Quite often you can observe the so-called crisis of two years in children. Their behavior instantly changes, they become more capricious, they can start a tantrum from scratch, they want to do everything themselves, and they meet with hostility any request from their mother. Such a period can last up to three years. It was at this time that the baby realized himself as a separate person, trying to express his will. The manifestation of stubbornness in the crumbs is precisely connected with this.
Two words about crises
Almost all parents heard the phrases “I don’t want!”, “No, I will not!”, “I don’t love you!” From their children ... This is how age-related crises occur, which occur at 1, 3, 7, 14 or 18 years. Adults can only be congratulated, because each such phrase means only the correct and normal development of the peanut.
Psychologists assure: if the baby at the right time does not pass the real crisis, its further full development is almost impossible. Nevertheless, most parents are wary of such periods and try to resort to drastic measures to pacify the growing peanut.
Sometimes, if the behavior of a child at two years old is too harsh, adults shout at him and even spank. But these effects do not bring benefits. On the contrary, they can exacerbate the situation. Most parents will also regret their unexpected reaction and reproach themselves for being very poor educators.
Adults need to remember that the irritability that they experience is a normal reaction to the behavior of the baby, because these crises are not only children's. And also family. Moreover, negative emotions are experienced not only by adults, but also by children. This is absolutely normal. It is only necessary to accept, understand and correctly respond to the situation that has developed at home.
What are they like?
Development crises accompany a person throughout his life. They are different: a crisis of 1 year, a crisis of three years, a crisis of seven years, 14, 17, 30, and so on. With all the diversity, it must be said that this is a temporary phenomenon. If you understand it correctly, you can completely rid yourself of any manifestations of the crisis or, as a last resort, minimize them.
And yet, if the baby does not pass the crisis period fully and profitably, those unresolved issues that appeared in the previous period will already manifest themselves much stronger in the next crisis and with new problems of the next age. All this will lead to an even greater explosion, both psychological and emotional.
Why the beloved, dear and such an obedient baby is always literally in an instant turns into a capricious mischief, we will understand.
Causes of the crisis in two year old babies
By the age of two, the peanut becomes very active, curious, he has a huge desire for independence. He is trying to build a system of relationships with the world around him and master it. At the same time, the baby's behavior deteriorates, tantrums begin, much brighter than before, stubbornness is expressed. The crisis of two years is precisely in a new level of development of the child.
At this age, the baby really wants to be independent, he tries to do some things himself, without resorting to the help of his parents. Moms often say that now it’s harder for them to fulfill household chores, because the smart kid repeats everything after mom. He can wipe off the dust or take away the vacuum cleaner.
Not all parents allow the baby to take part in those matters that they themselves are busy with, so they try to restrict access. The kid will throw a tantrum, because it seems to him that he is being infringed.
Screaming to be understood
Yes, a crisis of two years often manifests itself in the cry of a small child. He has not yet learned very well to speak, so he does not always have the opportunity to share with his parents what he needs. If adults can not understand the desire for crumbs, he rolls tantrums. And with a cry he achieves what he wants.
The reason that the baby behaves badly, most likely, will be a ban on the study of new territories. For example, if a baby wants to draw a picture with pencils on wallpaper or furniture. Adults, of course, will forbid him to do this, the baby will scream, and sometimes give out an aggressive reaction. Some of the mothers may even remember that their little one tried to hit or bite them when they forbade him to do anything.
How long can it last?
The crisis of two years in children can have a different duration, which depends on the health of the baby, the experience of communicating with parents acquired by this age, and the situation in the family. In the transition period, everything can be very calm. And there may be manifestations of very violent emotions. And not only the child, but also the parents.
It should be clarified that periods of crisis are quite short. Stable stages in the baby’s life are much longer. But it is precisely due to a small period of crisis manifestations that a small child develops and changes his behavior.
If the parents behave incorrectly, and circumstances have found an unfortunate combination, the period of anxiety can be longer and last more than a year.
Coping with the crisis
So, it is already clear that when the crisis of two years in children begins, their development is in full swing. The main rule for parents at this time is the search for new ways to communicate with the peanut. There is no need to fight him. Now you just need to accompany him and help to survive the stage of tantrums and tearfulness.
The first recommendation. It is necessary to calmly and adequately respond to the whims of the baby. He does not want to eat porridge - you can offer him something else.
Distract the baby from the vagaries - play with him. Psychologists advise mothers and fathers not to put pressure on the child and not force him to do what he does not want. Of course, there must be a certain set of rules, the violation of which is unacceptable.
The kid should know about them. True, at first he will try to break everything. If a two-year-old kid wants to show independence in the things that his parents allow him, it is quite acceptable for him to show it. This simple technique will help to avoid some unpleasant situations and will enable the baby to expand the boundaries a bit.
The second recommendation. It is also clear that when a child begins a crisis of two years, tantrums are commonplace. To fight them is very difficult, almost impossible. If no persuasion helps, it is better to leave the child alone - so he loses a grateful audience.
You can do it another way: take the baby by the hand and distract something, for example, with an interesting situation. Alternatively, look for a kitty at home together or count the leaves on a tree outside the window.
We defeat the crisis
There are two more helpful tips for young parents.
It should explain the crumbs of their actions and deeds. For example, you should wear a hat and mittens, because it is very cold outside; candy wrappers should be thrown into the urn, because it is ugly to litter ...
Even if such explanations look a bit ridiculous from the side, they will help the baby, he will feel calmer and easier to step into the next stage of growing up.
Despite the fact that a two-year crisis in children implies their desire to grow up, the kids are quickly tired and are overexcited from the mass of new impressions. The result will be whims, tears, tantrums. Therefore, during these periods, parents should avoid those places where the baby can get hungry and tired. This applies to long trips on trolleybuses and buses, long shopping trips and the like. If a two-year-old toddler is bored, he is not interested, he will begin to act up. And all because he had not yet had time to form the necessary psychological processes.
Vagaries and tantrum. How to distinguish?
So, the crisis is two years old. Komarovsky Eugene (a pediatrician known to hundreds of mothers) invites parents to learn to distinguish baby's whims from hysteria.
A whim can be called an expression of desire for crumbs “I want, I don’t want”, and hysteria - a manifestation of its inappropriate behavior. It is in the second case that it is difficult for a small child to tell what he wants, because his speech has not yet fully formed.
The doctor is sure that the baby, as a rule, will arrange such scenes only in front of those people who are too sensitive to him. Toddlers quickly understand which of the adults is more manageable and which is not. If, for example, the mother runs to him immediately, as the baby screams, and the father does not pay attention to it, then the crumb will be hysterical only with the mother. He understands that thanks to his cries, the behavior of some members of the family changes, therefore, in order to achieve what he wants, he will do the same again and again. In this case, it is necessary to take care of the safety of the peanut, because in a state of hysteria, he can be injured involuntarily.
Ignoring
It is very important for parents to exclude all diseases that can provoke a similar condition in the baby. Among the variety of ailments leading to hysteria, there are dermatitis, anemia and impaired metabolism of magnesium and calcium. It is best to consult a pediatrician.
When the crisis of a two-year-old child begins, Komarovsky invites parents to “turn on” the method of ignoring. Only ignore should not be the baby, but his behavior. It is necessary to continue a conversation with him in a very calm tone, trying not to pay attention to the screams.
You can also go out of the sight of the baby, try to show their disinterest in such behavior. To overcome (or at least slightly alleviate) the crisis of two years in a child, Komarovsky also recommends a time-out method (or an angle method). It can be used after reaching a peanut two years.
Temporary situation
Perhaps the most important thing that parents of the peanuts should remember during the crisis is that all these troubles are temporary. And the problems of the children of two years will soon end. Adults should just try to understand their little one and truly love it. Each crisis will end with the next stage of growing up. The kid will learn to see the world around him in a different way, and his parents in their upbringing will gain new invaluable experience.
It must also be taken into account that how relationships develop in the family will be of great importance in overcoming the crisis. If a baby from childhood has become accustomed to being the center of the universe for his family, he will behave exactly the same when he grows up. If parents communicate in high tones all the time, then the pean will consider this form of communication absolutely normal. Therefore, mothers and fathers should show by their own example how all conflicts can be calmly resolved.
What is strictly forbidden to do?
And now about how mothers and fathers should not behave during the transition period. Of course, screaming and physical punishment are excluded. If violence is applied to the baby, this will deform his personality and hamper development. Bans and rules in relation to the baby should be clearly delineated.
You can’t first ban something, and then allow it. So the boundaries and the concept of security are blurred. A crisis of two years of age in a child can manifest itself in the fact that he will experience a feeling of anger and not understand how to deal with him. Anger usually manifests itself if the baby cannot tell about his feelings, if something is forbidden to him, if some kind of failure has happened to him.
No need to punish the baby for this feeling. It is better to hug the child and switch his emotion in a positive direction. Anger in response will create a vicious circle. We must also monitor our emotions, because two-year-old babies easily copy the behavior of their parents.
Positive key in communication with the child.
You should not forbid the baby everything: “Do not take the book!”, “Put the pencil in place!”, “Do not run!” How can a baby cope with so many bans? It will be very difficult for him.
If parents prohibit a lot, the baby will grow up a self-doubt person who will allow himself to solve problems using aggression.
It will be more correct to formulate all your phrases only in a positive way. For example, instead of saying to the baby “Do not take my spoon,” say “Let me give you another spoon.” There is no need to force the baby to give toys to other children, because at this age the little one does not understand why you need to give someone your favorite thing.
Advice from experienced moms. To prevent conflicts on the playgrounds, they teach their kids to make some kind of toy exchange. The kids are happy, as they have the opportunity to play with a new thing for a while.
Although the crisis of two years in children is distinguished by emotionality, it can occur without pronounced features. Parents must take into account all the needs of the peanut, then there will be no problems during the critical period.