All good things, unfortunately, someday come to an end. It really hurts when it comes to understanding in some families. When parents quarrel and do not find a common language, small children suffer first of all. After all, they are born from the love on which family relationships were built. When, for many reasons, the husband and wife cease to be close and dear, one has to break the bonds of marriage. But what are small children to blame? They did not quarrel with either mom or dad. What should they do in such a situation?
With whom do children remain with a divorce? Minor children after divorce
In order not to cause psychological trauma to the child, parents should in no case try to set him against each other. If possible, he does not need to interfere with his adult problems, regardless of who is right, who is to blame. With whom the children remain in a divorce, it is necessary to decide peacefully, because they, unlike adults, will, after the divorce process, love mom and dad equally.
How to make the right decision
In most cases, during a divorce, the child remains with the mother, as is customary in the countries of the former Union. Ideally, if the ex-husband helps the children and maintains a warm relationship with the ex-family, he spends a lot of time with the children. But this is not always the case. Adults are so absorbed in resentment after parting that they often do not retreat in the struggle for primacy. Sometimes, tormenting a child, they force them to make a choice between them, forgetting that he loves both mom and dad. But no matter how hard it is to decide with whom the children remain in a divorce, the most appropriate move would be to conduct peace negotiations.
Resolve the dispute peacefully
Despite the spoiled relationship between the spouses, they need to make every effort and calmly deal with their rights to the child. It is very important to come to a peace agreement so that little children do not become victims of divorce.
Sometimes this can be to the detriment of one’s own interests, but this is done for the normal upbringing and development of babies. If both parents do not mind discussing with whom the children will remain after the divorce, then the following issues should be resolved, and possibly a written agreement should be drawn up.
- Who will the child live with and where?
- Material security: in what amount does the second parent undertake to pay maintenance?
- Where will mom or dad meet with the child, how often? It is necessary to draw up a certain schedule, to which both children and parents can easily adapt.
- Duties of a non-material nature also have a place for discussion: who will take the child to mugs, pick up from the kindergarten, attend school meetings, and much more.
It is great when the divorce of underage children takes place with a compromise, when the ex-spouses make no complaints and, despite everything, trust each other in raising children and learn to respect both parents.
It is advisable to go to court
When, for whatever reason, parents fail to come to a common agreement, and they cannot decide when divorcing whom the children should stay with, they have to resort to court help. This is the right decision, because often the inadequacy of one of the parents affects. For example, the mother does not allow the father to see the child, although he regularly pays child support, and the child is attached to him and suffers. Or, on the contrary, the husband uses force, leaves his son or daughter to himself, drives the mother out of shared housing with nothing. There can be as many situations as there are divorces, everyone has different things, and many know this firsthand.
The court will take into account all the arguments regarding many factors of further upbringing of children, and a decision will be made, which will be difficult to challenge. In some cases, this may be the only way for the parent to communicate with the child.
Sometimes a child wants to stay with dad
When children reach the age of 10, they themselves have the right to choose, the court takes into account with whom they want to live. Thus, both parents have the same privileges on the right to raise children. But the court does not take into account those situations where the desire of the child is contrary to his own interests. Sometimes, during a divorce, the child remains with the father, especially when the baby is attached to him more than to the mother.
Due to the fact that you have to work hard, fathers usually devote little time to raising children. But this does not mean at all that the son or daughter does not want to be with dad, so the latter is recommended to devote more time to communicate with them. And his mother with her daily care is always located closer to the child, since it was she who gave birth to him and raised him. Therefore, the preference of the judiciary usually remains on the side of the mother, although the law says that parents have the same rights.
If the ex-wife turned out to be a bad mother
But sometimes "and an old woman happens to be a slammer." There are women who shy away from their parental responsibilities, there are many such facts in our country. It happens that after a divorce, the mother does not cope with the children entrusted to her, as expected, and even worse, begins to abuse alcohol and behave immorally. The ex-husband may not like this, in this case he has the right to take the children to himself, providing evidence to the executive service that his ex-wife is a bad mother. The court may well satisfy the father’s lawsuit to determine the child’s place of residence.
To do this, in addition to the court with a statement of claim, it is required to provide data on housing, on the location of the nearest school, on the availability of necessary knowledge about parental responsibilities.
How does the law work? When divorcing whom are the children left with?
When a court makes a decision, it primarily takes into account how much the child is attached to each parent. The presence of other children is also considered, whether there is affection between children, personal characteristics of both parents, marital status, living conditions and other circumstances to identify the general picture. This is necessary to make the right decision.
In order to apply for help to the court, it is necessary for both parties to provide as many facts as possible that it will be more comfortable for the child with this parent. Will be requested data from the place of work, reviews of neighbors, information on the availability of living conditions for a minor. It will be necessary to indicate who lives together with the parent in the house. But not only material conditions are taken into account in court. They are not always the main ones, though on the side of the one who truly values his child.
What guides the court session
The court protects the rights of the child and the interests of minor citizens. For this, the pros and cons are carefully weighed, it is determined with which of the parents the baby will be more comfortable. Evaluation of all criteria takes place exclusively in the aggregate.
The age group of children is considered, and if a woman with a baby or a child under five is the initiator of a divorce, then most likely the court will leave the mother the right to live with the children. In the case when the child at the time of divorce has reached the age of ten, his desire to be with one of the parents will be taken into account, but within reasonable limits. The court listens more to adolescents over the age of 16, since they are considered completely independent and capable of making the right decision. Attachment to parents plays a big role in this choice.
The moral development of children depends on the moral qualities of each of the parents. Therefore, the court also takes into account the lifestyle and bad habits of both former spouses. Parents with a criminal record, unemployed people who abuse alcohol, will not be able to arrange a hearing in their favor; the decision will most likely not be on their side.
However, the court also takes into account the work schedule and employment of the parent, because it is important how much time he can spend with his son or daughter. That is, materially prosperous people can be left with nothing because of high employment at work and the inability to pay due attention to children.
Former children do not exist
Whatever the reason for the divorce, no matter what the point of boiling, disputes between former spouses reach, under no circumstances should children be involved in scandals. It is necessary to fight for the right to be with your baby, but at the same time, you need to show your child respect for the former second half.
There is also such a category of parents who do not care who the children remain with in a divorce. They are generally not interested in their education for years. Such fathers, according to statistics, are much more than mothers. It is not without reason that they say that while the father loves the mother, children are important, and when another family appears, interest in raising and communicating with the child disappears. In our country, there is no serious punishment for avoiding parental duties and non-payment of alimony, but this is a completely different topic.