Sleeping together with a newborn is a topic of discussion between pediatricians, breast-feeding specialists, and parents. Opponents of this approach say that it is dangerous and harmful to family relationships, and supporters argue that only in this way can young parents get enough sleep and get up a little less at night. Who is right? How to organize a joint sleep with a newborn? What consequences can this have?
The trend of "close parenthood"
Modern parenthood is no longer a closed area of life, as it was before. Parenting is exposed to fashion trends, one of which is natural education. This implies a close relationship with the baby, prolonged breastfeeding, joint sleep, wearing in a sling. As a result, trusting relationships between parents and the child are formed.
But not all specialists who deal with young children (neonatologists, breast-feeding consultants, pediatricians and child psychologists) actively support the idea of sharing sleep and feeding on demand. Some believe that such a practice is only beneficial for the growing baby, while others are of the opinion that a child whose intrauterine developmental period is long over does not need constant tactile contact with his mother.
Joint sleep and breastfeeding
In reviews of sharing a dream with a newborn, young mothers indicate that it is very convenient for those who are breastfeeding. The child gets the opportunity to suck out as much milk as he needs. The idea of feeding on demand in itself implies the constant closeness of mother and baby. Therefore, joint sleep is a natural continuation of breastfeeding on demand.
When is a restriction necessary?
What do pediatricians say about this? Many doctors do not support breastfeeding on demand. Sometimes a slight restriction in food is only beneficial to the baby’s health and has partly a healing role. This applies to infant colic, colds and some manifestations of diathesis. In such cases, the pediatrician recommends temporarily reducing the amount of food to allow the body to cope with the problem on its own.
In hot and stuffy climates, it is also advisable to slightly limit breastfeeding. To prevent pathological fluid loss, you need to milk the child with plain water. With thirst and uncontrolled access to the chest, the baby will eat more than necessary, and this can lead to pain, anxiety, digestive problems and the appearance of a rash on the skin.
Stimulation of milk production
Frequent breast stimulation and (especially) nightly feeding are thought to help establish long-term lactation. This is absolutely true, but it is really necessary to stimulate lactation only in the first few days after birth and during the period of the so-called crises, when, due to sharp growth spikes, the baby stops getting enough milk that is produced by the mother. Judging by the reviews and according to doctors, the rest of the time there is no need to additionally stimulate the chest.
Moreover, if the child is constantly next to his mother, at night he does not so much eat food as he smacks, falling asleep and waking up at the chest. The body produces more milk, the excess begins to stagnate, and if the mother does not pump out regularly, lactational mastitis can occur. For this reason, pediatricians recommend feeding a baby only once a night.
The psychological aspect of shared sleep
The question of how to properly organize a joint sleep with a newborn is often asked by parents of anxious children who sleep poorly. If the baby sleeps in the same bed with mom and dad, then he feels a sense of security, warmth and protection, but close contact, as a rule, is not needed throughout the night. Various methods of motion sickness, involving tactile contact, help to cope with the problem of falling asleep.
When the intrauterine period of development of the baby ends, he begins his journey as a separate independent personality. The child still needs maternal love, affection and care, but this closeness is less “physical” than during pregnancy, and more communicative. The care, support and warmth of the baby is increasingly received from communicating with loved ones.
For the manifestation of love, by the way, there is not only a night's sleep, which parents themselves very urgently need, but also a daytime one. To give the child a sense of protection, comfort and care, you need to communicate with him during the day, engage in developmental games, relax together in the "quiet hours". Judging by the reviews of many parents, a joint night's sleep in this case is completely optional.
The impossibility of a good rest
A joint sleep with a newborn often does not give parents the opportunity to fully relax and sleep. Moreover, in the first months of a child’s life, you can’t leave him in a separate room. A presence is required nearby, even with a video or baby monitor. Up to 4-5 months, it is necessary to feed the baby at least once a night, monitor his health and check his posture.
Intimate life of young parents
Opponents of joint sleep with a newborn indicate the impossibility of a normal intimate life if the whole family sleeps in the same bed. But the birth of a baby in one way or another makes a difference in the personal life of the spouses. If you wish, and to maintain intimacy, and to establish a joint dream, you can find a way out: engage in carnal pleasures not in bed, but in the kitchen or elsewhere in the apartment.
In any case, it is important to know that psychologists consider the intimacy of a newborn to be absolutely safe. Only after one and a half years it is necessary to ensure that the child does not become an accidental witness of sex between parents. This can cause psychological trauma, because the child may consider it seen as a manifestation of aggression or cruelty.
Baby Nightmare Syndrome
Child psychologists confirm the fact that children who sleep in a separate bed from birth, wean much more quickly from night feeding, easier to go to bed at an older age and less likely to experience nightmare syndrome. But a joint sleep with a newborn is not hopeless. Sooner or later (rather, later) the child will learn to fall asleep separately, and the problem of nightmares is solved by modern psychologists quite simply.
Optimal sleep
A joint sleep with a newborn is optimal from birth to about 4-5 months. At this time, it is better for the baby to sleep next to the parents, but in a separate bed, standing next to it. This is very convenient for a mother who needs to feed her baby several times a night, change clothes, pick her up and calm her down. Such a joint sleep takes into account the needs of children and the interests of parents.
After 4-5 months, the baby can sleep in a separate crib, which can be placed both in the parent bedroom and in the next room. In the latter case, you need a video or baby monitor. At four months, the baby can gradually unlearn from night feedings, and a good sleep throughout the night is often more useful than an additional attachment to the breast. The health of the baby refusal from night feeding will not affect. Pediatricians say that babies who stopped feeding at night at 4-5 months did not suffer from weight loss in the future.
A one-year-old baby is completely ready to “move” to a nursery (separate) room. At the same time, in the daytime, mom, dad or another relative can lie, doze with the baby or just be around as much as you want. Only a joint sleep with a newborn is exposed to doubts about the advisability, because parents really need a good rest.
Organization of a joint sleep with a child
How to organize a joint sleep with a newborn? Some parents simply put the child to bed with them, while others simply put the crib closer and lower one side. It is more convenient for someone to shift the baby to themselves after the first feeding at night, and leave them to sleep in the crib day and night. Any option is suitable, you need to focus only on the wishes and convenience of the parents, as well as the needs of the child.
How to organize a joint dream with a child? To make this approach possible, both parents should not smoke, and drugs, alcohol, psychotropic and hypnotics, and potent drugs are also prohibited. Sleeping together with a newborn can be dangerous if one of the parents is sick or feels that he is very tired.
The child must also be healthy and full-term. Do not swaddle your baby, enough light pajamas, because body temperature will rise from the heat of the mother. The optimal temperature in the room should be +22 degrees for a newborn or +18 ... +20 for children, starting from six months of age. Suitable humidity is 50-60%. The room needs to be regularly ventilated, but constant drafts are unacceptable.
No place in the bed where the baby sleeps, pets. In addition, it is undesirable for parents to use cosmetics and perfumes with a pronounced smell, which can make it difficult for the baby to sleep. You can’t leave the baby alone in an adult bed, put it with older children, or try to sleep together if parents are obese. In this case, safe joint sleep with the newborn is in question.
Parent bed requirements
If you decide to practice joint sleep with a newborn, how to organize everything correctly? It is necessary to take into account the requirements for a bed in which a baby will sleep with parents. The mattress must be stiff because there is a risk of suffocation on uneven surfaces. On a bed adults and the kid should comfortably be placed. The baby needs 60-70 cm, about the same amount for every adult.
Bed linen should be changed regularly. The child does not need a pillow, but her mother should be safe. It is best to choose latex, with buckwheat fillers or “with memory” material. It is worth abandoning thick linens and heavy blankets. Cotton fabrics are preferred. Parents' pillows should be placed as far as possible from the child’s face, and there should not be any extra items in the bed (decorative pillows, soft toys).
From the side of the child you need to install some kind of fence. You can push the parental bed close to the wall or buy a special bounding board. The child should not have any opportunity to fall out of bed in a dream. Only in this way can sleeping together with a newborn be safe.
Safe poses for sleeping together
A photo of a joint sleep with a newborn is touched, but as soon as a child appears in the family, it turns out that this approach requires practice. It can take from two weeks to two months to get used to the presence of a small child nearby. If the baby is not the first, then this will happen faster, because for a mother with many children, sleeping together usually does not pose a problem at all.
The safe posture for joint sleeping with the newborn when feeding is as follows: the mother is half-sided (on the shoulder blade), the baby's head is slightly tilted so that the nose does not fit into the chest. After feeding the baby, you can put it on its side or on its back, and mom can sleep in a comfortable position for her.
Compatible sleep with the child and pregnancy, but you need to consider how comfortable the family bed is for this. If there are fears that the elder may accidentally push her mother in the stomach at night, then it is better to transfer the child to a night's sleep in a separate bed.
Authoritative opinion: Dr. Komarovsky
Many young parents are guided in many matters relating to the upbringing of children by the opinion of the famous pediatrician and TV presenter Yevgeny Komarovsky. He spoke out about a joint dream with a newborn. Komarovsky believes that there is no and cannot be a definite answer on this issue. Each family defines a sleep system individually.
If a joint sleep with a baby is more convenient for mom, and it really suits the dad, then there is nothing bad in this approach. In this case, certain conditions must be observed: parents must control themselves so as not to accidentally inflict damage on the child, the bed must meet certain requirements (hard mattress, protection against falls), parents (both) should be comfortable with this regimen.