What to do if the husband is constantly lying? How to cope with a pathological lie, is it possible to change the behavior of your partner once and for all? This article contains various recommendations of psychologists and useful tips.
Destructive attitude
Emotionally destructive relationships cannot lead to anything good. It is impossible to build a joint future and a family with a person who constantly lies to you. The only thing a woman can do in this situation is to ask herself what is really happening. If the husband is lying constantly, especially for many years, and does not even try to repent, then he probably does not need help in his problem.
In this case, you need to change not your partner, but your attitude towards him. Yes, no woman will enjoy living with her husband, who is constantly cheating. But is it possible to remain calm and feel happy if the partner does not even see a problem in his behavior? If you donāt like playing a detective or mommy to catch him in a lie, then it's time to think about taking extreme measures. The fact that he does not want to change or work on his problem will only upset you and drive you into depression. So what to do if the husband is constantly lying?
Is there a solution to this problem?
If the husband is constantly lying even on trifles, then this is an alarming bell. Without knowing the nature of the lie, it is impossible to understand why your partner is doing this. And if the consultations do not help, then this habit will sooner or later begin to destroy the marriage.
Depending on the nature of his lies, you may ask yourself why, for example, you expose yourself to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Such questions may seem harsh and painful, but only in this way can you confront your husband.
Communication is an important part of a happy marriage
If you notice that your husband is constantly lying, then try to talk with him and discuss this problem. This may seem like a banal and stupid method that clearly doesn't work. However, this way you can find out at least an approximate reason for his pathological lies.
If the partner refuses to listen, the nature of the relationship will change. This does not mean that you will have to divorce him, but trust will be broken. This practice is difficult, but if you want to have a healthy relationship, you will have to come to terms with truth and reality. Remember that the only person you can change is you yourself. You can help yourself with wisdom and fortitude, but not with fear and disappointment.
After talking with her husband, you need to pay attention to his behavior. Has he stopped cheating or is he now hiding something more carefully from you? Is he striving to change his behavior and is he ready to work on a pathological lie? Does it continue to ignore the problem and act as if nothing had happened?
Call to a specialist
Many women wonder why the husband is constantly lying. Psychologists note: craving to cheat can become addictive and can only be treated with the help of special therapies. Even if from the outside it seems that some people enjoy their lies, in fact this is not so. Sometimes they simply canāt stop and they themselves suffer not only from lies, but also from the pain caused to others.
In psychiatry, craving for pathological lies is defined as Munchausen syndrome. Do not rush to get divorced if you notice that your husband is lying all the time. What to do in this case? Try to analyze his behavior and find the root of lies. Perhaps the main cause of lies is mental or emotional trauma received in childhood. This applies not only to men, but also to women.
Pseudology can lead to humiliation, insult from parents and peers, brothers and sisters. Constant criticism, an attempt to assert oneself at the expense of young children, rejection in society and the first unsuccessful relationships. Everything that adversely affects the fragile psyche can cause emotional shock, which provokes a craving for lies. A woman getting married may not even suspect that she has chosen a partner prone to pseudology.
Why are they lying?
Does the husband lie constantly on trifles, deceives and clearly hides something? After the conversation, it is important to understand why he does this. If you are still sure that the root of the problem lies in the partnerās past, then itās time to act. And first of all, you need to understand why the husband is constantly lying in detail and prone to pseudology.
If it is all a matter of mental and emotional trauma that has remained untreated since childhood, then probably your partner unknowingly creates an illusory world around him, much better than in his childhood. Pay attention to what his lies are based on: does he embellish events, add non-existent facts, does he seek to distinguish himself in any story and make himself a significant figure, is he offended if someone refutes his lie, especially when he is in public?
Many psychologists believe that it is impossible to cure pseudology. The reason is simple: a pathological liar is simply not able to survive in the real world, because for so many years he painstakingly collected his illusory world into pieces and pebbles. But some therapies still allow you to help a person realize their problem and begin to work on it. No drugs or clinical trial are prescribed. As a rule, a few sessions of a visit to a psychologist, finding out the reasons for the lies and the desire to change, are enough.
Be ready for any turn of events
A manās behavior is determined by two different, but very powerful emotions: attachment and sexual desire (it is important to see the difference between love, sex and deep sympathy). In all likelihood, your husband cannot imagine his life without a wife. He paints a picture of comfort with a woman who bore him two children. But at the same time, they are driven by sexual desire, which is a powerful motivator (sex drive).
These two fundamental emotions pull people in opposite directions: today the husband is with you, and tomorrow - with the new woman. Unfortunately, in marriage it can be difficult to maintain a passionate and sexually exciting relationship over time. According to statistics, couples have the hottest and most breathtaking intimate relationship in the first couple of years that they are together. Gradually, sex becomes a rare pleasure. This does not mean that sex is completely absent in marriage after years, but the fact remains: the passion and intensity of sexual intercourse disappear with time.
Coolidge effect
For some people, the passion and intensity of sex is extremely important and beneficial, and can sometimes be addictive. And in order to experience these pleasant sensations over and over again, it is necessary to constantly maintain sexual contact. Often, men prefer a new experience rather than changing sexual relationships while married. This phenomenon is called the Coolidge effect.
As the story goes, American President John Calvin Coolidge Jr. visited his farm with his wife. The first lady noted that the rooster can stomp hens all day, while constantly changing individuals. Although it will be difficult to admit, because it is contrary to popular morality, the diversity of sexual partners can be very nice.
When people come across these two strong emotions (attachment and sexual desire), they often do what your husband does: lie and cheat. Some are simply not able to live with one partner throughout their lives. And since people now exist in an era where they idealize the concept of love and intimacy, relationships become even more complicated. Now everyone wants their marriage to be full of passion, intimacy and unconditional love.
So what to do?
You are probably wondering: will the husband change? Probably not. If a partner can get rid of petty lies independently or with the help of a psychologist, then it is unlikely to get a new experience from craving.
However, only you yourself can understand whether it will be better to live further without a husband or not. Be prepared for the fact that a polygamous person cannot abruptly accept monogamy. It may take years to realize the lack of desire to have different sexual partners.
Signs of a pathological liar
The husband is constantly lying, but you do not know how to expose him to a lie? Try to be careful in conversations with him, learn to remember the details of his stories and stories.
Pay attention to the scale of his lies. It is small (fleeting) and global (carefully thought out). A person who is prone to pseudology always tries to become a āprofessionalā in every business. He can make up stories about himself that you probably havenāt even heard of before. Of course, when you are in the company, new information about the partner may surprise and discourage. Asking the husband a logical question about why he had not told this story before, one may encounter excuses.
Signs of a pathological liar:
- This person is always confused in his "testimony". Today he can say one thing, and tomorrow - another. If you make a comment, you will probably be offended.
- A person who is prone to pseudology often behaves secretly and is closed. He has extremely few friends and relatives, because they do not fit into the picture of an ideal world.
- Such people behave sandwiched, but when the opportunity arises, they become absolute masters in any field. Most of all they prefer to give advice, sometimes without even suspecting that they have little truth and reality.
- A pathological liar knows how to come up with new facts on the go. You may not even notice that you received the next batch of lies.
How to deal with pseudology
If the husband constantly lies, hides money, tells fables, but you are sure that he really has problems, then you can help him this way:
- Try to record dialogs - on the recorder or in a notebook. But the first option is much more effective, because the partner can react extremely violently to the letter, considering it a fraud and staging.
- Always ask why a man lied to you, why he did it and what purpose he pursued.
- What to do if the husband is constantly lying? Try to reveal his lies, even if he tries to get out of the situation. Be prepared for the fact that you can become guilty because you do not believe your husband.
the main task
Do not build an illusory world around you. Understand that if a man lies to you, then sooner or later it will begin to destroy the marriage. How can you trust a person who himself is not sure of his words? Where is the guarantee that his pathological lies will not grow into something serious?
In most cases, people who are prone to pseudology can borrow large amounts of money, constantly coming up with various illnesses and critical life situations that are not really there.
Finally
Now you know what to do when the husband is constantly changing and lying, even in the smallest detail. Only the liar himself can curb the desire to constantly deceive, and his loved ones can only understand, accept and forgive. But not all women are ready to continue to live side by side with a man who does not even try to deal with his problem, does not repent and does not realize the seriousness of the situation.