Relations with your ex are tricky. Only in rare cases they add up safely. This is because it is difficult for people to maintain mutual respect when their marriage union was defeated. In most cases, you have to constantly deal with your own annoyance at the partner. This is not so easy to do, given the fact that everyone has their own character, expectations and aspirations. The relationship of the former spouses is largely determined by the reason why they broke up. If you managed to avoid excessive reproaches, then the interaction may well be tolerable, comfortable. Otherwise, you will have to constantly face negative emotions, learn to resist the surge of unpleasant feelings. All this, as a rule, is followed by a rather serious disappointment. What can be the relationship with former partners? Let us consider this question in more detail.
What is the problem
The main difficulty is that, looking at the person with whom we once had a warm relationship, we begin to experience a whole gamut of feelings. They are not always pleasant and positive. After all, memories sometimes overwhelm completely unexpectedly, precisely at the moment when we least expect it. Of course, it becomes quite difficult to cope with such feelings.
The fact is that every person gets used to think primarily about himself and does not allow anyone to interfere unceremoniously in her life. A meeting with the past is always an invasion, and a rough one, completely devoid of any preparatory stages. After such moments, disappointment in oneself and the world around us comes very quickly, preventing one from understanding the situation from the inside, and revising one's own beliefs. In most cases, it turns out that people, looking at their former halves, experience only anger, irritation and disappointment. Many have too much resentment, others can not cope with an enduring feeling of despair about their own loneliness.
Tolerant politeness
Often, relationships with former people are just that. They are ready to tolerate each other until a certain point, until the situation becomes completely unpleasant. Emphasized courtesy makes it possible to communicate without reproaches and insults. This can be achieved due to the fact that negative emotions are restrained and do not appear in such a clear way.
As a result, people are a little detached from their own experiences, ceasing to focus on what really worries them. It must be admitted that this method avoids lengthy conflicts, which sometimes drag on so much that it becomes impossible to find at least any adequate solution.
Arrogant politeness
Also a perfectly acceptable option, if you can’t interact differently. Communication will develop according to this principle: each of the partners tries to prove to the other that he would be better off without him. At the initial stage, feelings will still remain, which is why relations with the former can be seriously complicated. The fact is that no sincerity will be possible here. Partners often prefer to deceive themselves and each other. A distinctive feature is that no one wants to accept help from another, even when it is really needed. It seems to former partners that this is how they will demonstrate their weakness, show that they are not self-sufficient individuals.
Sincere appreciation
This is the rare case when people, having made the difficult decision to part, prefer to remain friends. They make every effort to maintain respect for each other and often act together. If there are children in the marriage, then they share responsibilities equally. It does not occur to anyone to complain about the fact that too many tasks have been entrusted to him, while the second partner allegedly is cooling down and resting. Sincere appreciation helps to prevent all these roughnesses.
If any unpleasant situation arises, then people simply agree with each other and solve the problem together. There is no silence or desire to escape from difficulty. A very responsible approach to life, allowing you to achieve success and decide on your next steps. With this method, you can really get a new understanding of the situation, not give up in front of various difficulties that seem insurmountable. This is the case when a good relationship with the former is due to the acceptance of responsibility for the events. The man and woman understand that they need to be able to agree in order to arrive at a satisfactory result.
Hostile relationship
They cannot be called open hatred, but still in such an interaction people sometimes lose too much precious energy. They are trying to convince the other that they are right and therefore it is necessary to listen to them. The hostile relationship after a divorce usually occurs when the breakup is hard.
It is assumed that in this case, people even shared property among themselves, resorted to various tricks, and used the help of a lawyer. They have lost confidence in each other. There is no respect left either. At the meeting, each of the former partners seeks to occupy the most advantageous position for himself, to emphasize the insignificance of the opponent. With great desire, they, of course, can do this without much effort.
Outright hostility
The thing is that once close people now hate each other. Such a scenario suggests that the partners have lost all respect, abandoned good manners.
Outright hostility suggests that former spouses deliberately water each other with mud, insult and humiliate. They do not think at all about how children feel at the same time, feeling all this irresistible chaos. Here it’s just right to get confused, stop understanding what is happening. In addition, constant exposure to stress adversely affects emotional and physical health.
Is it worth it to renew the union
Starting an old relationship is a thankless task. If at some point people decided to abandon each other’s society, then it’s hardly worth going through torment again. In most cases, it’s not worth it. Most likely, the previous reproaches will again appear in the interaction, the prerequisites will arise in order to remain dissatisfied with each other's society. And then a feeling of hopelessness and meaninglessness of everything that happens. The renewed alliance in almost half the cases is doomed to failure.
The fact is that if you do not take into account previous mistakes, then the partner will certainly begin to annoy you again not with some actions, but simply with his presence. Such a development of events can be completely avoided if you think in time about why you need to again connect fate with a specific person.
Desired option
It’s wonderful when people are smart enough to stop blaming each other for anything. But not everyone is distinguished by such wisdom. It should be understood that relations with former people can actually be very tolerant if people show sincere respect for each other and do not try to humiliate them. After all, it is very important to remain extremely attentive to what is happening. This is the only way to maintain appreciation for many years.
In most cases, it turns out that people do not find themselves willing to change, do not want to work on their feelings. Here you need to be prepared for the fact that you will have to take certain decisive steps, which will not always be easy to take. After all, this requires overcoming one’s own pride, overcoming fear and despair.
Instead of a conclusion
Sometimes the relationship between the former really leaves much to be desired. The conflict over time only grows, not allowing you to feel harmony in the soul. If a person is ready to work on himself, then he will be able to overcome any obstacles, to cope with despair and hopelessness. It is necessary to look at the former partner not as an enemy.
The best thing, of course, would be to learn to feel his mood and clearly imagine what specifically connects you with this person. Starting a relationship with your ex is not a good idea to regain your peace of mind. If it so happened that people broke up, then something has ceased to bind the couple. The most important thing is to understand what you want from life. Then a meeting with the past will not be able to hurt, lead to suffering.