Many people, having become parents for the first time and planning the next pregnancy, think about the question: what is the optimal age difference between children? More often women reflect on this, because it is precisely on the mother that most of the burden falls. They want to calculate everything in order to solve the problem with less loss and get certain advantages. Not only physical, but also emotional readiness is needed, an immediate desire to give birth to another baby.
It should immediately be said that there can be no unequivocal advice. Much depends on individual relationships in the family, on mutual understanding. Taking full responsibility is what really matters.
You must be aware that the kids themselves will need to pay a lot of time and attention. The advice of pediatricians and psychologists should help make the right decision. So, let's take a closer look at what is the best age difference between children.
Year and a half
The weather sometimes looks very nice, and you can not distinguish them from twins. It happens that a woman becomes pregnant again almost immediately after the birth of the firstborn. In this case, she immediately has two small children in her arms, which require close attention and love. Not always a young mother manages to correctly distribute the responsibility between the babies, and this is the main difficulty. The oldest child is not yet aware of what is happening. He does not understand why they began to pick him up less often, which is why everyone in the house now devotes less time and attention to him. Uncontrolled jealousy may arise on this ground. Later, becoming older, he will never be able to remember and realize the moment when a younger brother or sister appeared in the family.
A year and a half is a very small difference, which will not allow mom to relax and recover after the first birth. Additional difficulties may arise due to the inability to go to work and switch from household chores. This means that gradually irritation will begin to accumulate, a general displeasure from life. It turns out that a year and a half is not the best difference between children.
Two years
At this time, the first child is already getting older. He ceases to be helpless, but still requires too much attention from his mother. If for some reason parents do not give him enough time, it is here that the first grievances, jealousy, and misunderstanding are formed. Two years is a difficult and interesting period. Some experts believe that this is the most optimal age difference between children.
But here there are difficulties. As a rule, after a break, mom wants to leave maternity leave, but if necessary, she has to be extended. This option is convenient because then you do not have to specially devote time in order to devote yourself to caring for the baby. Thinking about what difference between children is better to choose, it is useful to take into account the fact that over time they will be perceived by others as weather conditions. Two years is quite a bit. Children will probably find common hobbies, toys, perhaps they will become friends all their lives, because with a small difference it becomes easier for them to understand each other. Also in this case, the clothes will easily pass from the oldest child to the youngest, especially if children are of the same sex.
The difference is three to four years
Also a very common option. The positive aspects of this decision are that the first-born is already quite reasonable, and it can even be left alone for a short time. The youngest child will require a lot of attention and time of parents. The gap between three and four years is the optimal age difference between children. One can already explain something to the eldest son or daughter, to rely on his prudence. It is unlikely, of course, that you should expect great help from the child, however, there should not be any special interference. You do not have to hold two babies at once. Jealousy, although it may occur, will not last a long period. Soon, the oldest child will easily forget that he was once the only one in the family. But there are also difficulties. The most significant obstacle is the crisis of three years. This period requires the maximum presence of parents in the life of the child. In moments of acute experience of the crisis, the behavior of the child, unfortunately, often does not change for the better. The child may begin to be capricious from scratch, annoyed, show pronounced negativity. He suddenly begins to depreciate adults, test them for strength, groping the boundaries of what is permitted. If it is at this time that a baby appears in the family, sometimes a conflict develops. However, all problems can be easily resolved if adults make certain efforts.
Five years
Many people believe that too short a period of time cannot be the optimal age difference between children. This opinion also has a right to exist. After all, every child should receive enough attention in order not to subsequently feel disliked and unhappy. Unfortunately, not all parents understand this and correctly distribute their responsibility into two equal halves. If it is also difficult for you to be at home with two young children, you may not need to rush. Five years is a serious enough period for a child to learn some independence, become somewhat independent of his parents. If father and mother want to bring up individuality in their son or daughter, they need to understand that having a baby will make the whole family rebuild. It will be necessary to begin to form new habits, and sometimes part with previous views and beliefs.
In fact, five years is a good age difference between children. One child is already big enough not to be jealous of mom for a younger brother or sister. Although resentment can still arise, as well as various misunderstandings. In addition, the elder often willingly takes on the role of a nanny. This is a very significant help to the mother, who is really very tired during breastfeeding. The youngest child will learn everything from an older brother or sister. Here, of course, there is a moment of imitation, which, in turn, accelerates mental and emotional development.
It should be understood that, in principle, there is no such thing as "the best difference between children." Much depends solely on what the general situation in the family is. If children grow calm enough and do not interfere with each other, this issue ceases to have global significance. It is much more valuable to teach them mutual respect and acceptance of each other at different levels. The formation of envy, aggression and jealousy must not be allowed, since negative feelings do not contribute to strengthening relations. One should always strive to solve problems that arise as soon as they arise.
Seven years difference
In some couples, the second child is born just in time for the time when the first-born comes time to go to first grade. This is not a big deal, but some points should still be taken into account. Seven years is a crisis period of personality formation. This should be remembered at the moment when you are planning a pregnancy. The older child will definitely need increased attention at the moment when he goes to school. At seven years old, leading activities are changing. Beloved child may need your help and support. And when the mother is busy with endless swaddling clothes and feeding her baby, then involuntarily the first offspring may be relegated to the background. Adaptation to a new team, getting used to a previously unfamiliar social role of a student do not always go smoothly. If at these important moments for himself the child will remain alone, incomprehensible and deprived of attention, then in the future he will definitely have certain problems. In particular, Dr. Komarovsky does not approve of the appearance of a second baby in the family at this time. Whenever possible, the optimal age difference between children should not affect crisis periods. Otherwise, it becomes very difficult to solve problems that arise, to build harmonious interpersonal relationships.
Eight to nine years old is the best option.
Some experts believe that this is a very good time for a second birth. At this time, the oldest child is already old enough to realize what is really happening. He will even be able to provide the mother with all possible assistance in caring for the baby. Jealousy during this period is also unlikely. For example, Dr. Komarovsky believes so. The optimal difference in age between children, he calls just the border of eight to nine years. In this case, the older child becomes a kind of support for the younger. And although the children are unlikely to have the same interests, in the future they will be strongly attached to each other. Such a kinship will become real support for many years, even in adulthood. And this is absolutely important. Everyone wants to feel in demand and loved.
Ten years
If you start to seriously think about how to find the optimal age difference between the children, then this period, although it seems large, is still very successful. Perhaps such a period will scare someone, since children will never perceive each other on an equal footing. But then their relationship will begin to build on a completely different level. The first child no longer needs constant parental supervision and is quite capable of independently preparing lessons, going to the grocery store, and washing his things. Still important is the fact that your boy is growing up or a girl. The daughter will be able to help with the housework and even babysit a little with the baby while the mother is busy with other things. This is how a sincere attachment, a desire to take care of a small defenseless creature, is formed. The son, perhaps, will not begin to show such a violent desire to take care of a little brother or sister, but he will be able to set a good example for him. The task of parents is precisely to guide in the right direction and prompt at special moments.
Twelve years old
The optimal age difference between the children is one that the parents themselves consider acceptable. If for some reason you have a desire to give birth to a second child in adulthood, then you do not need to interfere. Just take it on faith that you have the right to happiness. It is not necessary to comply with any conditional framework. What kind of relationship will develop between the children will depend on your personal relationship. It is clear that the senior will be able to help you in everything, and this cannot but rejoice. Twelve years is already the youngest teenage period in which, however, the development of an acute crisis is not yet observed. Most likely, the eldest son or daughter will willingly start messing with the youngest. Believe me, an adult child in a house is more useful than, for example, a seven-year-old who just went to first grade.
Thirteen to fourteen years old
Most experts believe that this age is very unfortunate for the appearance of a second child in the family. The fact is that it is during this period that the teenage crisis falls. Sometimes the rebellion can be so strong that the senior together with the expected care will begin to show a certain negativity to the younger. Surely he would not want to lose his personal space if until then he was an only child and had nothing to share with anyone.
Fifteen years
Psychologists say that this is not the best age difference between children. While one enters the period of youth, the other only comes into the world. Of course, the elder in most cases, according to his conscience, will not refuse to help with the younger, but it is unlikely that he will be happy, especially if the guy grows up in the family.
At such an age, completely different interests appear: the search for oneself, one's personal path, destiny. Of course, there are couples who, for one reason or another, delay the birth of their second child for many years. Sometimes this is due to the lack of a partner in life that you can always rely on.
Solving the issue of education with the second half is much easier than without it. But in rare cases, women decide on a second pregnancy in adulthood, hoping for the help of other relatives. It should be noted that such children are not random and, as a rule, are very welcome.
Instead of a conclusion
Thus, when thinking about the question of what the optimal age difference between children should be, maximum wisdom and understanding should be shown. You can’t rush to conclusions and make a hasty decision. Otherwise, later problems may arise that you will not be ready to solve in a timely manner. It is necessary to act as delicately, thoughtfully and consistently as possible. Sometimes you should wait a bit with your desire and give the chance to an older child to grow up a bit. All children develop differently. One requires increased parental attention until adulthood, and the other is ready to help and support mom and dad in everything, despite his young age. Each child is a personality, a separate universe, and it would be wrong to compare it with others. That is why the question of the best age difference between children does not have a clear answer. You need to be able to listen to your individual opinion, consider the situation from different points of view.