Getting to know the parents of the bride and groom is an important event in the process of preparing for the wedding. If the parents of the young are unfamiliar with each other, then the upcoming meeting is likely to cause excitement on all sides. How does the parents of the bride and groom get to know each other? Are there any traditions in holding this meeting? Is it customary to give new relatives small gifts, and if so, which gifts will be appropriate?
Neutral territory
Before meeting you need to decide on a place of acquaintance. Parents of the bride and groom can be invited to the cafe or restaurant. The advantages of this option of organizing a meeting is that relatives or the young ones themselves will not need to stand at the stove and prepare for the meeting (carry out general cleaning, for example). No one will evaluate the culinary delights of the mother of the bride, shifting her skills to her daughter, or repair and decoration of the apartment.
True, in this case, the first acquaintance of the parents of the bride and groom also requires preparation. Often, newlyweds decide to choose a place where none of the guests was there, so that everyone was on an equal footing and the territory was really neutral. This is not the best option, because in this case, the service may turn out to be of poor quality or the tasteless kitchen, which will leave an unpleasant impression about the meeting.
It is important to take into account the budget so that newly made relatives do not remain in debt to each other after the first meeting. A table needs to be reserved in advance, especially if the meeting is scheduled for a day off or Friday evening. You need to know that the beloved place of young people may cease to be such if one of the relatives does not like it.
Invitation to visit
Acquaintance of the parents of the bride and groom can be carried out at home at one of the relatives. This will help mothers of the newlyweds to brag about their specialties (if the girl’s parents go to visit her future husband, they can take some home-made dish with them). Acquaintance at home will make it possible to demonstrate hospitality, and the inviting party will also feel calmer in their own territory, so that they can defuse the situation if something happens. But at the same time, a conflict may arise - who should invite whom? Traditionally, the groom’s parents came to marry the bride’s parents, and as a dowry they received coins, household utensils, towels and bedding, jewelry - a lot depended on the material situation of the family.
Invited
Who should be present at the meeting of the parents of the bride and groom, what to say to the newly made relatives? Here the answer is obvious. You should not invite many relatives to the first meeting. Enough of the young themselves and their parents. Grandmothers, aunts and cousins ​​can be met later. But inviting other relatives to this event is permissible if the groom or bride has single-parent families. For example, a single mother of a girl may come to a meeting with her sister or grandmother of the bride.
Cultural program
Acquaintance of the parents of the bride and groom by tradition is a matchmaking, but in modern conditions everything has changed. Most likely, new acquaintances will carefully look at each other, so that tension can become a companion to the meeting. In fact, finding neutral topics is not so difficult. But it should not be a wedding. Before discussing the event, you need to talk a bit on general topics. Therefore, you need to prepare those that are close to both those and other relatives. Maybe mothers love cooking, and both couples spend their free time in the country? These are great topics to start a conversation.
Traditionally, parents talk about the childhood of young people. This is not a forbidden topic, but everything should be in moderation. It is worth checking whether mom took with her all family photo albums where the bride or groom is not always presented in a presentable form. They will still have time for this. At the first meeting, it’s enough to capture some of your favorite photos if parents want to. This will help, if something happens, to translate the topic into something more neutral.
Menu preparation
If the acquaintance of the parents of the bride and groom takes place in a neutral territory, that is, in a restaurant or cafe, then you need to choose an institution with a neutral kitchen. You should not choose a Japanese restaurant, because it’s not convenient for everyone to eat with chopsticks, and sushi is a specific food, not everyone likes them. It may be that some of the relatives have a negative attitude towards raw fish. Therefore, you should give preference to a restaurant of European cuisine with a large selection of dishes for every taste.
In the event that an acquaintance is planned at home, you need to know in advance about the gastronomic preferences of the invited guests. It is advisable to clarify about unloved dishes and the presence of food allergies. This will adjust the menu. And also such questions will make it clear to the invited party that the young and the parents take care of them and try to please.
Wedding Discussion
Do not immediately proceed to talk about the upcoming marriage. At the first meeting, you don’t even have to think about it, but let your parents talk about common and favorite topics, learn more about each other, talk and share their impressions. Young people also need to get involved in the conversation in order to track unpleasant and forbidden topics, if the conversation starts, and adjust the dialogue, direct it in the right direction. A good distracting maneuver is viewing children's photos of the bride or groom, old videos, for example, from the wedding of parents or from childhood, young.
General prohibitions
There are rules for meeting the parents of the bride and groom, but most of the traditional instructions today are no longer followed. Therefore, you just need to be courteous and adhere to the general rules of etiquette. Discussion of politics, health, football and sports in general should be avoided in the conversation (if the parents have different interests and they support different teams). It must be remembered that each family has its skeletons in the closet, so the mention of something problematic can spoil not only the whole first impression, but also the further relations between relatives.
Some tips
It is very important that the acquaintance of the parents of the groom and the bride cannot be combined with the acquaintance of the bride or groom herself with the parents of the chosen one. At the time of the meeting, they should already be familiar, otherwise there is a very high probability that something will go wrong. If the groom’s parents go to visit the bride’s family, then you need to remind your beloved that it is worth picking up flowers not only for the girl, but also for her mother. Gifts for acquaintance of the groom’s parents with the bride’s parents are not needed at all, but if one family visits another, it’s better to bring along a bottle of wine or some kind of treat, for example, a box of chocolates.
Liberate the invitees a glass of wine, but no more. If the young fathers love to drink, then you need to at least monitor the amount of alcohol, otherwise the tense situation can only worsen or even lead to unpleasant incidents.
In addition, do not look for a double meaning in the words of parents and relatives. It is unlikely that anyone wants to insult the guests intentionally. You just need to relax and discuss the nuances of the upcoming celebration in a pleasant atmosphere. All people are different. Some parents can be modest and shy people, others - lively and able to achieve their goal in any circumstances.
If the young people know in advance that one of the relatives may start a conversation in the wrong direction, then perhaps it is worth inviting one of the relatives. Witty and talkative (but on the topic) aunt or wise grandmother will help defuse the situation if something goes wrong. But this guest does not have to turn his attention to himself. Therefore, it is worthwhile to warn this person in advance about his role as an assistant.
It is important to remember that the main thing is the atmosphere that young people create. The meeting can be excellent, even if the parents are initially skeptical about each other. Of course, each family is individual and there are no general rules, but the tips listed above will help organize the acquaintance of the parents of the bride and groom as best as possible.