Most families wonder, “How many children do you have?” The brave claim that they would like a lot of guys. The more cautious want to first earn money on an apartment, a car, etc., and then just start thinking about children. So where is the truth?
Of course, several children in the family are not nonsense. It is known that where the child is not alone, relationships with people are better built. Especially good if the children are heterosexual. This allows the boy to learn to understand female nature from an early age, and vice versa.
Finance
How to decide on the birth of a second child? In recent years, the whole point of the issue rests on financial problems. It is no secret that today's life requires significant financial investments from parents, including in the development of children. It becomes noticeable already at a time when the child is going to kindergarten. There begin training on uniforms, toys, trips, gifts, graduation banquets. And it’s not worth talking about school. Every child wants to have a computer, the Internet, go camping with the class or celebrate a birthday. All this today requires quite large expenses. And this side of the issue is forcing young people to abandon their second child, so as not to infringe on the financial security of the first.
But here it is worth recalling the folk wisdom, which states that the child himself needs a little: feed more often and love more. One trouble - society does not always accept this. And in the event that the husband and wife decided on a second child, they will have to constantly face some opposition from others. And to inspire their children, and not just with words, but with all their behavior and literally from the first minutes of their lives that they are no worse than others, and maybe even better, that not the amount of money determines success and consistency in life. It is very difficult, and not everyone is ready and can do it.
The easiest way to abandon the idea of having several children. Then two parents, plus all grandparents, will put one child on their feet and will be able to provide him, if not a comfortable, but quite normal life.
But the question is: is it worth it? Indeed, statistics have long been proven that problem children most often come from wealthy families. Of course, we do not take into account dysfunctional families, talking about normal parents.
Role distribution
How to decide to give birth to a second child? Another important criterion is not finances, but the distribution of attention and roles in such a family. With one baby, everything is clear: everything is one for him, he is the center of family and care. And when are there two of them? Small, it is clear, often need more attention than already grown up. But the eldest is not ready to come to terms with this. Children's jealousy is a terrible thing. Psychologists advise in advance to prepare the first-born for the advent of a new member of the family: to go with a child to visit acquaintances who have several children of about his age, not to excommunicate him from worries about his mother, who carries his brother or sister, to tell him about how the whole the family will take care of the little together, because he will be born so helpless. You can show photos of the eldest child at a very tiny age, and explain to him that he was so weak and defenseless, and everyone took care of him.
When the second baby is born, let the elder take part in the affairs available to him. For example, helping to bathe a little one or going to the store, to help mom decompose things. So between children there will be no enmity. The older one will learn mutual assistance and understanding of difficulties.
Now that the second child does not sooner or later consume the care of the whole family as the youngest. With age, he must also have responsibilities. At first, for example, do not make noise when a senior does his homework. Then, perhaps, provide assistance (go to the store, clean up the room, etc.). In this case, we can expect the children to be friends, because they will feel responsibility for each other and for the integrity and peace of the whole family.
Difficulties that arise in the process of bearing a second baby
Do I need a second child? Each family should give an answer to this question on their own. But to make a decision, you need to be aware that difficulties will certainly be. And a lot depends on whether the parents are ready to put up with them and fight.
The first problem will arise as soon as mom is in position. She will not be able, as before, to play with her elder and devote as much time to him. It is worth explaining what is happening. If the first child is at a very young age, then it is better to let him know that the mother feels a little bad, because she is expecting another baby. It’s good if there are animals in the house. They will clearly demonstrate to the child mother's care for the kids, regardless of the number of the latter. Of course, this is the case if the pet brings in offspring, and not sterilized.
By the way, the presence of animals in the family teaches children well about caring for the younger, requiring protection and attention. And, probably, you should not demonstrate to the child that, for the sake of his peace of mind, you can get rid of the cat or dog, castrate them, etc. Of course, there are times when such measures become necessary, for example, if the child is allergic. But in this case too, you can show your child care. Attract him to the device of the animal, and in fact a member of the family, in good hands, or do it with him.
If there are no animals in the house and there is no way to get them, then you can read books and watch films on such topics with your child. Be sure to comment on what is happening in order to provoke the desired reaction for parents to sympathy, compassion and desire to help the weak.
Age difference matters
Should I decide on a second child? Often people who want to have another baby postpone it for a while, when the older one grows up and becomes meaningful about life. Such logic is not without meaning from the point of view that the first child will really understand what is happening over the years, and much can be explained to him. But those who are of the opinion that between children should not be much difference in age are not so wrong either.
Indeed, if the children were born with an interval of a year or two, then the elder has not yet had time to realize his uniqueness and irreplaceability. And the appearance of a younger one will not greatly strain him, and perhaps even amuse him. But here lies another danger. The elder, while still quite a baby, can perceive the little one as a toy. Therefore, parents should not lose sight of both of them, especially when they are together. After all, the eldest can try to feed the baby with an apple or try to transfer it from place to place. This can end in disrepair.
It’s better to involve the elder in taking care of the little one. Let him help mom and dad change diapers, bathe and prepare mixes. Let it be present during feeding and hygiene procedures. Then he will see how to handle the baby, what they feed him and how carefully they pick him up, how much he sleeps and remains awake. This will strengthen the relationship between the kids and unite the whole family.
When the children begin to grow up, it is worth taking them together to the circles, school and kindergarten. If it is not possible, due to certain circumstances, to send the children to one kindergarten / school, you can go on a visit to a family and have a picnic. You should not allocate a small one, stating that, since he appeared, then the trip to the camp site is canceled, but if he hadn’t been, then ... This is unacceptable.
How to solve financial difficulties if you want a second child?
And again to the question of finance. Of course, this cup does not pass anyone. Having given the child to kindergarten, and even more so to school, parents will certainly be faced with the issue of cash injections into the organization in order to protect their child from the stigma of “not like everyone else”. But if the family has established trusting relationships and parental opinion for children authoritatively, then the problem is solvable.
All childcare facilities must provide benefits for large and
low-income families. You need to know in advance what a specific family is entitled to: free lunch at school, compensation for paying for kindergarten and apartment, which will help to save. There is no way to have your own computer - you can team up with other same parents and complete tasks together. Buy a used laptop, or better yet, teach your children how to use undeservedly abandoned libraries.
And also try to identify a child in a simple school, without the high-profile titles of “gymnasium” or “lyceum”, to establish a trusting relationship with teachers and the institution’s management - this will allow you to keep abreast of what is happening without humiliating the student.
In a word, there is always a way out if you want to. The only question that remains is whether the desire to have two children is worth the effort and sacrifice. Perhaps it is better to have one baby?
If you stay on one kid ...
So do you need a second child? Now we will further understand this issue. If the family clearly decides that the second child will interfere with the measured and cloudless flow of life, she should remember that this option will also require some effort. Yes, not financially, but who knows what is harder. The point is that the only baby in the family does not become an egoist and a consumer of parental care and, to be honest, money.
Such a child must be charged with some household duties. He certainly must have certain cares for cleaning his own room, and preferably parental as a help to his mother. Dad should involve the child in work for the common good of the family. Mom can also entrust him with some household chores: washing dishes, cleaning, going to the store and so on. Moreover, the child is alone, and there is no one else to share worries with, and someone else should help parents so that they can continue to provide the standard of living that allows the whole family to live that way.
In a word, difficulties will be in any case, with any decision. Only they will be of various kinds.
Second baby in adulthood
How to decide on a second child after 35 years? There are families who are of the opinion that the second baby should appear in the family as late as possible. But this also brings certain difficulties. It’s not worth talking about mom’s age, this is an individual matter. It is said that pregnancy and childbirth at a later age adds youth and strength. But you should think, before deciding on a second child after 35, that the son or daughter will be only 15 years old when her mother is already fifty. She will probably have less progressive views on the life that a teenager will live. Therefore, it will be difficult for the native to find a common language (not necessarily, but quite likely). Although the current tendency to have children in adulthood can refute this idea.
Single-parent families: what to do in this case with the second baby?
It is even more difficult to resolve the issue in the title of the article if you have an incomplete family. Of course, there are those who decided to give birth to a second child without a husband. There are even women who ventured into a third baby. But here, of course, it is worth weighing really your possibilities. If the financial situation allows, then why give up the gift of fate? Perhaps there are grandparents who are ready to help their daughters with all their might for the sake of happiness. You can rely on their participation and decide on a second child. After all, children are always good, especially in old age. Psychologists say that a lot of children, if brought up correctly, are money on credit. Today, parents invest in them, and after many years these investments will return in an amount multiple of the number of offspring.
Advice
Many ladies say: "I can’t decide on my second child, because ...", and then a list of reasons follows. But this is not at all a search for a solution, but a lack of determination and position. If the family plans to have several children, then all the causes and problems are completely solvable in order to achieve the goal.
How to decide on a second child? In principle, finding the answer is not the most important thing. It is important to understand whether you need it, whether you are ready to overcome difficulties that will necessarily arise if a second child appears in your house.
Work ... It is usually difficult to decide to replenish the family for a busy mom. After all, not every boss wants to let the employee go on maternity leave for three years, and even pay money for it. But if a decision is made, then no leadership can stop a woman from wanting to have children. Work will always be found for a thinking person, even if he has a second child in his family. It can sometimes be very difficult to decide. But you just need to really weigh your ambitions and opportunities. Of course, in modern society one should not neglect its requirements. And if a specific family cannot really provide a second child even with the necessary ones, then it is unlikely that in such a situation one can doom one's children to predefined difficulties and deprivations.
If finances allow a second child to appear in the family, it is much easier to decide on a replenishment.
Little conclusion
Desired children are, of course, always a joy. But do not forget that they deserve happiness. They need attention, care, love, and do not forget about children's desires: toys, a phone, fashionable clothes, sweets, trips to an amusement park and communication with peers. Therefore, the question "how to decide on a second child" should be discussed by the whole family, with the involvement of the older baby. Psychologists all over the world advise nevertheless to have several children. After all, it unites, unites the whole family, all generations, makes all its members live by common problems and concerns. If a child grows alone, in the future he can turn into an egoist, and parents need to make every effort to prevent this. In addition, a single baby will not be able to give such a full sensation as a couple. Even mothers with two or more children argue that the appearance of the second generates a completely different attitude towards him, and to the first-born, and to her husband, and family, and even to life. Therefore, when thinking about how to decide on a second child, rely only on your feelings. Do not be afraid if you want to once again feel the joy of motherhood and fatherhood.