The Russian proverb says: "Teach the child while it lies across the bench." The dictum is quite ancient, but what about the upbringing of children in the modern world? Pedagogy refutes this folk wisdom or confirms, and are there gender differences in the formation, education of babies? Different opinions are expressed - from the certainly separate education of representatives of both sexes to the creation of Spartan conditions.
Many parents ask questions:
- how to educate a girl, revealing all her talents and aspirations;
- is it possible to protect it from undesirable environmental influences;
- Is it possible to help the child's self-realization.
Adults often find themselves in a situation of choosing a “lesser evil”, but this is how the situation looks from their point of view. How to raise a girl, each parent decides in his own way, but there are general patterns and laws that it is desirable to know and take into account in their pedagogical strategy.
Differences in the education of boys and girls
In the modern theory of psychology (both foreign and domestic), there are many conflicting opinions on how to raise a girl and a boy. As the practice of psychotherapists and child psychologists shows, "it was smooth on paper, but forgot about the ravines."
In order to focus the attention of emancipated women on the organic differences between the sexes (to take at least the work of the same hypothalamus), various theories of the formation of true representatives of both sexes were developed, which prescribed how to properly raise a girl and a boy. It should be noted that the grounds for radical differences were sometimes the most unexpected, rather contradictory, and it is better not to mention modesty about the scientific nature of this approach.
Education and training of representatives of different sexes in the history of mankind has always been carried out taking into account the physiological and psychological characteristics of the younger generation. Evidence of this can be found in documents from different eras, literature, and works of art.
Historical analysis will reveal a group of qualities that ancestors always wanted to see from their heirs. For men, this is endurance, good health, wisdom, intelligence, education, responsibility, caring for the clan and their family. During protracted wars, good warriors were primarily valued. For women, this is meekness, courtesy, kindness, sophistication, education, the ability to take care of others, creating coziness and a warm atmosphere in the house. With the development of technological progress, people's living standards and the set of desired personality traits of modern man have changed.
The girl, well-brought up by her parents, combines the qualities of the guardian of the hearth, a professional in any field of activity with an active lifestyle. What factors determine the outcome of parental efforts? After all, far from always, adults manage to get the planned result.
Who is raising a girl
Contrary to the belief that at different times in the life of the child, mother and father take turns, the practice proves the joint involvement of both parents (as well as the closest significant adults) throughout the process of growing up. Only actions are brought up, not words. It is especially important for all adults to avoid deception and ambiguity in the interpretation of statements in children. They feel on a subconscious level deception and duplicity, and act in such situations according to the conclusions made.
The answer to the question of how to raise a baby girl is simple. If parents want to see the baby neat, fun and mobile, you should set yourself an example to follow. If you want to inculcate a respectful attitude towards men, mother must daily "broadcast" such emotions in relation to his father. If the phrase “You must ...” sounds, listing virtues, but in real life a girl does not observe these qualities in close adults, the result of such education will always be unambiguous - the crippled psyche of the child and the frayed nerves of the parents.
It is believed that children are the mirror of the family. In fact, in the early period of development of the child, imitation prevails. The kid repeats and copies sounds, movements, facial expressions of people, intonation of conversation of significant adults.
If the family lives separately from close relatives, then parents and people caring for the child become an example to follow. How to raise a baby girl if she does not attend kindergarten? In this case, do not lose sight of such an important component of the harmonious development of the baby, as communication with peers.
If before 2-3 years old children play next to each other, then in the future, experiencing a need for communication, they begin joint games. The process of interaction is not immediately established, since children are differently accustomed to observing the established rules, empathic and respectful perception of the partner, and independently smoothing out conflict situations. A joint game is a kind of “kitchen”, in which an attempt is made by a preschooler to apply the behaviors daily observed by parents and the immediate environment. There is a "grinding" and adjustment of models of parental behavior to life situations and the gradual development of its line of action.
Stages of education
The possibilities of the formation of certain abilities and skills directly depend on the development of the child’s body as a whole and specific systems (musculoskeletal, auditory, visual, etc.) in particular. There are generally recognized and scientifically based stages of human development. Some experts adhere to the author's classifications (D. B. Elkonin, J. Korczak, A. V. Zaporozhets, J. Piaget, L. S. Vygotsky, E. Erickson), taking into account which the general is built.
From birth to adolescence, the child goes through the following stages of development:
- All children under ten days are considered newborns.
- The development of the child during the first year of life is designated as infancy.
- The life of a baby after a year to three years is early childhood.
- The period from three years to six / seven years is preschool age.
- Younger school age coincides with elementary school (grades 1-4) and lasts from six to ten years.
- The next stage - teenage - takes a period from ten to fourteen years.
- Early adolescence begins at age 14 and lasts until about seventeen.
How to educate a girl, knowing the age characteristics of personality formation? It should always be remembered that a harmoniously developed baby is not a child prodigy deprived of childhood for the sake of "getting a preschool child in early childhood." The deliberate shifts of the development stages to earlier periods are reflected in both adults and children.
Each age has a leading activity - one that helps the child to develop precisely in this period of time. If you do not play with a preschool child, but teach him using school methods, then there will be an aversion to this type of activity, an unwillingness to see the teacher and attend kindergarten, as well as a violation of the personality structure of the preschool child. Therefore, no matter how much one wants to “train” a three-year-old baby with the help of lessons, the child’s psyche is sensitive to the game, and all the developing possibilities of this type of activity should be used.
Variety, richness of images, vivid emotional impressions with which games are filled, help to develop perception, thinking, imagination and memory.
The role of an adult in solving the issue of how to raise a girl is constantly changing: if a parent mainly satisfies the physiological needs of a baby during the neonatal period , then, starting from infancy, he already tries on the role of a role model in the manifestation of emotions, intonational expressiveness of speech. In the period of early and preschool age, representatives of the older generation become a model in the application of objects of the surrounding space (in the kitchen, in the living room, in the garage, etc.), as well as the "translation" of social norms of behavior and speech, knowledge.
In the future, the adult is considered by the child as an example of principles and rules worthy of any work, etc. Therefore, it does not matter who educates, the main question is how, by what personal example. A girl raised by her grandmother, for whom the future of her granddaughter is not an empty phrase, has the same chance of success as the other children. Reasonable parenting is always the starting point for self-education of any adult (teaching - learning).
Newborn and infancy
The first year of a child’s life is the most responsible for parents, as it is the stage of adaptation of the baby to the environment and its gradual development (movement on all fours, legs). How to raise a girl a year and what to look for? If we recall that gender differences for a child begin to play some role only from the age of three, then the far-fetched difference in the upbringing of children of both sexes at that time becomes apparent.
First of all, close attention is paid to the formation and development of perception (hearing, vision, smell, kinesthetics), musculoskeletal system (proper skeleton formation, sufficient mobility of the child), immunity. Many parents make the biggest mistake in raising a child up to two years, shifting the upright phase of the baby to an earlier date (with the help of a walker). In some families, this procedure is repeated from generation to generation and does not cause any surprise.
In fact, the stage of active crawling is skipped, which is fraught with consequences:
- violation of posture in preschool, school or other age (it all depends on muscle development);
- impaired coordination of movements due to insufficient training in early childhood;
- problems with the development of three-dimensional space, which affects elementary school on motor activity, the development of subjects such as mathematics, languages, drawing;
- insufficient stimulation of the inner ear from 1 month to 3 years (caused by a constant change in body position: lying - sitting - standing, etc.), which affects the development of attention, perception, memory and thinking.
Walkers were invented as an adaptive tool for children with cerebral palsy, and they are contraindicated in a healthy child. No matter how adults would like to see their girl running on her legs, and not all fours, categorically it is impossible to shift this activity to earlier dates.
Important “acquisitions” of a one-year-old child are babbling syllables and first words, the appearance of the first teeth, which cause a lot of discomfort not only for the baby, the weaning of the child from diapers (with skillful conduct, the procedure is painless, although some parents can’t cope with it even by the age of three) .
A full list of skills will take several pages, but the importance of the manifestation of each of them at a standard time is undeniable. In order not to lose sight of anything, child development diaries are created for different age periods. Their use helps parents in the formation of a harmoniously developed personality of the child, and sometimes even causes the detection of serious diseases. You should not neglect them.
Early childhood
From one to three years, children actively explore the surrounding space due to their mobility. Manipulative activity is gradually replaced by role play. Compliance with hygiene procedures, self-care, respect for objects develop at this age. Such activity provides greater independence for the baby in the future and is developing for both girls and boys.
The opinion that a girl needs to be raised as a woman almost from birth is wrong. Adhering to this principle in the education of crumbs, you can do more harm than good. A child will only think about his gender when he begins to realize his “I”. And this period begins in 3-4 years. How to raise a 3-year-old girl taking into account the age-related characteristics of development?
There are some general rules:
- Early childhood is characterized by active imitation. All the actions of the parents are copied: housework, gait, emotionality of speech, etc. Therefore, it's time to familiarize the girl with household chores. She can help mom or perform actions on her own. Of course, the motility of a three-year-old baby is not developed as much as that of a mother, so the main goal of a child’s activity is to master the sequence of stages. For example, draw water into a container, moisten a napkin and unscrew it well, then mop the floor or wipe the dust on the shelves, pour out water after cleaning, hang a napkin to dry, etc.
- Adults should talk with children about topics of interest to them. By the age of three, all the guys are turning into a “why” - this is the most fruitful period for understanding the world. By a personal example, parents teach children to find the information they need, they teach them to verify its authenticity (if this point is not important for adults, children will also miss it). On the example of mom and dad, kids learn to build statements on one topic or another. During this period, it is very important to patiently find answers with your child to all his questions. The thirst for knowledge, quenched in a timely manner during this period, will degenerate into cognitive interest at the next stages of development, and without it, the child’s education turns into “coaching”.
- The so-called “crisis of three years” is associated with the formation of an “I-image”. The science-based name will still be “a transitional period of three years.” Its essence is in reassessing its social significance. Therefore, the more harmoniously and calmly the previous period of life passed, the more imperceptibly (without tricks and tantrums) the restructuring of perception of oneself will take place. Such an opportunity appears only with the unambiguous requirements for the child from all adults. If parents play the roles of “bad and good cop”, children's tantrums and moods with the aim of manipulating adults will be commonplace.
- The politeness and kindness of the baby are brought up only by a personal example of the older generation. It should be noted that greed is an innate property of a person. The ability to share with others, compassion, as well as the use of the words “thank you”, “please”, “sorry” are inculcated at the age of 2-3 years using daily unobtrusive practice. Naturally, if mom and dad communicate with pointing gestures, the baby will do the same.
- Young children develop through organized physical activity and play. This should be remembered in any situation.
At the next stage in the formation of the child’s personality, a division into games for boys, for girls and general appears.
Preschoolers
The life of children from 4 to 6 years is rich in discoveries and the development of new activities. How to raise a girl 4 years old? As never before begins to manifest the temperament and independence of the baby.
It is very important to help the child direct his activity “in a peaceful direction”, bypassing scandals, public tricks and tantrums. Provisions from the side of the child are experienced by even the most balanced parents, since the “pen test” is carried out in a safe environment.
For example, having seen enough in the kindergarten about the behavior of her peers (and how calm is “bought”), the girl repeats this trick at home for her mother (throws herself on the floor, screams and bangs her legs and hands). Since the "concert" began in the morning, the parent needed emergency measures to prevent it - the mother (calm, balanced, kind and affectionate) does the same thing, which causes the baby to be very surprised. Then the woman explained that she too could behave this way, but she didn’t do it, and the answer to the question “Why?” the family finds in discussions already on the way to kindergarten. The girl will never even try to behave this way again.
The transitional period of three years of age can safely end only if adults respect the child and learn to be independent in all spheres of life.
How to raise a girl 5 years old? This is the age of the transition from “whys” to “dreamers,” and hence some features of behavior. Negative manifestations include lies, excessive passion for dreams. Little experimenters try all methods of influence on adults, if cooperation has not yet been established. At the first attempts of deception, you should calmly stop the child and explain the consequences. If the deception is repeated, then a “reset” of relations should be carried out. Perhaps the preschooler is not satisfied with the subordinate position and the too strict attitude of parents to him.
The main principle is cooperation in resolving the issue of how to raise a girl of 5 years. This is an equal member of the family with their desires and needs. In the preschool period, the child's social position is formed: communication with peers, adults, relatives and strangers. The child "tries on" various social roles (through the game).
How to raise a girl of 6 years in preparation for school? The next transition period is coming, which can last from 6 to 7-8 years. At this stage, there is an active development of the elements of such an activity as training: the time of concentration of attention increases, the amount of memory. The process of thinking is gradually moving from a concrete subject form to an abstract logical one.
The girl, more than ever, needs the support and help of her parents. She can already carry out homework assignments, monitor the tidiness of her appearance, is completely independent in self-care, helps both older and younger relatives, and shows leadership qualities. Many children already know how to read, discovering the world of fairy tales, humorous stories, poems. During this period, soft control by parents is very important, since self-regulation is still at an average level.
Junior schoolchildren
With admission to the first class, the development and appropriation of educational activity occurs, which subsequently replaces the game. How to raise a girl of 7 years old in the context of adaptation to school? In order to get comfortable in the new team, to prove oneself from the best sides, to achieve good results in the classroom, it takes a lot of energy, quick wit, willingness to be responsible for one’s actions and, of course, good health. Parents play the role of counselor, assistant, supervisor, source of information. However, the "palm" in the truth of the new knowledge passes to the class teacher - this must be taken into account and not try to undermine the authority of the class teacher. How to bring up a girl of 7 years?
- To accustom to discipline and adherence to the regime of the day is the main condition for the successful development of training.
- Encourage the success of the student, emotionally supporting him.
- If punishment is required, it must happen. But! As practice shows, the most effective is not a corner, not a belt, not verbal humiliation, but a calm thinking of a child’s actions in complete solitude, sitting on a chair in the room. After this, you should make sure that the child understands the reason for the space limitations and draws conclusions. If this does not happen, analytical and predictive assistance of an adult is required.
- When conducting homework, especially raising a girl of 7 years old, the use of health-saving technologies is required, which are based on the competent distribution of time for work and leisure, motor and intellectual activity, as well as game methods.
By the third grade, schoolchildren successfully master learning activities.
How to raise a girl of 9 years:
- The requirements for observing the daily routine will remain until the end of the training, but the success of the child largely depends on the rational distribution of time for study and rest. This should not be neglected.
- The authority of the teacher is supplemented by reputable classmates, and this circumstance should be considered by parents. A large role in the life of a child begins to play relationships with peers.
- During this period, classes in circles, sections, additional courses, etc., are most fruitful. But everything should be in moderation, do not overload the younger student.
There are few significant differences in the question of how to raise a girl of 10 years. During this period, a transition to the middle level of education takes place, and adults should be patient and sensitive. In addition, the authority of the teacher ceases to be undeniable, and the role of friends and classmates is increasing. Parents, thinking about how to raise girls 10 years old, often go to extremes and seek to ban them as much as possible. Such adult activity leads to a dead end. Yes, girls more than ever become independent, experimenting with cosmetics, trying to emphasize their femininity. But the tactics of prohibitions, decrees and moralizing can only tear down the nerves of both sides. Only respect and cooperation can establish harmony in family relationships.
Teens
How to raise a teenage girl? Probably the most difficult transition period, due to rapid physiological changes that schoolchildren do not immediately get used to. Girls are looking for their style in everything: clothing, behavior, hairstyle, makeup. Mom and Dad now act as consultants, whose opinions are asked, but act in their own way.
The main problem of a teenager is appearance. Parents are able to contribute to the safe and speedy resolution of questions about the appearance of the student. You need to do this with love and empathy. This is the only way to soften the sticky character of a teenager. A teenager should be brought up as a custodian of the family, sharing her knowledge and skills with her, discussing the patterns of interaction between the macro and microworlds. This can increase your credibility in her eyes and strengthen cooperation.
Are all parenting tips appropriate for your child?
Each person is individual, like a snowflake. Adults can only wish for patience, sensitivity, respect for their children, perseverance in achieving their goals. Definitely you can’t thoughtlessly transfer the experience of raising someone’s children to your child. Therefore, taking into account all the transition periods and the peculiarities of the development of children, you can build your own line of behavior and education.
Conclusion
If, nevertheless, problems arise in relations with the child, it is worth listening to the advice of a psychologist on how to raise a girl. Usually the problem lies in mutual misunderstanding, which is corrected only if both parties are interested. Short doctrine of people, but long knowledge. However, it is it that allows you to better know yourself through communication with others.