In his games, he will gladly accept your offer of help, but is unlikely to want to be given instructions on what to do. Games for children 2 years old are all kinds of studies, experiments and new discoveries. Do not try to explain to him the purpose of this or that toy or in a hurry to answer a question that he himself could not clearly formulate. So you can ruin everything. Try to give your child the opportunity to be a leader in his game and follow him.
Help the child, be his partner
Your baby may conceive some business, but will not be able to carry it out because his physical capabilities are still very limited. Help him, but do not do everything for him. For example, he planted a tree branch in the sand and now wants to water his "flowerbed". Help him bring a can of water to the sandbox, but do not pour it yourself. After all, he wants to do it on his own. If you deprive him of such an opportunity, then the scandal is inevitable. The child has not yet learned how to correctly express his negative emotions, so often tantrum occurs in children. 2 years is the age at which not all children can still speak properly. Not having the opportunity to bring weighty arguments in defense of his position, the baby rolls a tantrum.
Many games are simply impossible to play on your own. You can’t catch or roll the ball if there is nobody to throw it, you cannot play catch-up if there is no one to catch you. Often children have to beg parents for a long time to play with them. After much persuasion, they reluctantly agree, but after a few minutes they say: "Well, that's enough, now play it yourself." Or, agreeing to play, they announce in advance that they can only give the child 10 minutes. After this, the child does not so much play as he cautiously waits for the promised minutes to end and he will be told: “Enough for today”. It’s clear that you won’t be able to play all day, but sometimes it’s worth pretending that you yourself really want this. Give your child the opportunity to enjoy the fact that he himself finished the game when he wanted. Games for children of 2 years are their very life.
What to do if a child has a tantrum
No matter how carefully you handle a two-year-old child, situations still arise sometimes in which it will not be possible to avoid hysteria. Unfortunately, a small child (2 years old) often freaks out and is naughty. Sometimes he has tantrums. According to statistics, more than half of two-year-olds are prone to tantrums and outbursts of rage. For many, this happens several times a week. Tantrum-prone kids are usually very restless, smart, and well aware of what they want. They want to do a lot of things and are very bad at attempts by adults to prevent them from doing this. Having encountered an obstacle in its path, a small child (2 years old) often freaks out and is capricious, wanting to achieve his goal.
Having become hysterical, the baby is not able to control himself. He does not see or hear anything. Therefore, all objects caught in his way, usually scatter in different directions. A child may fall to the floor and scream loudly. When falling, it can hit hard on the floor or furniture. Parents are usually at a loss, they do not understand why the child is freaking out, because just everything was fine. The kid can scream until he vomits. At the same time, parents find themselves in a state close to panic, they do not know what to do if the child is nervous and naughty.
It is very difficult for parents to observe such pictures. Especially when the child turns very pale and it seems that he is now losing consciousness. True, he will not cause serious harm to himself in this way. Protective reflexes of his body will come to the rescue, which will force him to take a breath long before he can suffocate.
How to help a child
First of all, you should try to organize the life of the child so that he does not have nervous overloads. If the child becomes nervous, the symptoms will be visible immediately. These are frequent flashes of rage. When these flashes become too frequent, they will not lead to anything good. If you forbid something to the child or force him to do something that is not very pleasant for him, then try to be as gentle as possible. Do not try to keep your child in a tight framework. Trying to protect himself, the child will arrange tantrums regularly.
Sometimes parents hope to improve the condition of the child by giving them sedatives. Moreover, they "prescribe" the drugs themselves on the advice of relatives and friends. Doing this is strongly discouraged. Only a doctor can prescribe sedatives for children. 2 years is the age at which the child is still extremely vulnerable, uncontrolled use of drugs can harm him.
If the baby has a tantrum, carefully watch him so that he does not harm himself. During a tantrum, the child’s mental state such that he may not remember what he did while raving. So that he does not cripple himself, try to gently hold him. Recovering, he will see that you are next to him and the scandal that he created has not changed anything. Soon he will relax and fall asleep in your arms. The little monster will turn into a baby who needs affection and comfort. After all, this is still a small child (2 years). Often freaking out and acting up, but at the same time desperately needs your love, affection and comfort.
There are children who absolutely can not stand when they are trying to hold them during hysterical attacks. This only exacerbates the tantrum. In this case, do not use force. Just try to make sure that the child does not harm himself. To do this, remove all beating and easily breaking objects from its path.
Do not try to prove something to a child in hysteria. Until the attack passes, nothing will affect it. If the child is hysterical, do not yell at him. The sense will not care. Some parents, trying to bring the child to life, begin to beat him. Usually this not only does not calm him, but, on the contrary, makes him scream even louder. In addition, you can not calculate the strength and cripple the baby.
Do not try to explain something to the screaming child. In a state of extreme irritation, even an adult is difficult to persuade. And what can we say about the two-year-old child. After he calms down, do not start the conversation first. Many children perceive this as a concession, and screams can begin with a vengeance.
It is better to wait until the child himself comes to you. If he came to you, hug him, caress him and act as if nothing had happened.
Often parents are horrified at the thought that their child will "throw a concert" in public. They are ready to make any concessions, if only he would not have hysteria. This practice leads to completely opposite results. Children are very observant and know how to manipulate their parents. Do not be surprised if the child's tantrums begin to happen regularly and in the most inappropriate places.
Let the kid understand that he will not get anything from you by tantrums. If he was furious because you forbade him to climb the high stairs, do not let this happen even after he calms down. , , , .
Most children's tantrums are designed for the presence of spectators. Once you leave for another room, the cries miraculously stop. Sometimes you can observe a rather funny picture: the child screams from everyone, rolls on the floor. As soon as he discovers that there is no one nearby, he falls silent, then he comes closer to his parents and begins his “concert” again.
When is it time to go to a child psychologist?
You need to consult a psychologist if the child’s tantrums become too frequent and become protracted. In particular, they do not pass, even if the child is left completely alone. If parents tried all the ways, but still can’t overcome the tantrums, then it's time to seek the advice of a child psychologist. In order to find a good specialist, ask your friends who have already been helped by a child psychologist. Your feedback will be a good guide. In addition, it is worth a visit and a pediatric neurologist. This doctor will prescribe the necessary examinations and, if necessary, prescribe sedatives for the children. 2 years is the age at which most often recommend natural herbal preparations.
Sometimes the cause of childhood tantrums lies in family troubles and lack of agreement between parents. Even if the parents never quarrel in front of the baby, the baby still feels a nervous atmosphere and reacts to it in its own way. Once they agree, calming their thoughts and feelings, the child’s tantrums immediately cease.
Being a child is as difficult as being an adult. But still, time is on our side. Very soon you will find that the two-year milestone is passed, and all the tantrums are left far behind.