Almost every parent knows situations when his child comes home from a kindergarten or school and says that he is offended. It makes no sense to run to an educational institution, because then the child will not learn to defend himself independently, and you will not be able to solve his problems all his life.
So, we will figure out how to teach a child to stand up for himself so as not to provoke a new conflict.
Age groups of children
At different ages, the child behaves differently. Depending on the age and individual characteristics of the childâs character, the most optimal line of behavior can be determined if the child is offended by peers.
The period of early childhood begins from 1 year and lasts up to 3 years. Few at this time send the child to kindergarten, however, children can communicate with each other in the yard or on the playgrounds. Children can usually quarrel over toys and, since the kids have not yet developed enough communication skills, but egocentrism is off the charts, quite often parental intervention is required.
Key recommendations:
- Try not to run to the child immediately, as soon as you see the "freelance" situation: your child has taken someone else's bucket or another child has taken his shoulder blade. In most cases, children can figure it out themselves even at this age. At the same time, it is not intended to let the situation go by itself: be sure to watch so that the conflict does not go beyond the limits of the permissible, and the children do not begin to fight.
- If there is a need to intervene in the conflict, do not impose your opinion, but gently explain to your child what he is wrong about.
- Do not raise someone else's child. He has his parents. This also includes a conversation with a strange child on the topic: "Give my son a bucket, you have to share." In fact, children from childhood should have a sense of their own and that of others, so that later on the growing child does not blur the boundaries between what can be taken and what cannot be taken.
- Do not scold the child, but explain: at the age of 1-3 years, the child is just starting to socialize, therefore shouting: "How can this be, this is egoism, itâs impossible, you are ill-bred." - they may be perceived ambiguously. He really didnât know how it was possible, but how it couldnât, but the situation itself can be fixed in his memory for a long time as a chain âcommunication with peers = motherâs angerâ, and then you will wonder why the child became closed.
The next age period is preschool (3-7 years). The youngest school age begins from 6-7 years and lasts up to 11 years for girls and up to 12 years for boys. At this time, the child already understands that there are other children and adults around him. He still needs to learn how to interact with the outside world, which usually happens in practice.
Child developmental psychology involves understanding the differences in behavior motives.
Conflicts between children: features and causes
No wonder they say that many children are cruel: in fact, they just do what they want. If an adult is restrained by some factors, such as common sense or the criminal code, then the child most often has only one factor - "I want to!"
That is why it is important to be able to explain why there are things that simply cannot be done. Not every kid from childhood has developed empathy, empathy, understanding of the feelings of another.
Many parents adopt the phrase âimagine yourself in her / his place,â and it usually works. But it is important that the child understands that it is really impossible to offend the kitten, because it is unpleasant for him, or to take the book away from the girl, because this is her thing.
The main causes of conflicts in groups of children:
- Egocentrism. It is considered normal for the child during early childhood, in the future he should already come to naught. A child under 4 does not understand that he is not the only one in the Universe, therefore he can afford the behavior that adults call selfish: take someone else's toy without permission, push away another child, tease someone, etc. It seems funny to the child and normal.
- The same "I want", which was mentioned earlier. If from childhood the child was not instilled with empathy and empathy skills, then in the future this can lead to conflicts with other children. Usually, if the family has a healthy atmosphere without violence and cruelty, it may not even occur to the child to offend someone, because he himself has never encountered such a thing.
- Envy. "Why does he have, but I don't?" Children begin to devalue what they want and criticize, tease someone who has what they want, whether something tangible or intangible. Even worse, when a child is stealing this thing. We can say that the child learns many emotions and learns to cope with them. The task of the parent is to help him choose the right path. For example, to explain that you donât need to envy, because someone elseâs is someone elseâs, and itâs important to prioritize and take care of your life.
- "Not like everyone else." If a child appears in a group or class, it often becomes an object of collective persecution. Worse, when the teacher considers it normal. To the question of how to teach a child to stand up for himself: first of all, one needs to be taught to understand that his uniqueness is a normal thing that does not need to be ashamed. Otherwise, the child may appear complexes.
We will analyze in more detail how to teach a child to fend for himself in different situations and in different teams. There may be many reasons; we have considered the most basic ones.
Child in kindergarten
During this period, the teacher or nanny must follow the children. Ideally, these are professional educators who can properly extinguish conflicts and create a friendly atmosphere. Children come to kindergarten in order to engage in any creative, entertaining activities, and even training takes place in a playful way. Therefore, children usually do not radiate discontent or negativity, since for the most part there is no moment of coercion: they like to play, and they play in kindergarten.
Having achieved a positive atmosphere in the group, it is much easier to resolve emerging conflicts or even avoid them to the maximum.
Your task as a parent is not to miss out on possible negative changes in the childâs behavior in order to correct them in time. For example, if a son / daughter comes from a kindergarten upset, sad, this may indicate any problems, especially if this is repeated constantly. The child in kindergarten, to some extent, remains face to face with the outside world, but this is necessary in order to learn it.
Find out what happened and help sort out the situation. Do not teach your child to complain, itâs better to share tips on what words to choose in order to put the offender in place.
Child at school
If a first grader took someone else's pencil case without permission, and then said: âYes, I just liked it,â thatâs not normal. Perhaps the parents did not pay enough attention to fostering an understanding of their and other people's property.
If a student in primary school teases or insults another, this can indicate either a lack of education, or an unhealthy atmosphere in the family, or real psychological, if not psychiatric, problems.
Be that as it may, a child who has become a victim of such an attitude needs to learn to give an adequate rebuff to offenders.
At school, relationships can already be more tense, because the time has come to replace the entertaining kindergarten.
It is much worse if the child offends the teacher. In this case, the priority is the question of how to teach a child not to be afraid. A teacher is an adult to whom there must be some respect, but children often confuse the concepts of ârespectâ and âfearâ.
Of course, a quiet and clogged child is convenient, because he behaves calmly and does not break the lesson. But how does his character and personality break down?
If the teacher is frankly wrong, there is nothing wrong with the fact that a child, even a third-grader, will ask why he is so treated. It is important that the child knows how not to âswing the lawâ and curse because of an unjustly set deuce, but really understand where the teacherâs attitude towards him is normal and where not.
Do not explain to the child in advance when the teacher is doing the right thing and when not. Children tend to interpret the information in their own way. Understand the situation after the fact: systematic insults by the teacher, the constant apparent understatement of grades, assault and the like. In many cases, you will have to talk to the teacher on your own, especially when it comes to the last point.
The child in the section, studio, mug
Many extracurricular activities help in deciding how to raise a real man. This is primarily sports sections, self-defense circles, boxing. To understand how to teach a child to stand up for himself, it is enough to recall the level of discipline in such classes: the boy just gets used to being courageous.
In general, children rarely get into conflict situations in studios and circles. They usually go there to pursue their hobbies and develop, and there is no time for quarrels.
What extracurricular activities help to develop a strong character
First of all, the very fact of attending extracurricular activities is already a plus, since the child understands that the world does not converge in his environment at school. In addition, by choosing the right occupation for the child, you can develop his willpower and character.
The first thing that comes to mind is the sports section. For children, they are useful in that they develop endurance, discipline, train physical fitness. Classes in boxing, karate and other forms of self-defense can be especially useful in the future boy. The main thing is that the child understands the difference between defense and attack.
In fact, if a child is engaged in a business that is interesting to him, this also helps him to stop attempts by others to offend him. Hobbies and self-improvement develop self-confidence, and practice shows that self-confident people are offended much less often than modest and downtrodden ones.
Differences in the education of boys and girls
Other postulates dictated by the passage of time are added to the standard âgirl should be soft and gentle, and the boy strong and confidentâ.
A modern girl should be self-confident, later she, as an adult woman, can become one step ahead of a man on the career ladder or in solving everyday problems. Or even higher. Women's weakness does not equal helplessness. In the 21st century, no one will challenge the girl's offender to a duel and fight in defense of her honor.
The guy needs to be able to maintain composure and composure. The fact that now there are no balls and a gentleman's code of honor does not mean that you can behave boorishly.
All this leaves its mark on how to teach a child to stand up for himself.
Self-defense rules for girls
First of all, the girl must be self-confident. Ideally, if she does not go into her pocket for a word and can easily besiege the offender with a well-spoken word or look.
- Explain to the girl that the use of physical force is not always justified, and if this can be avoided, then it is better to avoid.
- Teach her standard phrases that can be used in conflicts. âDo you seriously think that you can talk to me like that?â, âTell me, how did I offend you? Did I do something bad to you?â - Such remarks usually confuse the opponent, because he expects a negative reaction, a scream. And if the offender is a boy, then at this age he can show his sympathy. This, of course, is no excuse.
- Explain the difference between âgluttonyâ and timely notification of a parent / teacher about a conflict. No need to run to complain about every occasion, this is an indicator of stupidity and weakness. However, in many children's groups, children speculate on the concept of âslanderâ, thereby forcing the injured child to remain silent about the very fact of the conflict, especially when the harm has been done to him. If you tease the girl "sneak, sneak", she is unlikely to go to the teacher to tell that the bruise under the eye or dislocated arms is a result of the act of Ivanov-Petrov-Sidorov. The child must learn to distinguish between where he sneaks and where he reports the threat. You donât go to the police By the way, build a relationship with the girl so that she is not afraid to tell you about her problems.
- Teach the girl the most important techniques of self-defense. This is useful if the offender decides to use physical force.
Self Defense Rules for Boys
Even among young men, there are more serious rules in disassembly and conflict than in girls. Sometimes (we emphasize: sometimes!) There is a need to physically âgive backâ to the offender. Here, just if a child does not know how to fend for himself, his reputation among peers can be badly affected, and this will affect his entire subsequent stay in this team.
However, real masculinity is manifested not in waving fists, but in the ability to competently solve the conflict, to choose the right words. Cold judiciousness helps boys, youths, and men very much in resolving any issues.
- As with girls, teach your son to choose the right words in order to quench the conflict. If a girl can confine herself to general phrases that simply besiege the offender, then the boy may need weighty arguments so that later he would not be harassed. This is necessary, because in the men's team battles "just like that" often unfold. âI'll tell dadâ or âMy brother is engaged in boxingâ - not arguments. âIâm doing boxingâ, âIâll give you a noseâ - not arguments, but a threat, is justified only in special cases when the opponent is clearly too aggressive. "Watch your expressions," "if something doesnât suit you, deal with your problems yourself," "but why should I?" - arguments.
- Men's education involves an independent solution to problems, but in fact, a boy can not always cope with problems alone. If he turns to parents or a teacher for help, this is normal if he does not turn into shedding. However, it is better to learn about the threat in time and teach your son to notify, rather than sneak, than to allow the offenders to cross the border, and adults will not have time to help in time.
- If peers use fists, be sure to pay attention to the question of how to teach a child to give change to an offender. And so, so as not to inflict physical harm on him, but only to discourage offending your son again.
- Sports sections for children will provide your son with the necessary physical training and teach masculinity.
Summary
It is very important to understand how to teach a child to defend himself. This will be useful to him both in childhood and in adulthood. The ability to fend for oneself from childhood allows the child to feel calm and confident in the team.
The wrestling section for children may well provide the necessary knowledge and skills for self-defense.