“Every little child crawls out of the diaper and gets lost everywhere, and is everywhere!” Fun is sung in a funny children's song about naughty monkeys. When a child begins to actively explore the world around him, sometimes with very destructive power, he is faced with a number of certain restrictions on the part of his parents.
What is possible and what is not? Some parents prefer to take the path of least resistance and raise a child in permissiveness. Is it correct?
What is good and what is bad
Some parents may complain that the child does not understand the word "not." You can fight in hysteria and tear your hair out, but your child simply does not hear you. It should be remembered that the word “impossible” is by no means magical and cannot momentarily turn a raging villain into a silk and obedient angel. In order for the communication between the child and the parent to be successful, and the child begins to adequately respond to your remarks, prohibitions and restrictions, you need to work hard.
Often, the word "can not" can cause a child to protest. This word becomes a kind of irritant, if you pronounce it constantly. The child will either do everything contrary to the ban, or simply do not respond to the parent's "no." The latter most often happens if the word “cannot” sounds constantly and at every step and simply loses its meaning. But how to explain to the child how to behave, what is good and what is bad, without resorting to this word? Pretty simple. Introduce its synonyms.
When you need to say "no"
The child of the first years of life must understand the difference between the word "impossible" and the words "no need", "bad", "dangerous" or "indecent." If you use various prohibitive synonyms in a certain context, the prohibition itself will not cause a clear protest in the child.
But how to explain to the child that one or the other cannot be done?
The prohibition indicated by the word “cannot” should be based on the fact that the prohibition can harm the physical or psychological state of the child or others. For example, you can’t touch the electric wires, put your fingers into the socket, touch the gas stove - this is dangerous for life and health. You can not beat, call names, humiliate others - it is insulting and unpleasant. The child must understand that the word "can not" is hidden obvious harm.
When resorting to the synonyms “not worth it” / “not necessary,” you explain to the child that such behavior is unacceptable in society or that what the child wants is now inappropriate. For example, "no need to sprinkle the cereal on the carpet." By such a restriction, you do not prohibit the child from acting, but simply correct: do not pour cereals on the carpet, take a bowl.
Why is the water wet?
With age, some prohibitions lose their relevance, and forbidden actions become understandable and obvious to the child. In place of old bans come new ones. It is clear that a ten-year-old child will not stick his finger in the socket and try to get into the pot with boiling water.
Instead of the research activities of the baby comes the era of "why." Many parents with a shudder await a period of endless children's questions, which are often put into a stupor.
- Why is the water wet?
- Why is the sun shining?
- Why is the ladybug so called?
In no case should not be dismissed as an inquisitive baby, like a annoying fly. You should stock up on a car of patience and together continue to explore this world. Moreover, now there are a lot of opportunities for this, and Google is always at hand. It was much harder for past generations when it was necessary to leaf through more than one encyclopedia at leisure in search of an answer to tricky children's questions.
Adult questions through the mouth of a baby
Do not be scared or embarrassed by indecent child questions. It should be understood that he has no idea what he is asking. And if the baby asks to explain what some obscene word means, you should not ask the child to immediately forget it and never pronounce it. This will cause even more interest on the part of the baby, the same protest may wake up, and the child will spite the bad word in spite.
Worst of all, if the child loses confidence in the parent and goes to seek outside help. Any, even the most obscene, issues are important to be calm and try to explain to the child whether this is good or bad.
Faced with a situation where the child is still unknowingly using bad words, you should not show strong emotions. In this case, a bad word will not have a strong impression on the child, and will soon be completely forgotten.
How to explain to the child whether it is possible to use certain words?
If the child himself is interested in the meaning of a bad word, it should be explained what this means, but make a remark that well-educated and intelligent people do not use such words. You can enhance the perception effect by the question: do you consider yourself a well-mannered boy / girl?
If the child has an idol, you can focus on him, saying that this character does not use abusive words. If, in the process of explaining the abusive word, too emotionally express one’s position, categorically forbidding the child to remember and pronounce curses, this will cause a backlash. The child will understand that bad words cause strong emotions, and will use it. If you do not attach special importance to this and simply explain to the baby that, using abusive words, he himself may not look in the best light or be ridiculed, you will most likely not encounter this problem.
It is impossible to protect the child from all sources of “bad words”. But it is necessary to correctly explain their meaning and the need for use in a conversation. You definitely should not close your eyes to this.
Cabbage, a stork, a shop or a maternity hospital?
Sooner or later, a period comes when the child is interested in mom and dad, where did he come from. It is unlikely that modern parents, embarrassed, will mumble something like this: they bought it in a store, the stork brought it or found it in cabbage. Sexual education of a child from an early age is considered the norm. But is it worth confining ourselves to a romantic story about how dad and mom loved each other and wanted a baby, and then dad gave mom a seed that grew in mom’s stomach and so on? How to explain to a child how children are born?
It is very important not to restrict the child’s right to ask questions about such “adult things” and to receive honest answers to them. Questions regarding gender differences, as well as intimate life are normal and are considered a sign of the correct development of the baby.
It is very important, answering such questions, to be extremely sincere and truthful. The child should see that his question did not arouse shame in his parents, in which case he will perceive the information adequately.
Talk with your child about sex and having children in a language appropriate to his age. And if a baby 3-4 years old is enough just to say that he came from his mother’s belly, then older children may already require specifics. Here you can tell a fairy tale about daddy's seed, which grew in the tummy, turned into a baby. And when the baby became cramped, he was born.
Conversation "about it"
If the child does not show interest in this topic, then sooner or later parents will have to provoke a conversation on their own. The optimal age for starting sex education is 6-7 years. This is the age when a child begins to know the world around him with the help of feelings, empathy.
It is worth telling the kid that sympathy arises between people, which can turn into love. You can ask your child in his own words to explain how he understands these terms and what love means to him. What is loving mom and dad, and what does it mean to have sympathy for classmate Masha?
Do not be ashamed to talk with children “about this” and think about how to explain such complex matter to a child. The child will perceive the story about the relationship between a man and a woman in the same way and with the same interest as the story about the device of the alarm clock.
In the process of talking about sex with a child, it is important not to form a taboo in his mind. The child must understand that sex is natural and normal, but it is the prerogative of adults, and it is not customary to advertise intimate relationships.
And if you do not talk about it?
Of course, you can put everything on the brakes and not talk to the child about frank topics if he does not show interest. It can be naively assumed that before the wedding a person would prefer to watch cartoons and collect puzzles, and there everything will turn out by itself. The child does not ask adult questions - and well, the parent’s back is not covered by cold sweat, and indeed, they will teach everything at school. And more informed peers will embellish.
Whether sex education of children within the family is mandatory, parents decide for themselves. But you need to be aware that frank conversations with the child, support and understanding increase confidence in parents. Of course, today children can independently obtain any information on the Internet and satisfy their inquiring mind. But the child should know that frank topics in the family are not locked up, that parents are always ready to help him and explain everything.
Why dad and mom are not together?
Explaining the concept of love, tenderness and childbearing to a child using the example of parental relationships, one may sometimes encounter a child’s question: “why mom and dad do not live together if they love each other”. This applies to families where parents are divorced. The idyllic picture of love and harmony between a man and a woman presented to a child can be broken about a harsh contradictory reality.
How to explain to the child the divorce of parents? Parents in no case should get up against each other, exchanging mutual accusations, even when it is difficult. The child must understand that dad is not the scoundrel who abandoned his mother. It is important to explain to the child that dad and mother love and respect each other, but they can no longer live together.
It is worth explaining to the baby that in life, in addition to love and passion, there can be partings, and you need to put up with this and live on, maintaining a good relationship. It will be enough for a small child to see that parents have kept the world, albeit at a distance. A grown child will already independently puzzle the parental relationship.
Learn at school
It is no secret that a person can graduate from school twice: the first time on his own, and the subsequent times with his children. When children go to school, they gain new knowledge, and their parents revive their knowledge, once acquired. School tasks can often take parents by surprise. The school curriculum changes annually, but its foundations remain unchanged. And parents should know how to explain the basic rules to the child.
At school, the child receives a lot of information, so the task of the parent at home is to systematize the knowledge acquired by the child and together to understand incomprehensible or difficult moments.
How to explain the division to the child? Lessons with mom
Often parents ask themselves how to explain their child division in an understandable language, but at the same time not resorting to dismembering vegetables and fruits or distributing sweets among Mash and Sing. Candies were shared, but the principle itself was not understood.
A cartoon about 38 parrots will come to the rescue, in which the boa constrictor was measured by parrots. Explain to the child that the basic principle of division is to determine how many times a smaller number fits into a larger one. For example, 6: 2 is to find how many twos fit in the six.
Also, often schoolchildren face a lack of understanding of cases. It would seem that simple concepts cause difficulties in perception, and children often ask parents to explain. How to explain to a child cases easy and simple?
You can use as an example a sentence in which all words are used in the nominative case “sister reads a book”, “neighbor walks a dog”. Hearing how ridiculous such sentences sound, the child will understand the importance of using cases and the important role the ending plays in the word.
And the cases themselves are easy to explain, substituting logical questions for them. For example, accusative - blame someone / what? (porridge, cup, pillow), dative case - give to whom / what? (porridge, cup, pillow) and so on. These examples clearly show how to explain the child cases easily and easily.
Let's talk about the spiritual
Who is God? And why is he needed and where does he live? It is likely that parents will have to deal with similar issues. Naturally, the parent's answer will be justified by a personal attitude to religion. Of course, you can cultivate a convinced atheist, categorically declaring that there is no God, and all this is nonsense. Science rules the world.
How to explain to a child who God is? Parents cannot be categorical in this matter, instilling their beliefs, whether it be an ardent atheist or a holy believer. It is necessary to provide the child with alternative information so that he has a correct idea of the Universe.
We need to introduce the child to the Bible and tell that this book describes the basic human values. After reading the children's Bible, the child will certainly have a general idea of religion and human relationships, of good and evil. And the question of how to explain to the child who God is and where he lives, will disappear by itself.
Religion or science?
It is necessary to explain to the child that science is progress and practicality, and religion is primarily love. To tell that both of these concepts can exist in symbiosis and get along in the same person. The main thing is to sow in the mind of the baby the beginnings of understanding of both of them, and not the denial of one in favor of the other.
Talking about the spiritual is just as necessary as explaining to the child the hours, the time, and how the world works.