Sooner or later, every mother notes that her child has become naughty. “He does the opposite, as if in spite” - you often hear from young parents. If we are talking about babies, then everything is clear, they still do not understand much and just try to learn the world. But what to do when older children begin to behave contrary to adults?
Particularly difficult in this regard is the age of 2 to 4 years. This period is characterized by an expression of protest: a child of 4 years does not obey, does not want to follow the instructions of his parents, rolls up “tantrums”, throws himself with toys and objects, expressing dissatisfaction with the restrictions. Unfortunately, this stage of children's development cannot be avoided, but it can be predicted and somewhat smoothed out.
In order to build the right line of behavior, if the child does not obey, it is necessary to understand the reasons for his disobedience. Psychologists identify the following causes of disobedience to children:
1) lack of attention. How often do we find more important matters than communication with a child, but for them, interaction with us is worth its weight in gold. Sometimes it seems to us that the child is behaving well inappropriately, and he is only trying to attract attention in this way. Be attentive to children, and they will not have to do silly things;
2) an attempt to assert itself. What can I say: for parents and 20-year-old children are still children. But in fact, the child quickly enough begins to understand what's what, and already at the age of three he tries to declare his rights and opportunities. Such a well-known children's phrase "I myself" speaks for itself. And the protest at this age only speaks of the desire to assert oneself. Do not limit the freedom of the child, give him the opportunity to try his hand in various fields, so you will avoid unnecessary "confrontations" and also give an impetus to the development of the child;
3) the desire to take revenge. This reason for child disobedience is less common, but it still has a place to be. We, sometimes, not noticing it ourselves, offend the child by chance - we will chat out his secret or punish him unjustly. They perfectly understand this and can try to “punish” us with their behavior, so that we feel similarly. Maybe it's stupid, but aren't we adults doing this in our lives?
Many, when the child does not obey the parents, begin to act according to one of the following scenarios: 1) try to “break” the child and impose his will on him; 2) seek to predict the behavior of the child and to patronize him in everything; 3) let everything go by chance. Undoubtedly, all parents wish only the good to their children, and sometimes they simply do not know what to do.
If the child does not obey, psychologists recommend the following measures:
- If you forbid something to the child, then be consistent in your actions. It is impossible to permit something to do today, and to forbid tomorrow. Bans should not depend on your mood. Parents should be in solidarity with the prohibitions.
- If you decide to punish a child, then proceed to the end. Do not throw words to the wind. Moreover, you should not resort to punishments earlier than three years of age, this will not bring the desired result.
- If the child does not obey, imagine yourself in his place. Try to understand his feelings and desires in a particular situation, and you can make the right decision.
- If we are talking about disobedience to an infant who is keen to grab a stove or touch a dog, then he should simply be distracted, his attention should be turned to a more interesting subject.
- Do not demand too much from your child, you should not forbid everything and everything, in this case the principle “Forbidden fruit is sweet” will work. Thus, you will only provoke another disobedience, because almost any act falls into the forbidden category.
However, if the child does not obey, think about whether it is really as bad as we think. We want to drive children into the framework of our acceptable behavior, impose our will on them, and limit their activity. By such aspirations we impede their development, deprive them of the opportunity to “try life to taste”, to understand for ourselves why we should behave in this way and not otherwise. Therefore, before you tell your child another “no”, think: “is it worth it?”.