Children from their first marriage: family problems and mistakes in communicating with them

Relations between second spouses and children from past marriages often turn into a big problem. People part, feelings leave, but children always remain, and their reaction to such changes cannot be predicted. Moving into a new relationship, you need to be able to correctly prioritize and not follow the manipulations of the child. Each of the former spouses wants to re-create a loving and strong family. Children from their first marriage should not be obstructed. Therefore, it is necessary to learn how to properly build a relationship between a child and a new life partner.

Family problems from children from a previous union

There may be constant disagreement between the new partner and the child from the previous marriage. The problems that accompany them can have a devastating effect on a new family. Negative partner with children often occurs for the following reasons:

• A man cannot have his own children. This trauma makes him angry and constantly feel dissatisfied. He can spill all anger on children who have appeared in a loved one from another marriage.
• Dislike for children. Some do not want to have a child, and even more so spend their free time with strangers.
• The partner is overcome by a strong sense of jealousy, which prevents him from reasoning sensibly. It is difficult for such a person to share his beloved with other people who also have a place in his heart.
• Some women are negative towards children from their first marriage due to greed. It seems to them that the spouse spends on their maintenance too large amounts of money, which instead he could spend on a new family.

Relationship Tips

Everyone should find the strength to admit to experiencing negative feelings for the child. Only in this case can you get rid of them and start living in harmony. To cope with the negative, you must remember the following:

• Spouse or spouse will not be able to abandon their own children for the sake of peace in a new family. Therefore, you need to accept his past and try to restrain the manifestation of emotions.
• You can not ask a loved one to make a choice between children and a new family. Most often, this ends with a breakup. Anyone will prefer to choose their own children instead of a love affair.
• You need to try to make friends with other people's children, because they are part of a loved one. You can organize a joint hobby, a walk with the whole family in the park or a trip to another country.
• When you feel negative about your partner’s ex-husband or wife, you shouldn’t throw out these emotions on children. They are involuntary participants in this conflict, which can greatly affect their psyche. It is necessary to protect children from problems between adults as much as possible.

How to make friends with a child from their first marriage

Thinking about how to make contact with a child, you need to put yourself in the place of the baby. It doesn’t matter if he lives in a new family or comes occasionally. In any of these cases, he will be uncomfortable. The child will feel like a small kitten in a large and unfamiliar room. Therefore, it is necessary to do everything to make him comfortable and fun in the new house. The main task should be the gaining of authority, as well as the establishment of trusting relationships. To do this, adhere to the following recommendations:

• With a friendly mood, the child should not be repelled or neglected. Children subtly feel all the emotions of adults, therefore, only once having allowed themselves to be negative, you can irrevocably lose the confidence of a small guest. This is especially true for minor children from their first marriage. Adults will react more calmly to the creation of a new family by the parent.
• It is possible that the child will become jealous of his mother or father for a new life partner. This manifestation of emotions is quite expected. Children have the right to be jealous of parents who have created another family. No need to react to this too violently and unrestrainedly. First, it is important to try to less participate in the walks of a loved one with his child. You can organize routes for him, as well as any other types of leisure activities, gradually merging with their company. All pleasant emotions from spending time together will bring together.
• When trying to make friends with a child, it is very important not to overdo it. You don’t have to be very kind to him, pamper him too much, and also give gifts. Hypocrisy has never helped anyone to find friends and win love. Therefore, you cannot falsify and exaggerate your true feelings. One must sincerely want to make friends with the child of a loved one. This is the only way to find harmony in the family.

What should the new wife be ready for?

Passing into a new relationship, a man dooms himself to constant throwing between two fires - the child and the wife may not get along with each other. A woman may face the following situations:

• The husband’s child from his first marriage lives with his mother. Therefore, a man has to constantly visit them. You need to be prepared for the fact that these visits will be quite frequent. In addition, the child will visit his father. The new companion will have to come to terms with the fact that even living in another house and city, a child of the spouse will often appear on its territory, completely filling her husband’s personal space.
• There are cases when the father of the family does not want to communicate with children from his first marriage, blaming the ex-wife for everything. In such a situation, it is she who can become the aggressor. It is necessary to prepare for the fact that the husband’s ex-wife will constantly torment with calls and threats, as well as demand money for children. Not every woman will agree to live in constant stress, which creates the atmosphere of past relationships of a loved one.
• The money from the family budget will be spent on the husband’s children. Before the wedding, a woman may not worry about what deduction for a child from her first marriage will stand out from the money of her future husband. However, after the wedding, many couples are confused. A woman may not make large alimony for a child from her first marriage. Therefore, you need to be prepared for how much will be spent on it.
• Children may remain in the care of the husband. Different events are possible. One of them may be the transfer of all parental rights to a man. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the fact that you have to fully accept the children in the family and bring them up as relatives.

New wife's mistakes

Every woman should behave wisely and wisely. Especially if she chose a man with children from her first marriage. When making this choice, one must be fully aware of the whole burden of responsibility. Relations with children from the ex-wife in any case will affect the atmosphere of the family. Therefore, you must adhere to the following behavior:

• Do not interfere with the meetings of men with children from their first marriage. Choosing between a woman and a child, he will always choose the latter.
• Do not show signs of irritation when children come to visit.
• In no case do not force a man to choose between a new and a past family. Children from both marriages are important and loved by them equally, but his wife can greatly disappoint him if he makes such a choice.
• Do not be jealous of their mother.
• Do not be angry with the children when the husband calls them to visit or leaves for a walk with them, because they are not to blame for anything.
• Do nothing on emotions. Fathers and children from their first marriage can cause a lot of different emotions in women, especially if their family with their husband does not yet have their own baby. You need to be able to behave calmly and reasonably. This is the only way to preserve relationships.

How a new wife should behave

To save your family and not upset your husband, you must adhere to the following line of behavior:

• When a husband’s child comes to visit from their first marriage , you need to be friendly, look after him and try to maintain a harmonious atmosphere in the house.
• Write in a notebook all the important holidays of the child and remind them to her husband. A man will appreciate the care and will be very grateful for it.
• If the child remains in the care of her husband, you will have to fully accept him into the family, because he is an invariable part of the loved one.
• Do not show aggression towards the husband’s child from the first marriage. The advice of experienced women who have gone through such a relationship suggests that this can only alienate her husband and cause him irritation.
• Do not offend your spouse's ex-wife. Surely this woman will also speak maliciously about the new family of her ex. No need to become like this behavior, let the man see the difference. Nobody likes wicked and squabbled wives.
• During the general pastime it is impossible to divide children into friends and foes. This can cause contention in their relationship, and yet they are nevertheless siblings, although only on the paternal side.

If the new wife follows all of the above recommendations, children from the husband’s first marriage will never become an obstacle to the relationship.

The behavior of a man in a relationship with his children and his new wife

Men usually don’t care about the rivalry of two women. Therefore, being between the ex and the real wife, they may not feel tension or irritation. However, their feelings change greatly if their children become participants in the conflict. To cope with them and not destroy a new family, you must adhere to the following behavior:

• Show respect for the new wife. You can not make your beloved woman jealous. Otherwise, it will spill negative energy on innocent children who will become pawns in the game of two women.
• The same applies to children from the ex and current wife. You can not allocate someone more or less. In this case, it does not matter how many babies are in each family. Two children from their first marriage do not deserve more attention than one child from the current one. Such behavior will necessarily lead to outbreaks of jealousy and scandals.
• If there is a strong resentment against the ex-wife, this is not a reason to vent anger on children, ignoring their existence. Resentment will pass over the years, and the love and affection of children will no longer be returned.
• You can’t speak badly of your former relationship. When children do not need to insult their mother, and with a new wife to express their dissatisfaction with their past lives. It will look unworthy and low.
• When the new wife will try in every possible way to establish relations with children, it is necessary to support her in this. Not every woman will find the strength to accept other people's children as relatives. Therefore, one must accept her attempts to make friends with great gratitude. Seeing the return, she will try even harder.
• No need to hide your trips to visit a former family. New relationships must be honest. By deceiving the current spouse, you can lose her confidence and ruin the marriage.

Relations between a man and a woman who has a child

Starting to meet a woman who has a child from her ex-husband, some begin to think that the child is now relegated to the background. This is the most common male mistake. Of course, there are such situations, but they are more likely an exception. An adult man should be prepared for the fact that he will never become number one now.

Over the years, the wife’s own child from the first marriage and the new husband can equalize their positions in her heart, but it is unlikely that the spouse will be in the first place. Each mother will appreciate and love her child more than anyone in the world. Therefore, deciding on such a relationship, it is necessary to prepare for the fact that his trust will have to be won for a very long time.

How to deal with childhood jealousy for a new husband

Most often, children after a divorce remain with their mother. A woman begins to try to compensate for her missing father's love with her increased attention. Any child will get used to this state of affairs, and when someone else's man appears in the family, he will be very surprised at where so much maternal attention has gone. From this misunderstanding will develop a strong jealousy.

You should not be surprised and amazed at this, because such behavior will be a completely justified reaction to painful changes in life. It is necessary to try to win the trust of the child, and also to create strong friendly relations with him. Of course, you should not do this immediately after moving to a new house. First you need to let him get used to the idea that his mother now has a new husband.

You can not interfere with the desire of the spouse to constantly spend free time with the child. She will feel guilty for bringing a stranger to his family, completely changing his life. If a woman’s child from the first marriage receives a lot of attention and does not lose the feeling that they love him, the process of getting used to the mother’s man will take place on a more positive note.

How to avoid mistakes in communicating with children from a previous marriage

Each person wants to have an ideal family where everyone gets along with each other. But in real life, often everything does not work out as in dreams. When choosing a partner who has children from a previous marriage as a life partner, you need to be prepared for the fact that difficulties in communicating with a child are possible. Fortunately, there are recommendations that will help not to make mistakes in the new family.

First of all, it is necessary to realize that no one requires loving someone else's child as their own. To begin with, it is important to treat him with all sincerity and patience. He will need to be taken seriously as an adult, albeit a small one. You need to be interested in his life, hobbies, friends and plans for the future. In no case should you take the side of the parent in conflict situations. Only the father or mother can take responsibility in disputes with the child. By interfering in the process of education ahead of time, you can forever push away both the baby and the teenager. Adult children from their first marriage will appreciate the absence of dictatorial habits and the desire to command them.

How to prevent the suffering of a child

It is generally accepted that children suffer the most from divorce. Unfortunately it's true. But this does not mean that divorce is bad. It will be easier for a child to survive the separation of parents than living in conditions of dislike and constant scandals. Therefore, everything must be done so that after the divorce, the child's psyche does not suffer.

With the arrival of a new husband or wife in the house, you cannot change the child’s daily habits. Such favorite rituals of the baby, such as reading a children's book at night, hugs in the morning or heart-to-heart talk, should occur in the usual manner. Thus, the child will receive less stress and survive the changes in lifestyle more calmly. It is necessary to convince him that a new member of the family will not displace him and will not take all the attention to himself. The child should feel safe, not afraid that the parent will now fall out of love with him.

If he understands that the new husband or wife is not a rival to him, the establishment of relations will be much easier. Of course, an adult will have to try to ensure that the child begins to trust him. Only under the condition of unlimited patience and desire to find peace in a new family can you establish good relations with your stepdaughter or stepson.