Sharing a dream with a child: pros and cons. How to teach a child to sleep alone

Family is not only a pleasant change in the life of every person, but also a huge responsibility. First of all, it falls on the shoulders of those spouses who decided to have and raise a child, because every mistake in their actions can become irreparable.

Generally

Adults periodically return to the discussion of the topic "Sharing a dream with a child." Many supporters, but many opponents. Expecting the first-born, all parents buy cots for babies, but subsequently they are often used for other purposes. In the first months, children sleep a lot, provided that there is a mother nearby. It happens that they fall asleep well on their hands, but if you put them in the crib after that, they wake up very quickly and cry.

Doctors during patronage advise young parents on how to feed, what care to provide, where to sleep the child. They advise from the first days to accustom the child to a separate bed. Sleepless nights with babies exhaust their parents both physically and psychologically. Soon, some women, waving their hands on theoretical knowledge on issues of education, put the child to bed. So, we analyze the topic "A joint dream with a child: the pros and cons."

The argument that sharing sleep is acceptable

Breasts at night often attach to the chest, with a joint sleep it is very convenient. Mom does not need to go from her bed to the crib, to feed while sitting, where there is a risk of dropping a tired, falling asleep woman on the go.

1. Mom has the opportunity to sleep at night.
2. Next to the mother, the child is warm, which is important with his imperfect heat transfer. After all, cooling the body contributes to the production of stress hormone. In addition, the child feels safe and develops normally.
3. There is no risk that the baby will suffocate, wrapped in many blankets in the cold season.
4. There is a regulation of the breathing of the newborn next to the regular rhythm of the breathing of the mother.
5. When the mother practices joint sleep with her baby, breastfeeding in bed, it is noted that the baby's superficial sleep (first and second stage) prevails. It is physiological and helps prevent respiratory arrest and sudden infant death syndrome.
6. The baby's brain grows and develops in the phase of superficial sleep. Advocating the separation of mother and baby, people do not use the inherent nature of the brain's capabilities for continuous development, limiting them.
7. If the child sleeps with his parents, he behaves much more calmly, cries less. If he starts tossing and turning, mom immediately reacts and reassures. When organizing a child’s sleep in a separate crib, in a separate room, she cannot quickly respond to crying, the baby's level of stress hormone rises, and he cannot calm down for a long time.
8. Mom is less worried if the baby sleeps nearby.

What do opponents of shared sleep claim?

1. There is a risk of crushing the child. It's impossible. If the mother does not drink alcohol, sleeping pills, she, being in a state of sleep, reacts to the slightest movement of her child.
2. Arguments about the complex intimate life of parents. This issue can be resolved.
3. The child is unnecessarily attached to his mother. Attachment to parents will always be, but the psychological consequences of sleeping a child separately can be avoided.

More and more people are talking about the benefits of sharing sleep with your child. But there are cases when you do not need to do this:

1. When parents use alcohol, drugs, sleeping pills, and smoke.
2. If parents have infectious diseases.

Parents decide which dream they will choose. You can choose a compromise: cots for babies to put next to.

About baby cots

If you cannot decide which bed to buy, then the most rational solution at first is to use a stroller with an detachable cradle. Having pointed a crumb in it, you move it to the right place without shifting. It is possible to move with the stroller, for example, to the parents bed. For about three months, she can replace you with a crib. We do not recommend buying all kinds of cradles, cradles with canopies, lace, because they are not only beautiful, but also dangerous to use, especially when the baby starts to sit down.

What cribs for children from a year can I get? You can buy a transformer model that can be attached to the edge of your bed. Such designs are more expensive, but very convenient to use when sharing sleep. Manufacturers also offer playpens with music, spinning mobiles, a night light, and a changing table . They have a minus: often a mattress does not meet orthopedic requirements. And high cost. There is also a cocoon bed, but this is irrational, it is used only up to four months. While theorists argue, businessmen suggest, mothers are looking for answers and solutions.

A good compromise would be an extra bed. The child constantly feels his mother next to him, therefore sleeps better. If the baby is disturbed at night, the woman only needs to reach out to calm him. You can feed your baby without getting up. At the same time, he sleeps as if separately, gradually brought to sleep, separate from his parents. When choosing such a crib, it should be borne in mind that it should be securely attached to the parent bed, adjustable in height, and be static. The baby can sleep in it up to two years.

Baby sleep

Newborn children sleep a lot, for 19-20 hours. From 1 month sleep becomes shorter, from 6 months - even shorter. By the year the child sleeps twice during the day. Sleep is 13-14 hours. How to put a baby to bed in a year? At night sleep - no later than 21 hours, gradually switch to a one-time sleep during the day. During the transition on some days, the child can sleep twice a day, at some times - 1 time, depending on how you feel. Try at this time to avoid falling asleep with a bottle, with a sweet drink. Do not start a war in preparation for bedtime, think of rituals for the laying process, for example, relaxing games with toys, dim lights in the room, bathing at bedtime, light massage, lullaby for babies is an ancient sleeping pill.

From ancient times, these songs were endowed with mystical properties. People believed that each mother should come up with a unique melody for the child, the words-amulets. Times have changed, but lullabies continue to live, help calm the baby, and in some way even influence his upbringing. Hyperactivity, crying, moodiness, aggression on the part of the baby indicate that he is tired and wants to sleep, correctly respond to this. You can take it in your hands. In this situation, a lullaby for babies performed by their mother will be very useful - the child will gradually calm down and go to bed.

Those who are taller

Older children can read or tell bedtime stories. Gradually, this will become the child’s favorite ritual before bedtime. Starting from the age of two, many children are happy to listen and repeat short bedtime stories for their parents : "Ryaba Kurochka", "Turnip", "Kolobok" and others. Fairy tales are very attractive for children, because this is not only a text, it is like a small performance, including gestures, singing, moments of theatrical play. A story can be told every evening, interpreting events, descriptions, enriching it with new details. From this, the child’s interest does not disappear, but increases. The baby is waiting for new details, calms down and listens carefully, which contributes to a quick fall asleep.

Separation in a separate crib

The child is growing up, parents are thinking about sharing a dream with a child to what age is permissible. What to do after reaching this age? How to teach a child to sleep alone?

From birth to three months, children need to be constantly with their mother, hear the beat of her heart, feel the warmth of her body, they do not separate themselves from their mother. Up to 6 months, the baby is completely dependent on the care of the mother. After this age, nightly feeds become more frequent. From birth to a year or two, breastfeeding is considered the norm; the baby often continues to sleep with parents. After weaning babies from their breasts, they can easily be taught to sleep separately. But from two to four years old children are tormented by nightly fears, for this reason they want to sleep with their mother, to see her presence, which must be taken into account when transferring to sleep separately from their parents.

Based on the experience of individual families, we can conclude that it is better to do this during the crisis of three years (2.5-3 years), when the child increasingly begins to say: "I myself". At this age, the help of adults with a pot is usually no longer needed. But this does not mean that immediately after the third birthday, one must begin to wean children sharply from joint sleep. Organize this process gradually.

You can buy a crib for dolls, start laying toys with it, sing along with lullabies and tell tales. Then buy a crib for the baby. If she is not there, take the child with you to the store, choose with him. At home, having collected the crib, "put" her favorite toy into it. Start with daytime sleep in it, gradually moving to nighttime. A child can wake up at night, cry, ask his parents, follow his request, let him fill up with you, gradually it will come to naught. Do not combine the transition process with excommunication, with a painful condition, the birth of a second child, when moving to a new place of residence, during placement in a kindergarten. Do not rush to distance the baby from yourself. Children grow up quickly. The time will come when you will fondly remember the time when the little one sniffed nearby.

A little more about baby sleep

You have been transferring the child to a separate dream for a rather long time, but the child does not sleep in his crib. The reasons may be different, analyze the foregoing and try on yourself.

1. An ill-conceived ritual of preparing for bed.
2. Night cold if the baby is constantly opening. It is advisable to sew buttons and eyelets on the upper corners of the blanket, which can be fastened by clasping the fence of the crib. The blanket will always be in place, no matter how the child tries to dump it.
3. Fear. Think with what it can be connected, eliminate the reason.
4. Hunger. Do not go to bed hungry.
5. Frequent illnesses that require increased attention from parents.
6. The unwillingness of the child to get rid of the habit of sleeping with parents. Here you need to show patience, perseverance, consistency, organizing a gradual transition.

Possible solutions to the problem

Try the following:

1. Sleep at a strictly allotted time. Keep the mode holy.
2. Organize daytime sleep only in the crib.
3. To think out a ritual of going to bed. One and a half hours before bedtime, the situation in the house should be calm, measured. For example, a walk before bedtime, dinner, quiet games, reading books, laying down to sleep in accordance with the ritual developed. Do not scream, do not scandal, do not explode if the child refuses to go to bed separately from you.
4. Try not to abuse the motion sickness.
5. Allowed to take favorite toys to the crib, they bring a sense of security, because the child treats them like living people. Allow to take as many toys into the crib as the baby wishes. You can take your favorite books. This is normal.
6. Use a night light as children are afraid of the dark.
7. Do not place the sleeping baby in the crib. Waking up alone at night, he is scared.
8. It is advisable to isolate the bed with a screen, curtain, put in another room. The child should have a separate space for sleeping, if it is closed, this is a signal that it is time to sleep.
9. To establish a rule: after completing all the rituals of going to bed, after a fairy tale and a good night, you can no longer wander around the apartment. The child must understand that the requirements are serious, he will not pity the parents. Some children are scared to fall asleep alone, they start asking for a drink, going to the toilet, complaining that their stomach hurts, noise from the street is interfering - all this is done with the aim of capturing the attention of parents and starting to manipulate them. It also upsets the dream. In such a situation, without a scandal, silently bring the child to bed. No need to swear, reassure, comfort, as this is required from parents. If you several times silently escort the baby to bed, he will understand that mom and dad will not back down from their demands, that it’s time to sleep.

Young parents can be advised to study the book “A joint dream with a child. A Guide for Parents by James McKenna. It discusses and does not doubt the issue of the dream of a child next to his mother. The author substantiates his opinion.

At birth, due to a change in environment, the child experiences extreme stress: the beat of the mother’s heart, emotional and biochemical metabolism, and a single physiological rhythm have disappeared. The newborn is all very scared. The author claims that in order to avoid the consequences of such a situation, the child should always be near his mother. Regarding the conventional wisdom that the baby can be crushed in a dream, James gives recommendations on how to avoid this. He also draws attention to what can happen at night when a helpless child in a separate bed is left to his own devices. It is the noise and shadows in the room that can scare; midges sitting on the baby, and causing anxiety; a leg caught between the rods; a blanket that covers the head and blocks the air. The author claims that putting a child alone at night is tantamount to crime.

If the baby sleeps with his mother, feels her body warmth, her smell, hears her breathing, he cries less often, he does not produce cortisol - a stress hormone, so the number of heart contractions does not increase, oxygen absorption is not reduced, and therefore the process does not slow down growth. The child gets rid of constant stress, develops well, gains weight, his abilities are revealed early, at an older age he is not in conflict. With close physical contact, the mother develops breast milk well. A joint dream with parents brings the father and child closer, forms their mutual closeness, love. McKenna reminds readers that people have slept with children for centuries. And only civilization has brought many strange recommendations from the perspective of pedagogy, often based on pseudo-scientific research. The author writes in a book about the experience of raising children in the family of his parents, that Spock's new-fangled recommendations were not applied there, according to which many families raise their kids.

Finally

Unfortunately, intuition does not tell many parents what newborns feel and feel. The maternal instinct, which should be trusted, often can not break out from under the layers of all kinds of information, conventions, prejudices. Having been born, having fallen into another world, the child is in a state of comfort in the arms of the mother or next to her. Left to himself, ignored, he experiences the experience of dying, falling. This refers not only to a joint dream with a child, but also to the issue of teaching children to hands. Nature has programmed the babies for a joint sleep by the mother, it does not depend on how the baby is fed: breast milk or a mixture. If this need is not realized, it is a time bomb waiting in the wings. This can occur at any age. As an example: the fear of nocturnal loneliness leads to the fact that someone gets a lot of pets and allows them to sleep with them, someone suffers his unsuccessful marriage for fear of being alone in bed at night. This fear is not aware, it is on a subconscious level. Moms who are afraid to spoil their children with a joint dream should think about whether they want a sad fate for their child.