The problem of parental love, parenting is raised in many works and articles. In modern society as a whole, the cult of childhood is noted, which was not characteristic of past centuries. And sometimes some authors struggle with it. Anatoly Nekrasov also belongs to them . The book “Maternal Love” is dedicated to debunking myths related to parental feelings. The author is sure that they are overrated.
Description
In the book "Maternal Love" Anatoly Nekrasov notes that parental feelings can harm a person. The first part is devoted to the fact that in society since the 13th century, a tendency has been brewing to make motherhood holy. This is being carried out with the active support of Christianity. At the same time, parents are the real owners, egoists. Someone treats children rather pervertedly. As a rule, the most crippling for the child is the attitude of the mother to him as the “only light in the window”, the main goal of life. This is sometimes worse than a situation when a person receives insufficient love from childhood.
Relations between man and woman
Relationships between men and women become quite complicated with the birth of a child. The author Anatoly Nekrasov in “Maternal Love” writes that after this the male representative in the family is pushed into the background. And the reason lies in maternal love. But in reviews of Nekrasov’s “Maternal Love,” readers note that a loving man will think about how to pay attention to his woman himself and help her in a difficult period of time instead of making demands.
But Nekrasov is confident that in such a situation, a man becomes a helpless victim, which does not receive enough attention. Speaking of motherly love, Nekrasov emphasizes that a sense of attachment to one’s continuation is due to the influence of society and instinct. But the reviews of Anatoly Nekrasov’s book “Maternal Love” indicate that the author forgets that feelings for a man are caused by instinct, and much weaker than with respect to offspring. And if in relation to a man he usually turns off soon after the main task of communication between a man and a woman - the continuation of offspring - is completed, then for children the instinct, along with strong attachment, remains for life.
According to the author, one of the common causes of many failures and the negative impact of education on a person is the presence of excessive attention on the part of parents who experience too strong feelings. In the book “Maternal Love,” Nekrasov emphasizes that the world is created in such a way that it has a constant desire for harmony. And if there is skew somewhere, it becomes a harmful factor in human life. If something is added, it is taken away somewhere.
Destructive feelings
Nekrasov included life examples described from his point of view in the content of “Motherly Love”. So, he describes an average family in which the mother controls everything, and the father indulges her. Parents raise their son, giving him a car, assigning him to the university. Once he asks for a more expensive car - and then his mother takes out a new BMW on credit. On it, a young man gets into a fatal car accident, taking part in illegal races.
In this case, the mother suffers from her own feelings of guilt, and also pays a loan for a broken car, which became the death site of her only child.
Anatoly Nekrasov, the author of Maternal Love, believes that there is a way to avoid such things. He sees the cure in the harmonious development of relations in a pair and concentration on his own life. In readers' reviews of Nekrasov’s “Maternal Love,” many were indignant at the fact that the author considers the relationship between a man and a woman to be primary, despite the fact that with 80% probability this relationship will break up within a few years. Indeed, according to official figures, in Russia, 80% of all marriages break up. People are constantly sorting out partners and spouses. While the born children remain for the rest of their life as native people.
But the summary of Nekrasov’s “Maternal Love” is such that, as he believes, a man and a woman should be given all the time. They need to reveal special features in each other - femininity and masculinity.
Reviews
First of all, in reviews of “Maternal Love” by Anatoly Nekrasov often appear words that a nulliparous man can easily talk about what his mother should be, what feelings he will feel, because he himself will never experience such feelings in practice. Meanwhile, many women note in the reviews that when they had a baby, the father calmly fell asleep at night, and the woman listened to the baby’s sigh. She bore him for 9 months, fed him, nature conceived the strongest maternal instinct and attachment to its continuation. All this will never be fully experienced by a man. Therefore, it is easy for him to talk about this without experiencing and not knowing what the woman’s feelings really are.
Also in reviews of the book "Maternal Love" by Nekrasov, it is noted that the work resembles a grumbling man who is offended by women. After all, the author blames the female gender for everything. The work contains unsuccessful and far-fetched examples, although it is clear what the author was trying to say. His thought is that excessive love harms a person.
Hyperopeca negatively affects the child. But he gives all this in a rather strange and illogical form. For example, he talks about an example when a mother gave her son a new car. And he, having gone on her to the race, crashed. In Maternal Love, Nekrasov accuses the mother who purchased the car of the death of an adult young man. And this, according to readers, indicates the infantility of Anatoly. After all, an adult young man himself decided to go to the race and accelerate there to a dangerous speed, and he was to blame for his death.
Also, the author’s infantility is manifested in the fact that he blames the woman, believing that no one owes anything to anyone, but the woman owes. And bear a child in yourself, and then more like an outsider, and build a couple. The author writes about this, presenting men as weak and forgetting why men, primary, exist on Earth.
At the same moment, as noted in the reviews of “Maternal Love,” if all these negative phenomena are discarded, the author’s main idea is traced, which is simply expressed in a rather perverted form through the prism of Anatoly’s personal complexes. And it consists in the fact that with a healthy egoism of a mother who takes care of her life, she lives with her hobbies, in addition to her child, the latter will be the happiest. And most of all, the formation of children is influenced by the healthy atmosphere in the family, the harmonious relations of the husband and wife. It is a matter of genuine mutual support, and not of creating the appearance of what it is. The child will always feel false.
In the reviews of Maternal Love, Nekrasov noted that all these thoughts had already been expressed before him, but in a form that did not offend anyone.
Aggressive attacks on moms stretch across the whole work with a red thread. In the reviews of Nekrasov's “Motherly Love,” everyone notes the failure of the examples he cited. He describes accidents from the perspective that their mother is to blame. Although much more successful examples could be given.
Also, in reviews of Nekrasov’s “Maternal Love,” readers write that the work was written by a man who talks about things that he never experienced and will never survive, which is arranged completely differently than women, and gives them advice on how to cope with something that he doesn’t have concepts. He writes in a masculine style. And therefore it is difficult for women to read a book. It forces them to defend themselves, and here it is no longer up to the idea.
When quoting from Nekrasov’s “Maternal Love,” many note that the author builds practically all examples on the description of the relationship between mother and son. And many note that this also reveals a special complex of Anatoly related to his personal problems with maternal love, which he began to project with embitterment on women instead of solving them.
Psychological birth
The second part of the work describes psychological birth. The writer describes in her the idea that many people, even as elderly, continue to be in the "womb" of the mother. According to the author, the world in this case corrects the situation by “removing” the mother - that is, she dies. But her death is not always able to free the child. He begins to literally pray to the parent. The author also writes that, in an effort to maintain power over the child, the mother is able to hide behind the disease. She can keep children near her, preventing them from living their own lives.
How to allocate resources
The next chapter of “Motherly Love” by Nekrasov is described in short format as data on how to allocate resources. The author describes possible approaches to the hierarchy of values. In the first positions for him are personal interests, creative growth, relationships in pairs. Only then, at the next stage, are children, parents, work, friends. And if disharmony is observed here, this can lead to problems.
In “Maternal Love,” Anatoly Nekrasov argues that it is common for a modern person to constantly chase after making money, forgetting about other aspects of life.
So he begins to indulge in slave labor instead of revealing his own talent, which is in every person. Meanwhile, money can be earned and revealing your talent.
Relations of children and parents
The fourth and fifth part of “Motherly Love” Anatoly Nekrasov devotes to his childhood years and his attitude to parents. He considers unacceptable insults to ancestors. He notes that it is necessary to establish relations with them, noting that it is important to talk with your father too, a lack of male energy leads to failures in the personal life of an already adult person.
Maturity
The last chapter of this work contains the author's ideas about the maturity of the individual. He points out that by the time of retirement age, a harmonious person will not come to an age crisis, but to accept the role of an elder in the family.
Wisdom will be for the benefit of posterity. So, Nekrasov believes that the role of grandparents in the upbringing of grandchildren is key, since this is an occupation for mature individuals. And maturity does not come before forty years. The reviews say that inner maturity has little to do with age.
In addition, the author discusses the importance of maintaining physical health. He assigns a large role to sexual life, an atmosphere of love, building values in life.
Public response
The work provoked a very vivid reaction of society. Most readers - about 80% - are female. There are both positive and negative reviews. It is noted that the work is not scientific. There is esotericism in it, and therefore those who initially share the views of the author relate to the work better.
Many note the categorical judgments of Nekrasov on many issues. Critics reacted very angrily and contemptuously to the book. It is widely believed that the author took all the rational idea from traditional psychology - the subject of his research is called hyper-custody, and then diluted it with his strange arguments about non-specific matters.
It is noted that the most severe reviews came from women. This is not surprising, since throughout the book the author declares responsible both for children and for her husband, and indeed for the fate of the entire world of women. While men are presented in the book exclusively in the role of victims - this is the situation with both sons and husbands.
Due to such a disproportion, the author pretends to be an infantile person, far from harmony, which he himself preaches. It should be noted that there were no reviews that would dispute that excessive love is a negative phenomenon. And the author claims that the problem of hyper-custody is not understood in society.
Summary
At the moment, there is a lot of discussion about how children deprived of maternal love suffer. But the other side of the issue is not covered - the suffering of children suffering from excessive feelings of the mother. Meanwhile, almost every family is faced with this phenomenon.
The presence of excessive feelings in the mother is determined by the complexity of the fate of the children, the insufficient realization of the husband, wife, their illnesses and alcoholism, the presence of problems in the relationship of the spouses.
We are talking about situations where feelings for children become stronger than feelings for themselves and their spouse. When a child becomes paramount in the hierarchy of values of the mother, and the father and she herself are in the background.
The reasons for this phenomenon lie in the instinct that nature created specifically for the survival of the species. It sometimes even blocks the feeling of self-preservation. The mother is capable of much for the sake of the child, she is able to go even to certain death, saving the cub, and this happens with most living creatures. And this is no accident.
Also, the mother may have possessive feelings. Sometimes there are female feelings for her son. Such a case often occurs when there is no other male representative in the family, when love between spouses is not enough, or they have a difficult relationship. In this case, the woman simply projects all her love on her son. Unspent energy in relation to the daughter translates into jealousy.
Another reason is pity. And often it is she who replaces the feeling of love. As a rule, pity arises in relation to the sick, the weak. But she detains them in this state, contributing to further destruction, humiliation. The more a person is spared, the worse for him.
Here the author of "Maternal Love" Nekrasov gives an example. He describes an ordinary family of 3 people - father, mother and son. They have an average income, family relations are not bad, there are no quarrels. The son is obedient enough, studies well, does not smoke, does not get addicted to drugs. Parents are happy with him, encourage him, and he has no need for anything. They decided not to have children anymore, but to provide him all with one. He was picked up and paid for a university, and then bought a car. The son wanted to live with the girl, and the mother said that he would do it when he married. So the love of her son was stronger than the love of her husband. Relationships are not noticeably worsening, but in fact, these normal relationships are fraught with great danger.
The next example that the author cites is the birth of a second son who turned out to be sick. Then the mother pays all attention to him, the eldest child and husband remain in the background. And as the sick child received attention, he only got more problems. He fell from the 3rd floor, he was rescued, and his mother gave him her blood during the transfusion. The husband, who was ignored, began to get sick. Soon, the youngest son is addicted to drugs and dies. The author emphasizes that when a child is sick, parents should reveal love in their relationship. In the love of parents, recovery will be much faster. If the love in the person is finally revealed, it will be enough for everyone.
In the third example, Nekrasov describes a purposeful woman who solves all issues herself. The main value for her is a child. The father is soft, fulfills the instructions of the spouse. If he objects, he is quickly inferior to her. He has not argued for a long time, maintaining a calm atmosphere in the family. But from this position, he did not become an authority for his son. And the son, looking at him, realized that in such a position to be most profitable. And he began to play by the same rules. He accumulated a lot of energy, and around him there were mother's prohibitions. He became interested in car racing. He competed with the same depressed people who were looking for self-assertion in amateur racing. Here the son turned into another person - aggressive and tough. While driving with his mother, he behaved calmly. He was apparently decent.
The mother did not notice the duality of her son's condition. Her very values were violated. The son at high speed once gets into an accident and dies. The author notes in this place that people do not learn from strangers and their mistakes. For this reason, children live less than their parents.
Further, Nekrasov notes that the mother’s love has a long-lasting, long-term relationship with the child. And she is strong. And often under the pressure of motherly love, relationships in a young couple go out. The author believes that for this reason marriages break up.
He urges women to give children more independence, to engage in themselves, and not others. , . , «» . , . , , . . , . : « ». : « , . , – , ».
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