Family is the most important thing for each of us. A spiritual institution full of love and harmony. What to do if the family is crumbling and it seems that life went awry? The husband left the family, but is there no way out of this situation? Is it true, or maybe life goes on?
Prevailing stereotypes
We are constantly surrounded by a variety of problems, but they fade into the background when, after a hard day's work, we return to a quiet, calm world of understanding and mutual respect.
When the husband leaves the family, the woman begins to feel abandoned and lonely. Neighbors talk among themselves, and work colleagues gossip during the lunch break. Relatives convince the deceived spouse that she alone is to blame for the incident, and if her husband left, then there was a mess in the house, and the refrigerator is always empty. All around are sure that the girl will no longer be able to find another companion. Abandoned woman feels inferior. Then, in the circle of friends and acquaintances, the terrible word "divorcee" appears. The wife feels emptiness, doom, and the "brand of shame" implicitly imposed on her.
But all the opinions of people listed and oppressing the poor woman on this matter are merely established stereotypes. And divorce is not something shameful, you can step over it and start life from scratch. If the husband left home, then this is not as scary as it seems due to the pressure of others.
Root of the problems
It all starts from childhood, when every girl, while still very young, begins to dream of a future family. She imagines what her husband will be like, how many children she will have, in what house her life will pass. Then the girl grows up and becomes a girl, then she begins to doubt and worry about whether she will be able to meet her chosen one? Later, excitement and impatience appear, and in my head the thought: when, finally, will be narrowed down and make an offer?
And now the long-awaited moment has arrived. She now has a husband in her life, and she has the proud title of "wife." But is it so beautiful in reality, as it seemed in childhood and young years?
An adult life begins with a list of responsibilities and household chores. Days become everyday life, and life is sometimes unbearable. Quarrels and grievances between spouses - regular.
Who is to blame if the husband is unfaithful?
Undoubtedly, if the husband went to another woman, this speaks of his incorrect moral principles and distorted life values. Whatever the man who has changed his behavior would explain: a lack of warmth on the part of his wife or a lack of comfort in the house - all this is not an excuse for such a low act, and only the husband is responsible for it. This cannot be the fault of a devoted woman, since he usually changes a certain type of men who betrays his wife, regardless of the circumstances and the girl herself, he does this by nature and repeats his low deed over and over again.
Male psychology
Why is a man cheating? What makes him leave for another woman? Or just look after every pretty girl? It's all about the nature of men. Their behavior is driven by the instincts of the "hunter." In order to feel superior to rivals and to be confident in their attractiveness, the stronger sex needs constant nourishment by the success of conquests. The husband will give compliments to his colleagues at work, flirt with the saleswomen in the store and look at each passing girl to prove to himself that he is still “on horseback”. Men's psychology is so structured that a guy is, first of all, a male who needs a constant hunt for "game", otherwise without regular training, the skills to conquer women will be lost, and this is for them a violation of male dignity and a drop in self-esteem.
In search of adrenaline
That is how courtship for strangers begins in order to feel the adrenaline that causes betrayal, or rather the fear of being caught "at the crime scene" by the wife. Peaceful family life relaxes a man and gradually becomes commonplace for him, his wife begins to bother, and a delicious breakfast in the morning ceases to please. Then the man “goes hunting”, proving to himself and his friends that he still deserves the reputation of Don Giovanni.
According to psychologists, every male representative is sure that if he loses his form, his wife will go to another, because he will no longer be able to compete with a potential rival. In other words, flirting with girls is nothing more than a subconscious desire of a man to keep his chosen one.
What to do to the wife?
What if the husband left? When a loved one betrays, it is always a big blow for any girl. Forgive this act to his chosen one or not, it is up to the woman only. All people are different: it’s easier for someone to turn a blind eye to betrayal, and someone will not be able to live with a person who no longer has trust.
Despite the different temperaments, each girl should think well and only then make decisions. If the beloved has changed, the woman should, first of all, calm down and understand what exactly causes her the most suffering: the thought of betrayal or that he had left, and she cannot imagine life without him.
By answering this question, the deceived wife will be able to concentrate on her further actions. The girl must form a clear plan to be sure whether she is going to break off a painful relationship or not destroy the marriage, trying to forget about the betrayal. It is very important to answer this question for yourself before the explanation with your husband, so as not to give in to emotions and not believe the loud declarations of love of the unfaithful spouse, because he will begin to pray for forgiveness and assure you of his innocence.
Should I return an unfaithful husband?
Sometimes, a man who cheated on his wife does not try to ask her for forgiveness and assure of his great love, but simply leaves for his mistress, and the rejected wife is ready to forgive him all insults and dreams of returning him. What to do in this case? The first thing that should be done to the girl from whom the husband left is to think that no matter how attractive and loved this person is, he neglects his wife by his deed. Most likely, a husband who does not try to apologize after a betrayal does not like a deceived girl, and if he returns to her, he will betray her again. And the abandoned woman must decide for herself whether she needs such a relationship? Are they worth her worries and attempts to regain her former love? Typically, such efforts are not crowned with success and bring even greater suffering to the wife.
If the spouse, having weighed all the pros and cons, nevertheless decides to save the family, she must carefully consider her behavior. The wife should understand what was the reason that prompted her husband to commit adultery. Perhaps the woman stopped taking care of herself, or maybe the spouse’s confidence was that she would forgive him everything. To return her beloved, she should show her husband that she is interesting to other men and is popular among the acquaintances of the guys. But the main thing is not to overdo it, because in this matter it is also important to show your husband that he is loved and that he can always find support at home. A man should feel attractive to his wife, a woman should let him know that she needs him. If he feels strong, he will not prove it through treason.
Gone husband: tips
What to do in this case? In order to survive the difficult period of life when the husband left the family, and a divorce awaits in front of you, you should not lock yourself in, but spend more time with friends, walking, attending all kinds of exhibitions, going to the theater or the cinema. You need to understand that life at this unpleasant event does not end, but continues. A woman should find good in the current situation. Now she has a lot of free time that she can spend on herself. She no longer needs to spend a weekend cleaning the apartment and cooking for the whole week. Finally, she will be able to manage her vacation herself, and she does not need to report for every step she takes to her jealous husband. It's time to remember the dreams of youth not embodied in reality and take up your favorite hobby.
It is important not to remain idle during this difficult time. It will be easier to survive a divorce if you paint your schedule until the evening, and so that before going to bed there are no forces left for long sleepless thoughts. It is necessary to fill the void left by the betrayal of her husband, meetings with old friends, former classmates, or just new acquaintances.
Children and divorce
Divorce is a difficult test to cope with which is not easy. But the situation is much more difficult when the spouses have a common child. It is important to understand that for children, the separation of parents is a huge stress, which can leave great consequences. There are many cases where an ill-considered separation of parents left deep psychological trauma in children, which affected their future life. Therefore, you should carefully explain to the child that despite the disagreements between the parents, they still love him, and that divorce will not affect their attitude towards him.
Parents should resolve the issue as peacefully as possible with whom the child will remain, so that he does not have the impression that he is being shared. In no case should you use children to keep your husband - it will not lead to anything good, and irreparable harm can be inflicted on the child.
The importance of maintaining friendships between ex-spouses
Former spouses should maintain good friendships, and at least sometimes spend the three of them so that the child retains a sense of family. It is very important that the children understand that the parents are guided by the same rules, otherwise they will run in search of protection from mom to dad and vice versa, trying to avoid problems and punishment. Former spouses should remember that they are primarily parents, and divorce does not relieve them of these responsibilities. Therefore, they must raise children together, jointly solving problems.
Husband left - divorce
Do not be afraid of parting with your loved one. Perhaps if the husband went to his mistress, divorce would be the only right decision in this situation. It is worth learning to love and respect yourself, and not to swallow all the insults, forgiving the spouse of betrayal. If you can’t start living on your own again, you should turn to a specialist for psychological help. The main thing is to remember that everything in our life is changing for the better, you should only not be afraid of change. It’s better to rethink the reasons that ruined your marriage and start a new relationship, based on previous experience, instead of unsuccessful attempts to return your husband. And then everything will work out.