Many are worried about answering the “what's new” question. In fact, this is a fairly trivial way to start a conversation. But for some reason, sometimes it is terribly annoying.
Ambiguous answer in verses
A hint that to answer the question “what's new” can be answered: “Regularly!” Naturally, the questioner will go into a stupor and ask again: “What are you talking about?” And he will receive a second detailed answer: “And you?”
If they ask: “How are you?”, Then instead of the banal “Until I gave birth!” or "How soot is white!" you can laugh it off funny: "Like in Poland!" A bewildered interlocutor will surely ask the following question: “And how is this?” And then you can dazzle him with a witty phrase: "And who has more ... that and the pan!" And let him think out now, he was referring to finances, health, love, the number of children or simple everyday joys.
An empty question - a detailed answer!
If you know for sure - the interlocutor does not feel any curiosity, even idleness, there is no other way out than to answer the question “what's new” with humor - to dazzle the questioner with a stream of incomprehensible information. Something like this: “Oh, there’s a lot of new things in the world! Recently, the famous scientist Kuchelfigner Tampinium Valentovich, and you yourself probably know that he specializes in the study of the ecological structure of the planet Mars, has opened the possibility of breeding cetacean ciliates like slippers in the sandy seas of the Red Planet. And as a result, he received the Nobel Prize for the discovery of nanotechnology for organizing penguin flights from the South Pole to the North for the time of mating them with spotted eared seals! ” Well, what else can you answer the question “what's new” to a person who really doesn't care what’s new?
The answer for particularly meticulous interlocutors
If such a detailed answer does not suit the bore, and he decides to clarify it by asking again: “How are you doing?”, Then you can “tell” him about your fate. So much so that he himself does not say anything about himself, and makes people laugh, and does not offend the interlocutor. Here you can answer the question “what's new” if you don’t want to reveal anything about yourself.
“Yes, and I have everything tip-top! Won the Grand Prix at the competition Ice Age in the Hawaiian deserts of Washington! It represented there a manual rodent mini-kurvik, which I personally bred by crossing a domestic cockroach with a watermelon seed and adapted for living in outer space without air. Now I’m deciding where to spend the money. Can you tell me? ” And let the unlucky interlocutor now rack his brains over his answer.
The answer is "stitching"
And it is completely incomprehensible that one can answer the question “what is new” to a stranger. After all, he absolutely does not know anything “about the old” that happened in the life of the interlocutor with whom he wants to maintain a conversation. Therefore, it is easy to conclude: there is a conversation with a bore, which also does not shine with the mind. This is easier to send off than to explain to him: climbing into a stranger with this kind of questions is uncultured. And therefore you should not puzzle over that it is possible to answer the question “what is new” to such an interlocutor - blurt out the first that comes to mind! For example: “Well, the pipe in the central heating battery broke!” Surely the question will follow: "Do you have?" And here an amazing answer will confuse even an experienced bore: “No, Vasily has a homeless person from a neighboring street!”
You can answer like this: "On TV they said - it will snow tomorrow!" If the yard is July and for a week the heat has been at forty degrees, such a message will unsettle the compulsive interlocutor. His second question should be clarified: the artificial snow will fall in the play "The Overcoat", which is set by the student group "Okapi in the fight for freedom of the pony!"
It’s not a sin to joke at all, since it seems ridiculous
You can always joke in a funny way if you don’t want to tell the truth. And if they take doubts that the original answer to the question “what's new”, feel free to answer: “New folding beds have been brought to the store! They give out to the long-nosed and astral-eyed for free, and to the rest - three and a half per meter! Can you lend me eight forty to pay? ”
Quite creative will be an answer-quote from a favorite cartoon or movie series. "How's it going?" - “Well, then the tail is breaking, then the legs are falling off. But (and this is wonderful!) Shaggy increased! ” Usually the interlocutor supports the joke, continuing: “And now you can sleep in the snow!”
Original answer to arouse interest in your person
Sometimes you want to start a conversation with a person you like, but nothing worthwhile comes to mind where to start. And suddenly he himself asks a question! True, quite battered and traditional, but the first step has already been taken! It remains only to rekindle a tiny spark, turn it into a hot fiery interest in yourself. So what to answer the guy the question “what's new”, if it is very important not to send him away, but to continue the conversation?
You can put a thoughtful expression on your face and mysteriously whisper: "Imagine, I still defended myself!" The second question will follow absolutely: “Are you working on a dissertation?” - "Oh no! "Yesterday I successfully defended myself against the attacks of Baba Nyura, together with Baba Valya, my stairwell neighbors!”
Even if the guy was not one hundred percent sure of his irresistible desire to continue the conversation, after such a creative answer he simply must ... Well, if you do not get married, then continue the conversation at least!
Question knock question
You can surprise the interlocutor with the answer question, if there is no possibility and desire to answer in detail. "How are you?" - the interlocutor asks for politeness. And in response he hears: “Yes, here I think ... Who is stronger: a camel or a hippopotamus?” A person with a sense of humor will appreciate this move, laugh and try to solve the dilemma. A dumb one will think: "Well, a dumb one!" - and embarrassedly move aside.
You can come up with another question, which will also help change the topic of conversation. For example, this: “But if a child is born during a space flight in a rocket, which country and city will be recorded in the column“ place of birth ”?”
A convenient way to interrupt a conversation at the very beginning
Sometimes a person is very unpleasant, and there is no desire to continue communication with him. And again, a joke can help get out of the situation. Answer the question “What is your news?” phrase: "Yesterday, my husband was diagnosed with tuberculosis of the left heel!" Now I’m thinking, will I go to be checked myself or will it fall off? ” In the vast majority of cases, such an answer causes laughter in the interlocutor and a slight drowsiness. After all, the word "tuberculosis" is the key here, and the "left heel" is lost in its shadow.
You can think of a different situation. For example, such.
“Yes, the relatives from the Nenets Autonomous Okrug decided to come to visit. Nothing at all - fifteen people. Maybe you will allow five of them to stay with you for long, only six months? It’s just a pity the young mommy with four babies to sleep on the balcony! ” Perhaps the person who asked the question will not make a very good opinion about his interlocutor, but his desire to continue the conversation will undoubtedly disappear.