Often people come to psychological consultation with such questions: “How to stop loving a person who does not love you? “Is it possible to tear out
this feeling from the heart
, from which no one has neither benefit nor joy?” And they come not because they
have nothing more
to do, but because
unrequited love takes away so many moral forces that they no longer have the rest in life. And new relationships are not being struck up, because the old ones are not yet completely completed. The result is pain, despair and emotional emptiness, which reach such an extent that a person decides to turn to a specialist with his misfortune.
Naturally, each situation is unique and it is impossible to give a general algorithm of actions that will lead to the desired goal of absolutely everyone. However, there are some general answers to the question: "How to stop loving a person who does not love you?"
How to stop loving a person who does not love you: written practices
Written practices are a method of “discharge the battery” of feeling, that is, to remove heat, passion, reduce emotional dependence. This work is carried out in private with itself, and its purpose is to bring out internal experiences outside, to look at them from the side, distantly. It is necessary to step-by-step carry out tasks, taking this process seriously and responsibly, since it is unlikely to succeed without stopping to stop loving a person who was expensive.
Workshop: feelings and desires
- Take a notebook (notebook, album, stack of sheets - not the essence) and describe your feelings. All. Starting with the brightest and ending with the most insignificant - if only they were connected with the object of unhappy love. This also includes the desires that you have in relation to him, the dreams associated with him, etc.
- Think about why these feelings appeared, how they are supported, and what lies at their core. Well, for example: “I felt lonely, and he was always there, and when we parted, I often called” or “She gave me a new phone when the old one broke. Nobody cared about me yet. ” Feelings do not come from anywhere, they are generated and supported by certain situations and people's behavior in them. Caring, moral and material support, just the attractiveness and sexuality of the subject of passion, everything that formed attachment to a person needs to be remembered and recorded. The text should be at least three pages. If it doesn’t work right away, think about the hour, day, week, and continue the list.
- Imagine the ideal lover for yourself: what he should be externally and in character. Make a detailed, detailed description, list common life situations and his reactions to them.
- Now compare the results of the second and third points and answer: is your chosen one really the one you need? Separately write down all its shortcomings, it is desirable that there be as many as possible. No need to invent anything - just remember the little things: bad habits, carelessness, greed, posturing, selfishness, physical flaws.
- Reread the list of minuses of the subject of your suffering and think: do you really need this person?
- We all want to think that it is we who will be able to change our chosen one, remake it for ourselves, but this happens in 1 out of 10 cases. The remaining 9 pairs are expected only to worsen the negative traits of partners over time. Imagine the future of your relationship with this person when his shortcomings will intensify. A man is poor, doesn’t want to work? In general, he will cease to get up from the sofa, he will have to provide it. Does a guy like fun companies where beer pours river? It will go to a higher degree and will suck. Does the girl flirt with everyone she meets? Will change right and left. You will think again about how to stop loving a person who does not love you, years later, but then the separation will take place with great losses.
Do not throw your emotions on the drift and exclaim: “How can you stop loving a person with whom you have so much connection? Only time can heal the soul! ” It is better to just take and follow the steps described. Love will pass in a period of a couple of days to a month - and again you will be free, open to new relationships.