The appearance of children is a joy for every family. Love for the child is a prerequisite for family happiness and the full upbringing of the baby. But sometimes parents spoil their child unnecessarily with gifts, attention and indulgence to his whims. Spoiled children become a real headache not only for parents, but also for society as a whole. Selfishness forms a child's disrespectful attitude towards people, indifference to the needs of others. Love, attention and affection are good, but how do you know where to stay in order not to get a spoiled teenager in the future? There are many parental errors.
Bribe
Parents stimulate the actions of their child with various material gifts. For example: "I will buy you a new computer if you get all fives." This is a good way for the child to start doing important things. But, on the other hand, this method cannot be used constantly. Children absorb the secrets of manipulation like sponges and in the future may say: "I will not do anything until you buy me a phone." Usually in such situations spoiled children of wealthy parents find themselves who pay increased attention to their material status and worry that their child will be deprived in comparison with their peers. For mom and dad, a demonstration of material security and a high appreciation of the family by society are important. Children who are spoiled with expensive gifts do not appreciate their value and the work of their parents, consider it a duty.
Or vice versa, parents work all day, and the child is left to his own devices. Parental love is replaced by gifts. Mom and Dad can not give children due attention, caress them and talk heart to heart. Education is limited to material purchases, which, of course, cannot replace the baby with the necessary family proximity. From these children grow up cold, unloved, but also spoiled by gifts personalities that are difficult to please.
Indulging whims
One has only to start crying - and the desired is presented on a silver platter. Moms do not want to waste their nerves in the store when the baby falls to the floor and sobs, wanting to get chocolate or a new toy. Parents are embarrassed by prying eyes and buy everything that their whim wants, if only this nightmare ends. The child in this situation is a manipulator who perfectly understands the situation and uses it to achieve his goals.
Excessive kindness
“He is small” - a phrase familiar to everyone. So what if he broke a vase, shouted at his elder sister and took the toy from the girl in the sandbox, he’ll understand when he grows up. Hypertrophied love for his child develops into the creation of an absolute manipulator for parents. Open space for whims, tantrums and command of all members of the family. The absence of comments and rules forms egoism and permissiveness. The only child in the family is a classic example of this mistake. Parents adore the baby and realize all his desires without punishing pranks.
On the same level
Friendly communication with the child is very good. This creates a sense of trust, close relationship with the parent. But, despite this, children sometimes begin to raise their parents, speak in raised voices, without feeling authority. From time to time, it is worth reminding the child that mom and dad are primarily senior members of the family who need to be respected.
Spoiled children. Signs
- Systematic tantrums at home and in public places. Refusal to purchase the desired is the most common reason.
- Dissatisfaction with everyone: from food to new toys. Such children get bored quickly, and they require new entertainment or things of other children.
- Refusal to comply with requests or rules established by parents or other senior family members, for example, reluctance to put their belongings or toys back in place.
- Selfishness. Disrespect for others, inability to share.
- Offer good behavior in return for what you want.
- Lack of understanding of the word "impossible."
Who's guilty?
Spoiled children are the result of improper upbringing. Love for the child should be expressed in helping to establish his character and habits, and not in buying the desired dolls or cars. Almost all children who grow up in large families do not receive expensive gifts. However, parents instill in them a love for loved ones, the need to help the family. Each gift for them is value and joy, and not an everyday occurrence. Such children respect the work of their parents, rather than manipulate them. It is useful for the child to know the framework in behavior, to adequately respond to life difficulties and try to cope on his own, without hiding behind his mother’s skirt.
Grandmothers and grandfathers
The older generation is called to love and pamper their grandchildren. It’s good if they live separately and pamper from time to time, but sometimes your parents live with you and do not consider you the main carers. Great love also grows into indulging whims and complete submission to the little egoist. Children spoiled by grandmothers learn to manipulate adults and understand that if they cannot get what they want from their parents, then grandparents will certainly make their dreams come true. Grandma will give a forbidden chocolate candy, buy a new doll. It is important to discuss the subtleties of education with the older generation, to create compromises. Children brought up in such hyper-custody grow up selfish and do not appreciate the attention and work that the family put into them.
How not to spoil a child and raise a personality in him?
- Saying no to children is possible and necessary. Thus, concepts such as life rules, feelings and needs of other people are laid. When refusing a child something, be sure to argue your action. If mother has money and desire to buy some gift, then there is nothing wrong with buying a toy in the store. If the family does not have a sufficient budget, then it is worth explaining this to your child. Knowing the situation, he will appreciate the surprises and selectively choose the things he needs.
- Mom and baby should spend enough time together, play and communicate. Girls and boys should be accustomed to household chores, helping elders. Having learned what labor is, children will respect their parents and value their personal belongings. Discipline and hard work are brought up from childhood. Ask your child to clean the apartment, wash the dishes, etc.
- From an early age, one also needs to be taught compassion for others and generosity. Not for nothing that in the sandboxes, mothers make babies share their buckets and shovels, because this is one of the main steps to raising a good person. Greed is one of the resulting spoiling.
- It is necessary to identify the boundaries of what is permitted and strictly follow them. If a child notices a gap in the rules, then he will definitely use it for his manipulations.
How to
- Now, if something needs to be pampered, then, of course, emotions. Mom and baby have a great energy connection. Weasel and attention should replace material gifts. From the cradle, babies need tactile feelings of love. You can and should kiss, hug and feel sorry for the child! Of course, you need to know the measure and look at age. Older children need support and acceptance as they are. Pamper your children correctly - and bring up good qualities in them!
- The child must understand the motives of prohibitions and rewards. Parents must talk and explain to their child what is good and what is bad. If a child deserves a present for his good behavior, then there is nothing wrong with giving him a surprise. Parents should give a gift from the heart for truly deserved deeds. So children will learn to value things that will be real surprises, rather than ordinary acquisitions.
What to do?
Not all parents can take the right educational measures the first time, and a spoiled child replaces the obedient. What should parents do in this situation?
When improper childish behavior is evident, it is worth revising the rules of upbringing, as well as your behavior. Children like a sponge absorb the character traits of their parents, and also form their character based on the family situation. Patience and a few rules will help to correct mistakes in education.
- A strict daily routine will help the child systematize his behavior and learn to follow the rules. Sleep, lunch and recreational activities at the same time - the right start for correcting a mischievous person.
- Spoiled children need discipline. Domestic help is a prerequisite. Assign a special task to the child, which he must strictly perform, for example, wiping dust and watering flowers. So he will learn to appreciate the work of other people, respect the elders.
- Replace computer games or watching TV with interesting mugs. Swimming, modeling or music will present a new hobby, learn systematicity, and peers will not pay attention to his whims.
- It is necessary to talk, to praise the child for his achievements. Children are in dire need of adult recognition. Bad behavior should not be discussed in a raised voice, but during a confidential conversation. So the child will understand that you love him, but are dissatisfied with his actions.
- A healthy diet will help you feel alert, improve the health and mood of the child.
Parenting a baby
“Don’t carry it on your hands, don’t sleep with your newborn, otherwise you’ll spoil it,” - advice to young mothers is given to all and sundry. The baby needs the support and care of the parents. Raising a child up to a year is a period of maternal affection, guardianship and helping a newborn to get used to the realities of life. It’s impossible to spoil it, Mother Nature came up with it. Babies cannot be manipulated, they cry in order to inform their mother about hunger, colic, cutting teeth. The baby needs to form a benevolent attitude to the world through touch and tenderness. Raising a child up to a year should initially be a stream of love and attention.
You can and should pamper
Childhood is a wonderful time in which there should be warmth, affection and happy emotions. Parents are the guides of their children, their mentors and guardian angels. From an early age, they are obliged to give their children love and protect them from negative situations. Strict fulfillment of the requests of the little manipulator will not replace his parental care, but only spoil him. Pamper your child with warmth, family attention and valuable gifts on important days for him. Surprises should remain surprises, not ordinary purchases. Education of spiritual qualities and independence is the main value that parents can give.