Parenting is one of the most difficult tasks for any parent. Everyone wants their child to grow up smart, successful and healthy. When communicating with a child, however, 99% of adults use phrases that adversely affect the formation of their personality and individuality. What phrases can not be said to the child and why?
"For once, if you do so, I will punish you!"
Many say this phrase to scare the child, but in the end do not make the promise. As a rule, at the last moment it becomes a pity for the baby. The child quickly realizes that the threat does not make sense, and ceases to respond to such words in general. In the end, children should know that parents keep their word. Therefore, the alternative: they said - done.
As soon as the child is punished, he will try not to repeat his mistakes, because he will know that he will have to pay for the misconduct. When the child does wrong again, the parents should say: "We warned you of the consequences, we must fulfill the promise."
"Stop immediately, I'll tell someone about it!"
A children's personality is just being formed, it is trying to show independence and listens to commands, because the menacing tone is unpleasant even for adults. This is one of 10 phrases that cannot be said to a child: why bring up fear of public opinion in him? This will not make him an independent and independent person. Fear will instill in him, and so, especially in teenagers. Alternative: it is worth being polite with your child, it is better to talk respectfully along with him. It is necessary to develop a sense of confidence and self-respect in him. When the child is in frustrated feelings, crying, it is better for the parent to say something like: "I know that you are sad now, we will talk about it as soon as you come to your senses."
"How much can you repeat! Do you really not understand?"
As a rule, this phrase, which cannot be said to children, parents pronounce when the child takes someone else's, behaves in a way that is not accepted in public places. In this case, the following alternative is suitable: it is necessary to distract the child so that he draws attention to something very interesting and much later to start discussing the issue. And say this: "Let's play like this." It always works.
"Let me do it myself, you will not succeed!"
Understanding which phrases a child cannot speak, it is worth considering that such expressions undermine self-confidence. Having said such words with good intentions, parents contribute to the education of an unstable personality: a person will be pre-programmed to ensure that he does not succeed. Such a child is likely to grow insecure, closed in communication and distrustful of others. And the worst thing is that such children are doomed to failure. If the child is going to do something himself, there is no need to disturb him. Alternative: it’s better to just say "Try it yourself, and if you need help, contact."
"You can't do it, you're a girl (boy)"
Understanding what phrases a child cannot speak, it is worthwhile to exclude any hint of sexism from the vocabulary. Because of this phrase, a distorted attitude to the opposite sex is created, sexism appears. Stereotypes persist in the subconscious from early childhood. Subsequently, for example, a person will not choose a profession to which he is predisposed, will go against his desires. This can create problems in communication with the opposite sex.
Thus, in the process of education, parental support is first of all necessary. In the end, the one who is engaged in his favorite activity is successful. Another example: when it comes to personal hygiene, almost all mothers tell their daughters that they should be clean and tidy just because they are female. And who said that boys should not behave the same? So this is the 5th phrase that a child cannot be told.
Alternative: "If you like it, I will support you" or "You have to wash." There is only one rule: the words “girl” and “boy” must be replaced by the word “children”. No need to emphasize the difference between the sexes once again.
"Take whatever you want, just stop crying"
This is the 6th phrase that a child should not be told. It is clear that children's tears and tantrums are not a sight for the faint of heart. But you can handle it. When a child is left alone and encouraged for such behavior, sooner or later he begins to use this method to achieve what he wants. The child becomes a manipulator, and parents must then pay for their momentary weakness from the past.
Alternative: switch the child’s attention to another interesting object and tell him: “I understand that you really want it, but you know that you can’t.” If this phrase does not help, you need to leave the child so that the parents calm down. In the end, loneliness becomes boring hysteria.
"This is a trifle"
The 7th phrase that a child cannot be told is the depreciation of his experiences. Parents should always remember that babies are overly emotional, perceive what is happening, in a different way, much closer to their heart. And what is so important to him should also be perceived by his parents. So in a family relationships are built, full of trust. And in the future, it will be easy for a child to find a common language with other people, he will not be afraid of acquaintances, he will be able to open up, take risks and achieve his goals.
At critical moments, parents should support the child and tell him: "As I understand you, you are upset, I would be just as upset."
"Well, if you're like that, I don't love you."
When such expressions are pronounced, the baby has the feeling that love is corrupt. He thinks he is loved as long as he follows some rules. Every baby needs unconditional caress and warmth that cannot be earned by achievements or behavior. They are by default.
Parents should explain this, talk about the rules of conduct that will eliminate errors. Children who are confident in their absolute love for themselves, exchange with their parents, reveal their deepest feelings to them. Also, thanks to a similar approach, the child's self-confidence increases. To make it that way, you should use an alternative to the phrase that you can’t tell the children: "You behaved badly, but still I love you very much."
"All the children are normal, but I have ..."
When wondering how to replace phrases that children cannot speak, it is worth considering that some of them are completely traumatic for the psyche. Comparing a child with other children is absolutely unacceptable - this causes deep pain. The kid remembers this for a long time, it makes him doubt the love of his parents. Alternative: it’s better to tell the child, “I love you, both good and bad.”
"Leave me alone"
Any parent sometimes forgets about peace. But he craves to make up for energy, left alone with himself. This becomes a problem when parents too often tell children phrases such as “Don’t bother” or “I don’t have time for you.”
Children can consider these suggestions as if it really doesn’t even make sense to talk to their parents, because they are constantly dismissed from them. Although this model is installed in childhood, it is likely that the older the person, the less things he will want to tell his parents. Thinking about phrases that can not be said to children, and how to replace them, it is worth deleting similar expressions from the vocabulary, if, of course, parents want to have close relations with their descendants in the future.
Children should not get used to the fact that parents devote time only to them. If you need rest, it is better to take care of hiring a nanny, leave the child to a partner or friend, let the children sit in front of the TV for a while, and the parents have time to relax.
If the adults are really busy, you need to stop for a moment and calmly say: "Mom should finish this thing now, so be patient for a few minutes. As soon as I finish this, we'll talk."
"You are so…"
This is a very common phrase that can not be said to children. Expressions like "Why are you like her?" or “You're so clumsy!” very negatively affect a young person. On faith, kids accept absolutely any statements. They do not doubt what they heard. So such negative labels are prophetic and can be translated into reality. The child cannot even understand when the assessment of his character is unrealistic or, conversely, realistic. He just believes - and that’s it. Such expressions can hurt extremely deeply. How many of us do not recall with bitterness how our own parents said something in the style of “You are hopeless”? This imprint pursues a person, even if he is not fully aware of it.
Alternative: it would be much better not to comment on the personality of the child with the help of such adjectives. It’s worth trying to say this: “You told everyone not to play with her. You hurt her. What can we do to help her feel better?”
"Do not be like that"
You should not even try to pronounce such options: "Do not be so sad," "Do not be like a child," "But there is not even a reason to be afraid." Children express their anxiety by crying, especially toddlers who do not yet have the ability to express their emotions verbally. They are sad. They feel fear. Of course, parents want to protect their child from negativity, repeating the words "do not be ...", they expect that the child will feel relief. However, in fact, for him, this can signal that his emotions are not really important, that it is bad to feel sadness or fear. Subsequently, a person begins to suppress emotions in himself, ceases to feel them. And this leads to neurosis in adulthood.
Alternative: not to deny specific children's feelings, but to confirm their presence: “It's really a shame that Peter will no longer be your friend” or “Yes, the sea wave can seriously scare, but at first we can just stand together and you will see how we it will be pleasant to tickle the feet of water. And I promise that I will not let go of your hand. "
By accepting the real feelings that a child has, parents teach him to express himself, and at the same time they show him what it means to be sensitive. Ultimately, the child will cry less and describe more exactly what he feels. And this is a feature of a healthy person in a psychological sense.
"You can do it better."
Such a comparison, even rather a mockery, hurts the child. Learning is a process full of trial and error. For adults, this phrase may not seem so scary, but the children from it accept only the main message: "You work in vain and you never do anything right." Alternative: "I like it when you do it like that, thank you."
Hurry up
Everyone at least once heard this phrase in this world full of haste. She is especially drawn to say it when the baby is busy for a long time, although he must do everything himself. For example, he cannot find shoes for a long time. It is necessary in this case to take into account the tone of the voice, as well as how often parents use this phrase. If the tone is caustic or the phrase sounds every day, you should be careful. The child may feel guilty, and guilt will not stimulate him to act faster. It will only add problems in the end. An alternative is to explain in a calm tone that you need to be in time somewhere.
Given what phrases a child cannot say and why, people can raise more mentally healthy children.