Should a woman marry a child? Of course, when a second marriage is made and the spouse has children from the previous one, then on the one hand it is simply wonderful.
After all, a woman decided to get rid of the burden of the past and rushed to a new life, starting all over again. However, to build a relationship literally from scratch she will not succeed. Will have to pay attention not only to her husband, but also to the child. And besides, to establish relations between them. It often happens that the stepfather dislikes his wife’s child. What to do in such situations?
Manifestation of hostility
Some actions of the new spouse may clearly indicate that the husband offends the child from his first marriage. Dislike on his part may be as follows:
- constant nitpicking to the child at the slightest occasion;
- humiliation and insult;
- making fun of the child, as well as the practice of cruel jokes on him;
- the threat of physical harm to both the child and the mother.
A man can express his dislike in the fact that he is not afraid to raise his hand to his stepdaughter or stepson. It is not necessary that he beat them. Dislike is manifested even when the stepfather shakes the child, pinches him, pulls his hair or pushes.
The fact that the husband hates the child from his first marriage can be said in the case of his attempt on sexual inviolability. Moreover, it does not matter who is sexually abused - girls or boys. That is why the mothers of sons should be attentive to the relationship of the new spouse with their child.
Is there any hostility?
Sometimes a woman complains that her new husband hates a child from his first marriage. However, this is not the case. The fact is that after the divorce, many mothers are so fixated on the welfare of their child that they begin to take an unacceptable position in relation to the rest of the world. In many cases, "divorces" perceive the people around them as personal enemies, believing that children are always right because they are children. They are sincerely convinced that the new husband hates the child from his first marriage, as he expresses obvious or imaginary dissatisfaction with the sometimes very negative behavior of the child. Such a woman perceives as a challenge to her maternal feelings and their obvious insult. She claims that the husband hates the child from his first marriage. But in fact, she simply protects her son from male influence. And this applies not only to someone else's uncle, but also to his father. But the girl’s mother is able to start suspecting her husband of pedophilia.
The slightest remark about the dear child is perceived by such ladies with hostility. The woman immediately begins to tell her husband that he is not the father of the child, and will certainly go on the attack. Children in their own way assess this situation. They begin to realize that the mother is on their side. And even in those cases when at the beginning they adopted a new family member completely normal, they subsequently begin to ignore the stepfather and even provoke him.
It is important for a woman with a child from her first marriage to understand that her new husband, even if he does not have to be the father of her child, as a family member has the right to regulate the child’s behavior, take an interest in life and study, and also express certain wishes regarding his actions. Be that as it may, it is impossible to focus only on the child. The basic issues of family life should be decided on the basis of the needs and interests of each member.
Reasons for hate
Often women complain to their girlfriends and friends: "My husband does not like children from his first marriage." However, they cannot understand the reasons for such hatred. And this can happen due to the following:
- Dislike for the first husband of his wife. In such cases, the new spouse is tormented by jealousy, which is very difficult for him to fight. If for this reason the husband hates the child from his first marriage, what should I do? In such cases, it is recommended to seek the help of a psychologist. A specialist will help a man understand that a child is not at all a symbol or a reminder that his wife once had sexual relations with someone. A small person is a person who needs to be treated appropriately.
- Dislike for the wife. People say that a man will love children as long as he loves their mother. Such an opinion is partly fair. Moreover, this is observed even in pairs where there are common children. And even where the man is not his own father, and even more so. When the love for a woman fades, her children begin to annoy him.
- Dissatisfaction with a certain side of family relationships. It is likely that the husband is not satisfied with this or that act of the stepdaughter or stepson. Or maybe because of the behavior of children, he constantly quarrels with his wife? Psychologists recommend considering each specific situation separately.
- Latent hatred of children in general. If for this reason the husband hates the child from his first marriage, what should I do? A woman should keep in mind that it is impossible to fix or cure such a condition. Continuing to live with such a person means putting your child in danger.
- Psychological or neurological diseases. Of course, in this case, it’s rather difficult to accuse the man of his hostility to children. However, the child is also not to blame for anything. A woman should understand that it is not safe for her son or daughter to be in the same house as an unbalanced person who is not able to give an account of her actions and does not fully control her own behavior.
Why can a man hate a child from his first marriage, and what can a woman do to correct this situation?
Anticipate dating relationships
Of course, a woman should not count on the fatherly love of another man for his children. There are not many people who can treat the sons and daughters of the new wife as their own.
However, hostility and hatred and contempt for a son or daughter should not be tolerated either. If the chosen one shows this attitude already at the stage of dates, then you can’t close your eyes to this. To think that everything will pass and settle by itself is fundamentally wrong. Every mother should know that a man who has expressed hatred for her children already at the stage of the candy-bouquet period will not change and will not get used to them. It is not worthwhile to continue developing relations with such a person. After all, a woman for the sake of being next to another man will have to sacrifice children.
Do not cancel the usual rituals
It is children who are most affected by parental disagreements. They can not influence the situation and make dad and mom not divorce. The life of children after this is fundamentally changing. At first they see a silent miserable mother, and then a completely stranger appears in their house. And the mother begins to reckon with this unfamiliar uncle, spending most of her time with him.
Children in such situations have to experience an incredible shock. It has an impact not only on their behavior, but also on the whole subsequent life. And at this moment it will depend only on the mother how tangible the consequences of such a shock will be.
What should a woman do to keep her family at peace? To do this, she should not radically restructure the life of her child. It is also not necessary to force him to change habits. The rituals that were before the appearance of a new person in the family are very important to the child. He should be able to hug mom and kiss her before bedtime. Talking with the child about everything else is also important. A growing person needs to be made aware that his life, as before, is inextricably linked with his mother, and the arrival of a new person will not take away her attention, care and love.
Contact a psychologist
A woman should understand that the situation when there is a second marriage and children from the first marriage is rather difficult. But if happiness smiled at her, and on the path of life a person met whom she is ready to see her husband and father as a child, then how promising such relationships will be is largely dependent on her. That is why she should be patient and show wisdom.
And if the relationship between the stepfather and the child does not add up? It is likely that the most correct in this case will be to contact an experienced psychologist. The specialist will help to understand the main causes of the problem, making it easier to smooth out certain roughnesses in relationships that are related to the fact that the child is a stranger to her husband and often annoys him.
Be patient
How to build a happy relationship in a new family? Often this is a matter of time, as well as tact and patience. Of course, talking about this is possible only if the new spouse himself wants to build a new family. A woman only needs to help him with this. This will allow not to raise the question of why the new spouse hates her son or daughter. To do this, a woman will need to competently, accurately and in time smooth out those misunderstandings that from time to time will arise between the stepfather and children. In addition, the wife needs to explain to her new husband that her former family will take a certain place in the new life. And this moment should not annoy a man. It is important for him to learn to accept this fact. Otherwise, there can be no talk of any joint life. A happy family without understanding these points is simply impossible.
Avoid competition
How to build relationships in a new family? In order for the new husband not to feel hatred for the wife’s child from the first marriage, one should not allow competition between them for the woman’s location and attention. In other words, they should not share it. Here it is important to adhere to the axiom that states that everyone should have their own place. A woman will certainly have the strength to take care and love each of them, while not infringing or depriving anyone. It is worth remembering that most men in their psychology are the same children. That is why they manifest themselves accordingly. Men have grievances when they feel that they have been misunderstood, misunderstood and disliked. That is why the new husband should not be in second place after the child. It is hard for a new spouse in almost the same way as a native child. And no matter how hard they try, they can’t do without the help of a woman.
Do not rush to have a baby
How to build relationships between stepfather and children? To create peace and comfort in the family, some women seek to give birth to a new partner in the life of their own child. However, psychologists do not recommend rushing with this. You need to live together for a while to get a good look at each other. In addition, the woman’s child will certainly be jealous of her half-brother and sister to her mother. On this basis, conflicts will arise between the stepfather and stepson or stepdaughter. And this will cause even greater hostility and hatred of the husband to the wife’s child. And then the family will fail again. Only a woman will be left with two children or even three.
Talk with son or daughter
Sometimes a new husband at first tries to establish relations with his wife’s child. However, from the side of the child, he sees only a reaction of aggression and irritation. In this case, the woman should talk with her child. And do it right. In her conversations, she needs to indicate that the new dad is kind and good. He takes care of his new family and protects her. The child must understand that this man is not an enemy to him, but a good friend. It is important for a woman to bring her spouse and her child closer. And for this, they need to spend free time together, going on trips, traveling, organizing picnics and inventing various games. In order to achieve the desired goal, you will need to spend a lot of time. However, it is worth remembering that water and stone are sharpening. Sooner or later, relations in the family will certainly improve. The new husband and child will make friends and will no longer annoy each other.
Only the perseverance of a woman and her wise participation will help to direct family life in a quiet and calm direction. And then all the households can again feel like happy people.
Stepfather and stepson
Relationships in a second marriage, if a woman has a son, are usually not able to develop without conflict. In this case, there is a struggle of two men for one woman. Neither the stepfather nor the stepson have any reason to obey each other, show care or accept it. Feelings of respect and love between these people can arise only due to long work or if some miracle happens in their life.
Most often, men perceive stepsons as an unfortunate load on their beloved woman. The sons of the wives supposedly prevent them from loving their spouse and are the cause of financial costs. But at the same time, stepsons are also men, albeit still small. That is why male relationships begin to arise in the family, when everyone tries to prove that he is stronger, cooler, the owner in the house, etc.
On the boy’s side, the new dad, who appeared in the family, seems to be a natural disaster, an invader or invader, who broke into their life with their mother. The third for him is superfluous. The boy had to endure a psychological trauma, which is associated with a divorce, but here he also has the feeling that he is losing his mother. But sometimes the stepfather can become a desired figure for the stepson, because he will teach him to be a man. And if a mother begins to raise the authority of her new husband before her son, then the relationship between them can develop at an acceptable level.
New dad and stepdaughter
Such relationships have their own nuances. It is rather difficult for a new spouse to find a common language with a girl who does not want to accept it. It's one thing if it's still a baby. In this case, the mother should help find a common language for the stepfather and stepdaughter. She needs to clearly explain to the girl that her father will no longer live with them. How will the relationship develop further? Everything will depend on the new dad.
If the mother could not establish relations between her stepfather and stepdaughter, then she should consult a psychologist. After a conversation with the girl, the specialist will recommend what should be done in this case.
Things are different with adult daughters. In adolescence, youthful maximalism is triggered. The girl will express her firm belief that her mother is not at the same age to start novels. Sometimes these teenagers begin to feel lonely and abandoned. Often they even leave home.
Having an adult daughter, a woman should think carefully about whether she should marry a second time, because it will be very difficult to establish good relations in a new family.
Stepdad tyrant
Sometimes it happens this way: a woman begins to realize that she is afraid of a new spouse. How to protect a child from a tyrant stepfather? In this case, a woman needs to break off relations with such a person. And you need to do this as quickly as possible.
Today, there are millions of wives all over the world who are ruled by a home tyrant. They suffer themselves and make their children suffer, who suffer insults, humiliation, and beating. Often there is sexual violence against them. What to do in situations where for some reason a woman cannot leave her tyrant husband? In this case, she needs to seek help from relatives, friends, parents, neighbors and other people who are friendly to her. You can also visit the center for social assistance to families and children. This is a government organization, which is desirable to contact those who need psychological and moral support. The center for social assistance to families and children employs qualified specialists who will calm the woman in any situation and allow her to work out the right solution.
If a tyrant husband has beaten his wife or her child, then you should contact a medical institution, confirm the presence of bodily harm and file a police report. If necessary, you can also contact charitable or religious organizations.
Finally resolve the situation
If a woman simply turns a blind eye to the fact that her new husband hates a child, then she may well simply lose her son or daughter. , , , .
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