Family life is full of not only joys and difficulties, but also unexpected “surprises” in the behavior and attitude of partners. Often the reproaches of the second half are quite justified, and then they offend quite strongly, because the man himself realizes that he is not quite right in something.
However, situations are not uncommon when a woman turns into a real "saw" without having objective reasons that are conscious of the man. Of course, if a wife constantly "cuts" her husband, he has no choice but to try to protect his own psyche.
What does “sawing” mean?
Before starting the fight against such a phenomenon as the “gash” of the male brain, it would be nice to understand what it is and why it appears. First you need to figure out what it is - a wife, "drank."
How does a man affect other people and the world around him as a whole? By force. Both by the power of intelligence and physical. Some representatives of this half of humanity do not disdain to act in this way on the weaker - women and children. This peculiarity of influence on others in order to achieve something genetically from them. Once upon a time, a man got food, guarded a house and seized various material values ​​from neighbors with the help of physical strength.
A woman is deprived of this opportunity initially. Even the most physically strong lady is still weaker than a man. Accordingly, nature has laid in a beautiful gender different qualities by which women influence their loved ones and not only. That is, they act on an emotional level and directly on the minds of men. As in cases when men use violence against weaker ones, including members of their own families, in situations where the wife constantly "cuts" her spouse, this is an abuse of natural features.
Simply put, a man beats, a woman “saws”. These are absolutely similar phenomena, each of which is an occasion to appeal to a family psychologist.
Why do women do this? Objective reasons
In order to understand the reason why a charming creature, ready to follow her beloved and dear to the ends of the world on hot coals, suddenly turns into an object from a horror movie and brings her husband to nervous exhaustion, you need to figure out whether a woman has objective reasons for so unpleasant behavior.
Men, however, like women, often do not see their own shortcomings. Probably the most common example is a woman after work picks up a child from a kindergarten, enters the store with him, gets up to the stove. What is a man doing? After work, he skips a couple of beers in the bar with his friends, enters the store for “a half with himself,” falls on the sofa or sits down at the computer, periodically asking when dinner is. Of course, everyday events can develop differently.
The bottom line is that a woman has a completely objective reason to “pounce” on a precious one. Of course, she cannot literally do this. And what is the woman doing? Begins to "eat the brain."
Tips for men to quickly improve relationships
Paradoxical as it may seem, often enough for the wife to become a angel again, in whom the man once fell in love, you just need to get up from the couch or distract from the computer, fix the leaking tap, play with the baby, buy a bouquet of flowers or at least immediately come home after work.
That is, to start the struggle for your own comfortable existence in the house and a healthy microclimate in the family, you need an adequate assessment of yourself. It should also rummage in memory. Perhaps the wife repeatedly tried to politely convey something to the man’s consciousness, but these attempts at communication did not produce any results? Men often say about someone that a person does not understand anything until you give it to his forehead. So, “sawing” is a female way of “giving in the forehead.”
Why do women “saw” if there are no objective reasons?
If the wife "cuts" the brain, without having any reason for this, then this is a serious reason for seeking professional help. But since visiting the offices of psychotherapists - both working in the family direction, with married couples, and others - is not accepted in our country, you can try to figure out the origins of what is happening on your own.
Often, women completely unconsciously copy the behavior of their own mothers or grandmothers, which was observed in childhood. Often a woman herself does not understand that she is doing something wrong, and thereby gives her chosen one psychological discomfort. If she grew up in an atmosphere of daily sawing by the mother of her father, grandmother - grandfather, father, and possibly her own daughter, then this model of behavior is natural for a woman. At the same time, there really are no objective reasons why such a wife “saws” her husband, and she does not need them.
It is possible that a woman is the so-called energy vampire and provokes scandals. Some women are not able to feel comfortable without experiencing strong emotions. As a rule, these are temperamental and bright ladies, attracting attention to themselves, wherever they are. If such a woman does not have enough emotional tension, violent passions, or at least simple attention from her husband, instead of a “queen,” a “saw” wife instantly appears. This shift in behavior occurs unconsciously. Human nature is designed in such a way that people intuitively find the fastest and easiest ways to get what they want. In this case, a woman needs strong emotions, and if they are positive or negative, it does not matter. Negative emotions are much easier to evoke, and they are always experienced much brighter.
Of course, there are other reasons that explain the behavior of women and have nothing to do with objective reality. But only a professional psychotherapist can identify them.
Because of what else do wives "saw"? Social reasons
Quite often from men who are dissatisfied with their spouse's behavior and attitude towards them, one can hear the following phrase: “My wife saws that I earn little.” In this case, the woman’s motivation is not so straightforward and simple as the man understands her.
The easiest way to understand those women who are tormented by envy. This phenomenon is akin to how men envy a stormy and diverse sexual life in marriage, which their friends talk about in a mug or two in bars. And a very rare man would come up with the question of asking a boasting friend that he didn’t then run headlong to his loving spouse, but was chilling in the company of his friends. Women, in the same way, “hanging their ears and dropping their jaw,” listen to their friends and envy them. Coming home after such bachelorette parties, the lady begins to "cut" the spouse so that he is no worse than the husbands of friends.
It is also easy to understand the envy of a woman for the material benefits of others she sees. For example, neighbors bought a new car, and at work someone had a fashionable long fur coat. And she also wants, but not enough money. This dissonance in the psyche, caused by the inability to possess what others have, leads to sawing.
Do the wives “saw” with good intentions?
It is much more difficult to understand wives who saw their husbands consciously and with exceptionally “good” intentions. The “saw” wife in this case acts though intuitively, but very thoughtfully. She acts in a similar way because of the absolute confidence that her husband needs constant incentive.
And for such a saw-muse it is absolutely not important what exactly to stimulate. This type of women believes that a man should always be pushed, otherwise he will not achieve anything. As a rule, these ladies are very ambitious and status is extremely important for them. By sawing, they usually achieve the advancement of the spouse through the ranks.
What to do?
Not only for the spiritual comfort of the spouse, but also for the formation of personal qualities of children, the situation is dangerous when the wife "cuts" her husband. What to do in this case? How to return to your own home a warm spiritual atmosphere? Unfortunately, few men think about these issues. Most of them simply find an outlet outside the walls of the house. Moreover, this is not necessarily an intimate relationship, much more often men, washed down by their wives, simply spend the maximum of their time with friends or completely devote themselves to hobbies, work, any other occupation that could become an excuse not to come home.
This is understandable behavior, which is the easiest way to maintain your own mental comfort. However, it does not solve the problem, but only exacerbates it.
Therefore, if you want to change the wife’s behavior, you should not do this, otherwise the eternal wife-saw will be next to her in life. What do you need to do? It is necessary to determine the type of sawing, to understand what caused it, and already proceeding from this.
Actions for "sawing" for objective reasons
Objective reasons for a spouse's behavior are more difficult for a man to determine than to get rid of them. Therefore, you should not guess what exactly of the male imperfections brought the wife to the state of a saw, you just need to talk to her.
Do not be afraid of scandal. Women who are concerned about specific actions or their absence, as a rule, clearly articulate in a confidential conversation what they want to get from their husbands. Of course, after hearing why the wife "cuts" all the time, you need to immediately resolve this problem. With this approach, the next time the spouse will not endure the brain, but will make several attempts at a confidential conversation.
Unconscious Sawing Actions
If a wife cuts her husband just because she is not familiar with a different model of behavior in the family, professional help from a psychologist may be needed. Of course, this is not always possible. You can try to cope with the problem yourself, but it will take a lot of patience, tact and some trick.
To begin with, you should take a closer look at the mother of the spouse, at how the woman behaves. If the wife copies exactly her mother, then it is worth looking for those moments that annoy the spouse in the parent. To do this, it is often enough to visit the wife’s parents and not get tired of praising the mother-in-law, setting her as an example to the wife. This should be done in private, in no case not visiting the parents. Sooner or later, the wife will “explode” and dump a lot of information about her mother on the man. At this moment, you need to pay maximum attention and remember what the wife in her mother-in-law does not like.
After the next visit to the parents, you need to thoughtfully tell your wife that she was right. In one thing, you do not need to use all the trump cards at a time. A woman will definitely respond to this promise. The topic should be developed and casually notice that the mother-in-law is sawing the wife's father. At the same time, one must say: “How lucky that you were not“ drinking. ” It doesn’t matter that this is not so; we must not forget that a woman does not realize the fallacy of her behavior. After several such conversations, the wife will definitely think about whether she is so different from her mother. And if you think about it, you’ll understand that he’s behaving the same way. Realizing this, most women make incredible efforts to change their type of behavior.
In psychology, this technique is called manipulation. Its essence is that a person is led to the desired action, and he feels confident that he does everything independently and at his own request.
Sawing due to lack of emotion
Another reason why a wife "cuts" her husband is a banal boredom and lack of passion in a relationship. If this is true for your family, solving the problem is not difficult. You just need to give your wife what she wants to get, that is, attention, passion, ardor, romance and so on.
Often, "feats" do not have to. As a rule, an affectionate look is enough, a kiss in the morning, a bouquet of flowers in the evening and invitations to dates. Even such a commonplace as a date on the street, somewhere in the park, works wonders. After all, people who usually live under the same roof do not go on dates like those at the beginning of their relationship. Accordingly, such a pastime will stir up a lot of memories and revive fading feelings. That is, something will happen for which a woman sawed a man.
If the reason is envy of friends
The most common mistake of husbands is an attempt to bring girlfriends to clean water. An envious woman in such attempts sees only the man’s excuses for his failure and “boils” even more.
The simplest thing is to wait out the crisis. As soon as the spouse's attention switches to something else, she will forget that the husbands of her friends are perfect, and she herself has nothing to boast about. Another option is to do something that the wife can brag about. For example, to find out where her friends with “ideal” husbands most often go, and order a billboard in this place with a photograph of her spouse and a declaration of love. There will be no limit to the happiness of a woman.
The only thing you should not do is try to start making more money. If the spouse “eats” the brain, telling that the husbands of her friends endlessly buy fur coats, Mercedes, permits to the Canary Islands and so on, then the woman needs not an additional few thousand rubles, but the opportunity to say with her head held high: “And here is my- then ... "
Actions with "sawing" due to envy of the material values ​​of others
Do not try to offer a woman not to look at what neighbors or acquaintances have. This will only upset her and does not solve the problem of behavior at all, rather aggravate it.
Moreover, one should not try to acquire everything that the spouse craves. We need to give her an alternative. That is, if the wife is sawing due to the fact that the neighbor has a fur coat, but she doesn’t, then a thing should be purchased that the woman living behind the wall does not have. To determine this is simple - you need to ask your spouse and offer her to buy something from the above.
How to resist well-intentioned sawing?
It’s difficult to resist the saw-muse. Such a woman is absolutely convinced that she is right. She knows exactly what she wants and does everything to achieve this.
As a rule, conversations that her behavior causes emotional discomfort are unsuccessful. The only effective way to fight is practice. A woman “saws” - a man lays down on a sofa, sits down at a computer, takes a sick leave in a responsible period and sabotages his own career in every way. A woman praises and smiles - a man immediately immerses himself in work and achieves real success as soon as possible.
The position of a man should be tight. All actions must be performed sequentially, suppressing the slightest attempt at sawing by their behavior. Do not allow concessions, because the saw-muse has the mentality of a crocodile. As soon as a man is gentle, he will again encounter an endless “eating” of his own brain.