What to do if a child is lying and stealing? Money is an integral part of our life. Children begin to understand this from infancy. One child, having stolen once, will repent and will never do it again. Another, having felt the âtasteâ, continues to do the same, despite persuasion and punishment. In this article, we will try to understand the causes of theft and the behavior of parents in order to avoid the possibility of growing an antisocial personality from a child.
Reasons for theft
A big problem in the family is when children steal. This means that they are suffering. Children do not always understand their own suffering or do not think about it. Since they are too painful to perceive their inappropriate behavior. If the child began to steal, then this alarm cannot be missed. Hiding or rejecting the idea that things appearing in the house, allegedly found on the street or donated by a friend, the child actually just stole, the parents lose the moment of eradicating the addiction in the bud. The first task of parents is to find out why children steal and how to wean a child from this.
The wrong model of behavior of mothers and fathers is manifested in the lack of vision of the babyâs bad behavior. Some consider it a meaningless act if the child took someone else's thing. At their work, parents do not see a change in the behavior of their child, his increased needs. This is a manifestation of general pedagogical illiteracy.
Why is the baby stealing? There are several options for child theft:
- A child does this only occasionally. He drags all small things, but only in a suitable situation.
- Despite scandals, physical and moral punishment, a child often steals, all in a row, in various situations.
In the first option, there is the possibility that, in a favorable environment, theft will come to naught. In the second, there is a loss of time in raising a child. There is a danger that the child will grow into an asocial personality. In practice, such children no longer have complete control over their urge to steal. But problems are manifested not only in this. Studying does not go well, there is no understanding in relations with peers, there is no desire to do anything at all. This means that volitional control is lost. During the school crisis, from 7-8 years old, a child's needs grow, an uncontrolled desire to have a certain thing intensifies.
Adult example
A child in his teens is more likely to copy his âancestorsâ. It is for this reason that the children of parents in places of detention for theft climb into the pocket of a person standing nearby. Unfortunately, this happens extremely often.
Heroic or shameful act?
How to wean a child of 8 years to steal? More often than not, he does not steal because he is in great need and lacks pocket money. The reason may be the desire to stand out among your friends, get approval from them, seem more cool. It is no secret that children do not see crime in theft. In their environment, this is taken as âsleight of handâ. This behavior is approved by the assembled children, especially in adolescence. It is herd instinct that most often pushes a child from a financially prosperous family to commit theft. Stories about the âheroic deedâ - the theft of the leader of the yard community, provoke other, more weak-willed children to the same feats. Children are interested in being surrounded by strong guys. If the childâs self-esteem is underestimated, he will steal and boast of it only for the reason that he does not seem to be a weakling.
If you didnât explain to a child in childhood âwhat is good and what is badâ, you didnât teach moral standards, reinforcing all this with your behavior, you can lose your child as a person forever. Children are raw from which a self-sufficient personality is molded. Psychologists studied the situation when a child of wealthy parents deals with theft, whose family may well seem exemplary, but there is a problem, and it must be solved. The mistake of parents in education begins at the moment when they, at the sight of a toy brought from the kindergarten, are touched by his enterprise. Parents by this behavior give the child the approval that someone else can be taken.
Extortion
It is no secret that older children can take money from younger children. A child who does not have a trusting relationship with parents can subsequently not only steal money, but also take things out of the house.
That a child has become a victim of extortion can be determined by his behavior. He dodges, cheats, cries. If the family does not have a trusting relationship, he will hide that he is forced to steal. On the one hand, he fears a misunderstanding of his parents and a wrong reaction to this, on the other hand, threats and beatings by peers. If blackmail is nevertheless revealed when a child is threatened with physical violence for disobedience, law enforcement agencies should intervene in the situation.
The motive of theft for good intentions is somewhat different from other reasons. Unable to give a close friend or relative a gift, he can go on an unseemly act. In childhood, the moral rules of life are not yet fully formed. The desire to make a gift through theft is not yet hindered by the principles of life.
Variety of theft - impulsive
On how to wean a child to steal money, we will tell further. First, consider the types of this phenomenon. Despite the various causes of theft, psychologists have identified several of its varieties.
Sometimes it is difficult for a child to resist an openly lying, desired thing. This is considered impulsive theft. The child understands that this is bad, that it is impossible to steal, but the temptation is great, and the psyche has not yet settled. It is difficult for a child to resist the arising desire to possess this thing. Shame fades into the background.
Protest as the reason for theft
The reason for theft in the form of a prosthesis is the abandonment of the child in the family. Parents have little contact with their child, are passionate about work, hobbies, leisure, and the child does not fit into these plans. Perhaps the child is loved, but he does not feel love. Loneliness becomes unbearable. The unnecessity of his presence in the life of his parents has a grave consequence on the development of his psyche. Because of the desire to draw the attention of mom or dad to their existence, the child begins to steal. The brighter the parents' manifestation of his act (screaming, scandal, tears, physical punishment), the more often there will be a need to steal so that parents know about it. After all, he subsequently for some time becomes the center of attention of his parents. They recall its existence. Protest reasons for theft can also be from a large number of bans in the family. If a childâs desire to have pocket money for his needs is cut short, he will certainly begin to steal. Such actions in this case are a struggle for independence, even if in such a distorted form.
A child from a poor family cannot boast a peer with a modern telephone. Therefore, it can be the subject of ridicule from more affluent children. To avoid this, the child can go on stealing the money of his parents, thereby unknowingly taking revenge on them for the lack of financial well-being in their lives. The perpetrators of this, he considers his loser parents.
Kleptomania in children
The only theft considered a disease is kleptomania. The desire to steal is not controlled even in children with clearly established moral standards. The purpose of such theft is not to obtain material benefits. This is a mental disorder, the presence of which can only be determined by a specialist - a psychiatrist. The disease requires mandatory medical treatment along with the supervision of a therapist over the course of the pathology.
How to wean a child to steal and lie? What can not be done?
Consider the actions that parents should not do in any case. Sometimes mothers and fathers, in their desire to wean a child from addiction, act beyond the reasonable. So how to wean a child to steal money? The advice of the psychologist is: "You can not scold in any case!" Threats to put a child in jail, call the police, tell everyone about his deed will not lead to anything good. At this moment, children, more than ever, need the love, understanding and support of their parents. Do not threaten, do not resent, do not call a criminal, etc. in words. Hanging such serious labels can seriously disrupt the childâs fragile psyche and embitter his soul. How to wean a child to steal and not harm him? Let's look at what parents cannot do:
- Comparison is not in favor of the child with other children, too, does not bode well for him for his future. What a child is bad, how disgusting his act is, in contrast to the neighboring baby angel. These are not the words that the baby expects from their parents. Subsequently, this will lead to a persistent conviction of the child in his worthlessness, and will lower his self-esteem. This will subsequently affect the main choice of the direction of his life. It can also cause a continued desire to steal.
- You can not understand the problem of theft with strangers. If theft showed up at a party or somewhere in a public place, then do not arrange a showdown right there. Such an act is discussed only in the familiar home environment for a child, in a quiet voice.
- If the child said that this will never happen again, in no case should one return to the discussion of the theft problem until it is again discovered. Thus, the child is made clear that they believe and love him.
The child is stealing. Reasons and ways to deal with this unseemly act
Identifying the causes of theft and theft is one of the most important actions to eliminate theft in the future. This article has already discussed the reasons for this behavior of children. How to wean a child to steal money from parents? Each reason requires its own unique trial:
- If the reason is bad company, then it means you need to gently bring the child to the idea that such friends should not be in his life.
- Your child is financially secure, but he lacks the warmth of mom and dad, so give him plenty of it. Fill the gap in love for him. Show by your actions how dear he is. His deed will not affect your love for this little creature.
- You understood yourself or the child admitted that they blackmail him and extort money. What to do? Your actions depend on the age of your child. If he is a primary school student, and extortionists are high school students of this school, then what should I do? Perhaps, addressing the school principal with a claim about the insecurity of finding your child here will suffice. If the child himself is a high school student, and his classmates or peers from another class or school are extortionists, then the older brother or father can solve this problem. An adult should meet with blackmailers and toughly solve the problem. If even after this the child comes home depressed and beaten, then only contacting the police will lead to the desired result.
- If the reason for the theft was the desire to give a gift to mom, but there was no money for it and the child chose this method of purchase, what should I do? He needs to gently explain how happy mom is that he remembers her birthday, how she loves such a son (or daughter). But at the same time, to say that if the present was made by one's own hands, it would not be much nicer for this than to accept the present, knowing how it was purchased.
How to wean a child to steal? The obligatory clarification of the attitude of the child to his act is one of the guarantors of the absence of such actions in the future. You and your child must return the stolen item to the owner. The explanation of his act upon return should not be discussed with outsiders. After all, it could be a random, impulsive act.
Toy theft
If a child steals money from parents, what should I do? The reaction to the theft of mom and dad should be adequate. That is commensurate with the act and age of the child.
For example, many are interested in how to wean a child from stealing toys. In this case, psychologists advise giving him the opportunity to get out of this situation on his own. For example, we are dealing with a baby who is first convicted of theft. If the mother is convinced that it was her child who took the someone else's toy, you must give the opportunity to return her unnoticed. The kid intuitively understands that he did the wrong thing. But he is ashamed to openly say so. So tell him: âPerhaps the brownie wanted to play with this typewriter? Let's persuade him to give her. â Also a mandatory psychological trick is to convince the child to tell in detail how this happened. Guilt must be proven. There is no guarantee that your son or daughter is accused of theft reasonably. Your child will be beneficially affected by your attempts to protect him. A bad sign, if with all that has been proved, he lies and dodges in order to evade responsibility. In that case, it is necessary to convey to him the impossibility of such behavior. Deception is unacceptable in relation to other people. The principles of responsibility for misconduct have not been canceled. Your child must learn the order of life: if he stole, he must return, if he did harm, he must be repaid, if he deceived a person, he must tell the truth. But in no case should one beat out a confession. Then establishing the cause of the misconduct will be impossible. Repentance and recognition should be voluntary and cause pleasure in what has been done.
In the future, it is necessary to ensure that the child asks permission from adults before taking a certain thing.
Do not push the baby away!
Psychologists give advice on this topic. How to wean a child to steal, so that it would be painless for him? Do not push him away from you. Situations, when it became known about his unseemly act, require him to mobilize all mental strength. Now he needs your care and love more than ever. Sincere conversations about his life and aspirations will help him survive his âfallâ with his mom and dad. Sharing mental pain with loved ones will help your child avoid emotional trauma.
Take a closer look at the surroundings
Now it is impossible to leave the current situation unattended. How to wean a child to steal? The psychologistâs advice on this issue is as follows: carefully monitor his surroundings, communicate more with the class teacher and teacher. The child spends a lot of time in school or kindergarten. Therefore, they will be able to see changes in his behavior. It is impossible not to react to the appearance of other people's things in a child. It is well known that young children have the habit of exchanging toys. But if he brings expensive things from the kindergarten, this serves as an occasion to find out the reason for their appearance. Older children should be taught to save money on the thing they want to buy. It can be cash gifts for birthday and other holidays. The child will heed your advice not to squander the funds received, if you convince him that it is realistic to save them and buy what you want.
How to wean a child to steal from parents? In the family, both parents must lead the same line of education. The attitude towards all children in the family should be the same. Only in these cases will you be sure that in the future they will not feel negative towards each other. All grievances between close relatives have roots from childhood.